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I may be married with a newborn at 24, but I didn't throw away my 20s

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There’s a Facebook meme floating around that kind of pisses me off.

It’s a girl standing in front of a map, as if the whole world’s her oyster. And it reads, “People having babies, and I’m like… what country am I going to next?”

The meme infers that all the baby-makers are just sitting at home, knitting and binge-watching Game of Thrones while they could be out having adventures, drinking the day away and living it up.

I’m 24 years old. I’m married and I have a baby. I live in a suburb by a Target and a Red Robin. I don’t have the wild and free, no-cares-in-the-world 20s experience — and I’m perfectly OK with it.

More: 7 things I wish my single friends knew about marriage

As a person who got married semi-young last summer, it’s annoying to have so many people think I “wasted” my 20s. Our culture definitely has this idea that your 20s are for finding yourself and your 30s are for settling down, but I completely reject that. The strongest way I’ve ever “found myself” is by sacrificing for a family and seeing what I’m capable of in the adult world.

As I was writing this article at the coffee shop I live above, my husband suddenly appeared with our fussy newborn who needed to eat. I ran upstairs, fed him quickly and dashed back down to finish the morning’s work. We’re traveling to Europe in the fall to visit my husband’s grandparents, and we still have regular date nights. As a freelance writer, I’m incredibly blessed to be able to juggle motherhood, work and marriage in this particular way. And of course, I don’t advocate having kids before you’re ready emotionally or financially. But I do want to challenge this “meme mindset” that being single and childless or free of responsibilities in your 20s is a more fulfilling lifestyle.

As a mom, I’m still able to live out my passions, work on my career and travel — but now I also get to do it with a snuggly baby. It’s not a this-or-that decision; it’s about finding a way to integrate your interests with your phase of life.

Twenty-four is such an odd age. I have friends with two kids, and I have friends who work part-time retail jobs and binge drink every weekend. In a TED Talk by clinical psychologist Meg Jay, she discusses why 20 is not the new 30. She talks about how women who put off finding serious relationships or making career decisions are harming themselves by essentially hitting the “pause” button on their life. Jay says that “claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, most transforming things you can do for your work, love, happiness and the world,” and I couldn’t agree more.

More: I'm anti-marriage and men have a problem with that

Overall, I think everyone needs to take their own path in life. I’m not saying that you should marry the first guy you meet in a bar or get pregnant the second the vows are said. But I am saying that thinking one lifestyle is far superior to another is dangerous. Everyone has their own timeline, and the decisions I’ve made have led to a creative life that I thoroughly enjoy. Can I jump on a last-minute flight to Tahiti? No. But I still wouldn’t have my life any other way.


Law & Order: SVU finale spoilers will introduce the most chilling villain yet

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You know what’s scarier than the threatening-looking bad guy with scars, tattoos and a menacing, faraway stare? The one who’s affable, hardworking and has a stellar rep as a family man. He’s the person whose side everyone takes, allowing him to get away with murder — or rape, as in the two-part season finale of Law & Order: SVU airing on May 18 ("Intersecting Lives") and May 25 ("Heartfelt Passages").

After 17 seasons, you might think that the producers would run out of ways to shock, but apparently, this one has it all: domestic violence, sexual assault and, of course, very powerful storytelling on every level. No wonder they couldn’t fit it all in one episode.

I totally love that Brad Garrett was cast. He'll throw everyone off guard as Rikers corrections officer Gary Munson, the last person anyone would suspect of sexually assaulting female inmates both in prison and after they’ve been released. "This guy is pretty dark and disturbed," Garrett said. Mariska Hargitay added, "Oh my gosh, he is truly chilling… you get goose bumps.”

More: Law & Order SVU: 27 surprising guest stars you didn't know were on the show

After his arrest, Munson’s union not only stands by its man but targets the SVU unit, especially ADA Rafael Barba, who tells Benson, “Someone just tried to kill me.”

He starts receiving death threats, and it seems his typical tactics of not backing down and mouthing off only make things worse. I understand his alternative response is pretty unexpected. To me, this means he’s leaning toward one extreme or the other; as in going into hiding or taking the law into his own hands, which is totally against the beliefs of a prosecutor. Fortunately, though, whichever path he follows, Olivia and company have his back. In fact, word has it that Christopher Meloni’s Elliot Stabler may be back to help his former colleagues.

More: The Law & Order: SVU season final is so major, it made Mariska Hargitay cry

This may not be the first time that the SVU had to take down one of its own, but it is the first time the rest of the force is against them, which takes the story to a higher level. The case turns into a media circus, and it doesn't help that the mayor’s office is riding the fence.

“I read the season finale and I was so deeply moved and deeply inspired. I couldn’t put it down… couldn’t stop crying,” Hargitay told E! News. “After doing a show for this long, there are these moments that come up that are so earned and so painful. For Olivia, something very tragic happens and something so beautiful happens, which is so much like life, right?”

More: Law & Order: SVU has made a real impact on Peter Scanavino's life

Life on SVU anyway. This show just never fails to satisfy. I guess that’s the reason they’ve been renewed for season 18 in the fall of 2016.

Ready to be scared tonight?

Josh Duggar is selling used cars now, because why not

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Josh Duggar has left his career as a politician behind him — not that he had much choice in the matter after his indiscretions came to light, including his admission that he was addicted to pornography and had been cheating on his wife, Anna. But it looks as though he's found a new job that's making him really happy.

More: Josh Duggar is still being punished for all of his terrible decisions

Following a lengthy stint in a faith-based rehab facility in Rockford, Illinois, Duggar returned home to Arkansas two months ago, and he appears to have taken a liking to the family business: restoring and selling used cars. People magazine also obtained the first photograph of Josh since his recent scandals surfaced, and he can be seen wearing a red T-shirt and black shorts while behind the wheel of a Jeep.

More: Apparently, Josh Duggar had the worst Mother's Day ever

There's been little information reported in the media about Duggar since he returned home, but he appears to be doing very well, a statement echoed by a source, who told the publication that he "looks happy" and "interacts very well with people." He has also reportedly been spending a lot of time at his parents' home and the family garage.

The Duggar clan sounds like they've welcomed Josh home, but if you were expecting the residents of Tontitown to put up a fuss over his return, you'd be wrong, because according to the source, "It seems like people don't really care."

More: Another Duggar faces a serious lawsuit, but this time it isn't Josh

Do you care? Are you surprised that Josh Duggar has returned home and is being allowed a shot at the family business? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.

Learn how to foam milk and be your own coffee barista

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I love my Starbucks, but sometimes shelling out money for coffee every day starts to pain my wallet.

Luckily there's hope for getting coffee shop-quality lattes and cappuccinos at home. The secret? Perfectly foamed milk. Try any of these methods to make a frothy topping for your next cup of joe, and your wallet and your taste buds will be happy you did.

