An obsessed fan traveled across the U.S. to pursue Miley Cyrus and warned in social media posts of a "horrific act" he was planning before police detained him in Los Angeles. This is seriously terrifying, fam.

More: Everyone Is Mistaking Miley Cyrus' Food Baby for a Real Baby

TMZ reports that the fan, who has not been named, is from the Milwaukee area and has been posting to social media for some time, apparently thinking that he and Cyrus are going to start a relationship together. He also claimed in posts to know her address and the best way to get into her house and at one point thanked her for "getting rid of" her longtime boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth.

"OK I HAVE BEEN RESISTING THIS FOR YEARS," one post reads. "THE LAST UMTINE [sic] MILLION PRESIDENTS CHOOSE ME TO BE THE ONE WORLD LEADER. I HAVE FINALLY GIVEN IN AND I FEEL A LOT BETTER. THINGS ARE ABOUT TO MOVE FAST STARTING TOMORROW WHEN WE FINALLY GET TOGETHER MILEY. I LOVE YOU AND WILL SEE YOU SOON. THE WHOLE WORLD IS NOW OURS."

More: Celebrity Stories of Paranormal Encounters That Will Freak You Out

In another post, the fan wrote, "I GOT YOUR ADDRESS LIKE YOU INSISTED. I KNOW WHICH WAS [sic] TO ENTER AND THANK YOU FOR GETTING RID OF LIAM. I DONT [sic] WANT YOEUR [sic] MONEY OBVIOUSLY... THIS IS HOW WE FALL IN LOVE."

That post goes on to describe the act the fan reportedly planned, saying, "I HAVE THE MOST HORRIFIC ACT I MOST [sic] COMPLETE. IT WILL BE ON THE NEWS AND IT IS SAD."

Another post read simply, "I love you Miley."

More: The Evolution of Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth's Relationship

TMZ reports that a concerned citizen saw the posts and reported them to police. Milwaukee police contacted several law enforcement agencies in the Los Angeles area, and the fan was picked up Monday. He's now being held by police for psychiatric evaluation. Cyrus' team didn't respond to requests for comment, and it's unclear if she knew anything about the man. We're just glad that after all that, she's safe and sound.

Holy moly, being a new parent is tough. In addition to that brand-new life you just created — which you now have to keep alive — you’re contending with no sleep, hormones that make you cry and possibly a partner who may or may not have the same parenting M.O. as you. Plus, there are the 1 million people who come at you with conflicting parenting advice — and don’t even get me started on the internet.

Here are seven surprising tips you don’t often hear that may just be the key to your survival those first six months of parenthood. You definitely won't be getting this advice from your mom.

More: I Feel Like an Imposter Mom

Give your partner a free pass to be rude

Whether you were the birth parent or not, if you have a partner, you are bound to rub each other the wrong way with a new baby around. Exhaustion plus important decisions equals friction, no matter how well you got along before baby. Give your partner a break and take a moment before snapping at something you disagree with. Remember that it may just be your tiredness speaking — and that the person whom you love dearly and with whom you embarked on this journey to have a child, is still that person.

Find your Zen in being tired

It’s really easy to be crabby and upset about being so tired as a new parent. It’s really hard. But it is also possible to lean into that and allow the exhaustion to slow you down a little bit so maybe, just maybe, you’re being more present — enjoying the time with your baby more and worrying less about everything else (like the piles of laundry that need to be washed).

Allow yourself to scream or cry

It took me about six weeks of being a mom before I broke down and had myself a good scream. I did it in the shower, where the water hopefully drowned out the sound, and then I took a deep breath and went on with my day. It felt so good. And it was so necessary. Being a new parent is incredibly stressful and emotional, and it's OK to let it out — a good cry or scream or a hugging session may be more healing than you ever imagined pre-parenthood. Besides, ain’t nobody got time to release tension via a wine-and-paint-by-numbers night with the girls anymore.

Identify one thing that brings you pleasure

Maybe it’s making time to read the Sunday paper in peace so you feel like an adult human being who's part of the world again. Or maybe it's having a home-cooked meal once a week — or an orgasm or a hot bath. Whatever it is, pick something small and meaningful that you enjoy doing, and work with your partner or your other support system to help you do that on a regular basis. It will help break up those feelings of being a machine whose sole purpose is to keep Baby alive.

More: 5 Types of People You'll Meet as a New Parent

Don’t Google

In the first few months of my baby’s life, I ran to Dr. Google every time my infant breathed in a different direction. Oh, my god. Is my baby dying?! I worried about every little thing. But allow me to remind you that the internet is a scary place — and while it can be very helpful for certain things, it’s way too easy to go down a Google rabbit hole and end up deciding a perfectly normal newborn rash is a sign of impending death. (P.S. Whatever it is you’re worrying about is probably normal. But don’t take my word for it. After all, I'm on the internet.)

Find comfort in the disorder

Someone wise once said, "If you can’t beat 'em, join 'em." You might be trying to be a superparent right now, but it’s OK to admit that you can’t do everything. It’s OK to laugh at the mess in your kitchen or the fact that you haven’t shaved your armpits in three weeks. Find symbiosis in the rhythm and love that you have with your baby — and take comfort in the fact that the rest will work itself out with time (or not, and that's cool too).

More: 7 Lies People Tell You About Newborns

Just quit — temporarily

Perhaps the most important piece of advice for new parents? Give yourself a break. Taking care of a baby is hard, and the last thing you want to do is be hard on yourself as well. Who has the energy for that?! Get a babysitter. Hand off your baby to a trusted friend for one hour. Go easy on yourself — and remember that you’re doing a good job, which is the best job you can be doing.

Above all, don’t forget to breathe. Seriously, literally breathe. Something as simple as three deep breaths can help clear the mind and bring back some of that perspective you feel you've lost so you can try to enjoy these early, exhausted, precious moments with your baby. Because time really does fly.

Most of us can remember the first time we fell in love. Maybe we were young, crushing on the classmate who did the best finger paintings. Or maybe it was a little later, as hormones started raging and the world seemed to be coded in sideways glances, or even past that, when we first started going on “dates” to the movies or the bowling alley.

Only about a quarter of married people are married to their first love. That means, for the vast majority of us, first love is one of many experiences that we’ll get to have with romantic feelings. Our first love does tend to leave a lasting impression, however, and set expectations for the level of connection and passion we expect in future relationships.

Whether your first love was a unique connection with someone, finally being your whole self or a whirlwind romance in a foreign country, it’s incredible what the feeling of love does to us. So, we asked six people to describe what love meant to them when they first felt it.

“It was almost instantaneous, even though we were so different,” actress and author Maria Bello shared of her first love.

Angelique, who found love early and promised to reconnect later in life, described the experience as powerful. “We realized we were soul mates,” she said.

Or maybe Gigi said it best: “Love is when you feel a certain connection with someone and you feel warm and tingly.”

This post was sponsored by Every Day.

Over the past several years, Lena Dunham has been open about her struggles with endometriosis. Now, in an essay in the March 2018 issue of Vogue, she revealed that in recent months, she underwent a total hysterectomy to treat the condition.

Following the procedure, the writer, actor and producer says she awoke to find out that her pelvic organs were in worse shape than she originally thought.

“In addition to endometrial disease,” writes Dunham, “an odd hump-like protrusion and a septum running down the middle, I have retrograde bleeding, a.k.a. my period running in reverse so that my stomach is full of blood. My ovary has settled in on the muscles around the sacral nerves in my back that allow us to walk. Let’s please not even talk about my uterine lining. The only beautiful detail is that the organ — which is meant to be shaped like a light bulb — was shaped like a heart.”

More: Lena Dunham Discusses Chronic Pain & (Hopefully) the End of Endometriosis

Endometriosis is a condition in which uterine tissue implants outside the uterus, including on the fallopian tubes, ovaries, bowels, bladder or anywhere else in the pelvic region.

