It's been months since Gunvalson split from her ex-husband, Brooks Ayers, but she's still being plagued by the cancer scandal he brought to last season of RHOC — he faked his cancer diagnosis, even going so far as to forge documents from a cancer clinic and have Gunvalson drop him off and pick him up at his fake appointments.
Throughout it all, Gunvalson stood by Ayers, even as her co-stars started to express their doubts about his illness. And when it finally came out that yes, he did fake it all, she claimed to be as shocked as the rest of the cast of the show. To this day, she insists she had no idea Ayers was faking his illness. If only her former friends on RHOC would believe her.
Gunvalson used to be close to RHOC stars Tamra Judge and Meghan King Edmonds, but both have maintained distance, claiming they want an apology from Gunvalson before they will repair their relationships with her. Shannon Beador has gone one step further, openly stating that she dislikes Gunvalson, and continuing to tweet about it.
And Gunvalson, still maintaining her innocence in the scandal, fired back, writing, "If she doesn’t want to be friends then why is she constantly talking about me? She’s invisible 2 me."
Beador didn't let it rest there, adding, "I have forgiven Vicki. That happened last year. I just don’t want to be her friend. #RHOC."
A lot of stuff factors into the decision to have a tubal ligation. Getting your tubes tied is not for the fickle, and when you've decided to do it — either for health reasons or because you are dead set on not having any (or anymore) children — you go into it knowing you'll come out the other side with one of the most effective types of birth control there is.
So when it turns out to be a little bit less than effective, it goes without saying that it upends your entire life. That's exactly what happened to a Michigan woman who underwent the procedure only to find herself mother to a special-needs child at 50. Now she hopes to hold responsible the doctor who told her she was in the clear.
Lori Cichewicz had a tubal ligation in 2008, with the repeated assurance of her doctor that she would not be getting pregnant anytime soon due to the bang-up job he did on her innards. You can imagine the surprise she felt when, three years later, she learned she was pregnant with a child who had Down syndrome.
She's suing for something called "wrongful conception," a close cousin to other medical malpractice cases like wrongful death and birth, which claims that her doctor was negligent when he performed the procedure. To put it simply, the doctor told her she had "no chance" of becoming pregnant. That was clearly horse foofie considering that, at 50, Cichewicz is a mother to a preschooler with Down syndrome.
There's always a bit of uproar when someone seeks relief through the courts for something involving a child. After all, who doesn't love little babies? How could you possibly be angry that you've got one? Language like "emotional distress" doesn't really help us sympathize, since it conjures up images of frivolity and crybabies. But it is completely valid, and Cichewicz should not be judged for seeking the justice that she frankly deserves.
Pregnancy and parenthood are not fun little diversions. Together, they are a serious medical change in your health, followed by a lifelong commitment to providing for and raising another human being. We often chastise people for not giving it enough thought before going condom free. Don't believe us? We submit every single season of Teen Mom as proof.
Cichewicz did not want to become pregnant. We don't know why, and we don't need to. Believe it or not, finding out you're pregnant after having the idea that you're sterile isn't the cause for celebration and plucky bootstrapping that Lifetime movies will have you believe. Instead, you pretty much run the gamut of terror to disbelief, even if you wanted to be pregnant, which Cichewicz didn't. To find out that your child will also have lifelong special needs that you might not even be alive to help them with is pretty emotionally distressing, to say the least.
People make logical jumps. You hear that a woman is suing over her baby's existence, and you think she's a monster. But from what Cichewicz has said to local news outlets, it sounds like nothing could be further from the truth. She worries for her daughter. She's devastated that she may not be there for her in the long run, and not in a "we'll all die someday" kind of way, but because her daughter may not even have the benefit of her mother at, say, her high school graduation. We don't doubt for a second that she loves her daughter immensely.
Having a baby — particularly a baby with Down syndrome — requires planning and preparation, two luxuries Cichewicz didn't have. When a doctor tells you that your chances of getting pregnant are nil, you take him at his word. If that word turns out to be garbage, you ought to have some way of holding him responsible, and that's what's happening here.
Just because you never wanted a baby doesn't mean you don't want and love the child you have. But loving a child you never expected does not negate the responsibility that Cichewicz's doctor had in making sure that the mom would never have to sit across from her daughter and wonder if she'll ever even see her go to college.
Scott has grandchildren, a penchant for bands like Strawberry Alarm Clock (which I admit to thinking was a food-based app at first) and is an AARP member. I, on the other hand, never had children, still have a thing for the '80s music I grew up with and am a local gym member. But because we get along tremendously well and have a wonderful bond, we don't let the years between us, well, come between us.
Still, on several occasions, people ask me if I ever think about what our lives will be like in 10 or 20 years.
"I mean, when you're 60, he'll be 82," they'll say.
Well, thanks for pointing out the obvious.
We don't let the years between us, well, come between us.
Their statement, however, is one that my husband and I have indeed discussed. If life goes as it typically does, he could need assistance walking at a time when my aches and pains might only just be kicking in. If life goes as it usually does, he'll be retired while I'm still working. If life moves forward like it should, I might be caring for both my husband and my mother at the same time, since they're close in age.
However, I've come to realize that such thoughts, while they are possible scenarios, carry the same underlying — and false — notion about life going on as it "typically" does. Plus, there are a lot of "ifs" in there too.
There is no order in which things are "supposed" to happen just because my husband and I are of a certain age. After all, how many of us have witnessed the death of a loved one "before their time," the birth of a child by an "older" woman or a person winning a marathon at an age that defies what's typical?
Life is anything but predictable — a concept that Scott and I embrace. We opt to live one day at a time rather than fretting over what might happen to either of us over the course of our life together just because there's an age difference between us. Some may say we're ignoring reality. Quite the contrary. We're accepting reality exactly for what it is: an ever-changing, unknown series of events that certainly isn't based solely by a birth date.
