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What you really think about when your spouse cheats

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Putting your marriage first and working your way through your spouse's affair will likely be the hardest thing you'll ever do. It's not easy to put something that tragic behind you and try to work on your future with the effects of the affair weighing on your shoulders and bombarding your every thought. I'd know.

This is what I'm dealing with right now and it's harder than I ever imagined. I've been trying really hard, and I'm sure you are too. No matter how much effort you put into focusing on your future, you're still bound to think about these six things during your healing process.

1. What did I do to deserve this?

Let me answer it for you: You did nothing wrong. There is nothing that makes your spouse's affair okay. There is absolutely no excuse for anyone to put anyone in the amount of pain that an affair causes. There's no reason that anyone should put another person before their spouse or before their marriage. There just isn't. The affair is 100% your spouse's fault. This was really hard for me to understand. I just kept thinking "if I'd done this" or "if I'd done that" maybe he wouldn't have felt the need to find someone else to show him affection. The reality is that nothing I could have done would have changed the fact that my husband was going to have an affair. I didn't deserve it and neither do you.

More: Why you shouldn't "give" your husband more sex

2. What other lies has he told me?

This is one I'm still struggling with, for sure. It's hard to trust anything your spouse has said after they've put your entire relationship and marriage on the line like this. Trust is one of those things that are really hard to earn back after it's gone but you'll have to trust yourself that you'll know what they're lying about and going with your gut when something sounds "off."

Even if he's lied about other things in the past, there's really no need to bring it up now. If you want to work on your marriage, you need to really focus on overcoming the affair and not bring up other things that could possibly ruin your marriage more. (That is, unless the other lies are tied into the affair. I really believe that you need to know every detail about the affair, the more you know, the less you'll find out later.)

More: My husband shamed me into believing I was a sex addict

3. I want to have an affair so that they can feel what I'm feeling.

Although I'd never allow myself to follow through with an affair, I'd be lying if I said it hasn't crossed my mind a lot lately. The pain you feel after your spouse has betrayed you by having affair can't compare to anything else you'll ever feel. It's the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, and having an affair isn't going to change that.

If anything, it's just going to put more strain on your marriage and if you want to make your marriage work, you really want to avoid that at all costs. Your marriage is in a very fragile state right now.

4. Is my marriage worth saving?

Should we just get a divorce? While every situation is different, I truly believe that every marriage is worth the effort to save it. You got married for a reason, and I think that if you look hard enough, you'll always find a reason to make it work. But don't rush into this decision. Take your time and think everything through. If your spouse is trying to rush you into a decision, then you need to point out to them how hurt and upset this affair has made you feel and tell them that if they want to work things out, they need to wait until you've had the time to process everything and figure out what's best for you.

This is one of the hardest questions to answer when it comes to an affair. Unfaithful spouses are the main reason that the divorce rate is so high today, and for good reasons. Affairs are really hard to get over. In the past 24 hours alone, my thoughts have changed from "I want to work this out" to "I just can't bear to do this anymore" and it's been back and forth non-stop. Don't worry if this is you, too. You'll figure it out. It's just going to take time.

More: What to consider before you start dating after divorce

5. What's best for my kids?

If you have kids, this affair is even more devastating because now you have your little ones to worry about as well. This makes the decision to stay or divorce an even tougher one. When making this decision, I think there are a few things you need to take into consideration.

  • Do I want to stay for the kids, even if I'm not happy?
  • Would my spouse and I be fighting non-stop if we only stayed together for the kids?
  • If so, would I want my children to see us fighting all the time?
  • Would my children benefit more from divorced but happier parents?
  • Are my children really benefiting from our marriage as it is?

6. Will I ever be able to forgive them?

The answer to this question is what will ultimately be the answer to whether your marriage can survive this affair or not. As hard as it is, you have to forgive your spouse if you want to make your marriage work. Forgiveness if the first step to fixing your marriage. I'm not saying to forget it happened, because you will never forget it. You will have to live the rest of your life with this affair engraved into your brain.

It will take a lot of effort to rebuild the trust that was broken, if that trust can ever be regained. But you don't have to forget it to give forgiveness. Sometimes the act of affair just isn't forgivable and that's okay. Sometimes the pain caused by the affair is too great and forgiveness just isn't an option. If that's the case though, you need to build the courage to be honest with your spouse and don't string them along. Stringing them along will only cause more pain and make the divorce harder then it'll already be.

This post was originally published on BlogHer.


First intersex birth certificate has been issued in the U.S.

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It has taken Sara Kelly Keenan 55 years to get the right birth certificate, and now that she has it, she can't hide her joy. Nor should she — she's just made history.

More: 8-year-old boy kicked out of Boy Scouts for being transgender

Keenan was born intersex, with male genes, female genitalia and mixed internal reproductive organs. Following her birth in New York City in the 1960s, her parents and doctors decided to mark her as a boy on her birth certificate and keep the fact that she was intersex a secret. However, three weeks later, she was issued with a female birth certificate.

This week, she became the first-known American to receive a birth certificate reflecting her true identity: reading "intersex" instead of the standard "male" or "female."

Keenan, who began hormone replacement therapy at 16 and uses female pronouns, marked the momentous occasion by posting a Facebook picture of herself wearing a T-shirt with the words, "Intersexxy and perfect."

Intersex birth certificate

Intersex birth certificate

More: I'm using baby dolls to teach my daughter about racial bias

As Keenan points out, not all intersex people will choose to identify legally as intersex, nor will all parents of an intersex child opt to have intersex on their birth certificate. "But for those who do, the option must exist," she said.

People like Keenan — and Jamie Shupe, who also make history by becoming the first American to receive permission to change their listed gender from female to "non-binary" earlier this year — are paving the way for intersex and gender nonconforming people who require legal recognition of a third gender.

In fact, due to the success of Shupe and Keenan, attorney Toby Adams, who runs the Intersex & Genderqueer Recognition Project, is currently helping dozens of people across the nation who want to have their genders legally recognized as something other than male or female. On Jan. 31, San Francisco residents David Strachan, Xin Farrish and Char Crawford will find out whether petitions filed by Adams on their behalf will result in the non-binary status they require.

Campaigners hope that it won't be too long before the list of legally defined genders covers all possibilities. Much like Facebook, who in 2014 gave users the choice of 58 defined genders (together with a write-in option) including "gender fluid," "intersex" and "neither."

More: Kids have to be taught to be advocates for people they see as different

Parental Advisory: Why is my new-mom best friend acting crazy?

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Welcome back to Parental Advisory, where I answer all of your social media and IRL parenting etiquette questions. This week, let's acknowledge the tension that can arise when a friend has a new baby and seemingly falls off the planet.

Here is one woman's example, but how many people have related to this feeling at some point in their adult lives?

Question: 

"I don't have kids, so I'm curious what the 'normal' or 'correct' etiquette is in this situation. My good friend of 20 years just had her first baby. Before she delivered, I told her I would be respectful and wait for her to invite me over to visit when she is ready. I bought a bag full of expensive baby gifts and tucked it away in my closet. She had the baby and she sent a few pics. I checked in every so often to see how she was feeling. Waited. Waited. Nothing. Several weeks went by and I had not heard from her, other than "we're doing good." So I started asking friends how long do new moms usually keep visitors away? I was told it can be up to two weeks. Friends suggested maybe she was waiting for me to ask to come by. Even though we discussed it, maybe she had baby brain and forgot our conversation. I started to get worried, I didn't want her to think just because I don't have kids, I am not interested or supportive of hers.

After a month, it happened to also be Christmas time. So I texted her and said I had some gifts for the baby, would it be okay to come by and drop them off sometime in the next few weeks? She said it was fine. We made plans for me to stop by one day after work. She mentioned it had to be a specific day because she was taking the baby out of town that weekend to her mother-in-law's. I thought nothing of it. I got to her house (an hour and a half drive) and she was sitting on the sofa with the baby on a big pillow on her lap. I come in and sit down, we start chatting... She does not acknowledge the GIANT gift bag, nor does she offer to let me hold the baby (who is now six weeks old). I ended up sitting with the cat on my lap instead.

An hour goes by, I say I need to get going, and ask her if she wants to open her gift. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS WEIRD. She says, "I have the baby, so why don't you open it for me?" I said, "Why don't you trade me and I'll hold the baby for a few minutes?" She says, "Well, I know you don't like kids... Maybe I'll just put him on the sofa." I said, "Obviously I will love YOUR kid! I've been dying to hold him since I got here!" She says, "Okay, maybe just for a minute." And places the baby — pillow and all — on my lap. She opens the gift bag, looks over the little outfits I had selected with love and care, and mentions they may be too small. I wanted to point out that they were purchased before Snowflake was born and perhaps had I been able to come by sooner, it would not have been a wasted gift. Also, they were not Newborn size, they were 3-6mo. I did my best.