More: 20 boozy coffee drinks guaranteed to perk you up

1. Use a jar

If you have a microwave, this method couldn't be easier. Use 2 percent or nonfat milk, which are higher in protein than whole and create a more stable foam. Add the amount of milk you want in your coffee to a microwave-safe jar, shake it until foamy, then microwave for 30 to 60 seconds. The heat will stabilize the foam, which you can then spoon on top of your beverage.

2. Handheld frother

A handheld frother, which is basically a mini electronic whisk, is a cost-effective and easy way to make foam for your coffee. This popular option is less than $7 and will whip up foam for your beverage in less than 30 seconds.

3. Automatic milk frother

If you're making coffee for a crowd, an automatic milk frother may be the answer. It's slightly more expensive, but all you have to do is press a button, and you'll have enough foam for a few beverages in minutes.

More: 20 items that show your coffee addiction has gone too far

4. French press

If you have a French press, making foam for your coffee is pretty easy. All you have to do is add warmed milk to your French press, then plunge the depressor up and down until you have the quantity of foam you desire.

5. Tea ball infuser with handle

A handheld tea ball infuser makes quick work of foamed milk — all you do is whisk vigorously. The tiny holes in the strainer add air to the milk quickly without breaking up the foam.

6. Use a whisk

It won't result in as thick a foam, but you can use a traditional whisk to make froth for your beverages. Just heat your milk, then whisk it briskly in a horizontal motion until you have enough foam for your drink.

More: 10 genius coffeemaker cooking hacks for when you don't have a kitchen

Being a muscular woman (unfortunately) puts a target on your back

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When archaeologists (or aliens) unearth our civilization in a thousand years, they’re going to look at all our celebrity sites and gossip mags and know one thing for sure: We people are a judgey bunch. And nowhere is that more apparent than when it comes to how we look. We shame people (women, mostly) for how they dress, for how they age, if they get plastic surgery and, of course, for how much they weigh. We’re all well acquainted with the horrific phenomenon of fat shaming, but now we can add the corollary to the very long list: fit shaming.

A recent comic comparing First Lady Michelle Obama’s beautiful, strong physique with Melania Trump’s beautiful, model-esque body shows this ridiculous shaming on so many levels. The artist implies that Michelle is a ‘roided out manly hag, while Melania’s more conventional, thin-but-not-muscular look will help “make America great again.” This is total, utter crap. First, because it shouldn’t matter at all what the first lady looks like — she’s a human, not a trophy — but also because people should focus on having a healthy body, and healthy bodies come in many shapes and sizes. (And that’s not even touching on the clearly racist undertones of this cartoon.) So why are people shaming Michelle for her fit lifestyle?

More: Working out at home is not equal to working out at the gym

Because women’s bodies are never good enough. We’re too old or too young, too light or too dark, too tall or too short, too enhanced or not made up enough, too manly or too curvy, too fat or too thin. Apparently, you can also be too fit, as shown by these 4 stories from real fit ladies.

My body created a 'hostile workout environment'”

Jen R., a mother of two, had found healing from her recent divorce in working out at the gym. But while she relished her new muscles and strength, not everyone felt the same way. One day, during a kickboxing class, Jen decided to take off her sweaty tee and finish the class in her sports bra. But before she could even throw a punch, the woman next to her huffed, “Ugh, you make me feel so bad about myself!” and moved across the room from Jen. Afterward, the teacher told her that the woman had complained that Jen was creating a hostile workout environment and that she should tell Jen to put a shirt on to create a more “body positive place” for everyone. “There’s this assumption that if you’re a woman showing skin that you’re showing off,” Jen says. “And yeah, I’m proud of my body — why shouldn’t I be? But that doesn’t mean other women should feel less than me!” She adds that she never returned to that class because she was so embarrassed about what had happened.

A client told me she didn’t want to look ‘big’ like me”

Being a personal trainer was a lifelong dream for Kirstin D. She’d gone through a lot with her body and had finally learned to love herself through powerlifting, an intense sport that focuses on strength over appearance. But all that was called into question when a client pointed at Kirstin’s super-strong legs and said, "I don't want to lift weights if it will make me big down there like you are!" She was crushed, as the woman had inadvertently stumbled onto her lifelong insecurity: her curvy frame. She tried not to show her pain at first, but the more she thought about it, the angrier she got. “That kind of attitude is what gives women eating disorders,” she says, adding that the ultra-lean “fitspiration” ideal is just as damaging as the super-skinny “thinspiration” one. "Being strong is empowering, and I wish more women knew that,” she says. “From now on, I am going to own being 'big down there' and use it to kick ass in my competition!”

More: How to feel more burn (not the political kind) just by walking

“A man mocked me for doing a lift he didn’t understand”

Videoing anyone in the gym without their permission is a cardinal sin, but it especially shouldn’t happen when the intent is to shame that person, as happened to an anonymous woman earlier this month when a man posted a video online mocking her for apparently sitting on a barbell. He implied she was stupid and didn’t belong on the weight floor — a fear many women already have. But thankfully, the internet schooled him, both on his terrible manners and on the fact she was doing a legitimate lift. “If you were at the gym to work on your body and actually learn, you might recognize that the girl behind you is attempting a Jefferson Squat... and instead of taking out your phone to make her a joke among your Snapchat followers, maybe you could have walked over to help her... but I have a feeling that you have never heard of a Jefferson Squat," wrote one Instagrammer.

“I fit-shamed myself for years”

I’ve always had a troubled relationship with my thighs. When I was younger I was a gymnast and often when I walked into meets someone would point at my large, muscular legs and say “vault specialist?” in a way that was not complimenting my vault skills. I defied the ideal of the tiny, lean gymnast, but as I got older I held onto that body insecurity along with my cut quads. As an adult, I’ll still try to dress in ways that hide or minimize my thighs. But as I was reading through these stories and talking to fit women, I realized that I’ve been fit-shaming myself. I have amazingly powerful, strong legs. They’ve taken me up 14,000-plus-foot mountains and down into Death Valley. They’ve helped me lift sleeping children and run marathons. They hold me up in complicated yoga poses. So what if they “hulk out” of jeans? Being strong and healthy is far more important than having a thigh gap. Dear thighs, my fit-shaming of you stops right here, right now. Love, Charlotte

Kim Kardashian legit can't wait for Rob Kardashian to be a dad

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Kim and Rob Kardashian may have had their disagreements, but she's ready to put it all behind her for their family's future namesake. While in Cannes, Entertainment Tonight reporters couldn't resist asking Kim how she imagines her brother will fare as a dad. Surprise, surprise: She thinks her big bro will be a great father.

More: Khloé Kardashian didn't hold back the insults when confronting Kris Jenner about Rob

"I mean, it's so exciting. It's a really exciting time for him," she told Entertainment Tonight. "I think he'll be the best dad. He's really just such a good, good person." What a nice compliment for her brother! But hold on — I can't help but notice that there's no mention of Blac Chyna's parenting skills in this quote. That could be expert-level shade. Let's take Kardashian's side and say it's just a sister who was focused and excited about how great her brother is going to be as a dad.