Therefore, rather than becoming bogged down over over the "what-ifs" and "might-happens" that society tends to hone in on when it comes to an age difference in marriage, I prefer to believe in life's wonderfully unpredictable ebbs and flows. No one knows what tomorrow may bring in a marriage.
I also realize that our 22-year age gap isn't any more of a challenge than what many other married couples with "differences" face. Some marriages have partners with tremendous salary gaps. Others have major differences in religious upbringings. Some couples have a great divide in their political beliefs. It happens. You deal with it.
Do I think about our future? Of course I do. We both do.
But rather than looking at our age difference in terms of a shaky, questionable, scary future, I'm happily enjoying our marriage by focusing on the love we share instead of the birth era we don't.
Trust me, my kids are not suffering from lack of toys. In fact, they are a bit spoiled. I won’t compare them to what I had or didn’t have when I was their age, but let’s just say their grandparents do not deny them much. After that — if they absolutely want something special beyond birthday or Christmas gifts — they have to work for it.
That's right; I do not buy them toys. At 8 and 3, if they want something, they earn money by providing a service to others who need it.
If my 8-year-old wants the latest game for his Xbox, he needs to figure out a way to earn the money to buy it. There are fewer ways for my 3-year-old to earn money in the traditional sense, but I usually find a way for him to earn extra money if he wants a new Matchbox car or Batmobile.
Prime example: My mother likes to slip my kids money every now and then. I allow it, but they have to “work it off” in some way. This may include raking Grandma's yard, pulling weeds from her garden or cleaning out her garage.
Sometimes our elderly neighbor needs help. If my boys help her out with a chore, I will let her pay them for the work. My older son will actively seek employment to earn money from family friends by walking dogs or scooping up the dog poop from their yard. If a friend wants to hire my kids and pay them for a chore or project, I’m fine with that too.
When they do have money, I let them spend it however they want to. I’m not one of those parents who forces them to save or donate. I make suggestions on how to wisely spend, but ultimately let them make the final decision.
Do they waste money? Yes, but to me this is all part of the learning process.
My oldest son is realizing how long it takes to earn and save money. When he spends it on something that breaks within a day or so, he’s learned that next time he needs to spend his money on something of higher quality. When he wants a new video game, he knows that he needs to save up money to purchase it. I never buy it for him or lend him a few dollars so he can buy it. He knows the difference between a need and a want. He's learning patience and is less likely to blow on his money at once.
My younger son still has a way to go, but he will get there soon.
Why am I strict with my kids about money? I want them to learn how to spend money wisely. To me, you can’t teach them that lesson if you are giving them everything they want whenever they want it. My husband and I aren’t paid to wash dishes or vacuum. I don’t think I should pay my kids to help keep the house clean. Sometimes they do envy some things their friends have. I tell my kids that having everything you want won’t make you happy forever, it just makes you happy now. Do they get it? Not always, but as they grow older and wiser it will make sense.
Not long ago, our church was collecting money for expectant mothers. When my boys got home, they immediately went to their piggy banks and took out money to donate. I asked them, didn’t they want to use that money to buy a new game or toy? Both said they could always earn more later, but the babies needed diapers and milk. My heart swelled with joy.
I’m not aiming to deny my kids stuff. I just want them to understand the value of earning money. It will help them make wiser decisions on how they spend it. They are not perfect about it and still waste their hard-earned dollars occasionally on ridiculous purchases. My hope is that as they grow older they will understand what it means to work, learn to save and the love of charity. Yes, I do make my kids work to buy toys — and they make wiser decisions because of it.
Happy Wednesday Hump Day — also known to us as Celebrity Baby Bump Day. We have rounded up the cutest baby bumps of the week, starting with pregnant Megan Fox, who looked adorable as she went to Disneyland with her family. Pregnant Mila Kunis showed off her baby bump for the first time, while Blake Lively is growing and glowing. Blac Chyna, Courtney Stodden, Danielle Jonas and Liv Tyler all make the list of the most buzzworthy baby bumps of the week.
Megan Fox
Pregnant Megan Fox
Pregnant Megan Fox
Pregnant Megan Fox looked adorable in a striped bump-hugging dress as she enjoyed a day at Disneyland with her husband, Brian Austin Green, and their two children, Noah and Brody. Fox was spotted nibbling on some popcorn and enjoying the rides before spending the night at the Grand California Resort. Fox is expecting the couple’s third baby boy this summer.
Blake Lively
Blake Lively
Blake Lively
We love Blake Lively’s sense of humor as much as we love her style. The pregnant actress shared this picture wearing an outfit straight out of the 1980s, including a cut-out bump-hugging gown paired with crimped hair and blue earrings.
“Full Jessie Spano,” she captioned the photo, referring to the character in the '80s sitcom Saved by the Bell, played by Elizabeth Berkley.
Lively is expecting her second child with her husband, actor Ryan Reynolds. They are already parents to a daughter named James.
Pregnant Mila Kunis showed off her baby bump for the first time as she was spotted out with a friend in Los Angeles. The actress wore a tank top with blue capri jeans, which showed a hint of her growing midsection. The Bad Moms star and her husband, Ashton Kutcher, already have a 20-month-old daughter named Wyatt Isabelle, and they are expecting their second child together.
Next up: Pregnant Chyna glams up her bump and Courtney Stodden's bikini selfie
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Blac Chyna
Pregnant Blac Chyna
Pregnant Blac Chyna
Pregnant Blac Chyna dressed her baby bump in a tan gown with a plunging neckline while she attended events in Cannes. The reality star is pregnant and expecting her first child with her fiancé, Rob Kardashian. Chyna recently celebrated Khloé’s 32nd birthday with the entire Kardashian family, including Kylie Jenner, who recently dated Tyga. Chyna and Tyga were in a relationship in the past and have a son together.
Courtney Stodden displayed her baby bump in another bikini photo, this time with her husband, Doug Hutchison. The controversial couple are expecting their first child together. Stodden made headlines when she married the 55-year-old actor when she was just 16 years old. Since making her pregnancy announcement, Stodden has revealed she has been suffering with depression, saying she loves the baby so much but that the thought of parenthood is “overwhelming.”