Previously, Dunham had been hospitalized three times in less than a year because of complications with endometriosis and had more than 10 surgical procedures to attempt to treat it. In fact, in April 2017, she wrote a post on her newsletter-turned-website, Lenny Letter, announcing she was endometriosis-free.

Unfortunately, it was clear a month later when she was rushed to the hospital during the Met Gala that her struggles with the condition were not yet over. Following years of surgeries as well as attempting alternative treatments like pelvic floor therapy, massage, pain therapy, color therapy, acupuncture and yoga, she decided to take the next step and undergo a total hysterectomy.

More: Julianne Hough Talks About Her Struggle With Endometriosis

A total hysterectomy involves removing the uterus and cervix. Her ovaries are still intact, though — so even though she will not be able to become pregnant herself and give birth, she still may have viable eggs she could use to have her own biological children through in vitro fertilization.

But Dunham, who has lived with the chronic pain of endometriosis for years, says that rather than feeling limited, she feels as if she has more options now.

“I may have felt choiceless before, but I know I have choices now,” she writes in Vogue. “Soon I’ll start exploring whether my ovaries, which remain someplace inside me in that vast cavern of organs and scar tissue, have eggs. Adoption is a thrilling truth I’ll pursue with all my might.”

More: 11 Celebrities Who Have Endometriosis

While there is not yet a cure for endometriosis, there are various treatment options; in other words, not everyone with this diagnosis will have to have a total hysterectomy. Endometriosis does affect approximately 1 in 10 menstruating people worldwide, and the symptoms are often overlooked and disregarded as simply a painful period.

We wish Dunham all the best and hope she makes a speedy recovery.

When we talk about millennials and ageism, we’re typically talking about generational stereotypes that suggest millennials are lazy, entitled and unreliable. Companies have admitted being reluctant to hire people under the age of 30, who are accused of being socially inept and without a set of values after being raised on social media.

But perhaps the millennial fear shouldn’t be just about ageism toward their youth (especially since the oldest millennials are now in their mid-30s), but toward their inevitable trajectory toward “old.” Millennials have life expectancy estimates reaching into their 80s and more than 60percent of them doubt they’ll have money to retire… which means they’ll need to work. And work is becoming less stable: An estimated 35 percent of workers are part of what's being called the "gig economy," a workforce with no employee benefits like health insurance, 401k matches or vacation time. A third of millennials expect they’ll work until their 70s and an eighth assume they’ll work until they die, which is fine and dandy, except that the workforce for older people isn’t exactly a utopia right now.

More: 7 Salary-Negotiating Secrets Every Woman Needs to Know

Some of the language of ageism might look startlingly familiar to you. “There are a lot of ads that call for digital natives and are either coded or explicit making clear that they want someone who is not long out of school,” Ashton Applewhite, ageism expert and author of This Chair Rocks, told me. Shockingly, long-term unemployment rates are at 33 percent for workers 55 and older. “The personal and economic consequences are devastating. If we can’t support ourselves, who is going to take care of it?”

In fact, two-thirds of working adults between 45 and 74 say ageism has affected them, which coincides with the fact that age-discrimination suits have been on the rise in the last decade. And what’s considered “old” is only getting younger in some sectors. The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission allows lawsuits to be filed for ageism at age 40. But as Applewhite notes in her TED talk, “In Silicon Valley, engineers are getting Botoxed and hair-plugged before key interviews — and these are skilled white men in their 30s, so imagine the effects further down the food chain.”

All of which is to say it would do millennials like myself a huge favor to consider the impact of ageism toward older people now instead of later.

We have some things working in our favor: Millennials have been called the most diverse generation in history and are pushing employers toward more inclusive hiring practices. Unfortunately, most of us haven’t quite grasped that “age” should be a consideration in diversity. “When I asked people what they think of as criteria for diversity, they say race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, and very few people say ‘age,’” Applewhite said. But when she brings it up, nobody dismisses it. “They smack their foreheads and go, ‘Obviously.’”

More: 7 Under-the-Radar Ways to Improve Your Online Job Hunt

But the momentum of pro-diversity practices is helpful. “Not only do different forms of prejudice reinforce and compound each other, hello intersectionality,” Applewhite said, “so do different forms of activism."

How do we begin to change the way our workplace looks at age? The first step is to start with ourselves, Applewhite says. We have to grapple with our own prejudices and misjudgments about age. “How do you use the words ‘old’ and ‘young’?” she says. “Transform yourself in order to change the world.”

Then, she says, pay attention to where messages about age are coming from and whom they benefit. In particular, she notes to pay attention to situations in which age is treated as an illness. “If aging is framed as a disease, we can be persuaded to buy stuff to ‘cure’ it.”

More: I Was Professionally Ghosted (Yes, That's a Thing)

And from a more tangible, action-based standpoint, make friends of all ages. “One way to approach that is to think of something you like to do or that’s important to you,” she said, “whether that’s community organizing or reading romance novels or gardening or hiking, and find a mixed-age group of people to do that with.”

If we want the work world to be friendly to us, the gig-economy, work-until-we-die generation, it would suit us well to start making the workplace more age-friendly while we have the power — rightly earned or not — of youth on our sides. As Applewhite notes, youth is a privilege none of us can keep forever.

“We shouldn’t age out of having value as human beings,” she told me. “What world do you want to grow old in?”

Giving your loved one a present is nice, but not every gift needs to be expensive or bought from a store. Some of the best gifts are the ones you DIY or that are full of thoughtfulness and care and real understanding of the other person. Also, when you're feeling a little tight on cash, it's especially helpful when it's the thought that counts — not the price point. Our best idea? A love coupon book.

Before you run away thinking we've got a bunch of coupons here for monogamous lap dances, hear us out. These are the coupons for things you wish you had a real veto power for — things like running to the store, calling the landlord and taking care of the kids for a whole day.

Hopefully, you're in a partnership that does its best to be 50-50, so these coupon ideas will work well for both partners in the relationship.

More: 3 Women on What Triad Relationships Are Really Like

We tried to make these fun and loving, but also super-realistic. Love can't be all snugglefests and kissing contests. Some days you've got to figure out who is taking out the recycling.

More: 7 Bad Habits That Can Ruin Your Relationship

• A foot rub
• A picnic
• A public social media posting about how great you are
• A “don’t post that!” social media veto
• Your favorite meal cooked by me
• One free “let it go” coupon (even when I really want to keep ranting about it)
• One day with the house entirely to yourself
• One hour with a “cone of silence” (I won’t say a word!)
• A late-night dessert run on demand, weather not-withstanding
• One hour of participating in your favorite hobby

Next: More love coupon ideas

A version of this article was originally published in January 2016.

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• Takeout is on me
• You can have full control of what we watch on Netflix tonight
• You can have full control of what we have for dinner
• You can pick the date-night activity
• I’ll do 24 hours of uninterrupted child care
• I’ll turn off the light/turn down the thermostat/turn on the fan
• I’ll run to the store (even though I already took my pants off)
• I’ll call the plumber/repairman/landlord
• I’ll go to a group event of your choice (even though there will be people there)
• I’ll drive the whole way (and even deal with parking)
• I’ll handle the oil change

When Blake Lively isn't playfully feuding with hubby Ryan Reynolds on Instagram, filming the next blockbuster or tending to her two children, James and Ines, apparently we can all expect to find her spending some serious time at the gym.

The actor posted on her Instagram this week to celebrate losing a whopping 61 pounds since giving birth to baby Ines just over a year ago. (If you're a mom who knows the struggle of trying to lose, say, 10 pounds after having a baby, you may commence your eye-rolling now.)

