Maybe it’s the politically sad state of our own nation, or maybe it’s just that she’s awesome, but whenever there's fun news of the queen, we tend to get really, really excited. There's just something so happy and pleasant about the British royals — plus, even when they do crazy things like refuse to travel without chocolate cake, they seem a lot saner and more stable than some other world leaders.
Queen Elizabeth II and her husband, Prince Philip, visited Whipsnade Zoo in England and took the time to meet the zoo’s nine resident elephants. One is actually named after the queen because she happened to be born a few days before the queen’s 90th birthday. They also met 7-year-old Donna, who was so excited to meet the Queen, she let her feed her a banana.
Image: Getty Images/Mark Cuthbert (Isn't this photo "aww" on so many levels?)
"The elephants, when they saw Her Majesty, were excited and we know that, actually, because we track their communications in the barn and we could see that they were excited with what was going on," ZSL zoological director David Field said. And according to zoo officials, the queen was just as delighted to meet the elephants.
If only every political introduction could be as feel-good as when Queen Elizabeth meets animals who are nearly as regal as the queen herself.
Question: I’ve been experiencing bleeding and spotting after sex multiple times (so I know it’s not my period). Why is this happening, and what can I do to fix it?
Answer from Dr. Sherry Ross: It may be reassuring to know spotting or bleeding after sex is common and can come from the vagina, cervix or urinary tract. It occurs most commonly in women 20 to 40 years old.
Cervical cancer: A very rare cause of spotting. Yearly Pap smears will ensure this is not the cause.
Cervical ectropion: Also known as cervical eversion, this is a normal physiological change of the cervix causing inflammation on the surface of the cervix.
Cervical polyps: Benign cervical polyps commonly occur in women over 20 years old.
Menstrual bleeding: An early or unexpected period can happen due to environmental or hormonal causes.
Pregnancy: Definitely worth checking!
Sexually transmitted infections: Chlamydia and gonorrhea cause vaginal bleeding after sex.
Trauma to the vagina or cervix: A larger or thicker penis and a smaller vaginal opening can create lacerations in the vagina. Cervical bleeding can also occur with deeper penetration.
Vaginal atrophy: Another form of vaginal dryness occurring in menopausal women who are not taking hormone replacement therapy causing dry, thin and fragile vaginal tissue.
Vaginal dryness: Often caused by inadequate foreplay or vaginal lubrication.
Vaginitis: Yeast and gardnerella infections create inflammation and swelling in the vagina and cervix.
What can be done
Perform a pelvic exam, Pap smear, vaginal cultures (to rule out STIs and vaginal infections) and pregnancy test. This will help determine the majority of causes of bleeding or spotting after sex.
Once the cause is identified, treatment can be determined. Bleeding or spotting after sex is terrifying. It’s most likely nothing to worry about, but seeing your health care provider is recommended just to make sure everything checks out OK.
We’re beyond thrilled to announce that we’ve been nominated for a Webby Award this year in the Lifestyle category. The Webbys recognize various sites’ excellence and creativity (basically the Oscars of the internet), so scoring a nomination is a pretty big deal. But we need your help!
Voting is open to everyone, which is where you — our SheKnows family — come in.
To support us and help clinch our victory as the ultimate lifestyle destination, click the link here to log into the Webbys website with your Gmail, Twitter, Facebook or email account (and don’t worry, the Webbys have ensured that you won’t get weird emails or spam). After you sign in, you can vote for us!
Voting is open until April 20, and every vote counts — especially yours. You already know that SheKnows is the best, but let’s show the internet what we’ve got. Happy voting and thank you!
Apparently, that soft side doesn't extend to his own children.
According to a new interview with The Telegraph, Ramsay is just as hard on his four kids as he is on the poor, hapless suckers who compete in his kitchens. Eighteen-year-old Megan, 17-year-old twins Holly and Jack and 15-year-old Matilda aren't inheriting their dad's estimated $160 million fortune except for a little help with down payments on their first apartments, and they don't get to enjoy too many other perks of their family's wealth, either.
"It’s definitely not going to them, and that’s not in a mean way; it’s to not spoil them," Ramsay explained. "The only thing I’ve agreed with [my wife] Tana is they get a 25 percent deposit on a flat, but not the whole flat."
He also gleefully makes the kids ride in coach while he and his wife enjoy first class any time the family travels.
"They haven’t worked anywhere near hard enough to afford that," Ramsay said. "At that age, at that size, you’re telling me they need to sit in first class? No, they do not. We’re really strict on that. I turn left with Tana and they turn right and I say to the chief stewardess, 'Make sure those little fuckers don’t come anywhere near us. I want to sleep on this plane.' I worked my fucking arse off to sit that close to the pilot, and you appreciate it more when you’ve grafted for it."
"They have a completely different life than I did growing up," he said. "I worked my arse off to get out of the shit mess that I grew up in and they’re grateful, they’re not spoiled."
Ludacris: So, I really want some swoll, poppin' abs in my new video, but, like, the gym is boring and I'm not gonna stop eating corn dogs. Also let's not spend any money on special effects, like, at all.