Next up: Danielle Jonas reveals the gender of her baby, plus Liv Tyler's "giant" baby bump
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Danielle Jonas
Pregnant Danielle Jonas
Pregnant Danielle Jonas
Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle are expecting their second child together -—and the couple revealed the gender in a very clever way. The couple already have a 2-year-old daughter named Alena, and recently announced Danielle is pregnant with baby No. 2.
The cute couple posted the following photo and asked fans to “make a guess” about the gender of their baby.
Danielle Jonas gender reveal
Danielle Jonas gender reveal
As it turns out, “no nuts” wins! They posted a photo of their daughter holding pink balloons that announced they were having a baby girl.
"It's a girl!" Danielle captioned the photo.
Liv Tyler
Liv Tyler baby bump
Liv Tyler baby bump
Now that’s a bump! Liv Tyler shared this photo wearing a black dress and wrote that her bump is “so pointy and giant!” The actress is expecting her second child with her fiancé, David Gardner. They are already parents to a son named Sailor Gene. Tyler also has an 11-year-old son named Milo from a previous relationship.
“Can't wait to meet the beautiful little human living in there,” she gushed.
Psychopaths all seem to share one terrifying trait: They don't seem like psychopaths. At least not at first...
Chloe* was 19 years old when she met Ben* at a college party and was immediately swept off her feet by the handsome blond with sparkling green eyes. And by swept off her feet, she means literally.
"I was dancing with friends and he just, like, picked me up and started swinging me around," she says. "And I should have been mad — normally I would have been furious — but he was just... I don't know. There was something about him."
That was the first of many red flags she would ignore as she plunged into what she calls the most intense relationship of her life. Before she knew it, they were spending every spare minute together. Their relationship was progressing at warp speed emotionally and physically — something she wasn't entirely comfortable with, being a virgin at the time.
"It didn't seem to matter what concessions I made, he always pushed for more," she says. "I'd try to draw a line, tell him how far I was comfortable going, and then he'd just jump right over it like it didn't exist." Even worse, she says he often blamed her when she spoke up about her discomfort, telling her that she made him do it because she was so sexy or such a tease and he couldn't help himself.
Other cracks began to show as well. While he was bright, sunny and charming around their friends, she increasingly saw a dark side during their moments alone. He would sometimes go off on long rants, raging over seemingly insignificant things and was constantly paranoid that people were out to get him, including Chloe. He confessed to strange behaviors like killing a neighbor's cat because it had annoyed him ("like it was just nothing, no big deal," she says) and an obsession with up-skirt photos. She found herself in the strange place of feeling protective of him, still being in love with him, and also being terrified of him.
His moods changed on a dime and she found herself on constant edge. As soon as she'd try to pull away, he'd reel her back in, telling her that she was the only person who understood him and that he loved her more than anyone else ever could or would.
Eventually they did have sex and while Chloe says she wouldn't call it rape, she says she did say no over and over again until she realized "it was just going to happen anyhow." Then, she said yes. Did she enjoy it? "I don't remember, honestly," she says. "I just felt really numb."
The worst part, Chloe says, is how little her friends knew. Her girlfriends constantly told her how lucky she was to have someone so charming and handsome and her guy friends thought he was hilarious. "It really made me doubt myself, doubt my own reality," she says. "My life had turned into a waking nightmare but everyone was telling me it was a dream."
So when Ben proposed to her, popping the question in a large public display in front of all her friends (a decision she now says was calculated to ensure she would say yes to avoid embarrassment), she felt she had no choice but to go along with it, just like when they had sex.
"It just felt... inevitable. Even if I wanted to say no he would have said what I really meant was 'yes' and I would have believed him," she says. "I know that sounds crazy but I really thought he knew me better than I did."
They got married just a few weeks later — Ben pushed for a speedy wedding even though many of their family members couldn't come — and Chloe hoped that their new relationship status would improve his mercurial temper.
It didn't.
She discovered he'd been lying to her about nearly everything. He was nearly 30, not 22 like he'd told her, and he'd never been enrolled in the university where they met and where he said he was studying to be a doctor.
"I finally confronted him about something, I don't even remember which lie, and we got into an argument and he started strangling me," she says bluntly. "And all I could think was, 'This is how I am supposed to die.' I didn't even fight back. I was too tired."
Eventually he let go and stormed out of the house after yelling at her for "making" him hurt her. They'd been married all of two weeks.
Chloe's mom noticed the bruising on her daughter's neck when she went home to get some of her things, and when she questioned her, all Chloe could do was cry.
"I'm so grateful my mom stepped in. I couldn't have made that decision myself," she says. "I was just too beaten down — emotionally, spiritually and physically."
Chloe's mom ran interference while she got Chloe into counseling. And that was finally when things clicked.
"I still remember the therapist telling me it had nothing to do with whether or not I loved him enough. 'He's not going to change. You've married a psychopath.' She explained to me what a psychopath is and I realized she was totally right," she says.
According to the Hare Psychopathy Checklist, psychopathy is a personality disorder and is characterized by scoring high on two scales: "selfish, callous and remorseless use of others" and "a chronically unstable, antisocial and socially deviant lifestyle." As her therapist read off the checklist items to her, Chloe realized they were so true it was as if they were written about Ben.
Chloe filed for an annulment and a restraining order at the same time, both of which were granted quickly. And while the whole ordeal was over relatively fast — it was five months from the day they met until the day they divorced — she says it's left an indelible black mark on her life.
"I don't trust people anymore, and that includes myself. I was such a bad judge of character, I still wonder how I didn't see what he was before, that I am too scared to trust myself to love again."
*Names and some identifying details have been changed.
Three-ingredient cookies have been buzzing around Pinterest lately, and hands down, these are some of the best. The fact that you can actually make a real, delicious cookie out of three ingredients is sheer genius, and the chocolate-hazelnut goodness of Nutella makes it almost criminal.