More: If Rob Kardashian gets his way, this baby's going to have a classic name

As a parents of two themselves and aunt and uncle to Kourtney Kardashian's three children Mason, Penelope and Reign, it's only natural that the new parents will come to Aunt Kim and Uncle Kanye for advice. So do they dole out parental wisdom to Rob? "We give him — I think more me — gives him advice and it's just been a really fun time," Kardashian told ET. "I'm really happy for them." Sure she is!

More: Even Rob Kardashian is getting involved in Tyga and Kylie's breakup

14 tips that will help protect your pup from abuse at the groomer

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Sending your dog to the groomer for a trim is a routine part of pet care – not a cause for worry – which is what makes the recent news of a PetSmart groomer being charged in the death of a 1-year-old dog all the more unsettling.

A groomer at a California PetSmart was arrested Sunday on suspicion of felony animal cruelty after Henry, a Dachshund, died just three minutes into his grooming appointment. Henry had suffered two broken ribs and a punctured lung, and an on-site veterinarian was unable to save him. PetSmart is working with police and conducting their own investigation into the incident.

Does this heartbreaking scenario sound familiar? It should – a similar incident occurred at a Petco last May. So how can pet parents keep our precious family members safe? Here are a few tips you should try before you book your dog's next grooming appointment.

1. Big chain groomers aren't necessarily safer

Many dog owners believe that by taking their pets to a big chain their dogs will be safer. While these chains may very well have rules their groomers should follow, that doesn't mean the individual stores and groomers are following them. Check out those groomers just like you would an independent owner.

2. Check groomers out online and on the BBB

If someone's dog is injured by a groomer, whether accidentally or due to abuse, that person will most likely turn to social media or other websites like Yelp to make note. He or she may also file official complaints with the Better Business Bureau. Obviously, grooming accidents happen (dogs are unpredictable), but you're on the lookout for neglectful or abusive behavior.

3. Ask if they're insured

Yep! You can buy insurance if you're a pet groomer. Ask what specific insurance they have and whether it covers any potential injuries to you dog.

4. Ask for credentials

While there's no licensing for pet groomers, they can still get certifications. Make sure you check out the source of the certification to see how they qualify. You should also ask if they've taken animal first aid and CPR courses. They may also be members of a pet groomer's association where they have access to educational workshops, so ask about that (and what courses they've taken), too. Remember, groomers are professionals in their field. This isn't an "I just needed a job" kind of thing, and if someone strikes you that way, skip him or her.

More: 13 dog breeds to match your active lifestyle

5. Ask to watch the first grooming (or three)

If you've never used a groomer before, stick around to see how he or she handles your dog. Tell the groomer to act like you're not there. Is he or she using gentle but firm restraining techniques? Is the groomer allowing other animals to roam freely? Does the groomer at any time leave the room without putting your pooch in a cage? The groomer should also be using natural calming techniques to ensure your dog stays under control. He or she may use massage and music and should talk to your dog in a calming tone (yelling makes it worse).

6. Check out the grooming table

Does it have a grooming arm (the device that helps the groomer restrain the dog so he or she can work hands-free)? Does that grooming arm have a quick release? It's important in case your dog jumps or falls off. If that happens when the groomer leaves the room (without putting the dog away properly) or if the dog is too large to handle, it could hang itself to death without it.

7. Check the products they use

Look for groomers who use high-quality, all-natural products. Research the brands they use to ensure they don't have nasty chemicals that can cause skin reactions (or cancer). This includes creative pet grooming products like dyes and polishes.

Next Up: Check the dryers and ask a lot of questions

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8. Check the dryers and ask a lot of questions

Make sure their dryers are in good repair (electric shock is a real hazard). Ask about (and observe) what precautions they take to ensure dogs don't overheat or get burned in the dryer. Heatstroke happens quickly for dogs. Ask (and verify) if they know the signs of heatstroke and how to treat it.

More: I'm spending thousands to keep my dog alive, and I wouldn't change a thing

9. Do they keep records?

Yes, there's software for that. Although some groomers may do it the old-fashioned way, you want to know that they keep detailed records about your pet — not just your payment and service history, but detailed health information (including allergies and other data).

10. Careful around the eyes?

When cutting and brushing near the eyes, do they slow down and maintain special care? Again, dogs are unpredictable, so caution is important to avoid eye injuries.

11. Use the same groomer every time

If your groomer has multiple people working, make sure your pet is seen by the same individual (the one you checked out) every time. Verify this each time you take your pet and leave instructions on file that no one else is to groom your dog. If he or she would like someone to train on your animal, make sure the trainee is supervised by the individual you've already approved (no one else) and only allow it if you can stay to observe.

12. Protecting your dog isn't impolite

I'm not suggesting you treat groomers as though they're underlings, but when it comes to your dog's safety, don't sit by and simply bite your nails if a groomer is doing something that makes you uncomfortable. Speak up and make sure you're firm that the behavior isn't tolerable. If a groomer refuses to acquiesce, ask him or her to stop and take your dog somewhere else… yes, even if it's wet.

More: Oh great, now we can’t give our dogs peanut butter?

13. Is your dog the problem?

Some dogs develop heavy anxiety at the groomer. For others, "raucous" is just their middle name. Either way, if you're not able to fix the problem by simply grooming at home, it's time to consider other options. Take your dog to the vet and ask for recommendations. Your vet may recommend simple behavior modification, which should be done under the supervision of a licensed behaviorist. Medications may also be an option. If the grooming your dog needs is relatively simple, the vet may even suggest doing it there (either under sedation or restraint). Your dog may not look as good as with a pro groomer, but at least the uncomfortable matted fur will be gone.

14. Trust your instincts

Just because someone gives you all the answers you want to hear doesn't mean he or she isn't shady. If someone gives you a bad vibe (or gives your dog one), there's something that isn't right. Trust that.

Sources: Pet MD, Animal Fair, About

Updated by Bethany Ramos on 5/18/2016

Lea Michele's new boyfriend has potential to end up being the one

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Lea Michele is seriously giddy thanks to her new boyfriend, and there's just no hiding it. She's just started dating iZombie actor Robert Buckley — although you probably know him as Clay Evans from One Tree Hill. If the way she smiled her way through the Fox Upfronts this week is any indication, the match is off to a great start.

Michele herself didn't officially confirm their relationship, although sources have done so to outlets like Entertainment Tonight and Us Weekly. But when asked, she didn't hesitate to mention how happy she's feeling right now. Hmm... we wonder what special something could be making her feel so good?

More: Lea Michele's now ex-boyfriend had a questionable past

"You know, I'm just feeling really great right now and super happy," she told Entertainment Tonight. "I feel very, very, very lucky and grateful in my life right now and that's all that matters."

After her February split from Matthew Paetz, her boyfriend of two years, Michele's "super happy" means the fans are super happy as well.