She then proceeds to tell me all about the very expensive and extravagant gifts her other friends gave her, making my little outfits and stuffed animals look like Walmart clearance bin items. I asked her what she had been up to and she started complaining about how she just wanted time alone with her baby and all these people keep dropping by. She said, "Don't people understand, if I want you to come over, I'll call you and invite you over?!" She said she had not invited anyone over to see the baby yet, and the only people who had seen him were people who'd invited themselves. I asked her how long she felt she wanted to have with the baby before having company, and she said she wanted him to be on a set schedule, and sleeping through the night before people started coming over. I asked how long that takes, and she said (without blinking) "up to 6 months." So, I guess if I had not asked to come over, I was not going to hear from her for 6 months?? I drove home feeling like my best friend had been taken over by aliens. I guess we're not friends anymore. She made it pretty clear that our 20 years of sleepovers, vacations, proms, spa days, and movie nights have been forgotten in the wake of this 7lb. meatloaf.

But really, is this normal? Will it pass, or is she just out of my life now? Is there really not enough room for both of us in her world? I don't understand how having a baby is a get-out-of-jail-free card for turning your back on the people who have stood by you and loved you your whole life. And I'm sure if I say anything, I'll get the ol' 'You need to understand I'm a MOTHER now.' Or, 'I have a BABY.' I'm trying to be a supportive friend during this new chapter in her life, like I have been through everything else. Why would a baby be any different?? And WHY IS SHE ACTING SO CRAZY??"

— A.


Answer:

When a couple has a baby, they tend to fall into one of two camps: Either they're eager to introduce their little one to friends and family (and neighbors and coworkers too) within the first few weeks or they're a bit standoffish for the first few months. There's no magic formula, and the reasons for being standoffish can range from feeling paranoid about germs to being drained of energy and not knowing when to request that people come over. I have a feeling, based on your email, A., that your friend might be going through a bit of the latter. She doesn't sound depressed or even especially overwhelmed, but her mentioning that she'd rather have her baby on a sleep schedule before having guests over suggests to me that she might be a type A personality, and having a baby has thrown her into a world of accelerated chaos. She can't yet anticipate when the baby will cry, sleep, poop or eat (the four things babies are capable of doing), and it might be making her kind of nuts. Or maybe she's enjoying figuring out this whole parenting thing, but she'd rather do it without anyone hovering around her. For parents of preemies, having friends over is a huge deal because it means the baby is healthy enough to be around people, which can take some time. In the case of your friend, A., it sounds like she's the one getting used to the new adjustment. The baby is perfectly healthy, but your friend might be on edge and in need of some extended solo time. It's ironic, because within a year, she'll probably be posting things like this online:

Someecard
Image: STFU Parents

That said, you're a great friend for being so supportive and wanting to be there for her. You've shown an interest in meeting the baby, holding the baby and giving the baby gifts, and you were willing to drive over an hour each way just to do so. She and the baby are lucky to have you in their lives. But no matter how much you want to show her you're interested, the way things will play out from here is (somewhat irritatingly) based more on her than it is on you. Here is my advice — pure and simple #RealTalk — based on my personal experiences with friends with babies, in the form of a handy list.

How to deal with old friends who have new babies (especially if you don't have kids yourself):

1. Get the baby a gift. Do not expect the parent(s) to notice or take extra appreciation of the fact that you bought the baby the expensive shit. Unfortunately, parents only notice when you get the baby cheap shit (because the baby's skin is sensitive or the toy is made of cheap plastic, etc.). I'm not saying parents won't notice that the super-trendy socks you got their infant cost as much as a week's worth of groceries, but they will likely not say anything about it. I, too, buy pricey baby gifts for my friends and have learned that it's not worth asking myself if I should've just bought a single onesie from Target versus the 900 other items I purchased. I can only assume the gift will be appreciated, even if I'm never made aware of it. Some parents will handwrite thank you cards. Some will take pictures of their baby wearing the expensive socks you bought. Others will never mention your gifts again and you just have to live with that.

Regarding when to give the gift: Always try to pass along the gift before the baby is born. After that, things get hectic, as you've learned, A., when trying to negotiate a time to come by. Pre-baby gifts are cherished and cause excitement. Post-baby gifts are cherished and cause some excitement, but not nearly as much excitement as parents feel when staring into the eyes of their young, perfect progeny. (Barf.) So try to get your gift in early. Also, when in doubt, size up. Newborn onesies last, like, 48 hours according to most new parents, so starting at 3 to 6 months for clothing size is smart. I have no idea why your friend said your 3- to 6-month options might be too big. In my mind, there's no way they're too big, so maybe she was just throwing a defensive remark your way out of resentment for having a visitor. That's pretty uncool, but since she's a hormonal new mom, you're supposed to forgive her. (Barf x 2) [P.S.: You don't have to forgive her if you don't feel like it.]

2. Speaking of hormones, postpartum depression can be harder for new moms to discuss than they let on. I have a large handful of friends who occasionally comment on the first year of parenthood as being shockingly depressing or hormonally difficult, but they certainly weren't acting that way (in person or online) during that first year because they weren't ready to admit it. If your friend experiences emotional ups and downs or seems to be pushing you away or ignoring you, it's always a possibility that she's feeling blue. It's also possible that you're feeling blue for your own reasons and need her for emotional support too. If that happens, just tell her so. You'll feel better. If she seems sad or irrationally angry, ask her about it.

3. Be prepared for your friend to find new-mom friends with whom she can take classes, schedule playdates and commiserate. You and your friend have shared history, including prom, sleepovers, first boyfriends, etc., and no one can take that away from you, but this baby stuff isn't the same. You can still be best friends, but your friend will inevitably form a posse of parents on whom she can rely for parenting-specific issues and/or babysitting trade-offs. It doesn't mean you're any less important to her; try to think of it more like someone who's in law school and now spends most of her time with classmates studying. Parents are only up their own asses and the asses of their children for the first few years or so. If your friendship has sustained 20 years already, you still have many more years of friendship to come down the line.

4. We should probably all accept that some parents are willing to have friends over to meet the baby sooner than others. Our expectations should be reduced to essentially nothing. Is this annoying? Hell, yes, it's annoying. You can't rely on people with newborn babies as much as you can rely people who don't have newborn babies — this is a fact, and it can be frustrating. But it's also reality, so try not to take a friend's disappearing act too personally. She might even be jealous of you getting regular eight-hour intervals of sleep and not dealing with milk-filled boobs or wiping a baby's ass half a dozen times a day. Of course, she'd never say this. She'd rather talk about how much she loves being a mom or imply that motherhood is superior to being childless. But the truth is, the amount of love that's gained by having a baby is in direct proportion to the amount of sleep that's lost. That inverse relationship is one you don't have to contend with, A., and I say savor and enjoy it. Besides, it might be worth celebrating that your friend isn't the type to post those obnoxious "visitation rules" signs on Facebook. Those people are the worst, and you can rest easier knowing your friend registers several notches above that.

Meme
Image: STFU Parents

5. Finally, to address the real heart of your question — "Why do some parents act so CRAZY after the baby is born??" — all I can say is that some people pop out a kid and think the world should suddenly revolve around them, and some people don't. None of us can fully prepare for the changes our friends will go through when they become parents because it's hard to predict. I've had some friends turn into near-strangers. Others morphed into uptight, preachy jerks seemingly overnight, and now all they do is whine on Facebook about daylight savings time. I've also watched as some friends become more relaxed, more able to enjoy life and maybe even make more room in their lives for friends and family (kids or not!), which has been a delightful surprise.

Hopefully, your friend will tell you how much she appreciates your gifts and the time it took for you to get them to her, A. If she doesn't, it'll be disappointing, but it doesn't have to be the end of your friendship. Some people just need time to adjust to parenthood and get back to their old selves again, while others keep changing until they're practically unrecognizable... and you won't want to be friends with them anymore anyway.

Fun or no fun
Image: STFU Parents


Do YOU have a question about parents on social media? Send whatever is on your mind to stfuparentsblog AT gmail.com!

5 terrible diet tips to stop using immediately

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When it comes to dieting, it seems like everyone from your mom to your friends—even celebrities and fad-diet book authors—have an opinion on how to do it right. It’s one of the most crowded self-help spaces, and can be difficult to suss out the good advice from the just plain wrong. Of course you’ve heard that you should eat lots of fruits and veggies and whole foods, and not overdo it on caffeine, sugar, refined carbs, and alcohol. That stuff is basic. What I wanted to know are the top diet myths that are still out there that experts wish more people knew the truth about.

I talked to nutritionists, doctors, healthy cooking experts, and even a personal trainer, who let me in on some of the worst diet advice out there—the tips that, if you take them to heart, could actually harm you more than help you. Below, find out five bad diet tips that you should disregard ASAP, and tell all your friends to ignore, too.

Juice Cleanses Are Good For You.

As a veteran of failed juice cleanses, I can’t pretend I was totally disappointed to hear that it’s not the best idea to restrict your diet to liquids to detox. “Sipping green juice five times a day and ducking out on all other foods sounds like a great idea to lose weight and improve your health—for about one hot second,” says celebrity nutritionist Keri Glassman. “When you juice-to-lose, you’re missing out on the fiber in the vegetables you’re drinking, which can cause constipation and disrupt your gut flora. You’re also likely missing out on calories. All this, plus the lack of chewing, can lead to irritability, fatigue, yo-yo-dieting, and mental distress. The end of a juice cleanse can be synonymous with a big ole junk food binge, leading to weight gain. So if you want to get your green juice in, make it a part of your diet, not your whole diet.”