I whipped up a batch of these cookies over the weekend, and my husband ate them all within two days. They are that good.
Heat the oven to 350 degrees F, and line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a Silpat liner.
To the bowl of an electric mixer, add all the ingredients, and mix until well combined.
The mixture will be thick but should be moist enough to roll into balls the size of 2 tablespoons.
Add the balls to the baking sheet, and flatten them slightly with your fingertips or the bottom of a glass.
Bake for about 7 minutes, until they are cooked around the edges and still slightly soft in the middle. Let the cookies sit on the baking sheet for 5 minutes and then cool on a baking rack.
Note: You can also roll your cookie balls into some sugar to give them a little sparkle. For best results use Nutella from a freshly-opened can, not older, dried-out Nutella.
I first introduced my kid to the books of Roald Dahl the way I myself had discovered them: while she was on the third day of a day care-strength stomach bug — the kind where you can't eat crackers without horking them up and where reading doesn't make you spew but cartoons will. So we read Matilda, The Twits, George's Marvelous Medicine, James and the Giant Peach and The BFG in rapid succession. The last, to my delight and utter surprise, was her favorite.
That's why I was a little bit let down over the way that while, in some places, the film adaptation of Roald Dahl's dark-but-not-too-dark book about loneliness and friendship is faithful to a fault, in other places it diverges in a way that just doesn't feel completely awesome.
The book was macabre enough to not be too cutesy, and the fact that Sophie goes on to live in a little cottage in Giant Country after a string of adventures drove home the dual lesson that I wanted her to have about growing up sans-parents — that you can have a very happy life if for some reason you don't have any parents provided you make your own family; and that your family can really be anyone, even a friendly giant with extra-usual ears who is often left instead of right.
In five years, my daughter has read and reread The BFG enough times to make a word nerd like me proud, and when I got the chance to go see the film a few days early, I jumped at it. Then, I wrestled it to the ground, tackled it, buckled my excitedly hyperventilating kid into the car and got to the theater an hour early. And I liked the movie, I did. She loved it, too.
But in the end, there were a few things that just felt, well, left about it, you know?
In the book, Sophie is a bit of an old soul, but ultimately, she's a kid. She's happy enough to have an adult around who isn't Mrs. Clonkers, even if he (the Big Friendly Giant) does gobblefunk about with words a little. In the movie, she's, well, kind of a jerk.
Not that we can blame her, since she's forced to act like a jaded know-it-all for the first half hour of the movie just so that someone's talking. Later she has to throw a pee-pants tantrum in order to get to Dream Country (something the BFG convinces her to do in the book) because the movie is really invested in setting the BFG up as the BETG, or Big Emotionally Tortured Giant.
My kid didn't seem to mind the new iteration of Sophie so much. Weirdly, she was bothered most by the fact that movie Sophie had shorter hair than book Sophie and that she changed out of her nightie. So, it's the little details, I guess.
2. The BFG's incurable case of the sads
The BFG is a little emo in the movie, to put it lightly. In the book, when he ventures out and the other giants throw him around like a football in a bullying scene that's tempered by the absurdity of giants throwing around a smaller giant, it's the unfortunate happenstance of living with bullies. Sophie basically agrees that they're dicks and empathizes with him.
In the movie, Sophie sort of scolds him for putting up with the bullying and he gets this awful look of resigned shame, which is in keeping with his Big Friendly Goth persona, which later culminates with him dropping Sophie back off at her orphanage (!) because...
3. Spoiler: A little dead boy
Apparently, he once had another kid that he snatched hanging around — which is hinted at when Sophie puts on the dead kid's jacket and the BFG doles out a little silent treatment — who ultimately met his grisly end at the hands of the other giants. How do we know this? This (paraphrased) convo:
Sophie: Was he scared?
BFG: *Quietly* At the end.
Sophie: Well, I'm not.
Holy. Crap.
Anyway, the BFG tells this story and then abandons little Soph to the mercy of Mrs. Clonkers in a very Edward Cullen "it's not safe to be around me" move that is later undone when she tricks him into taking her back by cannon-balling off of a balcony, knowing he'll catch her.
Frankly, I'm pretty sure this was all just to have a scene of Sophie hiding out in the dead boy's room (while Gizzardgulper et. al. literally smash the BFG's dreams) so they could sneak in some Quentin Blake drawings, which is fair enough.
I asked my kid to weigh in on what she thought of this one, and she said she had no words. That's a new one for her, trust me.
4. Mean, stupid giants that should be stupid, mean giants
Speaking of the nine bad giants, they're mostly just jerks with a little touch of the stupe, which might make them a little scarier for the younger set. I mean, they're also supposed to be horrifying in the books, but they're also huge morons who can be tricked into eating snozzcumbers or turning themselves in to the brigade. The fact that they like to eat people is all Sophie really needs to know to agree to help the BFG eliminate them, and you don't feel bad for them when they end up in the pit.
By contrast, the thing that makes them deplorable in the movie is that they want to eat Sophie, and they're so wretched that they can't even be mocked, really. Instead of giving them a bad dream as payback for being dumb jerkholes early on, they don't get their trogglehumper nightmare until later, when the BFG uses it to induce crushing regret for their cannibalism in the giants so that they can be subdued enough to be moved to a remote island.
My child is a little too old to get freaked out by CG giants, but she did lament the fact that they never really got their appropriate comeuppance in the movie. She said they still seemed scary, but at the end of the book they were just ridiculous.
5. Sophie has to go away
Finally, in the last quarter of the movie, things start to feel bigger and friendlier (there's a Frobscottle scene with the Queen of England that all of the kids really loved) and less like it takes itself so seriously, an effect which is ruined when we learn that Sophie and the BFG never see each other anymore.
The book is pure wish fulfillment: The BGF gets a palace and accolades and gifts from world leaders for his bravery; Sophie can still live the parent-free life in a cottage near her BFF, and together they hammer out the manuscript that's supposed to be the novel itself.