More: Lea Michele's new tattoo is the perfect tribute to her unconventional gran

Buckley may not have earned a direct mention at the Upfronts, but the pair is already stepping out in public. A spy tells Us Weekly that while eating out in Santa Monica, Michele and Buckley had their "arms wrapped around each other at their seats and rubbing each other’s backs." Sounds like new love, all right — get it, girl.

More: Lea Michele gets dis of a lifetime from Jessica Lange


If rumors are true, Scott Disick’s now hooked up with every Kardashian sister

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Five for five?

More: Tyga is trying to be the new Kanye West, but it isn't going to happen

Rumor has it that Kourtney Kardashian's ex-boyfriend Scott Disick has a real thing for the Kardashians — so much so that he's hooked up with almost all of them.

The one exception is Kylie Jenner, who's been in a committed relationship with Tyga since before she turned 18. But now that Kylie and Tyga have broken up, is Scott making his move on the final Kardashian sister?

Some reports say that Kylie and Scott could be more than friends. They've been spending a lot of time together since Kylie's breakup, and they were spotted partying together almost immediately after Kylie split from Tyga. One insider close to the family told Hollywood Life that it wouldn't be much of a surprise if there were something between Kylie and Scott.

More: Kylie Jenner's partying with the wrong person after her Tyga breakup

"She ran back into Scott’s arms after breaking up with Tyga, and people think they’re hooking up," the source explained.

Scott was dating Kourtney for more than nine years before they broke up, and he's the father of her three children. Still, that hasn't stopped him from getting cozy with all the other Kardashian sisters, according to the rumor mill. It hasn't been confirmed, but it certainly wouldn't be the only weird, complicated relationship situation in that household — when Kylie and Tyga were dating, it meant that Kylie was dating her brother's fiancé's baby daddy.

The family source continued, "No one would be surprised if Scott and Kylie went public with their relationship. This family has no boundaries."

If this rumor is true, the real question here is how does Kourtney feel about Scott's love for the whole family?

More: Even Rob Kardashian is getting involved in Tyga and Kylie's breakup

Do you think Scott Disick and Kylie Jenner are hooking up? Head down to the comments and let us know.

10 chick flick favorites and the wines to match for a girls' night in

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Is there anything better than having a movie night with your closest gal-pals? And a great girls' night requires a good drink (at least in my book)! I like Chateau Ste. Michelle's Indian Wells Chardonnay. A couple of bottles of wine + a huge bucket of popcorn (served in my appropriately named "raise a glass" ice bucket) is all you need.

Image: Chassity Evans/SheKnows

To get the party started, I put together a list of my 10 favorite chick flicks for this movie fest! Not an easy task since I have so many favorites.

Here are 10 of the best films along with the perfect pairings to make your night a blast:

  1. Julie & Julia
    You cannot in good conscience watch this foodie flick without wine, so make sure to have plenty of chardonnay on hand!
  2. Begin Again
    This musical rom-com is set in New York City, so what better pairing than pizza? Make it at home with your girlfriends for a fun pre-movie activity.
  3. Bride Wars
    Get into the wedding spirit with some something light and fun! Pinot gris would be the perfect sip here.
  4. Something Borrowed
    An all time fave, Something Borrowed, is a favorite book turned movie – and I highly recommend both. Read the book first. This movie demands a fruity and crisp wine like sauvignon blanc.
  5. The Holiday
    Jack Black, Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet and Jude Law are in this. This movie is such a treat you should serve something sweet like s'mores or chocolate chip cookies with it.
  6. Sleeping With Other People
    Sleeping With Other People is a newish flick and really fun to watch. I loved Jason Sudeikis in this. You're going to need to break out the popcorn for this one. I'm a butter and salt popcorn kind of girl, but my friend Gray is a parmesan cheese popcorn fan. So every time we get together for a movie we have to compromise.
  7. The Wedding Date
    Light, airy and crisp – this movie pairs well with a riesling. With a destination wedding in London plus Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney's chemistry, this film equals fun!
  8. Kate & Leopold
    In this, a 21st-century lawyer falls for a time traveling man from the 1870s. Serve throwback snacks like deviled eggs, franks in a blanket and spinach dip!
  9. How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days
    This is one of my all time favorites and another New York City-based romantic comedy. Who could forget Kate Hudson's infamous yellow dress? Or what about when Ben Berry prepared a beautiful roasted lamb with cherry glaze for "vegetarian" Andie Anderson? If you're not feeling up to making a whole rack of lamb, open up an equally-as-classy bottle of merlot to have with cheese and crackers.
  10. My Best Friend's Wedding
    The My Best Friend's Wedding soundtrack is reason enough to watch the movie (I own it and every song still takes me back to driving and singing in my high school Jeep). For this classic, you gotta serve guac and chips.

As you can tell from this list, clearly I have a favorite actress – hi, Kate Hudson – and wines. But they're all a great mix of old and new films that are as light and easy as the wines to pair with them. For more perfect sip moments, check out Chateau Ste. Michelle’s 10 Perfect Sips lists!

This post is sponsored by Chateau Ste. Michelle.

Moms, you need to realise how much child care costs are chewing your salary

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Australia is failing working moms, and this failure needs to be addressed by politicians in the upcoming elections.

More: Court denies mum the right to breastfeed her child

New findings from a study conducted by the Australian National University, commissioned by child care provider Goodstart Early Learning, reveal that child care costs are having a significant impact on a working mother's finances, with two-thirds of her gross earnings being lost on tax and child care alone. And women on lower wages are the most affected.

According to the ANU Centre for Social Research and Methods, a woman with an average income would earn $22.39 an hour for the first day of her work, but as the week went on and her child care costs accumulated, her average hourly income would drop to $13.83 and, by the last day of the week, settle at just $5.08.

Researcher Ben Phillips elaborated on the findings, saying, "We found for a low-income case, where a woman was earning only around $43,000 per year, when you include her husband's wage, you'll also find she's going backwards financially on the fifth day.

"What drives that is, you've got, say, child care costs of around $9 an hour or around, say, $90 a day. She's paying tax at around 32 cents in the dollar for around $43,000 a year — she's losing family payments.

"So she's actually losing money by turning up for work."

More: Blogger puts Donald Trump firmly in his place over abortion comments

Child care in Australia is overly expensive and is still set to rise for ­almost 100,000 families during the election campaign because of a federal government freeze on subsidies, The Australian reports.

Goodstart spokesman John Cherry said that 1 in 10 families would end up depleting its rebates in the next financial year.

"Government assistance has not been keeping up with the cost of child care, and as a result, families' out-of-pocket costs have been rising even faster," he explained. "Goodstart's data shows that not only are more families hitting the cap, but they are hitting the cap earlier in the year, leaving them without any subsidy for longer."

And these high costs could result in a career setback for many parents.

Many mothers are no longer able to afford the high cost of child care, and it could prevent them from going back to work. A difficult decision for parents, as, in recent years, for many families it has become imperative to have two incomes to alleviate their financial burdens due to increased living costs, but it's one that will also have a significant effect on the economy because it could dissuade moms from working and therefore paying tax.