More: All The Times We Wanted to Hug Blake Lively

"Turns out you can't lose the 61 lbs you gained during pregnancy by just scrolling through Instagram and wondering why you don't look like all the bikini models," she captioned the post of herself with trainer Don Saladino. "Thanks @donsaladino for kickin my A double S into shape. 10 months to gain, 14 months to lose. Feeling very proud."

Lively's accomplishment is pretty incredible, and she has every right to be proud of all of her hard work and dedication over the past year. But can we just get in a note that no one should ever feel pressured to spend countless hours in the gym simply to lose the weight they gained during pregnancy? Growing and birthing a human child is itself a fantastic feat, and for many of us, it's going to change the way our bodies look and in some cases function — sometimes forever.

More: Blake Lively Rocks Out at a Wedding Two Days After Giving Birth Like It's NBD

Gaining weight during pregnancy also shouldn't be perceived as a bad thing. According to the American Pregnancy Association, weight gain during pregnancy is essential for providing children with the nutrients they need before and after birth. Though some people may be eager to "bounce back" to their prepregnancy weight, the APA states that losing too much weight can impact the quality and nutrition of breast milk.

More: Pregnancy Doesn't Make You Fat; It Makes You Pregnant

Of course, if we're realistic, we know encouraging women not to feel bad about gaining weight is so much easier said than done, especially in today's culture where pregnant celebrities from Kim Kardashian West to Coco Austin are picked apart for the size of their growing bellies. We can only hope our society will someday start putting more emphasis on wellness and healthy births than on the appearance of new moms. We'll all be better for it.

Until then, you go, Blake Lively. You look amazing, so keep killing it at your exercise regime, and we'll keep killing it at ours. As for which of these involves multiple personal trainers and which involves a YMCA membership — well, that's anyone's guess.

The year is 2018, but still, the unfortunate age-old trend of criticizing women for their breastfeeding choices remains alive and well. Case in point: Bachelor in Paradise alum Jade Roper Tolbert received backlash over an Instagram post this week of her breastfeeding baby Emerson. The photo in question was sponsored by ThirdLove, a bra company that offers designs specifically for moms who are breastfeeding.

Sweet photo, right? We think so — but Tolbert received a shocking slew of critical comments from people who accused her of portraying an "unrealistic" depiction of what breastfeeding really looks like. On Monday, Tolbert responded to the haters in an Instagram story.

More: Jade Roper & Tanner Tolbert of Bachelor in Paradise Welcome Baby Girl

OK, so, I know we weren't expecting The Bachelor: Winter Games to be earth-shatteringly good, but upon hearing the new anthem that was going to be sung at the inauguration of the games, I started to cringe really, really hard. It's not that the anthem is problematic or gross or anything that might make you think of the weird aspects of Bachelor Nation. It's because the lyrics to this new anthem make for a very cheesy song all the way around. Maybe it'll grow on me.

More: One Bachelor: Winter Games Contestant Got Very Busy in the 'Bang Room'

Fans were treated to a sneak peek of the Bachelor: Winter Games anthem via E! News on Tuesday in both its videotaped and written forms and it's... it's really something else. Take a look at the video below to see for yourself.

And just in case you may have missed any of the lyrics, here they are in all their glory: 

Bachelor Winter Games, to fight for love and more

Oh Bachelor, sweet Bachelor, we will compete for sure

In the time that we share, let's go beyond compare

Oh Bachelor, sweet Bachelor, we want to see this through

The reason's right, the future's bright to win your hand and heart

Oh Bachelor, sweet Bachelor, our Winter Games be true

More: The First Promo for Bachelor: Winter Games Is Emotional & Messy

Wow. Just wow. Thankfully, as cringeworthy as that whole song is, the masterminds on the production team for Winter Games wanted to get something especially attention-grabbing and cheesy for the show's anthem, and they not only did that, but they sourced it from an unexpected spot.

"The anthem came about because we thought to ourselves, well, we really need some kind of anthem, some kind of song, that commemorates the beginning of these games," Winter Games executive producer Bennett Graebner told E! News. "I thought, 'Why not reach out to a local high school and see if they'll put something together for us?'"

More: The Bachelor Winter Games Sounds Like a Weird Way to Find True Love

And that's exactly what Graebner and his team did, recruiting Burr & Burton Academy's instrumental music teacher Neil Freeburn to craft the song for the show. I think it's safe to say Freeburn and his anthem will go down in Bachelor Nation history, but we'll have to wait and see whether it's infamy or just plain-old fame.

If you're a Parks and Recreation fan like me, you might want to sit down while reading this because what you're about to see is so lovely, so glorious, so girl-powered in it delightfulness that you may just float away on cloud nine because of it.

More: 14 TV Friend Groups We'd Actually Want to Hang With

Do you remember the moment on Parks and Rec when you first heard about Galentine's Day? The holiday that happened on Feb. 13 and was meant to be celebrated among lady friends? As the show's main character, Leslie Knope, put it, "Galentine's Day is about celebrating lady friends," which means that we women of the world have an extra-special reason to get together and celebrate our sisterhood. That's what must have happened on Tuesday, Feb. 13 when the women of Parks and Rec got together to celebrate it and, better still, post proof of it on their respective Instagram accounts. Be still be beating heart!

More: Amy Poehler's Funniest Moments Throughout the Years

As you can see from the photo above, it looks like core Parks and Rec lady trio — Amy Poehler, Rashida Jones and Aubrey Plaza — joined forces with Kathryn Hahn (who played Jen Barkley on later seasons) to celebrate Galentine's Day and in so doing managed to melt all of us into a pool of love and nostalgia and happiness. "Galentine's Day! Forever and ever," Jones wrote as the caption to her photo. For their part, Plaza posted the same picture to her Instagram, writing, "happy happy galentine’s day. these women keep me alive." Oh, my gosh, you guys!

More: Rashida Jones Brings Out the Best in Nicole Richie

Seeing the sisterhood get back together is always a treat, and while the cast of Parks and Rec still stays in touch and supports one another at different events, there's just something extra special about seeing these women celebrate Galentine's Day. Thanks for making this year's Galentine's extra special, dear ladies of Parks and Rec.

When discussing the behavior of a few men, like Harvey Weinstein or Donald Trump, the term "toxic masculinity" is thrown around a lot — but what, exactly, does it mean?

Based on some of the insightful feedback I received from strangers on the internet, I should start by clarifying that toxic masculinity is by no means saying that all aspects of masculinity are toxic. It's not. Rather, the idea refers to a cluster of traits that equate masculinity with dominance, limited emotional expression, violence and devaluation of women, according to Dr. Kelly Moore, a clinical psychologist. And in the context of relationships, toxic masculinity can result in gender inequity and acts of dominance over women, she adds.

"What makes this [behavior] 'toxic' is the harm that these traits cause men and society as a whole," Moore tells SheKnows. "The impact on the psychological well-being for boys and men socialized to suppress any emotion except anger is that they may be less likely to seek psychological support for depression, anxiety and other emotional challenges."

In other words, the notion that men and boys must act strong and devoid of most emotions all the time is not only a problem for women and LGBTQ folks — it's harmful for straight cisgender men as well.

More: Are You Raising a Boy or a Toxic Man?

"There is a lot of risk for men in being vulnerable enough to display behaviors and characteristics traditionally deemed 'feminine' by our society: crying when hurt, staying home to raise small children while their partner works, being emotionally sensitive," Erin Wiley, a licensed clinical psychotherapist tells SheKnows.

As a culture, Wiley says, we have made emasculation the worst thing that could happen to a man. As a result, she adds, we have "programmed half of our population to work to present themselves in a disingenuous light in order to be considered valuable and worthy of praise, desire, attention and love. It creates a situation for men where they are behaving in ways that are incongruent with who they truly are, and it makes them emotionally sick."