In the movie, the BFG ends up living a solitary existence as the last of his kind in Giant Country while Sophie is adopted by a nice lady and comments in a very melancholy tone that she can see the BFG's crappy little cottage in her dreams.
And that's it. In two hours, the most satisfaction you'll really get is an extended fart scene with Corgis. By far, this fact bummed my kid out the most because she always liked the happy ending that Sophie and the BFG made for themselves. She said the adoption ending felt fake.
Typically, I really don't mind when movies diverge from their ink-and-paper origins. They're two different mediums, so naturally, things will look and feel different or be abbreviated or not, and I don't usually have a lot of patience for whiners that insist everything ought to be shot-for-shot.
And really, I liked the movie OK. Go for the really cool sequence in Dream Country if nothing else. It was seriously magical, and even my kid, who was born into a post-crappy-green-screen era was uncharacteristically impressed. It was sweet, and it was pretty, and the cast did really well with what they had to work with.
But if The BFG is your favorite Roald Dahl book, it's just not going to be your favorite of the movie adaptations. Which is surprising, since it can definitely be done. Gene Wilder was an excellent Willy Wonka. The animated 1996 adaptation of James and the Giant Peach was perfectly macabre and Matilda, the same year, was perfectly chirpy.
This one tries to be both and ends up not really being either, and a lot of what makes the book so lovely just never translates to the big screen. And that makes me sadder than a courageous giant who is fresh out of Frobscottle.
So you’re planning a wedding and the question “do we invite kids” has come up. If you Google “inviting kids to weddings,” you’ll find strong opinions to support inviting kids to share your special day. You’ll find counterpoints that are just as strong and probably everything in between.
And you thought choosing a silverware pattern was going to be complicated?
You'll discuss pros and cons. Maybe you’ll disagree.
Obviously the decision to include persons of the short, sticky persuasion in your celebration belongs to you, the happy couple. It’s your day and I’m not one to tell you how to do things.
Unless you don’t take the solemnity of the occasion very seriously. Want to hear guffaws when you lean your heads together for your first married smooch? Definitely include my two little boys. If that special moment will be enhanced by hearing a loud “ewwwwwwww gross, they’re kissing!” followed by my loud and threatening whispers, then by all means, invite my whole family.
And don’t think “now you may kiss the bride” will be the only time you’ll notice our family during the ceremony. You see, I haven’t taken my kids to church in almost three years. I’m pretty sure they don’t remember church or how you’re supposed to behave there. Your clergy’s “dearly beloved” might be interrupted with “when is the movie going to start” and your soloist’s celebration in song just might be accompanied by a chorus of “this is boring” or “I farted.”
Are you re-thinking this whole “let’s include our friends’ children” notion? Good.
But seriously, I have some selfish reasons why I don’t want to bring my kids to your wedding:
I want to drink Champagne. Lots of it. If you’re having an open bar, even better. I want to celebrate your union with a boozy good time. Kids and a boozy good time don’t exactly go together, do they? I love being a mom and most of the time, I’m good at it. But I need some time off the clock every now and then and a date with my husband to attend your wedding may be just the break I need.
I want to wear something pretty, maybe that teal fascinator with the feathers that I bought during my “Kate Middleton” phase. I can carry a cute, tiny sequined handbag because I won’t need to cram in 10 pounds of wet wipes, crackers and a Tide pen. I get to talk to other adults.
I want to dance with abandon: the Macarena, the Chicken Dance, maybe the Hora. I want to flirt with my husband and laugh too loud. I don't want to worry about who my boys are bothering or what they’ve broken, spilled or smudged. And trust me, when it comes to my kids, there’s always breakage, spillage and smudges.
I’ll gladly eat your caterer’s standard issue chicken dinner without complaining that it’s rubbery or mentioning “so and so” served prime rib and lobster at her wedding. I didn’t have to cook that chicken and I won’t be washing dishes, so it’s fine by me. I won’t have to cut anyone else’s food or interrupt my meal to take someone to the bathroom — unless some of your wedding guests get really out of control.
You might grit your teeth and say “no problem” when they accidentally pull down your reception tent. You might insist the little voice from the twelfth pew yelling “cowabunga” during the scripture reading was “so adorable.” You'd be lying.
Unless chicken nuggets are on the menu and inflatables are part of your entertainment plan, my kids are not going to gain much by being a part of your special day. And besides, if I like you enough to spring for a wedding present, shave my legs and make my husband wear a tie, I probably like you enough to get a sitter for a few hours.
But ultimately, the decision to invite children to your wedding is yours. Just don’t invite mine. Trust me on this one.
We’re completely in love with Alanis Morissette’s pregnancy photo shoot for two reasons. First of all, she just looks so damn serene, like some kind of expectant water sprite. Also, it’s a perfect reminder that if you want to go for a private swim during pregnancy, there’s absolutely no need to cover up that gorgeous bump. Who needs an uncomfortable, restrictive maternity costume when you can let it all hang loose?
The 42-year-old singer-songwriter, who’s expecting her second child with husband Mario "Souleye" Treadway, shared the beautiful shot on her Instagram account Wednesday. Completely nude, she’s submerged in a pool and looks incredibly happy and peaceful.
Morissette also captioned the image with an equally gorgeous caption, courtesy of her 5-year-old son, Ever Imre: "you have to be extra gentle around ladies because they are the most helpful people in the world 'cause they make persons." Adorable!
So many women feel heavy and cumbersome when they’re pregnant, but Morissette’s image proves that how we feel doesn’t always align with how we look. She looks light as a feather as she floats in the water.
Spending time in the water during pregnancy can also help to ease all those aches and pains that come from carrying around the extra weight that’s entirely positioned on the front of the body. Feeling weightless just doesn’t happen — unless you’re in the water.
Most women can comfortably take up swimming during pregnancy — check with your doctor before you begin any exercise routine while you’re expecting — and if it leads to a stunning image like Morissette’s, even better.
Maddie Ziegler's departure from Dance Moms was emotional for not only her fans but also her costars. Ziegler did not make her decision lightly, but it was one that, unfortunately, needed to be made.