In addition to this, a study from Harvard Business School, which included Australian figures, revealed that children of working mothers thrive: Daughters are better educated and earn more, according to an extensive study, while sons of working mothers are more aware of child care needs and domestic chores.

Yes, the workforce needs these mothers, but what's going to be done to ensure they're able to keep working?

It's clear that reliable, affordable child care needs to become a priority, and Jo Brisley, executive director of advocacy group The Parenthood, is calling for more accessible early learning care.

"Our politicians keep telling us that they are committed to jobs and growing our economy, but where is the evidence of that?" said Ms Brisley. "When half of the potential workforce is held back by the prohibitive cost of child care, reforms should be on top of the election agenda."

Let's hope these reforms will be on top of the election agenda ahead of the July 2016 elections.

More: 10 Australian mum bloggers who have broken the mold

We've had 20 wonderful years together by enjoying the small moments

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Do you have that special place in your life where everything just feels right and you can totally relax? A place where you can share a perfect sip from a glass of wine with a special someone? For me, it is the porch at our family's cabin in the mountains. My husband and I will be celebrating 20 years of marriage this summer, and we are very excited to reach this milestone. We recently spent an evening together in our favorite spot while enjoying a glass of Chateau Ste. Michelle wine.

Chateau Ste. Michelle wines are our go-to wines for their quality, taste and availability. On this particular evening, we enjoyed a crisp Columbia Valley Riesling and paired it with a light snack of grapes and cheese and crackers. I also stocked up on a few bottles of another one of our summer favorites, Chardonnay while I was at the local wine store. While sipping our wine, we talked about how far we have come in 20 years and our plans for the summer. As we enjoyed a perfect evening while making plans for what is to come, I was reminded of the saying, "Anticipation is greater than the reward." Sometimes the planning is the best part!

Image: Courtney Affrunti/SheKnows

With three growing sons, our lives move at a rather hectic pace. Our oldest will be starting college this fall. Therefore, we don't have the funds or the time to plan a big, fancy vacation for our anniversary. But that's OK by us. We will definitely spend some more time in the mountains with this family we've created over the past 20 years. Maybe we will go out to dinner at a fancy restaurant on our actual anniversary. We will certainly spend many more evenings just like this one, winding down after a busy day full of activities on the lake. It is always so fun to make plans at the beginning of summer. So many possibilities!

Quiet evenings like these are the real stuff that makes a marriage. Spending time talking together while enjoying some wine is the recipe for a happy and contented life, at least for us.

Looking for more inspiration this summer? Check out Chateau Ste. Michelle’s 10 Perfect Sips lists, with ideas for amazing getaways, summer party themes, and other moments that pair perfectly with wine.

This post is sponsored by Chateau Ste. Michelle.

RHONY's Dorinda Medley & Ramona Singer are still hurling insults at each other

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Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley are still going at it.

More: Ramona Singer has us worried about Sonja Morgan after last night's WWHL

Just after their spectacular fight aired on The Real Housewives of New York, the two co-stars took to Twitter to continue their feud, very publicly.

On the show, Medley and her boyfriend John Mahdessian threw a party, which turned sour when Mahdessian tried to throw LuAnn de Lesseps' ex, Rey, out of the house. When Singer defended Rey, she ended up in an ugly shouting match with Medley.

"I was so disgusted..I thought @ramonasinger was leaving with that nut job and I know she’s almost as certifiable as HE clearly was…. or IS," Medley tweeted after the episode aired.

Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley feud 1

Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley feud 1

Singer blasted back, writing, "Only you are certifiable and you know why I'm disgusted by the way john treats women including YOu!"

Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley feud 2

Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley feud 2

That tweet sparked a long rant by Medley, who wrote in a series of tweets, "Look it’s just not her place.. You don’t create problems just because there’s nothing interesting FOR YOU going on... It was Luann’s issue and she was gone. John was fully right in having him leave... It was disrespectful to me, to JOhn, to Malan, the caterer, the press, the guests, & the employees who worked hard to put this together... Just not nice and not right @ramonasinger. Look everybody.... She walked in with an agenda, it wasn’t positive, and this is a man's business!!!!"

More: RHONY's Ramona Singer involved in booze-fueled drama at holiday party

Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley feud 4

Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley feud 4

Singer responded with her own long series of tweets, ending the argument by writing, "I had no agenda I was there as you asked me to come at Luanne's event and to support you... I don't need Johns abuse but obviously you relish the way he treats us and abuses us... John should reel it in,,, even you did not go home with him. Had enough #goodnightmyfriends."

Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley feud 3

Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley feud 3

More: Ramona Singer has surprising news about LuAnn de Lesseps' fiancé

Who do you think is right in this feud?

4 lessons on keeping your swagger in a field that is all men

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I entered the corporate manufacturing world as a bright-eyed, naïve, eager and friendly 20-year-old woman. I curled my hair, I smiled big at everyone I met, and I was enthusiastic to prove myself as a hardworking team member. I was in for a rude awakening.

More: What it's really like working for the Republican National Convention

I am a young woman in a male dominated field. When I say male dominated, I am talking about men everywhere. My superiors are all male, those I solve problems with are all male, and those I manage are all men. Hundreds of men, day in and day out for over nine hours a day. Take my word when I say it's enough to take down a woman.

As much as we want to believe equality is real and sexism is dead, it isn't. It is alive and pumping in workplaces all across the world, and because of gender bias, I often have to work twice as hard as a man in my position. Gaining respect is a challenge, being treated professionally is a challenge and being seen as an equal is a challenge.

Learning to cope with the setbacks has been hard. I went into jobs fully optimistic with thoughts of "this will be better," only to learn that gender bias is universal. Being a woman in her late 20s in an operations position is never going to work to my advantage. So, I had a few meltdowns, cried a few times in the bathroom, bought a shirt that says "FEMINIST" to wear on casual Fridays and pulled myself together.

I developed tools to deal with being a woman in a male dominated field. You can't change men, but you can change how certain situations make you feel. You can change your behavior to make more constructive conversations successful, and you can kick ass as a woman in a male dominated world.

1. Leave feelings out of it

When resolving conflict in the corporate world, it will usually work to your benefit to leave your feelings out of it. Instead of explaining how a situation made you or others feel, explain bluntly and clearly why it was a problem. "Ted, you broke company policy and it is your job as manager to uphold the values of this company. It can't happen again."

I always find it helpful to not discuss issues immediately after they happen but to allow for a little bit of a cool-down period. The men I work with expect me to be emotional and sensitive. It is important to recognize that misconception and prove it wrong, because while a man might be perceived as passionate when upset, a woman is seen as weak. Take a few minutes to cool down, write down your thoughts and talk things out after the flame of anger has dwindled.