Heather Marr, a Manhattan-based personal trainer, says that the number-one thing she tells model and celebrity clients who are trying to lose weight is not to juice. “When you eat fruits or vegetables, the body has to work to break the food down, which burns calories and keeps you full,” she says. “When you juice, the fruit or vegetable is already broken down for us, so the calories we use to digest is lower, and leaves us feeling hungrier and more likely to eat more food and calories. Instead of juicing an apple or carrot, just enjoy the food whole.”

More: How Nutritionists Avoid Gaining Weight During Winter

Eat Everything in Moderation.

While this old adage might be comforting when you decide to indulge in a little chocolate at the end of a long day, it’s an excuse that prevents us from losing weight, says holistic nutritionist Esther Blum. “Thinking we can eat everything as long as it’s in moderation is what has made 66 percent of Americans obese,” she says. “We can no longer afford to write checks our bodies cannot cash. Moderation can either mean a little bit every day, or once per week—but it should really mean once every two weeks to once per month. For instance, eating a scoop of ice cream every day can bring in an extra 875 calories per week, or 3,500 calories per month, of mostly fat and sugar—the equivalent of one pound of weight gain per month that will likely hit your midsection. Small habits still make a BIG difference in the long run.” Sigh.

Don’t Drink While You Eat.

Some food gurus claim that it’s a bad idea to sip water between bites of your meal because it can dilute your natural digestive enzymes, making it harder for your body to break down food. Don’t buy it. “This is awful advice that makes no sense to me,” says Ilana Muhlstein, nutritionist for Explore Cuisine. “All the foods we eat are made up of water. Some fruits and vegetables contain up to 96 percent water. Cheese contains up to 37 percent water, beef contains up to 70 percent water, and even butter contains 15 percent. Therefore, as you’re eating these foods, you’re literally taking in ounces of water with every bite—and water actually helps prevent overeating and can help digestion. As long as you don’t have an issue with gastric emptying, you should take sips of water throughout a meal for optimal weight and portion control.”

Eat Lots of Small Meals Throughout the Day.

Some conventional wisdom dictates that you should graze on a series of five to six small meals during the day to keep yourself full and prevent overeating out of hunger—but that’s not necessarily the case, says Blum. “Recent research has shown that eating six meals per day has no metabolic advantage over eating three meals per day,” she says. “What you eat can have a much bigger metabolic impact than how often you eat. A great way to lose weight is to focus on protein, veggies, healthy fats, and fruits during the day to keep your blood sugar stable, and then have a higher carb meal at dinner to help you sleep well that night.” So much for the myth about not eating carbs passed 4 p.m.

It’s Smart to Cut Fat Out of Your Diet.

This myth, at least, has been starting to get more attention and is being busted more often these days, kind of like the myth that you shouldn’t eat any carbs. (Quick refresher: It’s about eating the right kind of carbs, meaning nutrient-rich complex carbs like quinoa, potatoes, beans, or squash, rather than bread, crackers, cookies, or cereals.) Similarly, cutting out fat entirely is not the wisest way to slim down, says Glassman. “One of my favorite things to tell my clients is, ‘fat is your friend!’ On the flip side, low- or fat-free foods can be your love handles’ worst nightmare. When fat is removed from food, it’s often replaced with sugar for flavor and additional chemicals—such as thickeners and additives—to retain the fatty texture. You end up with a product that’s higher in calories and sugar, and packed with chemicals. Ditch the extra sugar, and go for the less processed version even if it’s higher in fat.” Here are a few reminders of which kinds of foods contain good-for-you fats, and all the benefits they have, from better skin and losing weight to helping keep you full (a pro for any dieter).

More: 7 Best Free Healthcare Apps for Women

Originally posted on StyleCaster.com

Times keeping secrets might save your relationship

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In a perfect world, 24/7 honesty and openness in relationships would be a reality. But we’re not perfect and neither is the world — and there’s nothing wrong with keeping a few secrets from your significant other. (Some have even argued it’s a necessity in good relationships.) Let’s be clear: We’re not saying it’s ever OK to outright lie, and little white lies aren’t even something you should be doing on a daily basis. But keeping part of your life and thoughts private is healthy and important.

More: 13 women on how to have awesome sex while you're pregnant

For instance, does your SO really need to know that you think his or her mom is an annoying chatterbox after one glass of wine? Or find out that in your senior year of college you slept with 75 percent of your total number? Definitely not. Here are nine subjects that experts confirm are totally fine to keep to yourself when you’re in a relationship.

Crushes

Your partner doesn’t need to know about the eye candy in your daily life, whether it’s the sexy guy in the Armani suit you always notice on the F train or the cute woman with the music note tattoo who’s always in your favorite coffee shop. “Telling your partner about people you have casual, essentially meaningless crushes on won’t make them feel any better about themselves and could actually sow some serious seeds of discontent,” says Rita Delgado, a sex educator and owner of Shades of Love, an adult toy store in San Antonio, Texas. As long as things aren’t going any further than you thinking he or she is good-looking, then it’s no harm, no foul.

Beauty secrets

If you feel comfortable getting into the nitty-gritty details of your grooming routine, go ahead, but if it’s something you’d rather not reveal everything about, you’re not alone — and it’s completely OK. “Your partner doesn’t need to know about the Botox, laser hair removal or other body treatments you use to stay looking and feeling good,” says adult advice columnist Sarah Merrill, founder of BigKidProblems. The exception: Major surgery, like liposuction, in which case it’s a health issue and you should share the decision with your SO.

More: Why are we still changing our last names when we get married?

“You-time” details

There’s no need for your lover to know when, where and how you pleasure yourself. “If you’re articulating when and where you’re masturbating, it could be seen by your partner as a sign that you’re not sexually satisfied, as well,” says Delgado. Leave this to his or her imagination, which can also be hot.

Weight gain (yours or theirs)

You and your partner don’t need to have conversations every time the scale goes up a pound or 5 — especially if you’re just not thrilled with the fact that he or she has put on a few. “Keep the fact that their overeating bothers you to yourself,” says psychotherapist and author Dr. Mike Dow. “Before you go into intervention mode or what could be perceived as criticism, start by modeling the behavior you want to see. People are more likely to be fit if the people around them are healthy and fit, so suggest going on a run or heading to a yoga class together.” Of course, every rule on this list has exceptions, and if weight is becoming a health issue, then it might be time to express loving concern. But generally, it’s your and your partner’s individual business what the scale reads on a day-to-day basis.

Sworn secrets

That thing some people say about how telling your partner secrets about other people “doesn’t count”? That’s totally false. “If you swore to one of your girlfriends that you’d never divulge the details of her sex life or work drama, then it should never be revealed to anyone — including your partner,” says attorney Corri Fetman. It doesn’t matter how close you are or how much you trust your SO. You’ve been sworn to secrecy, which is non-negotiable. Don’t sacrifice the integrity of one relationship for another. The exception: If one of your kids comes to you with a secret that concerns you, of course you can share it (in confidence) with your partner if he or she is co-parenting with you — just be careful not to get a rep with your kids about not being able to keep your mouth shut!

More: Don't miss these red flags that signal your partner is gaslighting you

Girls' night out details

The major caveat for this rule: You don’t have to tell your SO the play-by-play of your friend’s bachelorette weekend or girls’ night out as long as you used good judgment. That means that if you’re in a monogamous relationship, there was no cheating or borderline questionable behavior — like serious drug use, for instance. “You can keep the details of that wild weekend on the strip to your best friends and yourself,” says relationship expert, Michelle Crosby. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, so to speak, and your partner doesn’t need to know how many singles you shoved into the G-strings of those Chippendales dancers. Hopefully, though, you’re close enough with your partner that you’d want to share some of the funny moments from these types of nights — but as long as you behaved, you’re under no obligation.

Your number

Yes, it’s actually OK to keep your number of sex partners private. The experts all agree that your number of lovers is no one’s business but your own. “It’s possible you had a wild period, which your partner might not love hearing about,” says dating guru Cathryn Mora, creator of the relationship-strengthening course LoveSparkMe. “Instead of delving into every detail, you can say things like ‘I was no angel,’ but there’s no need to divulge specifics, and I’ve rarely heard of that conversation ending well.” Ultimately, if you’re happy in your current relationship, what does it really matter anyway, assuming you’re both sexually healthy and safe?

Cyberstalking

“Oh, she went to Harvard? I had no idea.” It’s totally fine for that to be your response when your SO brings up his or her ex — even if you looked through three years of her Facebook photos and saw every haircut and job change she’s had. Experts say it’s fine to keep your investigative work a secret from your partner. Telling him or her may make you look suspicious or just plain jealous. “I’m not even friends with my boyfriend on Facebook and was able to find out a lot about his ex just by knowing her first name!” admits 31-year-old Stephanie, a teacher in Staten Island. “I would never tell him because I don’t want him thinking I’m jealous or worried — I was just curious.” Curiosity is fine — just don’t get too obsessive since that’s obviously not healthy, either.