During an interview with Seventeen for their August issue, Ziegler explained the pressure that came with being coached by Abby Lee Miller. She said, "I feel like I had so much more pressure on me to be the best in the room."
But is Miller really the person we see on the show? Or is that just her TV persona?
"She's exactly how she is on the show," Ziegler confessed. "But the thing that I like about her most is she can actually be funny sometimes. And she also wanted me to be good." And while leaving Dance Moms was a difficult decision, Ziegler notes that it was becoming too stressful, and now, well, now she feels "so free."
And that freedom is allowing her to pursue her next career goal: acting — she's also a massive fan of Jennifer Lawrence's work.
"She's an amazing actor and can do anything," Ziegler told the publication. "She can be really quirky and she's so funny in interviews I've seen. I'd love to see her do a Sia video parody — she would be amazing at 'Cheap Thrills'!"
At just 13 years old we've already witnessed Ziegler's strength and determination, and if acting is something that she's serious about, we look forward to seeing her conquer Hollywood next.
Do you think Maddie Ziegler would be great as an actress? Do you think she made the right move leaving Dance Moms? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.
Since the birth of their son Freddie five months ago, Louis Tomlinson and his ex, Briana Jungwirth, haven’t exactly had a smooth co-parenting experience, if persistent press reports are to be believed.
It appears that Tomlinson is about to take a drastic step — he’s rumored to be planning to take the matter to court to fight for joint custody of his son and to include a stipulation that the child should spend equal time with his parents in a 50/50 split.
Neither Tomlinson nor Jungwirth has confirmed the reports, but sources close to the One Direction star claim the mom has been “inconsistent” when it comes to letting Tomlinson spend time with Freddie.
Working out a custody arrangement is rarely simple. Even if a split is amicable, it’s still a highly emotive time, and most parents want to be the primary caregiver. The fact that Tomlinson has all the money in the world to hire lawyers eliminates the financial pressure that stops many parents from starting court proceedings, but the fact that he’s a multimillionaire doesn’t mean he’ll get what he wants.
There doesn’t seem to be any doubt that Tomlinson’s a devoted, doting dad. Why shouldn’t he fight for joint custody of his son? When parents aren’t together, a custody decision has to be made based on what’s best for the child. And if it works in a practical sense and doesn’t cause too much disruption, a 50/50 arrangement has to be the ideal solution.
In many cases, it may be best for a child to spend the majority of their time with their mom. But it doesn’t have to be that way, and dads have just as much right to their kids as moms do. It’s time we stopped peddling the stereotype that men can’t give their children everything they need from a caregiver.
It’s refreshing when celebrities are frank about their fertility issues. Often we hear about their struggles to get pregnant after the baby is born, but in actress Tia Mowry-Hardrict’s case, she’s happy to speak openly about the "little bit of a challenge" she and husband Cory Hardrict are having as they try to add to their family.
On the red carpet at the 2016 BET Awards, Mowry-Hardrict, 37, revealed that she suffers from endometriosis, which means she doesn’t want to get too hopeful about her chances of conceiving.
Mowry-Hardrict, who is already mom to Cree Taylor, 5, added that she is working on her diet because "endometriosis basically grows from inflammation." She’s even written her own cookbook based on the theory that a certain type of diet gets rid of inflammation in the body, called A Whole New You.
Endometriosis is a much misunderstood condition with no cure, but there’s a growing body of evidence to suggest that paying close attention to diet can help those who suffer. Many women find that a whole-food, plant-based diet can manage — and perhaps even alleviate — many of the symptoms.
Diet and nutrition are rarely discussed as viable treatment options for endometriosis, but perhaps that is changing. By cutting out foods that cause inflammation — such as processed and packaged foods, sugar, gluten, white bread, wheat, dairy products, red and processed meat, fried foods and alcohol — endometriosis sufferers may find relief even if they have exhausted all other treatment options.
Andrew Weil, M.D. suggests cutting out dairy foods completely for three weeks and reading all food labels carefully during this time to ensure all foods containing whey, casein and cow’s milk or milk protein are avoided. He also recommends only hormone-free meat to eliminate additional estrogen exposure and avoiding alcohol, as it affects how estrogen is metabolized in the body. Additionally, Weil advocates an organic diet as much as possible.
If the millions of women around the world who suffer with endometriosis could find some relief by switching up their diet, this is fantastic news. Let’s hope it works for Mowry-Hardrict.
David Foster's daughters have a lot to say about his ex Yolanda Hadid's illness, and none of it is nice. Hadid has been publicly struggling with Lyme Disease, a fight that has been documented during her role on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And right in the middle of Hadid's health problems came the announcement that she and Foster were splitting up.
"We are grateful for the years we've spent together and believe wholeheartedly that we did our best," they said in a joint statement released in December 2015.
There's been a lot of speculation about just how bad Hadid's health has been, and some even claim that she's been faking her illness for attention on the show. Now, Foster's two daughters, Sara and Erin Foster, are weighing in.
"Look, this is how I feel. We don't comment to our friends on Yolanda's health. That's not for us to comment on. Only she knows her journey, but what I will say is if you're capable of continuing to be on a reality show, you're not dying," Sara said during the radio interview with Jenny McCarthy on her show, Dirty, Sexy, Funny. "Let's be honest."
Erin added, "Again, we are not doctors. We have no idea what goes on, and we don't wish anyone ill will of any kind. However, I think that from everyone's experience, if anyone's ever known someone who is very sick, who has cancer, who is dying, who's in the last year of their life, the only thing that person gives a s--t about is getting through the day and being treated normally. No one wants everyone to know how sick they are and everyone to see how much they're struggling, and when that seems to be the focus, making everyone see how sick you are, that's just confusing to someone who's trying to be supportive."
A quick Internet search will tell you that so-called "shedless" dog breeds are highly in demand. Whether it's because of allergies and the risk of accumulated dander, or just because pet owners are sick of vacuuming fur off the couch, people want to know which dog breeds keep shedding to a minimum.