More: 5 questions you must ask before starting a business

2. Correct inappropriate issues immediately

I am not a fan of confrontation, and to be honest, I don't do well thinking on my feet when I am in a state of shock, which is the state I find myself in every time something unprofessional and inappropriate is said to me. I had a coworker recently tell me to put my "big girl panties on" and deal with a situation. I should have said a lot of things in response, but I couldn't. Instead, I said nothing. I was shocked into silence; I could only turn and walk away. I have to train myself now to respond quickly with, "That was an inappropriate comment, and I won't accept being talked to like that."

Another trap to avoid is allowing inappropriate comments to be made to you in an attempt to seem like "one of the guys." You aren't one of the guys. The second you allow for inappropriate comments to be made toward you, you are opening the doors for hundreds of more. You have to shut it down immediately and demand the respect that you deserve.

3. Disconnect

As women, we feel things — or I do, at least. This makes it hard for me, at times, to disconnect from certain situations. In a meeting recently, I was talking to a friend and I was explaining how a male coworker refused to support an initiative I was heading that would benefit the company. I explained to her that I felt he didn't like working with me, like he possibly felt I was too inexperienced to lead a project like this or was on a mission to discredit and embarrass me. My friend just looked at me and said bluntly, "Did you ever think that maybe he is just an asshole?"

That is what I needed to hear, and it put into perspective how wrapped up I get in my inability to disconnect sometimes. I was fully prepared to overthink this situation all the way home, through dinner with my family, through snuggling with my dogs and right into my warm bed. For what? Nothing. The ability to disconnect, to not take things personally and to think rationally about the men you work with is the best gift you could ever give yourself. Always disconnect.

4. Leave

This doesn't mean they win — it means you're smart enough to remove yourself from a bad situation. Some work environments are too immoral, and you should know when to walk out of the door. I once had a boss who, in front of my colleagues, told me to run out and get his milk for him because his cereal was dry. That was a helpless situation and one that I realized, after many other humiliating moments like this one, was never going to improve. So I quit.

I have never felt more empowered than I did on that day. You deserve to be treated with professionalism and respect, no matter what your gender. When the man who is supposed to be leading and guiding you sends you an email, cc'ing the entire team, asking if you can read (true story), it is time to go.

Even with these tips, some days will be ugly. As a woman, you have to fight harder, you have to sacrifice more, and you have to demand to be treated equally. It isn't impossible, but it is hard work. Use these tips to better your working relationships with men if you're in a male dominated field. Then sit back at your meetings, appreciating the fact you're one of the only women there, under 40, kicking ass.

More: I'm terrified a coworker will reveal my party-girl past

Michael Strahan is kind of rubbing his new job in Kelly Ripa's face

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Poor Kelly Ripa just can't get a break.

More: Kelly Ripa can't fool us with a thinly veiled slam against Michael Strahan

After all the drama surrounding her Live! co-host Michael Strahan's departure from the show, you'd think she would finally get a little bit of a break now that he's officially moved on to his new position on Good Morning America. Think again.

At his MSX fashion presentation in New York on Wednesday, Strahan opened up about his first week on the new job.

"Phenomenal. Amazing. Love it," Strahan, said at the event. "Amazing people!"

We get it. He has a great new job. But it's been less than a week. Does he need to be publicly raving about it already, after everything he's put Ripa through? It feels a little bit like he's rubbing it in.

As previously reported, Ripa, who had co-hosted Live! with Strahan for years, wasn't given any sort of a heads-up when he announced that he was leaving the show — she found out when a press release was issued to the public about the change. Feeling understandably jilted, she took several days off from hosting Live! until she'd received apologies from the network and from Strahan.

More: Michael Strahan makes promise to Kelly Ripa, but actions speak louder than words

During his final day on Live!, Strahan hinted that he could make future appearances on the show, even though he's now a regular anchor on Good Morning America.

"This is a moment that I didn't anticipate being here, at least at this point. But it's here," he said. "And we're going to enjoy it. I'm not dying. I'm still in the family. And I'm still available to come back if I'm ever called to co-host. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not gone. So, there we go."

Meanwhile, Ripa has returned to Live!, and there's still no word on who will join her as Strahan's replacement.

More: What drama? Kelly Ripa & Michael Strahan were adorable on his last day


Working under bright lights is giving your metabolism a run for its money

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Nobody likes those florescent overhead lights that still remain the primary lighting in most offices and schools. They make everyone look pallid and sickly, and their glare makes it difficult to focus and can even occasionally cause headaches. Thanks to science, we have one more reason to hate on them — they may be causing our metabolism to slow down to a slow crawl.

More: Chronic fatigue syndrome is so much more than exhaustion

Human resources departments everywhere, take heed. According to a new study that was conducted at Northwestern University (my alma mater, so you know it's trustworthy), bright light exposure can increase insulin resistance, which in turn raises blood glucose levels over time, leading to increased body fat and risk of diabetes. Add that to what sitting at a desk for long periods of time can do to your metabolism, and you've got a recipe for a rather unhealthy lifestyle.

While this news sounds pretty terrible, especially if you spend nine-to-five under such harsh lighting, the scientists who conducted the study are actually excited by the results. "It's cool that bright light has this effect, but we don't understand why yet," Kathryn Reid, senior study author and a research associate professor of neurology at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, said to ScienceDaily. "In theory, you could use light to manipulate metabolic function."

She makes an interesting point. If bright lights work to slow one's metabolism, perhaps levels of soft and/or low light would help speed it up. So rather than looking at it as a negative, perhaps we can use this newfound information to improve our work/school environments and make them healthier.

More: Artist creates spot-on comic about the constant need to love your body

There is one significant detail to this bright light exposure phenomenon of which we all should take note. The researchers found that people who were exposed to the most bright light in the morning (before 12 p.m.) weighed less than those who were exposed in the afternoon/evening. The worst time to be exposed to such bright lighting is after hours. Such exposure caused higher peak glucose levels than exposure at any other time.

Over-illumination can do a lot more harm than just slow down our metabolism. It can cause hypertension over time, which can lead to cardiovascular disease and even erectile dysfunction. This is partially because it disrupts our circadian rhythms, which in turn makes our bodies think it's daytime when it's not. This is why the effects of jet lag can feel so draining — the change in light exposure stresses out our bodies.

More: Collagen liquor claims to be the boozy fountain of youth

So how do we combat this? Fortunately, the interior design community has already taken strides to rectify the problem in offices and public buildings like schools by lowering light intensity and using bulbs other than florescent. There are also ways you can (and should) lower your exposure too. Whenever possible, use natural lighting when working rather than bright, overhead lighting. Replace any florescent bulbs with soft-light bulbs, and install dimmers. Try to not work after dark for too long, but if you must, make sure to lower the brightness level on your computer screen. Most important, get outside in natural light as much as you can to give your body a break from artificial light exposure.

Looks like Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell will not be having any more kids

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How would you feel if your husband went and had a vasectomy without talking to you about it first?