According to Alexis Jones, the founder of ProtectHer, a program that works directly with young male college athletes in locker rooms around the country to reeducate them on manhood, toxic masculinity and its associated behavior has become something both men and women accept as the norm because we're all socialized to believe men need to be strong, aggressive and unemotional and that women should be gentle, meek and unambitious. This, she says, has created an unhealthy and distorted vision of how men and women should interact.

"Ninety percent of men learn about sex from porn," Jones explains. "Can you imagine how that affects them and their thoughts about girls when given a misogynistic lens right out of the gate? Of course it impacts how they think about women and the way in which they treat us. I'm not excusing the behavior; I'm just saying I understand why some have a tendency to disrespect the females in their lives. It's literally how they have been programmed and people would rather talk about their bad behavior than where they actually learned the behavior in the first place."

This programming has taken many forms, says Matt C. Pinsker, an adjunct professor of homeland security and criminal justice at Virginia Commonwealth University, including "everything from the most dangerous jobs being primarily occupied by men to men being more inclined than women to fight one another to even stupid activities, such as men filming stupid stunts and placing them on YouTube."

Pinsker also adds that not all societal expectations for men are harmful, but "it is difficult to have a meaningful conversation on toxic masculinity because so often, individuals discussing it have an agenda or are using it in a manner which is politically charged and divisive."

What can we do about it?

To start with, Moore says, we have to start socializing children differently.

"We have to stop using the phrase 'boys will be boys' as code for justifying and/or encouraging boys to be violent or sexually aggressive," she explains. "We have to stop socializing girls on how not to be the object of physical and sexual assault in the absence of teaching boys the importance of consent and communicating their romantic interests in a manner that shows respect."

On top of that, Moore notes, we have to socialize all children to expect equal and fair treatment regardless of their gender, race, faith, identity or other factors.

More: What the Aziz Ansari Allegations Teach Us About Our Limited Idea of Consent

Furthermore, Jones says men have been trained to believe they are the problem, but she sees them as the solution.

"Rather than just highlighting the problems, since clearly that's not working, why don't we engage the men in our lives and invite them to participate in this conversation," Jones suggests.

For instance, she says we should start by asking them for help and inviting them into the discussion.

"I always say, 'Treat people how you want to be treated.' Coming in pointing fingers and pointing out all the things they're doing wrong wouldn't inspire me," Jones adds. She also urges people to highlight the work of men who are listening and acting as allies.

Another strategy is for women to explore better ways to support each other as we resist the demands on us to affirm men, says Dr. Amy Gannon, cofounder and director of entrepreneur development at the Doyenne Group, who has also worked with numerous nonprofits to reduce gender inequity in the workplace.

"Competing with each other to be the woman that men find acceptable or most desirable or to be seen as 'one of the guys' only perpetuates the problem," she tells SheKnows. "We can stop accepting that there are only a few slots for women that we all need to compete for and instead engage as if there are plenty of opportunities for women."

Ultimately, the fact that we're discussing toxic masculinity at all and are working toward ways to address and curb it is a step in the right direction, but there's still a lot of work to do.

"The time, energy and effort all of us put into affirming (and not threatening) male egos — by both men and women — could be much better spent building a better world," Gannon adds.

If you thought The Golden Girls couldn’t get any hotter, think again.

Thanks to woman-owned, women-operated gift site Always Fits, you can now get your hands on Golden Girls hot sauce featuring Dorothy, Sophia, Blanche and Rose’s faces. Each bottle is appropriately named too.

More: Our favorite Rose-isms from The Golden Girls

If you want your food hot, hot, hot, then opt for Sicilian Fire or Hot Slut, both made with habanero peppers, carrot purée, garlic and other spices. If you’re a wimp like me and can’t handle the heat, then you’ll want to try jalapeño hot sauces Desert Rose or Bea Spicy instead.

The hot sauces are authentic too. Always Fits partnered with Southwest Specialty Food straight out of Arizona. What makes Southwest Specialty Food so unique, aside from the fact that they’ve been making high-quality hot sauce for over 30 years, is they grow and harvest all the habanero and jalapeño peppers used in their sauces — the same peppers used in the Golden Girls hot sauces. You can guarantee they’ll be hot too; they’re responsible for setting mouths on fire with their Ass Kickin’ Hot Sauce.

That’s not all. Each bottle has a hot sauce cheesecake recipe listed on the back!

“Take your favorite Miami ladies out to the lanai for cheesecake: hot m*********ing cheesecake,” the other side of the bottle reads.

The Always Fits team thought of everything.

More: 11 Golden Girls facts and feuds that’ll surprise you

You can pick up a bottle for $10 or get all four for $32 on Always Fits’ website. They also sell Golden Girls makeup bags, umbrellas...

… Golden Girls Clue, Golden Girls Monopoly and, yes, prayer candles.

Don't mind me as I click "purchase" on my Desert Rose bottle...

Since the modern Olympic Games began in 1896, the competition has served to represent the ideals of cooperation, respect and excellence. The Olympics serves to foster better international relations and discourage discrimination of any kind. But that doesn't mean they've always been scandal-free. After all, the athletes competing at the Olympics are just human, and hey, we all make mistakes — especially when pressure, a gold medal and bragging rights are involved.

With that said, here are the biggest scandals in Olympics history.

More: Top 10 Team USA Women to Watch at the Winter Olympics

1. Ryan Lochte's robbery scandal

Ryan Lochte — along with fellow 2016 Rio Olympians Gunnar Bentz, Jack Conger and Jimmy Feigen — attempted to cover up their drunken misconduct with a robbery story that ended in an international scandal.

According to The New York Times, Lochte and his teammates were celebrating after the final session of the eight-day swimming competition with a night on the town.

They were traveling by taxi and asked the driver to pull over at a gas station. From there, things got messy.

According to Lochte, who gave a statement to NBC News the next morning, the taxi was stopped by armed men he believed to be police officers. One of the men held a gun to Lochte's head before taking money from his wallet.

The Brazilian government claimed no robbery took place and that while the security guards at the gas station were armed, they only stopped the athletes so they would pay the gas station manager for damage done to the property. Apparently, the swimmers, in their drunken debauchery, vandalized the property and publicly urinated on the grounds.

Lochte admitted he had exaggerated his version of events and was banned from competing for 10 months.

Brazilian prosecutors are also charging Lochte for providing false testimony to police.

2. Tonya Harding & Nancy Kerrigan scandal

Seven weeks before the 1994 Winter Olympic Games, ice-skater Nancy Kerrigan stepped off the ice after a practice in Detroit when she was hit in the knee by a clublike instrument.

According to People, authorities determined the attacker, Shane Stand, was hired by Harding's ex-husband, Jeff Gillooly, and her bodyguard, Shawn Eckardt. Harding told ESPN in the documentary 30 for 30 she knew nothing about the attack.

Luckily, Kerrigan's knee was not broken, as was intended in the attack. Instead, it was merely bruised and she went on to win silver in the 1994 Olympics. Harding wound up in 8th place.

Though Harding long maintained her innocence, she was convicted of hindering the investigation and was sentenced to three years probation, 500 hours of community service and a $160,000 fine. Eventually, she was banned from the U.S. Figure Skating Association for life.

3. Hope Solo's controversial comments

Solo caused an international scandal in 2016 when she called the Swedish soccer players "cowards" for their defensive style that eliminated the U.S team in the quarterfinals.

Representatives were quick to respond.

"The comments by Hope Solo after the match against Sweden during the 2016 Olympics were unacceptable and do not meet the standard of conduct we require from our national team players,” U.S. Soccer president Sunil Gulati said in a statement. “Beyond the athletic arena, and beyond the results, the Olympics celebrate and represent the ideals of fair play and respect. We expect all of our representatives to honor those principles, with no exceptions."

More: Women Are Kicking Ass at the Olympics — So Why Is the Coverage So Condescending?

Sports Illustrated reports U.S. Soccer terminated her goalkeeper contract and banned her for six months.