Family feelings

Never reveal negative feelings about your SO’s family. They may seem to be OK with it at the time that you say it, but may resent you for it later — and that can get ugly since you can’t take it back. (Hint: He or she can bitch about their parents’ terrible taste in decor and cooking skills — but you cannot.) And if it’s your parents who aren’t fond of your partner, just imagine how he or she would feel knowing that — or how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. “Your SO might not want to spend the rest of their life knowing that members in your family don’t like them,” says Delgado. “If they’re in blissful ignorance, keep it that way by not sharing that passive-aggressive comment your mom made.” In other words, unless you or your family has something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

11 insanely pretty New Year’s Eve hair ideas

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If you’re like us, New Year’s Eve is both the most-exciting beauty holiday, and the most annoyingly stressful. It’s literally the one time a year when you’re practically expected to go crazy with glitter, bold makeup, and insanely intricate hairstyles and accessories, yet as soon as December 31 hits, you’re struck with zero hair ideas (and, let’s be honest, energy) to try anything new. So you do the same curling-ironed curls you’ve done a billion times before. Yaaaaay.

More: The Best Moisturizers for Dry, Sensitive Skin

But not this year. No, this year, you’re going to put on your party pants and and actually try something fun and insanely gorgeous with your hair to ring in the new year. And to help you out, we turned to our favorite celebrities, like Selena Gomez, Zendaya, and Blake Lively, for their sleekest blowouts, springiest curls, and princess-level updos to get you inspired. Keep reading to see every party look, and then test them out on yourself today. (A practice run never hurt anyone, right?)

More: 101 Holiday Party Makeup Ideas to Try Right Now

Rolled-and-Pinned Chignon

Rolled-and-Pinned Chignon
Image: Getty Images

Sleek and Center-Parted

Sleek and Center-Parted
Image: Getty Images

Soft and Smooth Topknot

Soft and Smooth Topknot
Image: Getty Images

Curled Bob

Curled Bob
Image: Getty Images

Textured Waves

Textured Waves
Image: Getty Images

Soft and Wispy French Twist

Soft and Wispy French Twist
Image: Getty Images

Slicked-Back Wet Look

Slicked-Back Wet Look
Image: Getty Images

Voluminous, Picked-Out Curls

Voluminous, Picked-Out Curls
Image: Getty Images

Five-Pinned Side Part

Five-Pinned Side Part
Image: Getty Images

Mini-Braided and Woven Chignon

Mini-Braided and Woven Chignon
Image: Getty Images

Sleek, Center-Parted Ponytail

Sleek, Center-Parted Ponytail
Image: Getty Images

Originally posted on StyleCaster.com

8 family-friendly New Year's Eve ideas you can plan at the last minute

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When you're a parent of young children with early bedtimes, ringing in the new year as a family when the clock strikes 12 usually isn't an option. These fun family New Year's Eve activities will make the night a blast for as long as your kids manage to last.

If your child is too young to stay up until midnight on New Year's Eve but you don't want to hire a babysitter and spend the night out on the town, figuring out your holiday plans can be more frustrating than fun. Rather than wait until the kids are asleep to start your celebration, here are eight ways to welcome the new year as a family that won't leave everyone tired and grumpy the next morning.

More: 8 Things parents will end up doing on New Year's Eve

Putting on the Ritz

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Image: Giphy

Just because you're not headed out for a night on the town doesn't mean you have to wear yoga pants. Half the fun of going out on New Year's Eve is dressing up, so why not make getting fancy part of the family fun? Let everyone choose an outfit they feel great in and strike a pose for each other. Even if you lounge around for the evening, wearing something sparkly will make the night feel more festive.

Have a camp-in

smores-the-sandlot
Image: Giphy

Instead of sleep being something your family wants to avoid on New Year's Eve, make it the goal. Play off the ambiance provided by your still-standing Christmas tree and set up a tent for an indoor camp-out to make bedtime on New Year's Eve special, even without the midnight festivities.

Itty-bitty photo shoot

walking-newborn
Image: Giphy

Any parent with a toddler knows that rule No. 1 is don't wake the baby. But if you're the proud parent of a newborn who can sleep through almost anything, consider using New Year's Eve as the chance to take some fun posed photos using props around the house. Like almost everyone else toasting the New Year, your pictures might feature someone sleeping on the floor, but at least the baby won't have a headache in the morning.

More: Mom pits preemie baby against household items in epic battle of cuteness

Take a nap before midnight

frozen-sleepy-anna
Image: Giphy

If you have older kids who just can't keep their eyes open until midnight but are devastated at the thought of missing out on the moment the clock strikes 12, consider letting them sleep, and then waking them up to celebrate the stroke of midnight with you. With any luck this will encourage everyone to sleep in on New Year's Day.

Move the clocks forward

magic-gif
Image: Giphy

If you want your kids to experience the excitement of seeing the clock reach midnight but you don't want everyone tired and cranky the next morning, don't race the clocks — change them. Move the display time up by a few hours and let the kids believe they've lasted until midnight. Then send them to bed on schedule and treat yourself to some snacks and a good movie, with your kids being none the wiser.

The year in review

glee-gif
Image: Giphy

Older kids may get embarrassed by their parents gushing over old photos, but children young enough to fall asleep before midnight are usually ecstatic to view old pictures and videos of themselves. Settle down with your computer or smartphone and enjoy the evening reviewing the memories you made as a family over the past year.

More: 7 Best tablets for kids who are always stealing mom's smartphone

Open your own restaurant

be-out-guest
Image: Giphy

Most parents have vague memories of a time before they had kids, when New Year's Eve meant a trip to a fancy restaurant. Skip the need for reservations and high heels that make your feet hurt and make your New Year's Eve meal at home as a family into a swanky affair. Whether you enlist the help of the kids to prepare a gourmet meal from scratch or simply bust out the fancy plates to hold your pizza, it's sure to be a meal no one forgets.

Go to bed early

sleep-gif
Image: Giphy

Just because the rest of the world is staying up past its bedtime doesn't mean you have to. Young children will still be up with the sun, regardless of what time you go to bed. Spending New Year's Eve getting some much-needed rest by going to bed when your child does may be the best way to start off the new year!

family new year's eve
Image: Image: Getty Images; Graphics: Terese Condella/SheKnows

What we'll be eating in 2017 according to people who are paying attention

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What will you be eating in the new year? The same old hash brown casserole, or will you be jumping on the cauliflower pizza crust trend? Predicting food trends is not an exact science, but darned if we don't love trying it anyway. We've looked at a few reports, from the lofty James Beard Foundation to the Mintel Foodservice report to see what we'll be eating more of in 2017.

More: The foods we'll all be obsessed with in 2017 according to Pinterest

1. Veggies rule because who run the world? Girls

This year, meat is playing a smaller role on restaurant menus and moving over to garnishes, flavorings and sides. Meanwhile, vegetables are taking over the center of the plate as the main dish and diners are demanding more meat-free options. We've already seen loads of cool vegan restaurants like By Chloe on the rise.

Veg-centric is hot right now, especially if it's Instagram-friendly. And you know what? Not to bury the lede or anything, but we have women to thank for this trend. I remember a few years ago when meat was a big deal. It was all about artisan butchery and shameless bacon devouring. And it was super-, super-macho, as I recall. Not that there's anything intrinsically masculine about meat — if anything, women need protein and iron more than men do. But the culture of meat worship was highly masculine.

Along comes Instagram and Pinterest, two highly visual forms of social media, and guess who dominates there? We do, ladies. And guess what's more photogenic? Fruit, veggies and grains. You're welcome, everyone else, for this nutrient-dense food trend.

2. Cauliflower

This is supposed to be the it veg of 2016. Apparently, cauliflower rice was just the beginning — now people are making cauliflower pizza crust (I hear it's not worth the effort) and more. Our suggestion is to resist the temptation to force it as a grain substitute and let it shine on its own. I like mine roasted with olive oil and paprika.

More: 20 cauliflower rice recipes for healthy, grain-free meals

3. Food "waste"

This is the year we get serious about reducing food waste, and you know what that means? We'll all be eating more of what we used to throw away. For example, we'll be eating more whey, a byproduct of Greek yogurt production. You'll see it bottled in health food stores and in restaurant dishes according to the James Beard Foundation.

Meanwhile, chefs are making more use of vegetable greens and cuts of meat. And we'll be doing our part by buying more "ugly" produce — fruits and vegetables that look less than perfect but otherwise are every bit as good.

And we're fermenting everything in 2017. It's not just about cabbage kimchi and sauerkraut anymore.

4. Hot ancient grains

Everyone's talking about sorghum, which is similar to Israeli couscous, but chewier. But ancient grains are going to be more popular than ever, especially for breakfast. McCormick (the spice company) predicts grains will go savory for breakfast, so be ready to go beyond sweet oatmeal.

More: These gorgeous hot cereal bowls will inspire your mornings like nothing else

I'm seeing a lot of millet as well. Both sorghum and millet can be popped, which makes them even more versatile.

5. Global flavors

We're all getting more adventurous with our food, and we want our global flavors to be authentic... but in a familiar context. Expect to see real za'atar spices, but sprinkled on the french fries. McCormick predicts we'll warm to eastern Mediterranean flavors and dishes, like shakshuka, a Turkish dish of eggs poached in tomatoes and peppers. Filipino and North African cuisines are expected to be especially popular.

The James Beard Foundation thinks we'll also be into French food this year. Why not?

6. Sprinkles

Hello Funfetti nation. We're putting sprinkles on everything. This food trend is also brought to you by women.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

DIY custom Funfetti gifts that sprinkle magic into your loved
Image: Tiffany Egbert/SheKnows

Travel is actually more fun now that I have a toddler

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Traveling with a toddler changes the way you travel for many obvious reasons. I can forget about staying in hostels, late nights at pubs and jam packed itineraries; and honestly, I could care less about the way I used to travel.