You asked, and we answered. These adorable little pups are the least likely to shed:
1. West Highland White Terrier
Image: Nasser Parvizi/EyeEm/Getty Images
The Westie is a small sturdy dog that craves a daily walk but doesn't require excessive grooming. This entertaining pet sheds little to no hair and is easy to groom.
Though some may think this mostly hairless canine isn't a beautiful sight to behold, we think its shed-free coat (as in no fur except for tufts on its feet, head and tail) and gentle nature make it quite charming.
3. Xoloitzcuintli
Image: Ryhor Bruyeu/Getty Images
Another hairless canine, the Xolo may not shed, but its delicate skin does require sunscreen in the summer, warm clothing in the winter and cushioned bedding in the house. To keep this exotic-looking pup's skin healthy, you can also massage it with oil or moisturizer (he won't complain).
Looking for a dog with no hair (outside of eyebrows and whiskers) and no dander? The American Hairless Terrier is the fur-less friend for you! A descendent of the Rat Terrier, this hypoallergenic canine is a small, muscled dog that needs daily exercise as well as being protected from extreme weather conditions.
If a hound is in your heart, the Redbone Coonhound has a smooth, shiny, short coat that minimally sheds. Beware that this handsome dog, like other Scenthounds, tends to have a musky odor that can kept under control with regular bathing.
Wouldn't you love to come home to this precious pup awaiting your return on the (fur-free) couch? Though the Havanese doesn't shed, it may still cause allergic reactions in people prone to dog allergies. If you've got allergies, be sure to spend time with your potential pet before bringing it home.
7. Portuguese Water Dog
Image: Gavin Pugh/EyeEm/Getty Images
Ranging in size from 35 to 60 pounds, the Portie is a high-energy family-loving dog with an ample coat of snuggly fur that doesn't shed. With its high affinity for splashing around in the water, do be prepared to give your pawed pal regular bathing and brushing.
8. Bichon Frise
Image: Apeloga AB/Getty Images
This affectionate cuddle-pup may have an irresistibly soft coat, but the fluffy Bichon Frise doesn't shed. Whether you let your pawed pal lounge on the couch, snuggle up with you in bed or ride shotgun on your commute, you won't have a dog hair dilemma.
If the thought of having a hairless dog rubs you the wrong way, the versatile-to-groom Poodle will fulfill your non-shedding and frou-frou dog desires. Best yet, this shed-free canine is available in toy to standard sizes and a variety of natural colors (or colors you decide to go with).
Though not as well-known as the common Poodle, the Barbet is a high-energy pup that loves water and has an affinity for muddy areas. This is an ideal dog if you love the outdoors and want a pet that won't shed all over your couch or car or clog up your tub after a bath.
Originally published Feb. 2014. Updated June 2016.
There was a job I wanted just before I started my own business. The position description called for senior-level budgeting experience. I didn't have any, so I didn't apply. When my colleague applied and got it, I was stunned. "I didn't know you had senior-level budgeting experience," I said. "I don't," he answered.
"No sweat," he said, "I figured they'll teach me. I was really surprised you didn't apply, though. I figured they'd take you over me."
That was the last risk I didn't take. Five months later, I opened my own business. What about you? Is there a risk you hesitate to take? Failure to take certain risks will keep you inside a box of your own making, a box that keeps you from meeting your goals. Try these four ways to claim freedom from hesitation.
1. Make choices outside of your comfort zone
Given the choice between a no-risk decision and a higher-risk/greater-reward alternative, do you choose the safe route? If you hesitate to travel outside your comfort zone, you forget that the real risk might be things staying the same and having your work life stagnate or grow smaller, rather than larger.
In Beating the Workplace Bully, I wrote, "Think what a brave person would do and become that brave person." Don't underestimate your ability to handle what might happen if the risks you take bring new challenges to your door. Risk allows you to stretch and grow, to discover new things about yourself. Taking risks develops your strength and expands your future.
When you take full responsibility for your choices and actions, you free yourself. If you make up a story or say the problem is someone else's fault, you lose power. When you say, "It's on me," you claim for yourself the ability to make needed changes.
Owning even your worst mistakes frees you. You no longer need to pretend you're perfect or already the best you can be. Instead, when you embrace your failings, you take the first, necessary step to become more of who you can be.
3. Give yourself permission to fail
If you allow fear to set up residence in your brain, it not only moves in but it also owns you. Fear erodes confidence. Never let worry about failing stop you. Once you try and fail, you're no longer the same person, but one who's learned from what didn't work.
4. Welcome the freedom to succeed
Do you fear what might be asked of you if you succeed? Don't hesitate to throw your hat in the ring for promotional opportunities just because a job seems out of reach. Step up to opportunities instead of stepping aside and letting someone else take the lead. Don't relive your past because you fear stepping forward. Imagine your future, and let yourself succeed by stepping up.
Shying away from these risks can be costly, in life and in your career. What are you prepared to do to break free?
Have a question for Lynne? Email her at lynne@thegrowthcompany.com with subject "SheKnows" and she may answer your question (confidentially) in an upcoming piece on SheKnows.
There is no clothing purchase as fraught or dramatic as our wedding dress. We visit multiple stores and take all our friends and family along with us. We make it fun with Champagne toasts and jelly beans, but shopping with an entourage can be a big mistake. Just ask Beyoncé.
Apparently when the mega star married Jay Z in 2008, she let her mother Tina design the dress she wore. Later, she told her mother, "You know, when my daughter gets married, I'm going to let her pick out her own dress."
It makes sense. The dress she wore was lovely, but it wasn't "hers." And that is the same problem women run into when they shop with family. I did ultimately love the wedding dress I wore 13 years ago (though it is dated now), but I also know it wasn't one I chose. My stepmother and father decided it was "the one." In retrospect, I probably would have chosen a tea-length dress and maybe even nixed the white idea altogether.