No, seriously. That's clearly exactly how things went when Luda was planning his new video for "Vitamin D," because the result is this:
Ludacris' abs for his Vitamin D video are so wrong
Ludacris' abs for his Vitamin D video are so wrong
He either 'shopped those abs, but didn't want to spring for actual Photoshop so they just used Microsoft Paint on a desktop they found in someone's garage or they took a little field trip to Sephora to paint that shit on, but could have used a YouTube tutorial or seven, because that is not Luda's shade.
Anyway, the joke's on all of us, because apparently Ludacris was just trolling everyone and the bad CGI'd abs are supposed to be in the video — they're the result of a weird fever dream before he wakes up surrounded by lingerie-clad doctors. Nothing about this makes sense, but we can all rest easy knowing Luda was in on the joke at least.
When we break into a bag of leafy greens, we expect to get plenty of nutrients, but one couple just got a whole lot more protein than they bargained for. In an encore to yesterday’s horrifying dead-bat-in-salad incident, two people in Maryland found something just as terrifying in their bag of spinach: A scorpion. Even worse, this time, the unwelcome guest was STILL ALIVE.
"I saw something inside the bag, crawling,” Sri Sindhusha Boddapati told NBC Washington. She was able to finagle it out of the salad and into a plastic water bottle. “I thought it was a cricket in the beginning, and then I noticed when it was in the bottle that it is a scorpion.” Blechhh, can you imagine?
Boddapati, who found the scorpion in a bag of supposedly triple-washed spinach she and her husband bought at a Giant grocery store in Chevy Chase, Maryland, recorded the creature on her cellphone and reported it to the store, which went on to remove that brand of bagged spinach from their shelves.
So, um, it's safe to say that the triple-washed spinach you've been too lazy to wash before cooking has not necessarily actually been washed three times (although scorpions can reportedly survive for a couple of days under water). Either way, please, please wash your greens before digging into them — we don't want anyone dying of a scorpion sting or bat-induced rabies! Honestly, eating healthy's never been so high-risk.
It's not easy being a teenage girl. It's not any easier being a parent of one. To help you manage this challenging parenting stage, we spoke to three experts to find out what your teenage daughter really wants you to know.
"My personal style is not confined to gender norms"
If there's any stage of life that's perfect for experimenting with style and self-expression, it's the teenage years. It's important for parents to support their teen daughters, even if they don't share their personal style. "Girls might wish parents understood that their personal style and way of being is not confined to gender norms," said Rachel Kazez, licensed clinical social worker and founder of All Along, "Trans and non-binary teens often feel misunderstood by parents," she added.
"It's not always my fault if I don't open up to you"
While it's natural for teens to keep secrets from their parents, you can engage with your teenage daughter in many ways to improve communication. "Try engaging with your teen in a variety of ways and being open to their preferences and pace," suggested Kazez. "For example, your teen might tend to share details about their life while driving in the car, while another of your children might feel more connected and want to share while in nature or doing an activity." Also, how you react when they do share with you is crucial. "If your teen has seen you listen to them share something vulnerable and then use it against them, punish them for it or be overly sympathetic or worried, they will be less likely to open up in the future."
"I respect you"
Even if your teenager daughter doesn't say so, she still values what you think. "I don't spend a lot of time with my mom," said 16-year-old Tara. "But I still value what she thinks. I might not ask for her opinion a lot of the time, but whenever I have a big decision to make, I wonder, 'What would my mom do?' She's a single mom who has worked really hard to create a good home for my sisters and I, and I respect that so much. I just don't always have the opportunity — or the right words — to tell her that."
You might think your teenage daughter pays attention to nothing beyond the screen of her smartphone, but she knows a lot more than you give her credit for. "I know my parents' ATM numbers, where they hide the key to the safe and what they argue about," said 15-year-old Katie. "I know way more about my family than they think I do." For this reason, it's better to involve your teenage daughter in open conversations about important family issues than try to sweep them under the carpet.
"Things were very different when you were a teenager"
Every generation of teenage girls faces different issues and challenges, meaning your own experience as a teenager only goes so far in helping you understand them. Today's teens are growing up in a digital age, where things change quickly and pressures are immense. It's difficult to relate to communicating and socializing via Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram when email wasn't even an option in your own teen years. "It's impossible for parents to fully understand how important social media is to teenagers," said Tara. "We need to keep connected through all those different platforms, and because it's so visual, there's extra pressure to look good." You might not ever figure out Snapchat, but you can educate yourself to help your teenage daughter stay safe online.
"I'm not trying to dress seductively"
It's natural to want your teenage girl to cover up, but it can be dangerous to make a bigger deal out of her outfit choices than necessary. "I have constant battles with my parents over how I dress," said Katie. "They worry that if I wear a short skirt or a low-cut top, I'm going to attract the wrong kind of attention. But being seductive is the last thing on my mind when I choose my outfit for the day. I'm just trying to fit in with everyone else."