Traveling with my almost two-year old has changed the way I travel for the better and I am never looking back. Here's how traveling has changed for me.

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Image: Erica Soto

1. I don’t sweat the small stuff

If you know me at all, then you know I sweat the small stuff. Profusely. I’ve learned to stop doing this on my travels to avoid spoiling my trip. I can thank my daughter for this. When shit hits the fan, there is she, smiling and laughing without a care in the world. I look at her and how carefree she is and remind myself that whatever has happened isn’t the end of the world. She helps me laugh through it... even when I lock all of our clothes in a laundromat in Italy after hours (whoops) or an unscheduled train strike occurs and we can’t catch our train to our next destination. Traveling isn’t perfect. You live and you learn; and if you have a daughter like mine, then you laugh through all the misfortunes and find the best in the situation.

2. I break out of my shell more

I like being alone. There, I said it. This is probably why I am one of the crazy girls in this world that love traveling solo. My daughter has taught (forced) me to break out of my shell and interact with the locals. She loves meeting new people and most people tend to adore children — which means a lot of conversations start up. I now firmly believe that immersing yourself with the natives of the country that you are visiting truly gives you the best perspective of the culture. I am thankful my toddler is a curious little girl and shows her mama how to get the best experience out of our travels.

3. I'm better at slowing down

Traveling with a toddler means stopping to smell the roses. Literally; a million times. Slowing down, making a flexible itinerary and seeing the world from my toddler’s perspective makes for a unforgettable experience. On our latest adventure, I planned my itinerary to allow for leisurely mornings, nap time and bedtime at a decent hour. It was a breath of fresh air to not feel like I had to accomplish an abundance of things in one day. Instead, we were able to focus on a couple of sights per day and truly enjoy them without being rushed. And if you think you can rush a toddler, well, then you clearly aren’t a parent of one. Slowing down will only make you appreciate your travels more.

4. I understand what luxuries are

I am by no means a luxury traveler. Ibudget absolutely everything when it comes to traveling. Traveling with my toddler means I have to budget even more to make our adventures possible. We don’t stay in fancy hotels, hardly eat out at restaurants and do a whole lot of walking to get around. I even manage to pack 2 weeks worth of our necessities in only one carry on. I have grown to love traveling simply and living more like a local, rather than a tourist on vacation.

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Image: Erica Soto

Traveling with a toddler is by no means “easy”, but it is worth every single temper tantrum, lack of sleep and sacrifice. I could not imagine exploring the world without my daughter by my side. She has shown me an entire new way to travel and I am never looking back.

Seeing the world through my toddler’s eyes is the most special gift I could ever dream of.

Do you travel with your little ones? Share your experiences below! I love hearing about other traveling families!

This post was originally published on BlogHer.

How to use coconut oil to fix dry hair

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Hey, it's almost January. How you holdin’ up, champ? You dealing with the frigidly cold wind, flaking skin, and dehydrated hair, alright? Or are you slathering your face in Vaseline and counting down the days until the spring humidity thaws your soul and turns your hair back into a recognizable thing? Yeah, us, too. But rather than stare at a calendar for another three months with your fuzzy hair chained into a topknot, give it a much-needed surge of moisturize with a few DIY coconut oil hair treatments.

More: The 3 Best DIY Tinted Lip Balms You’ll Actually Use

Sure, you could use some store-bought conditioner, but we can pretty much guarantee it won’t work as well as coconut oil. Because of its chemical structure, coconut oil can actually penetrate the inner core of your hair better than most cosmetically engineered ingredients, meaning its smoothing and strengthening benefits won’t slip down the drain as soon as your rinse it off. And because it’s so powerful, you won’t need a ton of it for each DIY, making it a pretty cost-efficient buy.

Keep reading to see our three favorite coconut oil treatments for all hair types, and get ready to have your hair—but, like, way better—back today.

Coconut oil curly hair treatment
Image: Getty Images

Coconut Oil Leave-In Treatment:

If your hair tends to poof and frizz no matter what smoothing products you use (ah, the plight of coarse, thick hair), use coconut oil as a leave-in treatment to stave off frizz and poofiness as your hair dries. Here’s how: Melt a tablespoon of coconut oil in a small ramekin until liquefied—but not super-hot—then scoop it up and rub it around your hands as you would a hand cream (massaging it into your hands before applying it to your hair prevents you from using too much).

Flip your head over and scrunch your hands through the bottom few inches of hair, raking and smoothing through your ends until the coconut oil is evenly distributed and your hands are clean. Don’t get overzealous and apply a second coat; coconut oil is sneakily heavy and can weigh your hair down. Style your hair as usual, and then revel in the smooth, frizz-free finish.

Coconut Oil Curl Refresher:

If you have kinky curls that need a constant stream of moisture pumping through them (you know the feeling: Your hair turns undefined and fluffy by noon, and you’d give anything to swirl your head in a bowl of conditioner), then welcome to your savior. While most curl-refreshing sprays are crunchy, sticky, and straight-up ineffective, a coconut-oil spray adds lightweight moisture to dry-as-hell hair.

To make your own, heat a quarter cup of water in a mug, mix in three teaspoons of coconut oil until fully dissolved, and then funnel the mixture into a teeny tiny spray bottle (like the two-ounce travel-size bottles that can easily fit into a clutch). Spray it throughout your hair during the day for an instant moisturizing boost.

Coconut Oil Hair Mask:

Probably the best, most-common use of coconut oil for hydrating frizzy, dried-out hair is through a hair mask. Luckily, the application is also the easiest of all of these at-home recipes, with no additional tools required (though things will get a little messy, so make sure you’re standing in the tub or shower before you start). It sounds a little weird, but you’ll be applying your coconut oil to dry hair—oils and moisturizers can’t penetrate the shaft of wet hair as well as it can dry hair—so make sure to brush and detangle your hair before applying the oil.

Before you start, scoop a few large chunks of coconut oil into a bowl and microwave them for 15 to 30 seconds until slightly melted. Then, standing in the tub, section off a four-inch piece of hair and massage coconut oil through it from root to tip, combing it with a wide-tooth comb to make sure it’s evenly distributed. Repeat until your whole head is covered and combed, then twist and clip your hair into a topknot. Cover your hair with a shower cap (or, in a pinch, we’ve wrapped our heads in plastic wrap) and leave it on for 45 minutes to really let the oil soak into your strands. Then rinse your hair thoroughly—if your hair is fine, you may need to suds up twice to prevent the oils from weighing your hair down when it dries—and style as usual.

More: How to Do No-Makeup Makeup

Originally posted on StyleCaster.com

8 things parents will actuallyend up doing on New Year's Eve

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Hey, remember when New Year's Eve was a great big party? Maybe you trekked all the way to New York City to be a part of one of the biggest New Year's celebrations on Earth. Maybe you hosted dazzling parties that all of your friends raved about. Whatever it was that you used to do, kiss it goodbye. Once you have kids, New Year's Eve celebrations are just one more thing robbing you of your sleep, and your big night won't look anything like it used to.

It'll look like this, instead.

1. You will foolishly vow to stay up until midnight

liz lemon 30 rock let's do thisPhoto credit: giphy.com

This will entail one of two things. Either you will pay what can only be described as a grotesque amount of blackmail money for someone to watch your (sleeping) children so you can go out into the world with the other adult people, or you will decide to party at home. Maybe you'll even let the kids stay up with you. "It'll be great," you and your spouse will reassure each other. It will not. Because...

2. You will immediately regret this decision

ron burgundy anchor man regret this decisionPhoto Credit: Giphy.com

I know you used to stay up all night long. You could party or study or work into the wee hours of the morning. But that was a whole other lifetime. The one where you didn't pee every time you sneezed.

3. You will drink more than you should

champagne out of shoe black and whitePhoto credit: giphy.com

What's New Year's without a little bubbly? A chump's holiday, that's what. So you will ignore the voice in your head that says your children will be up before dawn and chug it like it's 1999. You might not even bother with a glass.

4. You will not go to bed when you should

real housewives of atlanta tired need a napPhoto credit: giphy.com

Since your alcohol tolerance is nowhere near what it used to be, those gulps of Andre's will inevitably lay you a little low. You know you should go lay down, but that's for geezers. So you will soldier on, to everyone's chagrin.

5. You will set all of the clocks forward

SNL evil laughPhoto credit: giphy.com

If you've decided to stay at home and let your kids party with you, you will probably notice that nothing good happens with kids after 9 p.m. To remedy this problem, you will go around the house slyly turning every clock forward by precisely one hour. If you know what's good for you.

6. You will force yourself to watch Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve

zooey deschanel new girl terrible ideaPhoto Credit: Giphy.com

If you can stand to watch Ryan Seacrest do Seacrest-y things for longer than two whole minutes, you might consider putting everyone's favorite ball drop on the television. Be prepared to be sad, because with a rising alcohol level, the lack of Dick Clark, images of the young and carefree and the unfortunate looming threat of Taylor Swift's inevitable singing, you will wonder what your life has become in a moment of ugly clarity.