This scandal was just another one added to the list of misconduct accusations against Solo in recent years. In 2014, Solo was accused of fourth-degree domestic violence in an incident with her nephew and half-sister. She was also suspended from U.S. Soccer for 30 days in 2015 after a DUI incident in Los Angeles.

4. Dong Fangxiao's falsified age

At the 2008 Sydney Olympics, China's women's gymnastic team took home the bronze medal, but the medals were revoked from the team and given to the U.S. team instead when it was revealed one of their gymnasts, Dong Fangxiao, was just 14 when she competed.

The minimum age to compete in the Olympics is 16, a decisions made in 1997 to protect minor athletes.

5. Ben Johnson's doping scandal

Canadian Ben Johnson won the 1988 100-meter final in record time at just 9.79 seconds.

Just 24 hours later, Johnson failed a drug test. CNN reports the steroid stanozolol was found in his urine. His gave back his gold medal.

Johnson was far from the only competitor doping in the sport that summer. According to CNN, six of the eight finalists either failed drug tests or were implicated in drug use throughout their careers.

"It is something that I can't watch because of what happened to me, you know?" Johnson later said in an interview with CNN. He added, "It is a sad note how they left me, wringing me out. I don't really watch it. I just move on with my life."

6. Russia's doping scandal

The Russian doping scandal first began in Rio in 2016. After an investigation, the Russian Olympic Committee was barred from attending the Pyeongchang Games due to claims of widespread doping.

According to The New York Times, it was later decided that clean athletes could compete as “Olympic athletes from Russia," and 169 athletes were cleared to participate. Another 28 recently won their appeals.

More: Meet the First Female Olympic Ski Jumper in History

The Court of Arbitration for Sports ruled there was insufficient evidence that the 28 athletes on appeal breached anti-doping regulation at the 2014 Sochi Olympics. As the NYT notes, the ruling means athletes thought to be part of the doping scheme might still compete in the 2018 Olympics.

But the International Olympic Committee has yet to make a formal decision allowing the athletes to participate.

"The result of the C.A.S. decision does not mean that athletes from the group of 28 will be invited to the Games," the IOC said in a statement. “Not being sanctioned does not automatically confer the privilege of an invitation.”

Still, the appeals ruling has been considered a blow to the integrity of the Olympics.

7. The Atlanta bombing

In the early morning of July 27, 1996, a 40-pound pipe bomb exploded in the middle of Centennial Olympic Park in Atlanta during the Summer Olympic Games.

Security guard Richard Jewell saw the bomb before it detonated and began clearing the area. He was lauded as a hero for preventing even more catastrophic damage. Still, two people were killed and over 100 were injured in the blast.

Eric Robert Rudolph was convicted of the crimes in 2005 and confessed to the bombing. Rudolph was responsible for a number of bombings in the Atlanta area and said he committed the crimes because he was angry about the legalization of abortion. He was sentenced to four consecutive life sentences plus 120 years in prison.

On Tuesday, Feb. 13, actor Luke Wilson was indirectly involved in a car crash that killed one man and seriously injured several others according to police reports. Wilson was reportedly not injured in the crash, but another celebrity was.

More: Blake Lively Says She's "Feeling Very Proud" of Her Post-Birth Body

Per the local police, Wilson was driving north on Chautauqua Boulevard in the Pacific Palisades in California when his SUV was sideswiped by a Ferrari driven by an unidentified man. PGA golfer Bill Haas was a passenger in the Ferrari. The Ferrari then collided with a BMW that was driven by an unidentified woman.

Wilson was not injured. The driver of the Ferrari was pronounced dead at the scene. Haas and the woman driving the BMW were both taken to a local hospital in serious condition. Haas has since been released but reportedly has pain and swelling in his legs.

More: Alec Baldwin's Wife Provides Health Update After He Receives Surgery

Police still don't know for sure what caused the crash. According to LAPD Detective Jeff Fisher, Haas is "doing OK" a day after the crash. He was in California to play in the Genesis Open, and in a statement released by his manager, he identified the man driving the Ferrari as a member of the family he was staying with during the tournament.

"While Bill escaped serious injuries and has been released from the hospital, he is understandably shaken up and — more importantly — his deepest condolences go out to the host family during this tragic and difficult time," the statement read. "Bill will withdraw from the Genesis Open and plans to head home to Greenville to recover. He appreciates the support of friends, family and the golf world as a whole, and he has asked for privacy as he processes what has happened."

More: Brad Pitt Was In a 3-Car Accident

Wilson has not made any public statement since the accident.

It's no secret that Americans are eating (and drinking) a lot more sugar than we were even 50 years ago. We also know it's not great for our health, but what about our fertility? A new study led by researchers at the Boston University School of Public Health found that drinking one or more sugar-sweetened beverages each day — by either partner — is associated with a decreased chance of getting pregnant.

The research, published in the journal Epidemiology, used data from the Pregnancy Study Online, an ongoing web-based prospective cohort study of North American couples, which surveyed 3,828 women aged 21 to 45 living in the United States or Canada and 1,045 of their male partners. Part of the survey focuses on health and lifestyle behaviors, including the quantity and frequency of drinking sugar-sweetened beverages. Then, the female participants completed follow-up questionnaires every two months for up to one year or until pregnancy occurred.

More: Knowing When to Draw the Line on Fertility Treatments

The results? The average monthly probability of conception — formally known as fecundability — was reduced by 20 percent in both males and females who consumed sugary drinks like non-diet soda. Women in the study who drank at least one soda each day had 25 percent lower fecundability, while male consumption was associated with 33 percent lower average monthly probability of conception.

“We found positive associations between intake of sugar-sweetened beverages and lower fertility, which were consistent after controlling for many other factors, including obesity, caffeine intake, alcohol, smoking, and overall diet quality,” lead author Dr. Elizabeth Hatch, professor of epidemiology said in a statement. “Couples planning a pregnancy might consider limiting their consumption of these beverages, especially because they are also related to other adverse health effects.”

Though consuming energy drinks was also observed to have significant reductions in fertility, the results were based on small numbers of consumers, so more work is needed in this area. Also, researchers found little association was found between fertility and drinking fruit juices or diet sodas.

More: Is There a Link Between Male Infertility & Ibuprofen?

"Given the high levels of sugar-sweetened beverages consumed by reproductive-aged couples in North America, these findings could have important public health implications," the authors concluded.

And to be clear: Soda is not an effective contraceptive, so do not use it as a form of birth control. But if you're trying to conceive, you might want to opt for another beverage.

Remember being a kid and thinking getting mail was the most exciting thing ever? You know, before "mail" just meant a box full of bills and junk and the occasional Amazon order. Even now, we still get excited to see a wedding invitation or holiday card — or the very rare letter.

While it might seem silly to communicate via snail mail in the age of the internet, letters feel different from shorthand messages and texts, and they're more intimate than a long email. Plus, writing by hand can have several benefits, including a calming effect on the brain, improving coordination and inspiring creativity. And for kids, pen-palling with someone across the country or the world can be an exciting way to learn about a different lifestyle or culture from a faraway friend.

So buy some stationary and dive in. Here are a few places to find a pen pal for your kid.

1. Social media

Most of us have friends or acquaintances who don't live near us, and many of those friends have kids. These are perfect pen pal opportunities, and all you need to do is reach out and ask. Also, be open to different age ranges; maybe you have a friend who has a hobby or job your child finds interesting who can correspond with your child as a sort of mentor. Of course, as with all things social media, make sure to do due diligence in researching any potential pen pals you don't know IRL. If it's your cousin in Croatia, cool; if it's a "friend" your kid met in a chat room, maybe not.