Dax Shepard recently stopped by for a visit with Jimmy Kimmel, where he revealed that he had done just that. Shortly after he and his wife, Kristen Bell, experienced a pregnancy scare while she was filming in Atlanta, he hopped a flight back to California and had the procedure done, without her knowledge. The pair, who already have two children, weren’t expecting to expect anytime soon.

More: Soleil Moon Frye's new baby name tells quite the story

According to Shepard, the scare happened on a Tuesday, and by Thursday that same week he was fully sedated while a urological surgeon sterilized him. “It’s great because they knock you out,” he told Kimmel.

What wasn’t so great was his wife Kristen’s reaction. Shepard claims she "wasn't thrilled" he’d had the procedure so suddenly, but her response begs the question: Do men owe it to their wives to get permission before getting snipped? After all, it typically does mean the end of baby-making, and that's a decision two people in a marriage tend to make together.

Interestingly enough, a quick internet search reveals that many urological surgeons in the U.S. require a spouse to sign a consent form for their husbands before they will perform a vasectomy. This massive invasion of personal autonomy and privacy is often touted as “legal.”

Katie Allison wrote in Babble about her experience during her husband’s vasectomy, which clearly correlates with other people’s experiences.

 “The nurse who had presented me with the consent form to sign had told me that ‘It’s the law,’ but I knew that couldn’t be right. If anything, the practice is likely against the law.”

There is no actual law requiring men to get consent from their spouses, but it’s left up to the individual doctors to decide. Some surgeons don’t want to deal with possible litigation later on from angry spouses who weren’t previously informed of their husband’s decision to become sterile, so they make the requirement.

In an age where we argue for the rights of women to terminate pregnancies and obtain contraceptives, it seems strange to think that anyone would expect a man to defer his rights in favor of his wife’s opinion.

More: Wait, Gilmore Girls' Alexis Bledel had a baby and no one knew?

Still, there’s an important distinction to make between requiring someone to get permission and encouraging someone to talk with their spouse about having a major medical procedure with lifelong consequences. In any committed, healthy relationship, communication is a way to maintain mutual respect and unity. When couples create families, there is an expectation that together they will not only co-parent but decide the fate of their family (including how many children they will have) together.

Shepard, before sharing his no-baby news, prefaced the discussion by telling Kimmel about his wife making an autonomous decision that also impacted him on a recent trip to Cuba.

“But my wife… she gave everything we own away there. We came with all this luggage, toys for the kids and everything,” he said. “She gave it all to the people of Cuba. She gave everything we own away. She didn’t run it by me, she just, she had heard they need things. So she found a charity and gave everything we own away.”

Eek! Communicating about important decisions that effect one another is a big, big part of raising children.

More: 10 things I want my daughter to know about her body before she's 10

While everyone's marriage and parenting styles are unique (and we certainly can't critique the cuteness of Shepard and Bell's relationship), if you were just nodding along on this one like NBD, it behooves you to remember communication can be an effective tool to combat common parenting problems like bedtimes and discipline methods.

Co-parenting isn't just about agreeing on when the kids should go to sleep or what to do when they misbehave. It's also about knowing how many children will make a family feel complete. When one parent makes the decision to effectively end their baby-making days without consulting their spouse, it can leave their partner feeling disregarded and disrespected. That can't be a good thing.

Of course, we don't know for certain if Bell was truly out of the loop about Shepard's decision to not have any more children. What we can hope is that when it really matters, the two are able to talk to one another before making life-altering choices.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below:

maternity shoot
Image: Kevin Cucci

Will The Good Wife spinoff answer burning questions about Alicia?

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Did The Good Wife's Alicia take her slap in the face as a wake-up call to meet her new life head on, or did she sue ex-partner and former friend Diane for battery? We'll know in 12 months.

CBS has given Christine Baranski’s character Diane Lockhart her own yet-to-be-named spinoff. Now, because of this new show set to launch in the spring 2017 on CBS All Access, perhaps we’ll find out where life has taken her or, given the controversial series ending, perhaps Alicia will be known as She Whose Name We Dare Not Speak.

More: The Good Wife didn't end perfectly — and I wouldn't have it any other way

Quick recap: Peter Florrick was accused off hiding evidence, which happened to be bullets, while prosecuting a case when he was a state attorney. Diane’s husband Kurt was a ballistics expert called to testify against him. To save her husband, Alicia must throw Diane's under the bus. She has Peter’s lawyer Lucca, played by Cush Jumbo, discredit Kurt by announcing in open court that he had an affair with his young, sexy and blonde colleague also involved in the case. This made his testimony suspect, and made mincemeat out of Diane's marriage. Alicia’s lucky she got off with a mere smack across the face.

More: Christine Baranski's husband Matthew Cowles dies at age 69

The new subscription series will pick up a year later, time enough for Diane to lick her wounds and, of course, get a divorce. Yes, I am making the assumption that she of the many tailored suits and bold statement necklaces has kicked her cowboy to the curb. My guess is that the all-female law firm she was going to start with persona non grata Alicia is up and running with Diane at the helm. With you-know-who out of the picture, this will undoubtedly bump sassy, one-time bond court attorney Lucca up the organization chart to second in command.

According to the network, two of the strongest female legal eagle characters on TV will be joined by new ones as their professional and personal stories evolve. A new man — or maybe many men — vying for Diane’s well-manicured hand is a must. She deserves it. I also hope this extension series means we’ll get to see Cary again, and be treated to the return of Kalinda as well.

More: 6 Best Julianna Margulies scenes from The Good Wife

The show, however, would be one gavel bang away from a ratings record-breaker if Diane and Lucca went up against the former Mrs. Florrick in court. Who would object to that?

Next spring can’t come soon enough.

How excited are you that a little of The Good Wife lives on?

Details about Farrah Abraham's new sex tape scandal are, well, bizarre

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Farrah Abraham's sex tape, Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom, is old news, but this recently uncovered court filing about a second sex tape is definitely something we haven't heard before.

More: Farrah Abraham did porn — it's old news and we should stop judging her

Radar Online has reportedly obtained court documents filed by a man named Jonathan Lee Riches who accused Abraham of secretly filming a sex tape with him, then blackmailing him by threatening to release it. Um, what?

According to Riches, the incident took place in 2012, when Abraham met up with him at a Holiday Inn in Iowa. The pair allegedly had sex, and unbeknown to Riches, Abraham was underage and she filmed the entire encounter.

"I was actually filmed without my consent by her and now Abraham is selling this illegal tape to the Adult Entertainment Industry for millions of dollars," Riches claims in the documents, Radar Online reports.

If you thought these allegations were bizarre, they only get weirder, because Riches also claims that Abraham has been blackmailing him with the tape, claiming, "Abraham tells me I have to pay her $1,000 a month in hush hush money not to expose our past relationship or she will call the police on me and press charges."

More: Farrah Abraham's latest actions are incredibly damaging for rape survivors

OK, but here's the real kicker... in addition to these very, very strange claims, Riches also insists he is the "true father" of Abraham's daughter, Sophia (not Derek Underwood) — there's no way he can be Sophia's father because she was born in 2009, and the timeline is completely off. And even worse, he says he only slept with her when she was a teenager because he was "acting on the advice of my mentor Josh Duggar."