7. You will tap out early

tiana princess and the frog tired gifPhoto Credit: Giphy.com

Whatever you end up doing, you will give up at least an hour before the big moment, which will end up being the smartest thing you do all night. You might lean in for a tired, sloppy kiss from your partner, maybe, if it isn't like, too much work.

8. You will make a resolution to never, ever put yourself through this again.

disney ratatouille nopePhoto credit: giphy.com

More on New Year's Eve

How to celebrate New Year's Eve with toddlers
Amazing places to ring in the New Year
Perfect New Year's Eve party drinks

Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kenya Moore pulls gun on three trespassers

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Don't mess with Kenya Moore. The Real Housewives of Atlanta star went off on Instagram on Friday after three trespassers hopped her home's fence and knocked on her front door. Then, she appeared to scare them away with a gun, according to a photo of the security footage she shared on social media.

More: Kenya Moore and Kim Fields have the dumbest argument in RHOA history

Moore posted two videos on Instagram recounting the incident, saying, "OK, look, there's only one way to say this. I'm going to get real, real with y'all right now. I just had three motherfuckers come to my front door and knock on it. I didn't know who they were. They climbed over my fence, where I live, and came and thought it was a good idea to say, 'Hi Kenya,' like, bitch, you are on my motherfucking property and you are trespassing, because you climbed over my fence to get over here. Even though it's under construction, bitch, you can't crawl over it to get to me. This bitch over here is on high alert. We on level orange up in this bitch."

kenya video 1

kenya video 1

Moore captioned the first video, "I'm pissed! 3 people knocked on my door a woman and 2 big grown men. They climbed the fence when they couldn't get through my security gates. They got what they came for I stay sitting on ready. If any crazy motherfuckers want to F with me u deserve what's behind these doors."

More: Andy Cohen has had enough of Kenya Moore's gay bashing on RHOA

kenya video 2

kenya video 2

Moore revealed more details about the confrontation in a second video, saying, "If you come over here, you come to my door, you can find out where I live, please do, because if you come over here, you gonna get a motherfucking cap in your ass. No 'Who are you? What are you doing here?' You are gonna get a motherfucking cap in your ass. I will fucking shoot and I will ask questions later. Try me. I will be pulling the security footage and I will be getting your license plates, and I will be prosecuting you for trespassing. You come over here, you're gonna go to jail and you might get an ass-whipping on your way to getting shot."

kenya photo 1

kenya photo 1

More: Kenya Moore posts frightening photo after breaking up with Matt Jordan

The reality star followed up the video posts by sharing screenshots of the security footage, including one where she appeared to pull a gun on the three trespassers, causing them to flee the scene.

She captioned one of the photos, "I have a right to feel safe in my home and to protect myself. I don't care if I'm on TV. What if 3 strangers banged on your front door ...2 of them being grown men wearing dark clothing knowing they could only get to you by jumping fences or trespassing onto other properties and mine? There are home invasions, robberies, rapist...What if your children or loved ones were threatened this way? Anyone who is bold enough to commit a crime, endanger themselves and others needs to be punished. Please help me identify these people. $1000 reward, email mooremanor2016@gmail.com."

kenya photo 2

kenya photo 2

Moore also added more information about the three people, saying, "They were driving a white car. The female was recording on her phone the entire time. They told someone! Turn them in anonymously and if it leads to their arrest you will get $1000 each."

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

real housewives secrets slideshow
Image: Rob Rich/WENN.com

DraLo is for real but Jennifer Lopez isn't trying to make Drake her BF

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Jennifer Lopez is real: What you see is what you get. Well, we're seeing that DraLo is for real, and it is one 'ship we are ready to jump on. Yes, Drake and Lopez are actually dating!

However, a new source for E! News says the relationship is happening, but it's not that serious. While the pair are 100 percent dating, Lopez isn't considering Drake a potential serious boyfriend yet.

"She's having fun," the inside source told E! News.

More: Drake and Jennifer Lopez are officially DraLo

Lopez has been living it up with Drake this holiday season, but this source believes that Lopez and former beau Casper Smart will reunite sometime in 2017! They did date for five years, after all.

"I think she and Casper will get back together," the source added. "He's a great guy and she knows it. They just need a break right now."

However, a different source reportedly told E! News that Lopez and Smart likely won't get back together, but they didn't go all Taylor Swift on us and say "like ever."

More: Jennifer Lopez just used Marc Anthony to confirm she & Casper Smart are over

Rumors first started flying about a Drake and JLo romance when the "One Dance" singer attended two of Lopez's Las Vegas Jennifer Lopez: All I Have concerts in a row at the beginning of December. Then, we all knew something was definitely going on between the two superstars when both Drake and Lopez posted the same photo snuggling together on a couch just a few days ago.

drake jennifer lopez cuddling on couch instagram pic

drake jennifer lopez cuddling on couch instagram pic

More: Jennifer Lopez & Drake dating rumors are exactly what we needed to close out this year

Last night, DraLo became as real as ever when Drake and Lopez were spotted together at a prom-themed Winter Wonderland party. They were named prom king and queen and were caught getting all kinds of close on the dance floor. There's even video to prove it happened!

drake and jennifer lopez dance floor prom winter party

drake and jennifer lopez dance floor prom winter party

The pair were also reportedly spotted taking adorable photo booth pics and even making out on the dance floor. OMG. We honestly can't wait to see what happens with this budding couple in 2017.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

drake's girlfriends slidesehow
Image: FayesVision/WENN.com

6 Hangover cures you didn't know existed

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That being said, there are many ways to quell the hangover demons, namely the nausea, tiredness and pounding headache. While the most common (and some might argue effective) hangover cure-all is aspirin and coffee, there are plenty of natural, nonstimulant cures that are thought to work.

MoreA beauty routine to hide your hangover in 5 minutes (VIDEO)

Please be forewarned, they're not all scientifically proven. So, if you try one and it doesn't work, don't hate the messenger, just reach for your nearest aspirin bottle.

1. A dirty lemon drink

Lemon
Image: Image Source/Getty Images

This is a drink you can make yourself that consists of one part lemon juice, two parts water, a dash of dandelion extract, a dash of ginger and one dose of activated charcoal. Dr. Laurie Brodsky, naturopathic doctor (N.D.) and expert for Dirty Lemon, said, "After a night of drinking, your liver is working overtime to filter the alcohol out of your system. Lemon-infused water and beverages support detoxification by boosting liver function, stimulating digestive juices, alleviating liver inflammation, and promoting tissue regeneration." Meanwhile, the activated charcoal absorbs chemicals from the alcohol, which the body recognizes as "poisons."

2. Honey

Honey
Image: Sofie Delauw/Cultara/Getty Images

According to Brodsky, "Honey possesses anti-intoxication activity, due to its high fructose content, yielding potentially similar results with higher fructose fruits and juices." Try drizzling some over fruit or yogurt to help lessen the leftover alcohol grossness.

MoreCompany claims IV therapy will help you beat that NYE hangover

3. Bananas, dates and leafy greens

Dates
Image: Westend61/Getty Images

While we're on fruits, you might want to grab some that are packed with potassium to replenish your electrolytes, which are often lost to alcohol's diuretic effect. Brodsky suggests throwing all three of the above in a yogurt smoothie to start feeling like yourself again.

4. Listen to music

Woman listening to music
Image: Michael H/Digital Vision/Getty Images

Recent studies suggest listening to music can soothe a furious headache, like the one you might get post-night-of-drinking. They believe the reason it works so well as a natural remedy is because it distracts the brain from the pain, especially if it's a type of music the individual really enjoys. So, depending on who you are, it could be Beethoven or Eagles or death metal.

5. Miso soup

Miso soup
Image: Hidehiro Kigawa/Moment/Getty Images

The Japanese have a ton of unconventional hangover cures, but miso soup is probably the easiest one to get in the states. It's chock-full of good bacteria and enzymes that help the liver digest all the nastiness you took upon yourself to imbibe. It's basically the Asian chicken soup for the hungover soul.

6. Tomato juice

Tomato juice
Image: MR.SURAKIT HARNTONGKUL/E+/Getty Images

Ever wonder why people turn to Bloody Marys for brunch after a night of heavy drinking? It might be because our bodies inherently know that tomato juice is the alcohol antidote. "One Japanese study showed that upon chasing alcohol with tomato juice, blood alcohol levels became three times lower than with water alone," Brodsky said. So, when you're drinking a Blood Mary the morning after, it's not the hair of the dog that's setting you right, it's the hair of the tomato. Or rather the stem.

What causes vaginal sweat & odor during a workout and what can we do about it?

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Let’s face it, we all get a little sweaty “down there” while working out. After all, it’s the one thing you can’t control when you’re sweating away on the treadmill or in your favorite boot camp class.

And engaging in a legs-together workout such as running tends to cause the most amount of sweat in your groin and vaginal area, so it’s no wonder women experience this persistent problem.

While this wetness and odor can be slightly embarrassing as you workout elbow-to-elbow with other people, the reality is, it’s just physiology.

Sweat glands and vaginal sweating/odor

According to the Mayo Clinic, your skin has two main types of sweat glands: eccrine glands and apocrine glands. Eccrine glands appear over most of your body and open directly onto the surface of the skin. Apocrine glands, on the other hand, develop in areas abundant in hair follicles such as your armpits and groin, and they empty into the hair follicle just before it opens onto the skin surface.