More: 7 Surprising Tips to Survive the First 6 Months of Parenthood

2. School

Classes and even entire schools sometimes have pen pal programs. Ask your child's teacher or principal if that's the case and whether your child can get involved, even if they're not quite in the corresponding grade range. If there's no program available, pass on resources and express why you think it might be valuable to get started. The Teacher's Corner even has a map with pen pals by age range.

More: Things Don't Have to Be "Kid-Friendly" to Be Kid-Friendly

3. Travels

One of the coolest things about kids is how so many of them make friends wherever they go. Did your child hit it off with a bunkmate at summer camp? What about that kid from the hotel room next to yours on a family trip? If they have a buddy they won't see for a while, all the more reason to put pen to paper and catch up.

More: How to Make Travel With Kids Way Easier

4. Through a pen pal website

Students of the World, PenPal World and GlobalPenFriends.com are all free resources to connect people interested in pen pals all around the world.

As usual, make sure you're taking precautions about sharing your address through the internet. Consider a P.O. Box, verify all possible pen pals and websites yourself, and have a frank conversation about what topics are and are not appropriate. Encourage your kid to come to you if anything feels off about the communication. And stock up on stamps!

Each of the ladies in Black Panther are superheroes in their own right.

Though the film's central lead may be a man, T'Challa (played by Chadwick Boseman), it's clear even in the trailers promoting the film that the women of Wakanda play a prominent role as warriors, counselors and protectors. At various points, we get treated to images of strong women of color giving T'Challa advice about how to be a ruler and protecting him at all costs. It's a depiction we are rarely treated to in cinema, and it's an even rarer treat in the world of superhero movies.

Actors Angela Bassett, Letitia Wright, Danai Gurira, Lupita Nyong’o and Florence Kasumba all bring to life characters who are integral to the storyline. Bassett plays Ramonda, the queen mother of Wakanda. Wright plays Shuri, T'Challa's half-sister and the head of Wakanda Design Group and — bonus! — she is reportedly even smarter and more tech-savvy than Tony Stark. Gurira plays Okoye, a Wakandan general in the Dora Milaje, an elite unit charged with protecting T'Challa. She happens to be one of T'Challa's most trusted advisors. Nyong'o plays Nakia, an international spy and T'Challa's love interest. Finally, Kasumba plays Ayo, another member of the Dora Milaje who we first saw in Captain America: Civil War.

More: The Best Reactions to Wonder Woman From Men

But the women in these roles aren't just playing strong, interesting and diverse characters. They are all of those things to be sure, but in real life, they're just as badass. To prove this final point, let's take a look at some noteworthy facts about each of the women of Black Panther.

Lupita Nyong'o

1. Lupita Nyong'o is fluent in 4 languages

Nyong'o speaks her native Luo language, English, Swahili and Spanish.

2. Nyong'o has her master's degree

She graduated with her master's in fine arts from Yale. She was also awarded the Herschel Williams Prize, which is given to acting students with outstanding ability.

3. Nyong'o identifies as Mexican-Kenyan

Nyong'o was born in Mexico City, Mexico, but was raised in Kenya. Her family moved when she was less than a year old.

4. 12 Years A Slave was Nyong'o's debut performance

Nyong'o definitely started her acting career on a high note. She won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her debut role in 12 Years A Slave.

5. Nyong'o is also a director

Nyong'o wrote, produced and directed the 2009 documentary In My Genes. She also directed the music video "The Little Things You Do" by Wahu featuring Bobi Wine. The video earned her a nomination for Best Video Award at the MTV Africa Music Awards 2009.

Letitia Wright

6. Letitia Wright was inspired to act when she was a young teen

According to Vanity Fair, Wright saw Keke Palmer in the 2006 film Akeelah and the Bee and was inspired to show audiences a "new kind of relatable character."

7. Wright struggled with depression

When she was 20 and a struggling actor, Wright dealt with depression. "I was in the dark going through so many bad things, when the world didn’t know about Shuri and Letitia and whatever is happening now," she said. She credits God with getting her through.

8. Wright was born in Guyana

Wright was born in Guyana but moved with her family to London, where her mother worked as a teacher, when she was just 7.

More: The Avengers Quote Quiz: Which Superhero Said It?

9. Wright wants to inspire girls with Black Panther

Wright's Black Panther character, Shuri, reportedly steals quite a few scenes as T'Challa's tech genius sister in the new movie. Wright told E! News she hopes the character is an inspiration. "It's a privilege to be able to have such a character that a young girl can look back on, watch this film and be like, 'Hey, I might want to be a scientist. I want to be in technology."

Angela Bassett

10. Angela Bassett has a master's degree

Bassett received her master's from Yale's School of Drama, where she also met her now-husband and fellow actor Courtney B. Vance.

11. Bassett passed on the lead role in Monster's Ball

Bassett turned down the female lead in Monster's Ball due to the film's sexual explicitness. Halle Berry was then cast in the role and won an Oscar for her performance.

12. Bassett has her own catchphrase

Urban Dictionary defines an "Angela Bassett Moment" as "A moment in which a man/woman gets incredibly angry and pissed at his/her lover (usually for infidelity) and goes batshit crazy. Usually involves destroying all of their partner’s personal belongings they can find. May involve a bonfire." It was inspired by her movie Waiting to Exhale.

13. Bassett trained intensely for her role in Black Panther

Bassett worked with trainer Corey Calliet doing mostly 30-second interval training for up to an hour at a time.

"It’s a very hard 45 minutes to an hour because you’re going all the time, and I don’t give too many breaks unless you’re about to puke, faint or die,” Bassett told People. “You have bring the pain every day when we train. It’s the only way you’re going to get the results to look amazing on the screen."

Danai Gurira

14. Danai Gurira is an advocate for women's rights

"The more I keep myself aware, the more I get sparked with outrage and ideas around how I can make a difference," Gurira told Vogue. “We’re still stuck in an epidemic around this issue, and it’s crazy. … Why is there no gender equality anywhere on the globe?"

15. Gurira has played a fierce warrior before

In addition to her role in Black Panther, Gurira plays the sword-wielding, zombie-killing Michonne on AMC's The Walking Dead.

More: Black Panther's First Trailer Is Here, & It's a Game-Changer

16. Gurira also speaks 4 languages

What is it with the women of Black Panther and languages? They are crushing that game. Gurira speaks Shona, English, Xhosa and French.

17. Gurira is a Tony Award-nominated playwright

Gurira authored the Broadway play Eclipsed, which had an all-female cast, writer and director. The play takes place in 2003 and tells the story of five Liberian women and their tale of survival near the end of the Second Liberian Civil War.

Florence Kasumba

18. Kasumba's native language is actually German

She was born in Uganda but moved to Germany when she was younger. As such, she speaks German, English and Dutch!

19. Black Panther isn't Kasumba's first superhero film

She also makes an appearance in 2017's Wonder Woman as Amazonian senator Acantha.

20. She's already garnered attention for her acting work

In 2016, Kasumba was nominated for the Black Entertainment Film Fashion Television & Arts Award for International Rising Star along with Lupita Nyong'o, John Boyega and Lisa Awuku.

Are you ready for Black Panther when it hits theaters this Friday, Feb. 16? Because we totally are.

So many of us woke up this morning still processing the news of another mass shooting: this time in a high school in South Florida. Learning of this huge loss of life didn’t exactly make us ready to face the rest of the week ahead — in fact, a lot of people probably had the same question: How am I supposed to function and carry on like it’s a normal day after what happened in Florida?

Even if we don't have a direct connection to the shooting in Parkland, Florida, that left 17 people dead, it’s completely normal to react to the news with a mix of feeling helpless, guilty, depressed, anxious and angry. Logically, we know feeling bad about the shooting won’t actually help anyone, but we also need time to process the tragic events and not pretend it didn’t happen.