And now? Apparently, Riches is no longer scared and believes that Abraham is a "scam artist." According to the publication, he asked for a temporary restraining order against Abraham on March 14.

"I seek a restraining order to forbid Abraham from selling, distributing or giving away this sex tape of us, total invasion of privacy," read the documents.

Minds blown! And the judge's mind must have been too, because the case was reportedly thrown out of court on March 21.

More: The hate directed at Teen Mom's Farrah Abraham and Jenelle Evans is not OK

If you had any doubt as to the validity of these claims, Abraham weighed in, telling the publication, "This makes no sense and is not true, clearly. Everyone knows who Sophia's dad is. No one knows who this guy is."

Wow. We know there have been some pretty strange claims over the years, but could this be the most bizarre claim you've read? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.

You may think these 'mom-isms' are funny but your kid doesn't

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Parenting can test our will and patience in ways we never dreamed possible. Unless you're one of the chosen few who is parenting a mini angel, you may be familiar with lying, sulking, yelling, the stomping of feet, the coloring of walls and (when they get a bit older) the taking of your car without asking and staying out long enough to turn your hair completely grey. There's a darn good reason everyone says it's the most difficult and rewarding job you'll ever have.

You may have found yourself, at some point, in mid-scream about to say something you knew you'd regret. And because you're only human, there's a good chance you've said it. What's done is done and today is a new day to live and learn — parenting experts clued us in on 10 phrases you should never say to your children, no matter how angry, frustrated, or downright frightened out of your mind you get over something they did.

More: Burping, eating candy and 8 other ridiculous reasons kids got in trouble at school

1. "You are so annoying/I don't like you much right now"

Licensed Therapist Crystal Rice says she hears a lot of well-meaning parents use this phrase as a way to try and curb their child's obnoxious behaviors. The problem is: Kids aren't always hearing every word we say and will often cling to those that hurt most. "Children will remove the 'right now' and hear only that the parent finds them intolerable; the line between when they're 'likable' and not becomes too blurred," Rice says.

2. "Ugh. You're just like your mother/father."

If you're comparing your kid's amazing creativity or ability to forgive and forget easily with their parent because they both share the same desirable trait, well, that's one thing. But, Rice says, too often this is said when the child is exhibiting a behavior the parent finds unfavorable in the other parent. "So a child is being a picky eater and you're frustrated," Rice says. "So you throw down the fork and exclaim, 'Ugh, you're just as picky as your mother.' This not only sends the message that the child is being rejected, but also the other parent. It creates a divide where a child is forced to identify with or pick a side to please a particular parent, while also modeling poor relationship skills."

More: My kid got a real history lesson when she skipped school

3. "You're such a picky eater"

Even if your child refuses to eat any food that isn't brown or coated in sugar, avoid calling him a "picky eater" because the label just might stick and create a situation where he tries to live up to it. "Whether we call a child 'a math whiz' or 'the artist in the family,' they will strive to become that, and other members of the family reinforce that role for the child," says Dr. Nimali Fernando, a parenting and feeding specialist and co-author of Raising a Healthy, Happy Eater: A Stage-by-Stage Guide to Setting Your Child on the Path to Adventurous Eating. "When parents call kids 'picky eaters' the child begins to see themselves that way. We want kids to think of themselves differently. All kids are 'food explorers' when we teach how to parent in the kitchen. Learning to be an adventurous eater takes time and lots of exploration."

4. “Your sister is so good at that"

Comparing one of your children to the other really is like comparing two delicious fruits grown on opposite sides of the planet. It never works in motivating one kid to stop an undesirable behavior and creates resentment and a competitive environment. "That sort of comparison is like telling your second husband that your first husband 'was so good at doing dishes' and expecting him to grab a sponge and start to happily scrub away at the pots and pans," Fernando says. "We ask parents to keep in mind that comparisons like that silently include the phrase 'and you’re not' at the end. Comparing kids is never a good thing."

5. "Stop crying"

It's tempting to tell a child who is inconsolable over not getting a new toy to toughen up, or that "it's not the end of the world." But telling a child to stop crying is no different than telling a child not to feel, says Sherianna Boyle, author of The Conscious Parent's Guide to Childhood Anxiety. "Anything that promotes non-feeling, promotes pain," Boyle says. "In order for children to grow emotionally and intellectually it is essential that they learn about the value of their emotions. Otherwise, they are likely to grow up believing that somehow they need to protect themselves from feeling. This puts up invisible walls which can impact self-esteem, relationships and overall motivation. Certainly if your child is crying you can encourage him to calm down, or escort him to a safe, private place where he can pull himself together. However, telling a child to stop crying — particularly in public — can be humiliating."

6. "You’re a bad boy/bad girl"

There are no "bad" children, only poor decisions that they can either learn from with our help, guidance and appropriate discipline (when required), or be made to feel shame for choosing. "This teaches children that their worth is dependent on the evaluation of others," Boyle says. "Children learn to either please or withdraw. Instead, focus on choices. There are good choices and not-so-good choices; however, no matter what we choose, this does not impact our inherent worth as a human being."

7. "Suck it up, I had to get through it"

Our experiences are ours alone and what we took away from them has nothing to do with the journey our children have to take in life. Telling them to "suck it up" because you had it worse devalues your child's experience, Boyle says. "The bottom line is today's world is completely different than the one many parents today grew up in," she says. "We really don't know what it is like to be a teen today. Telling your child or teen to suck it up will leave a child or teen feeling misunderstood and/or ignored."

More: Three kids with three different dads doesn't make me a 'slut'

8. "Only if you are good"

Don't base rewards on something as subjective as whether your child is "good" because the word is quite meaningless and takes away from kids being kind and well-mannered because it's the right way to be — not because they'll get a cookie or toy at the end of the day. "Anything that begins with 'only' or 'should' sets children up for a guilt trip," Boyle says. "The bottom line is, telling a child they will get a treat only if they are good is based on a parent's viewpoint. One person's view of good may be different than another's. Also, a parent's mood highly impacts their decisions. The word 'only' implies that they have to earn love, approval or attention. With that said, children can lose a privilege if their behavior is inappropriate. Something like, 'I love you, hitting and whining are not OK. Looks like the arcade won't work out today.'"

9. "If you don't get good grades you won't be able to go to college and have a good life"

Even if your child acts nonchalant and cooler-than-thou about this one, trust that he or she is frightened at the thought of failing in life and that this comment won't set them up for success. "This one puts a tremendous amount of pressure on kids," Boyle says. "The reality is if a child really wants to go to college there are many different avenues to explore. Some children don't really blossom until they are out of the atmosphere of peer pressure. Being a college professor myself, I see many students who did not do well in high school who thrive in a community college setting."

things not to say to kids
Image: Terese Condella/SheKnows
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