And while the eccrine glands produce the most moisture, it’s the apocrine glands (prominent in the groin area) that produce the odor you detect after a strenuous exercise session.

Dealing with and preventing odor is one thing, but making sure your groin area stays dry is essential to avoid yeast infections. When the sweat does not get a chance to breathe, as is the case when you wear poor-quality workout clothes or remaining in them for too long after exercising, the skin stays wet and traps in the moisture. And this is a perfect breeding ground for yeast to grow.

In addition to yeast infections, women also have to be aware of developing a urinary tract infection. Wiping yourself from front to back prevents bacteria from spreading from the anal region to the vagina/urethra, which increases your risk for contracting an uncomfortable UTI, something we all want to avoid.

Tips to minimize sweat and odor

Stay dry

The best thing you can do is to keep your groin area as dry as possible, and one of the best ways to do that is to change out of your sweaty clothes as soon as possible after exercising.

Invest in some quality workout underwear

It might seem crazy to spend $15 to $18 on one pair of underwear, but splurging on specially designed sweat-wicking workout underwear makes a big difference in the fight against vaginal sweat. And while you’re at it, spending a few extra dollars on some quality sweat-wicking workout pants adds another layer of protection from extra sweat and smells.

Shower

While it’s tempting to run a few errands after your workout, if you are experiencing persistent vaginal odor, it’s best to hop in the shower immediately following a workout and bathe with warm water and a mild soap.

More: 8 reasons you should pee in the shower (and not feel gross about it)

Clean the right way

Another way to manage smell is by using a mild bacteria killer such as tea tree oil or vinegar in your wash to help kill odors.

Balance your vaginal pH

Pour half a cup of vinegar and half a cup of salt into a bathtub and soak several times a week. This will help to balance the vaginal pH. Other women find that adding half a cup of baking soda to their bath is another great pH-balancing method.

Hair removal

Reduce vaginal odor by trimming or removing pubic hair. Sweat and urine can get trapped in pubic hair, creating undesirable odors.

More: So there might be a link between bikini waxing and STIs

Avoid panty liners

While it might be tempting to put down a layer of protection to soak up the sweat, using a panty liner as a barrier between your body and underwear will only increase the odds of vaginal irritation and odor.

Avoid douching

Douching is only recommended if it’s deemed necessary by and under the direction of a health care provider — otherwise, douching is not recommended.

More: Douching may be the worst thing you can do for your vagina


Science confirms there's only one 'real' hangover cure

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But thanks to science, we can no longer indulge in this fantasy. It turns out the only way to avoid a hangover is to drink less alcohol. In a recent study, a group of international researchers from the Netherlands and Canada looked at the drinking habits of 789 Canadian university students to see what could be understood about the "morning after."

The findings?

More: 8 Date ideas that don't involve drinking

"From what we know from the surveys so far, the only practical way to avoid a hangover is to drink less alcohol," said the lead author of the study, Dr. Joris Verster, at the ECNP conference. "Those who took food or water showed a slight statistical improvement in how they felt over those who didn't, but this didn't really translate into a meaningful difference."

The students were questioned about their drinking habits and the subsequent severity of their hangovers. Evidence for this came by way of calculating the estimated blood alcohol concentration in the students who reported experiencing hangovers, as opposed to those who didn't.

Four-fifths of those who claimed to not experience hangovers had an estimated blood alcohol level of less than 0.10 per cent while partying — just slightly over the legal limit of 0.08 per cent for fully licensed drivers in Canada.

More: Booze-free beverages: 4 Can't-miss mocktails

"The majority of those who in fact reported never having a hangover tended to drink less, perhaps less than they themselves thought would lead to a hangover," said Verster.

According to Verster, these are early questionnaire-based studies and are one of the first of their kind. “This means they have limitations, but they do give us an indication of what happens. Our next step is to move forward with more controlled trials."

Drinking in excess comes with a multitude of potential damaging consequences, and a hangover is kind of our body’s warning system to slow down (or stop) consuming alcohol. Without that horrible “morning-after” feeling, people may be more likely to continue drinking, so good research into the outcomes of drinking to excess is needed, says the study.

More: A beauty routine to hide your hangover in five minutes (VIDEO)

Our food resolutions for 2017

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As much as we hate the cliché, this time of year does kind of put fantasies of fresh starts and new goals into our heads. I say, "Why fight it?" Now is as good a time as any to start doing things differently. So in that spirit, we editors at SheKnows are boldly stating our food resolutions for the new year.

Take tastier backpacking food and eat more fresh produce

"I'm going to be trying to make tastier camp food for backpacking trips," says community editor and hiker Colleen Stinchcombe. "I'm also trying to eat more vegetables/fresh foods without becoming a crazy purist about it. My husband and I have been doing Blue Apron, which has been helping."

Get on that meal-planning thing

"Meal-planning is my big food resolution for this year," says parenting editor Alice Bradley, who adds hopefully that she got an Instant Pot for Christmas this year.

More: How to meal-plan like a boss

Get to like oatmeal

"I often resolve to conquer my food dislikes," says executive editorial director Julie Ross Godar. "I figure if it's a basic whole food, I should try to appreciate it and save my gross-outs for stuff that's processed or bad for me. I've done it for fennel, watermelon and quinoa. This year will be oatmeal." She's looking for savory oatmeal ideas especially.

More: Ditch the sugar, start your day the savory way: Bacon and egg oatmeal bowl

Eat breakfast every day

"One of my biggest issues is skipping breakfast," says Crystal Brown, director of content operations. "I leave for work at 6:30 a.m., which is much too early for me to eat. So my resolution is to plan ahead for breakfast, whether that's making a smoothie or prepping a breakfast sandwich (or bowl) to take to work with me."

Eat regular meals, period

Health editor Elizabeth Yuko has a similar goal. "I'm trying to eat regular meals at regular times and not just plow through until 4 p.m. and then eating the 'deluxe nuts from your desk.'" (For the record, these are mixed nuts sent to us from Aldi and they are for everyone!)

Get out of my rut

As for me, my biggest food goal is more variety for dinner. Because my guys like what they like, we tend to eat the same damn dishes week after week. It makes planning easier, but I am so very sick of mushroom risotto. So one of my goals is to introduce some new dishes to love... which they will then insist I make week after week. Again.

More: The foods we'll all be obsessed with in 2017 according to Pinterest

Start a ladies' dining club

Also, I have fallen behind in trying the hot new restaurants in town. And I've been lousy at keeping in touch with my friends. So my solution is to form a ladies' dining club, when once a month, I invite anyone who can make it to meet for dinner someplace new.

There we go. We put it all out there. Now who's going to hold us accountable? And what are your goals? Even if you fail by February, as most people do, you can always start over again in spring. No shame in that game. It's called resilience. Getting back up when you fall. Yeah. Now let's all have some oatmeal.

Why I'm getting my tubes tied before age 30

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I'm 29, and I'm getting my tubes tied. It's happening. I've had some mixed reactions from people, so I thought I'd explain my reasoning behind this somewhat permanent decision.

I struggle with some serious mental health issues that have plagued me since I was 15. I just found a medication combination that keeps me stable, happy, and able to live my life. When I don't take my medication, I cry all the time. I'm angrier, impatient, and generally an un-fun person to be around. When I get pregnant, I get crazier. Medications need to be adjusted and hormones need to be dealt with. Then after the pregnancy, I'm prone to postpartum depression, which makes that 6 months of my life a roller coaster of nonsense. It's a whole lot of crazy that strains my relationships with others and makes my life miserable. This is the main reasoning behind my decision.

More: My hypochondria, OCD, and PTSD create a vicious cycle of mental illness I can't escape

On top of that, I can't trust birth control. I was ON birth control when I got pregnant with baby Wallace. He must have really needed to come into the world. So now I'm much more wary of traditional birth control. I know the chances of it happening again are probably mind-numbingly slim, but I'd just rather not take that chance. We really can't afford any more children. Money is a factor in most of our life decisions, and we honestly do not feel it would be fiscally responsible for us to have another child. That's just our situation. I am sure it would probably work out if we felt strongly that we needed to have another child but, as you might already assume, I have not had that strong feeling.

More: My 35-year-old lady bits are apparently considered ‘elderly’ by my OB/GYN

I'm not saying every 29-year-old should run out and get this procedure. I'm saying that it's what I feel is right for me and my body. Pregnancy is hard for me, mentally and physically. None of my pregnancies have been easy ones, and this last one was especially difficult. I wanted smooth pregnancies so badly, but they just weren't in my cards.

More: My ‘incompetent cervix’ forced me on bed rest – and to reevaluate my life

Don't get me wrong, I love my children. I'm grateful every single one is in my life, both here and in heaven. I wouldn't give them up for the world. But I feel as if they are my world now and our family is complete. I don't feel any angst or stupor about this decision. I feel relieved and excited for the next chapter of my life. I feel like I can jump into parenting with both feet knowing that I don't have to wonder if someday I will have to go through the pain and stress of another pregnancy. It's actually a pretty liberating feeling.

This piece was originally published on BlogHer.

Pets aren't posessions, they're family

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I have seen many people treat animals like possessions in my day, and it never gets less frustrating. Seeing a living, breathing, feeling animal being treated like a disposable object hurts me to the core. Growing up, I had a lot of pets. My dog always ran to the neighbor dog’s yard and blessed us with litter after litter of sweet little puppies. Each and every time, I helped raise each dog until they were ready to go to new homes, and I cared for every single one as much as the last. When a new loving family came to adopt one as their own, I felt a little piece of my heart go with every puppy.