Carolyn Wagner, a licensed professional counselor and psychotherapist practicing in Wilmette, Illinois, agrees, saying, “Our lives and day need to go on as usual,” but “this should not be confused with ignoring what happened or not taking the time to think or talk about it.” Along the same lines, Tracee Dunblazier, a grief counselor, cautions that “ignoring the news or pushing away the emotion doesn't work, as it only saves the feelings to be processed for another time.”

More: What to Do If News Is a Trigger for Your Mental Health

Dr. John Santopietro, president and medical director of Silver Hill Hospital in Connecticut, was involved as a psychiatrist in the Sandy Hook shooting and has seen firsthand how people come together to survive during tragedies, as well as how devastating these events can be to a community. Unfortunately, he says that there is no formula for when someone should return to work and their usual routine after an event like the one in Florida, but emphasizes the importance of watching for signs of stress in anyone who has been affected, including changes in eating and sleeping habits, major behavioral changes or depressed or anxious moods, for example.

Fear is completely normal

When something bad happens, it makes sense that it makes us afraid or anxious. In fact, Dr. John Mayer, a clinical psychologist, says that being fearful is a good psychological and emotional protective mechanism during times of danger, and it’s OK to reexamine your behavior in terms of crowds and public events and be mindful of your surroundings.

“Even if we are not directly impacted, this type of public mass tragedy does have an effect on us,” Wagner says. ”It shakes our sense of security and naturally leads us to start thinking about what it would have been like to be one of the people there or to have a loved one there. This is a normal reaction and it deserves some reflection.”

So how long is it normal to live with this fear? Dr. Nekeshia Hammond, a psychologist, says that experiencing these emotions for a few days or even a week isn’t uncommon, but if they last more than a few weeks and are to the point of affecting your ability to function in your work or family life, it may be time to seek out a mental health professional.

Dr. Melissa Flint, associate professor of clinical psychology at Midwestern University, echoes that sentiment, saying, “The most important part is that you seek help if you need it.” This can be done by calling 911 in an immediate crisis or a mental health hotline.

More: 3 Ways to Help the Victims of the Las Vegas Shooting

Guilt is normal too

You know that feeling where next to the tragedy everything else seems frivolous? According to Hammond and Lindsey Pratt, a psychotherapist in New York City who specializes in trauma, that’s a form of survivor’s guilt and another common reaction to the events.

“Coping with this guilt may have you questioning the senselessness of violence and feeling guilty about continuing on with the normalcy of the day-to-day,” Pratt says. “However, it's important to consider that experiencing both joy and sorrow does not in any way minimize the pain of others.”

Dunblazier explains that “guilt is the presence of unexpressed grief and heartbreak” and that expressing anguish through crying or an emotional response is a skill set and not weakness.

But why are we feeling guilty about something we had nothing to do with? Dunblazier says it’s a common experience to transfer your grief and anguish from things you can’t control — like these mass tragedies — to things you feel you are in control of, like your friends, family, work or social situations. In this case, she says it’s important to practice self-awareness by asking yourself what you’re feeling and where it originated as well as taking five minutes at the end of the day to reflect on your emotions and release them.

One thing to watch out for, says Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, an addictions therapist and certified clinical trauma professional, is destructive forms of self-medicating, specifically excessive alcohol consumption, overeating and another reckless behavior. Engaging in these will only add to your sense of hopelessness, he adds.

Getting back into a routine can help

Yes, the mere act of going about with your regular routine when a major tragedy just occurred could be the source of guilt, but it could also do you some good.

Dr. Robin Goodman, a licensed clinical psychologist and art therapist with particular expertise in trauma and bereavement, suggests balancing what it's necessary in your life to continue to do with what you can do to help others. Along the same lines, it’s important to stay engaged in some routine activities — even if you’re not at full speed.

“Recognize that doing your regular job can be helpful to recovering and maintaining perspective,” Goodman says. “Yet at the same time, it can be a time for reflection and awareness about one's life. Individuals can pay attention to these thoughts and feelings and consider what to do with them over time rather than immediately.” 

Limit your media exposure

There is a fine line between staying informed and obsessively watching a video of the aftermath of the shooting over and over. Julie Barthels, a licensed clinical social worker in Illinois and co-author of Resilience Revolution: A Workbook on How to Stay Sane in an Insane World, says that too much media coverage “reinforced the horror of it and does not allow you the opportunity to process the emotions that come with it.”

Similarly, Hammond suggests limiting your intake of social media as well as news outlets. “If it feels like too much to process all of the details, videos and articles that emerge, be sure to take a break for your mental health,” she adds.

Avoid negative friends & family members

Whenever something bad — or good — happens, you know there are certain family members and/or friends who will have strong opinions about it and perhaps get you all riled up. There’s a time and place for those people — and this isn’t it, says Richale Reed, a therapist practicing in North Carolina. Instead, reach out to people who will help you process what happened in a constructive way.

More: How to Talk to Your Kids About Scary World Events

Turn thoughts & feelings into productive actions

Several of the mental health professionals suggested taking some sort of action as a way of proactively dealing with your feelings of helplessness. This can range from doing things that will help you personally to those that also impact the community. Giving blood and finding meaningful volunteer opportunities are always good options. In addition, Wagner suggests doing things like reaching out to your loved ones to let them know how much they mean to you and making an emergency plan with your family so you know how to respond should something like this happen to you.

“In these moments, finding ways to express compassion where we are able, in our spheres of influence, become the ways we can make a small impact in our worlds that feel so out of control,” Flint adds.

A version of this article was originally published in October 2017.

Whether you’re a parent, a caretaker, a loving aunt or uncle or a dedicated best friend to both your pal and their offspring, the desire to protect our young folks is often instinctual. Unfortunately, while the world is a wonderful, immersive and curious place, it far too often presents its darker side — unexplained violence and tragedies that can leave children with questions you might find difficult to answer.

How can we help kids maintain their wide-eyed innocence while also helping them grow and learn tactics to overcome fear and deal with harsh realities?

“Kids are big thinkers, and their imaginations are not limited to fun, carefree topics," explains clinical psychologist and author Stephanie O’Leary. "When you have honest, age-appropriate conversations about scary things, you provide an outlet for your child's feelings, model healthy coping and establish that you are a source of support, even when topics are uncomfortable or frightening,” 

Below are some tools and strategies for leaning into age-appropriate discussions of violence, racism and other tough topics — and tailoring the conversation to educate and comfort kids.

Racism, bullying & discrimination

Depending on your community, your child might be surrounded by people of a thousand different cultures the moment she's born. But she might not be. For children in homogenous communities, it can be a startling discovery to meet people from other backgrounds. Young kids may not know how to act around people who are different from them — or how to respond if they see or hear about someone being abused or otherwise mistreated because of their race, religion, culture, sexual or gender identity, disability, etc.

For kids under 5:

The key here, O’Leary says, is to never avoid questions about race, religion or other identifiers, as you could inadvertently breed a judgmental attitude in kids by making something seem like a taboo topic. It's an unfortunate reality of our time that your child will likely witness an act of discrimination at some point — and be rightfully baffled by the hatred behind that act. This is when O’Leary says to allow kids' questions to come up as they may. Make sure the child knows the scary thing that happened is absolutely wrong — but that doesn't mean it's wrong to talk about it. This way, you can turn the unfortunate experience into a learning opportunity. If your child asks questions about someone who was mistreated, "it's best to answer honestly and keep lines of communication open,” O'Leary says.

For kids ages 5 to 10:

As a child develops friendships, meets new people and expands their community, they might become more candid about their questions and perhaps more direct. At this age, you can step in and help them develop a healthy — positive but assertive — attitude. “Talking about current events and daily experiences within your community are great places to start because discrimination is not a thing of the past,” O’Leary says.