I am not someone who buys into the whole spend-a-million-dollars-on-a-dress-you-wear-one-time-in-your-life idea. A wedding dress needn't be some perfect article of clothing, and it doesn't have to cost a lot. But it does need to represent the bride. It needs to be something she feels comfortable and beautiful in. That will show in the photos and also during the ceremony.
When I look at the photos of my wedding, I do like my dress a lot, and I do keep it in storage on the off chance that one of my two girls (or both of them) will choose to wear it some day. But if they don't, I won't fall apart. It holds only marginal sentimental value. It doesn't feel like "me" or "mine." Someday when my girls are shopping for their gowns, I hope they will invite me along. I'd like to be part of their experience, of course. But I also hope that if I am invited, I can manage to keep my opinions to myself. My girls have to feel the dresses they buy. They need to be "them." No one else can see that or tell them what that means.
JoJo Fletcher's Bachelorette season has been particularly dramatic, and there has been more than one occasion where we've questioned whether all the guys are in it for the right reasons — and Jordan Rodgers may not be.
This according to a new report from Us Weekly, in which a friend of Rodgers claims he initially signed on for The Bachelorette in the hopes of becoming the next Bachelor because being famous was a pretty big goal of his.
A source close to Rodgers reportedly told the publication that he knew his career as a quarterback wouldn't last forever, but "he wants to be famous desperately."
His appearance on the show apparently wasn't all luck either, it was carefully organized by Rodgers, and helped along by an unnamed acquaintance who reportedly works on the hit ABC series.
"He plotted this," the Rodgers source said, noting that producers "thought he was there for the right reasons."
But does he still feel this way now that he's one of the frontrunners for Fletcher's heart?
Apparently not. According to the source, Rodgers was initially not pleased when he thought that The Bachelorette was going to be Caila Quinn, however, when it was officially announced that Fletcher was the new leading lady, his feelings changed and he got excited about the prospect of dating her.
So, according to the friend it was all career-driven in the beginning, but now Rodgers is "really into JoJo. He definitely fell in love with her."
Ugh, we're so tired of all the rumors surrounding this season, especially those surrounding Rodgers (who can forget all those cheating and dating claims he's been confronted with this season).
What are you thoughts: Do you believe that Rodgers joined the show to further his career? Or are you rolling your eyes at all the new reports about Season 12 of The Bachelorette.
According to new reports, Briana Jungwirth, the mother of One Directioner Louis Tomlinson's baby, is raking in child support in the five-figure range every month. Yes, you read that right. Five figures. That equals at least $120,000 a year, and that doesn't even count the rent that Tomlinson pays for her four-bedroom home in Calabasas, California.
Whoa. That is a whole lot more than it actually costs to raise a baby. According to the most recent "Cost of Raising a Child" report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the average American family will spend approximately $254,000 to raise a child up to age 18. If reports about Jungwirth's child support agreement are accurate, she could rake in that much before the kid is out of diapers.
Jungwirth and Tomlinson have gone back and forth about child support for their 6-month-old son, Freddie, and struggled to settle on an amount. Life and Style magazine reports that they've settled on the five-figure amount, but that it's just a casual agreement — there's nothing formal or legal holding them both to it. The sum is supposed to cover Jungwirth's expenses so she can focus all of her time on raising Freddie, and with that kind of cash, we only hope she can manage to do that.
Do you think Louis Tomlinson's child support agreement seems really high? Or does it sound about right for a major pop star? Let us know down in the comments.
When your 10-year-old screams from the bathroom that they need your help right now, you moan and grumble to yourself that you thought potty training was supposed to free you from these particular shackles. What you don't do is assume that they're about to ask you if they can shave off all their pubic hair.
Welcome to the new world order, where pediatricians are now seeing girls who've just hit puberty grooming their nether regions. The docs say younger girls are being pushed to go bare because of social media, peer pressure and even internet porn.
But before you start locking down all your kid's gadgets, let me offer up a slightly less terrifying scenario, courtesy of my own bathroom.
A new survey shows that 62 percent of women prefer to completely remove their pubic hair, while 84 percent say they do at least some grooming. I fall into camp two, someone who has trimmed the bush for years. We have a relatively open-door bathroom policy in our house, and my 10-year-old has walked in on me 'scaping the pubes a few times over the years.
So when I got that scream from across the house, "Mom, can I get rid of my pubic hair?" wasn't totally off-the-wall.
Her hair had been filling in slowly for more than a year and had now reached a point where it was poking out all sides of her underwear. Her request was simple: "Can I shave this?" she asked, pointing at her naked (hair-covered) crotch.
Of course I launched into a litany of reasons that it's perfectly normal, and she shouldn't feel like she hasto get rid of it, and no one should be seeing that part of her body right now but her and blah, blah, blah, insert droning mom voice here. That part wasn't new to her; she has several puberty books on her shelves, and I'd explained what pubic hair is the first time she found me trimming.
Her response was pretty much, "Yeah, I know, so, uh, can we talk about shaving now?"
This was not going away. So I asked the obvious question: "Why do you want to shave it?"
"It feels weird," was the answer, "and it gets stuck in my underwear."
Hard to argue with that. It's exactly why I trim — well, that and the fact that long curlies getting stuck in the adhesive on the underside of a light-day pad is pure hell. And while I don't remember much about being her age, I do remember it being really freakin' weird to have my body changing in a million ways that I couldn't control.
So I said yes.
To my 10-year-old.
Shaving her pubes.
This was not to make her look like something out of a porno flick. This was not because of social media or her peers. This was because she's a kid who is being made uncomfortable by something that doesn't need to make her uncomfortable.
The first time, I did the shaving to teach her how it's done. Heeding the warnings that kids tend to get infections from shaving because they're not terribly good at it, I then picked up a grooming kit that was less than $25, with both an adjustable blade and a guard. She hasn't gotten to the point where she's asked to shave again — nor am I pushing her to do it again — but if she does, I'll be teaching her how to use the kit.
Because growing up is hard. If I can make it just a little bit easier, I will.