More: 13 reasons all animal owners should get pet insurance

I know I’m not the only one who has found a stray and brought it home with the hopes that I could keep it as my own. It hurts my heart to see a sad and lonely animal in the wild, with no safe place to call home. I have always been able to strongly connect with animals, and somehow I thought I could tell what they were thinking, and feel the same feelings. While that may or may not have been true, I would get very emotional when I saw an animal in pain or left behind.

More: My son's cat helped him heal when his dad and I divorced

Family members didn’t always understand, or seem to care as much as I did about our dogs. It seemed like they were always willing to get rid of them if they weren’t absolutely perfect. If a dog barked too much, they wanted to throw in the towel instead of understanding why they were barking, and trying to solve the problem. Our dog, Bailey, barks at the doorbell on the TV now, and I can’t tell you how annoying that is. However, that doesn’t mean that she is “broken” and deserves to be treated that way. We may get frustrated when she goes crazy over a car door down the street in the middle of the night, but there is nothing that could take away the love that we hold for her. She is a member of our family, and always will be.

I think the main problem is that so many people get blinded by the cute, cuddly kittens and puppies, without realizing one day it will go away. Sure, they always stay cute, but they will get bigger and the “new” feeling will eventually fade away. If you don’t think you have what it takes to put in the work and own up to the responsibilities that owning a pet entails, please don’t do it. You may not realize it, but it breaks their hearts, too, when they get close to a family, only to be given away when times get tough. These animals can love with all they have, and they feel sadness just like you and I.

More: Don't let stereotypes keep you from adopting a pit bull

If you aren’t willing to give up any lifestyle that won’t mesh well with having a pet, please don’t do it. We both work full time, so that means that Bailey is home alone some weeks all day by herself. This means that we have to make sure that we make the time to stop by periodically to visit her and let her go to the bathroom while we are at work. That means that I can’t spend my lunch break gallivanting around town, because I have someone at home depending on me to realize her needs. Once you get home and are greeted at the door with so much love and excitement, you will understand how it is totally worth it.

Please, before you take the huge leap of adding another member to your family, make sure you know what you are signing up for. Having a pet is just as much work as having a child, and they need you just as much. Animals have feelings and needs like we do, and they don’t always have the means to express their feelings to us. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to do your best. I guarantee your pet will love you with all they have regardless, so just make sure you are giving them your best as well.

Gabrielle blogs at My Life on a Whim.

This post was originally published on BlogHer.

Weekly horoscopes: Jan. 2 – Jan. 8

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The first half of 2017 feels a bit like Mr. Toad's wild ride. You will wonder what crazy maniac has seized control of the wheel as your life careens from left to right, spins around in place and leaps full throttle over gaping ravines. It's dizzying, exciting and bound to leave you breathless. Thankfully, things slow down over the summer as the system of checks and balances reasserts its hold — curbing some of the more outlandish actions and wild-eyed decisions that certain people are making. Propitious sextiles and trines in August and November will help you to pick up the pieces and to make sense of what has transpired. 2017 ends with you slipping back into the driver's seat. You learned your lesson about handing power over to those who don't deserve it. Now you can go where you want and at your own speed.

aries

taurus

gemini

cancer

leo

virgo

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

capricorn

aquarius

pisces

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ARIES (March 20 - April 18)
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For seven years, you've felt lassoed to a cyclone as Uranus, planet of revolution and change, upended the fixtures of your life and blew away your most treasured beliefs. It's been hard to make sense of things. Thankfully, in 2017, all the different plotlines will come together for a stunning conclusion. Look for a major twist in May followed by an extraordinary revelation in November. This is when you'll be called to rise to the occasion of yourself. You'll also see the wayward circumstances of your life come together to pave the way to you becoming who you were always meant to be.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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TAURUS (April 19 - May 19)
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The Venus retrograde from March to April is a tricky time. This is when you learn who your real friends are. Ironically, it's the ones you thought didn't give a damn who will come through for you while the ones you felt you could depend on will disappoint. The eclipse in August shows you undergoing a larger-than-life change at home. This could result in a move, a new addition to the family or property purchase. And Jupiter entering your solar house of partnerships in October shows your paramour receiving that lucky break he's been working hard for. It's about time too. He deserves it.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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GEMINI (May 20 - June 19)
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A sensational solar eclipse in Pisces on Feb. 26 introduces a unique opportunity that could turn out to be a fool's errand or one of the great adventures of a lifetime. This is one of those rare moments when you need to follow through and hope for the best or you will always regret it. Even if things don't work out as planned, you'll be glad for the experience. Extraordinary planetary aspects in August show you escaping a fiasco in the last possible instant. Act like it was part of the plan all along, and you'll impress higher-ups with your acumen and derring-do.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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CANCER (June 20 - July 21)
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2017 is when everything comes together. Keep in mind, things may not come together in the way you want them to, but they will in the way you need them to. Jupiter, the planet of good fortune and higher purpose, is pushing you to make the most of your personal and professional opportunities. This sounds great until you experience a flurry of pink slips, breakups and canceled projects in March and April. Don't sweat it. Jupiter is pulling the plug on also-rans in order to make room for the real thing. This is something you'll experience for yourself when it materializes in August.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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LEO (July 22 - Aug. 21)
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Eclipses are associated with radical departures and dramatic changes of life direction. These will be happening in February and August, so you can look forward to these months as cosmic course correctors. You won't have the clearest idea of where things are going, but you'll know in your gut that what's happening is for the best. Fortunately, you won't be left to your own devices thanks to propitious Saturn/Uranus trines in May and November. These two highly rational and systematic planets will help you to navigate the twists and turns and to make sense of the unfamiliar landmarks as you explore your new terrain.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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VIRGO (Aug. 22 - Sept. 21)
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2017 is all about resolving differences, settling disputes and making peace with the family you felt wasn't always as loving and nurturing as you had hoped. Saturn's job is to get you to put aside childish things and accept where you are in life. This can be disillusioning, but it needn't be. It can also be liberating because you're free to stop recycling past pains and disappointments. By the time Saturn squares the sun for the last time in Virgo (Sept. 13), you'll be sinking down roots in your own home turf as you set up house in a place of your own making.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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LIBRA (Sept. 22 - Oct. 21)
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Jupiter is the planet of good fortune. And when it's traveling through your sign like it has been since September 2016, you will feel enriched and protected. A lot of astrology books will talk about how good fortune makes you profligate and foolhardy, but it doesn't have to. Simply put, you are supremely blessed until October, when Jupiter departs your sign. So what are you going to do with all of your plenty? Will you choose to feather your nest or share the wealth? Remember the simple rule of Jupiter. Pay it forward and that rising tide of goodwill will lift your boat as well.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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SCORPIO (Oct. 22 - Nov. 20)
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You'll get your first hint that things are about to change dramatically in February, when there is a lunar eclipse at the top of your solar chart. And being the fixed sign that you are, you'll simply treat this like a bump in the road and carry on as is. In August, however, what was a light rap at the door becomes a loud bang as opportunity makes itself known and demands entrée. It would be a good idea to open up and let it in. This isn't as fly-by-night as you think, and it has the power to transform your life for the better.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 21 -Dec. 20)
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Saturn, the planet of trials and tribulations, winds up its stay in your sign this year. You've had a rough time of it since Saturn entered Sagittarius in December 2014. Myths were debunked, dreams were dispelled and your faith has been tested. Yet ironically, this has been strangely empowering, as you find yourself more grounded and connected to your life than you have been for years. In 2017, you will recoup some of the things you lost, and you'll experience a surge of exciting new opportunities in May and November. You may not have known what to do with them before, but now you do.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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CAPRICORN (Dec. 21 - Jan. 18)
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Jupiter, the planet of good fortune and higher purpose, really hits its stride this year as it crosses over the highest point of your solar horoscope. Not only will you experience a dramatic rise in your popularity and demand, but you will also feel emboldened and even ennobled. Make the most of offers and invites that you receive in February, June and late September. It's been a long time since you felt this wanted, and you should think about raising your rates, asking for fees or putting in for a promotion. This will cause some tense moments, but you'll wind up getting what you want.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 19 - Feb. 17)
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You were born under two of the most antagonistic ruling planets in astrology: Saturn and Uranus. Saturn represents the box and Uranus represents the thinking that goes on outside that box. As an Aquarian you have to answer to both planets. Usually, this results in a great deal of frustration. In 2017, however, your ruling planets will form two extremely rare trines in May and November. This is when the disparate pieces of your life will come together and you will be able to plot a course for where you want to go. 2017 proves that you really can get there from here.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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PISCES (Feb. 18 - March 19)
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Saturn, planet of tests, promises to share the moral of the story before it departs Sagittarius at the end of the year. It's hard to imagine what that might be after having had your wings clipped, but look back over your shoulder and you'll see how the past two years has taught you the value of fulfilling your obligations, honoring your pledges and delivering on your promises. You've learned to do right by others, and in 2017, you will see others do right by you. Not only will your ship come in (so to speak), but it will prove well worth the wait.

More: What show you should watch based on your astrological sign

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