She also adds that it’s important to prepare your child for what, unfortunately, is the inevitable. He or she will likely observe or experience acts of hate or discrimination at some point and will likely be confused about how to react. Here, O’Leary says to get personal with your preteen. “Share personal experiences to model how you felt, how you reacted and what you wish you had done differently. Choosing examples from your own childhood will make the biggest impact on your son or daughter. Focusing on practical steps your child can take is important, such as being vocal or seeking help when observing bullying,” she suggests.

More: I'm Raising My White Children to Stand Up Against Racism, Every Day

Guns

The statistics on gun violence in the United States are baffling. Our country has 29.7 homicides by firearm per 1 million people (which, for example, is almost 16 times as many as Germany has). The U.S. has 4.4 percent of the world's population, but almost 50 percent of the civilian-owned guns in the world. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are more than 31,000 deaths every year involving guns in the United States. This makes the topic that much more fraught — and more likely to come up with a child. From the minor ("guns" in video games) to the major (the mass shootings in the news that now occur nearly daily), kids are bound to encounter gun violence at some point. “Even if you try hard to monitor what your child is exposed to, guns are present on television, integrated into various toys and action figures and carried by various authority figures, including police officers,” O’Leary explains. It's never too early to start talking about them.

For kids under 5:
O’Leary says the most important lesson to teach a preschooler is that under no circumstances are guns toys; it’s important to underline how much harm they can cause. “Answer any questions that may arise simply and honestly to provide factual information without creating undue anxiety,” she says.

For kids ages 5 to 10:
With a more mature child, O’Leary says you can get more specific regarding gun safety and offer solutions for how to protect themselves and handle various situations. “Review what you expect them to do if they are ever in a situation where a gun is present," O'Leary urges. "While every parent fears this, the fact is that guns are often present in homes. Gun violence can occur even during innocent playdates,” she adds. “Empower your child with a focus on safety, and answer any questions that arise.” 

More: America's Gun Problem in 7 Startling Images

Other acts of violence

Tensions are soaring high these days, and it can feel like an attack or tragedy of some sort is happening every other week. When a child catches the evening news or the anniversary of a tragic event is discussed at school, you might be asked questions like "Why would someone do this?" or "Are they coming for us next?" Sadly, these inquiries don’t always have concrete answers; but you can provide valuable context.

For kids under 5:
While O’Leary doesn’t suggest approaching a topic like terrorism with a child under 5 unless they specifically ask, she says that being direct and simple — without providing graphic details — is ideal. However, with one important caveat: Avoid labels and dichotomies such as "good guys" versus "bad guys." “This perpetuates the idea of continued conflict," O'Leary explains, "and it's likely less stressful for your child to hear you say, ‘There are some people who want to hurt others who are different, and we do everything we can to try and stop that."

For kids ages 5 to 10:
As a kid ages through elementary school, he or she may become more comfortable talking about what they hear at school and throughout the community. This makes them consider violence through a more analytic lens since they might have had experiences like going through a metal detector or security at an airport. “At this age, you can provide some more factual background regarding the cultural and political circumstances that have contributed to terrorist acts as well as the specific safeguards that your family relies on for safety,” O’Leary suggests.

More: Want to Donate Diapers to Hurricane Harvey Victims? Here's How

The world we live in can be a frightening place, and the people in it don’t always help. But when you're raising kids, it’s always more helpful to have sad, difficult conversations than no conversations at all. That way, you can prepare them as best you can to face our frightening world — and change it for the better.

A version of this article was originally published in September 2017.

There are plenty of reasons having a doula on your birthing team can make the experience better. For starters, it can improve your birth outcome. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, “Evidence suggests that, in addition to regular nursing care, continuous one-to-one emotional support is associated with improved outcomes for women in labor.” 

Doulas, of course, offer that continuous one-to-one support — and trust me when I say that no matter how amazing your partner/mom/BFF/OB-GYN is, when you’re about to bring a new person into the world, having someone who’s 100 percent there for you, your baby, your birth and your needs is huge.

But there’s a lot of confusion about the birth process and the doula’s role in it, so we asked Tara Brooke and Gina Giordano, cofounders of Doula Trainings International, a doula and childbirth educator training program, and their doula community members to share what exactly doulas do — plus, what they don’t do — and what they wish their clients really knew about birth. (Full disclosure: Tara Brooke was my doula when I was pregnant with my first child.) 

More: The SheKnows Guide to Giving Birth

Hiring a doula is an invitation to look inward

“A doula is really there to say, ‘What do you want? What's going to work for you, your life, your lifestyle?’” says Giordano. “It’s an invitation and permission to look inward and really think about what's going to feel good for you and knowing that your choice is valid because it’s your choice.”

Doulas aren’t just for natural births

Don’t think you don’t need — or won’t be able to work with — a doula simply because you’re having a C-section or want an epidural. “Doulas should hold zero prejudice over how a baby is being born,” says doula Betsy Finchum. “The amount of moms I run into who don’t think a doula will support them because they are having a planned cesarean is super-sad to me.”

It’s OK to switch providers

More than one DTI doula stressed this point: If you don’t love your health care provider, try to find another one. “Someone once told me, 'If your birth plan is your sword and your doula is your shield, you’re with the wrong provider,'” says doula Dani Moeser. “I wish clients felt more comfortable asking hard questions of their providers and being honest about if it’s a good fit or not. We can support them in any environment, but we can’t completely reshape it.”

Doulas don’t make decisions for you

“We're there to be an advocate for the family, talking to them and showing them their options — not making decisions for them,” says Giordano. “We’re reminding them that they can pause to think and really discern the whole situation to see what their options are. We're definitely not saying, ‘This is what I think you should do,’ or ‘You should say no to that.’” 

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A doula can help you process your birth experience

Even if everything goes swimmingly, you’re probably not going to remember every detail of your baby’s birth. Your doula can help you fill in the blanks. And if things don’t go the way you'd hoped, a doula can be even more helpful. “There is a piece of counseling in the doula's role,” admits Brooke. “It's not about getting a person to a place of acceptance, but just exploring where they are in the moment and giving them permission to have those feelings and to explain what happened.”

You don’t need your doula’s permission

Again, doulas are there to support you — not tell you what to do or what not to do. “You do not need my permission to make a decision, to change your mind, to do what you feel is best for you and your body and your baby,” says doula Elisa Havens-Stokes.

No family around? Lots of family? A doula can help either way

Sure, you might be especially inclined to hire a doula, as I was, if you don’t have family nearby to help. But even if your mom, mother-in-law, partner and BFF are all planning to be in the delivery room, you may still want a doula. “I've had a lot of clients who have a solid village around them who still choose to work with a doula,” says Giordano. “They want to have that one person to go to for continuous support.” 

Your doula might need a break

Don’t be surprised if your doula works with a backup or a partner — someone who may take over if your labor is especially long. That’s a good thing. “If you have a three-day birth, you might want someone who has slept and can really support you during that last phase,” Brooke says. “A lot of doulas feel like they’re letting down their client if they leave, but really, this setup offers the best possible support.”

Doulas help partners too

“Doulas do not replace partners, but enhance their role,” says Finchum. And in fact, doulas can provide support to partners too. “We forget that fathers and partners are emotionally attached to this situation, and they're transitioning into parenthood, and they’ll probably need to take a break at some point,” Brooke says. A doula can reassure your partner and be there for you if and when your partner needs to go get a cup of coffee.

More: Therapists Reveal What "Good Parent" Actually Means

Doulas aren’t saviors

“I wish my clients knew we aren’t saviors,” says doula Sabrina Kline. “We can’t take the pain away. We can’t make decisions for them. We can’t fight the hospital staff for them. We can only help build the bridge, encourage them across it and wait for them on the other side with everlasting love and support.”

You don’t have to love your birth experience

“Power is not the only acceptable feeling,” says doula Sophi Scarnewman. When it comes to your birth experience, “you can be salty about it. You can be triggered by it. You can be grateful for it. All feelings are welcome.”