Your teenage daughter isn't the same as all other teenage girls — and that's something else she wants you to know. "The best way for parents to understand teenage girls is to ask a teenager, 'What do you think adults don't understand about teens?'" said Kazez. "Whether through volunteering, your friend's kids, your own kids, etc., getting to know teenagers is the best way to, well, get to know them."
Does your dog boast a big booty? What about a bit of a muffin top where the waist should be? When you’re petting him, is it really hard to count his ribs without pressing deeply? If you answered yes to any of these, your dog’s likely overweight. (Find out other signs of dog and cat obesity.) While some people do love to remark, “Oh look how fat and cute he is!” at fleshy Fidos, obesity can pose a serious problem to our pets’ health and well-being. And the problem is spreading.
In a winter 2016 survey conducted by the Association for Pet Obesity Prevention, “53.9% of dogs and 58.9% of cats were classified as overweight (body condition score, aka BCS 4) or obese (BCS 5) by their veterinary healthcare professional.” That’s approximately 41.9 million dogs and 50.5 million cats! The numbers of overweight pets have been steadily increasing for at least the last four years.
Find out more about the survey’s results below and then read about why pet obesity matters and what you can do about it.
Pet obesity video
Pet obesity video
Disease in your obese pet
Remember, obesity is not simply about weight. Obesity is about excessive fat storage on your pet and the physiological and biological impact it can have on the rest of the body.
Diabetes: Overweight cats more often develop insulin resistance than normal weight cats. This can eventually lead to a diabetes diagnosis. Dogs, too, are at risk for diabetes, although it doesn’t seem to be as closely related to obesity as it is in cats. (Find out five early warning signs for diabetes in cats and diabetes in dogs.)
Joint and mobility issues: Extra weight places extra force (and extra work) on the musculoskeletal system. Over time, this can lead to arthritis, chronic pain and systemic inflammation.
Respiratory disease: Muscles help lift the ribcage so the lungs can fully expand and take in the necessary air. With more weight on the chest, it becomes increasingly difficult for this process to happen. Less oxygen in the system can make for more medical problems than any pet parent would like to see their pet go through, like Pickwickian syndrome or a collapsed trachea.
Urinary issues: Feline lower urinary tract disease is commonly correlated with obesity. Obese female dogs can develop excessive folds around their genitals that make them prone to frequent urinary tract infections and can potentially require surgery.
The good news is that all of these diseases can be prevented or treated — and some even reversed — with weight loss. Read Farmer’s entire article on the "Most Common Diseases Associated With Pet Obesity" for more information on each.
Even though over half of cats and dogs are overweight or obese, a whopping 81 percent of pet parents still believe their pet is at a normal weight according to the APOP survey. Are you in denial about your pet’s weight? (Most of us are).
One of the major challenges with identifying whether your pet is or is not obese is that determining qualifications vary depending on breed and size. Fifty pounds on an adult lab looks vastly different than 50 pounds on an adult beagle and poses different health risks too.
Your vet will probably use a body condition score to assess your pet’s physique. These are more descriptors than hard numbers to consider (like when we calculate BMI in humans).
Confession time (this is a safe space, right?): I haven't seen a single episode of Big Little Lies. I really want to. I'm just busy, ya know? Also I had the flu last week and started watching Pretty Little Liars and now I'm two and a half seasons in and committed. There's a theme here. I'm really late to the party when it comes to the TV shows literally everyone watches.
But even though I still haven't watched Big Little Lies, I've been on the internet, so I'm obviously aware of how obsessed people are with the show. I'm also aware that it was hugely successful for HBO — ratings increased 64 percent between the premiere and the finale — so the network would be insane to just leave it as a seven-episode limited series.
Fans have been downright begging for a second season, and it sounds like they may get their wish. Author Liane Moriarty, who wrote the book on which the series is based, told the Sydney Morning Herald that producers have already approached her about continuing the story.
"I have started to think about ways this could continue," she said. "The producers have asked me to see if I can come up with some ideas. I wouldn’t write a new book but perhaps a new story, and then we’ll see what happens."
Not everyone is on board, though. Director Jean-Marc Vallée has said previously that the series is "a one-time deal," and that it's peaked, so everyone should just leave it at the high point it reached. Still, money is money, and HBO is likely to give the fans what they want (to pay for).
Keep it up, guys. In a few years when I finally get around to watching this, I want to be able to binge all of the seasons.
Now, we all know that after some serious back and forth conversations, teasing and final confirmations, Will & Grace is coming back for a revival season during the 2017 – 2018 season on NBC. And it isn't just fans of the show who are excited for the show's return.
"I'm thrilled about getting back to the world of Will & Grace," Messing says in an interview with SheKnows. The excitement started up late September of last year, when a short, nine-minute skit was released in honor of election season. While the cast and production crew of the show were in talks for a bit of time, the skit really pushed progress forward. After receiving nearly 5 or 6 million views, many felt that it was time to bring the beloved sitcom back to life again.
With a show that pioneered making bold statements and encouraging inclusion, the introduction of a remake during a time when inclusivity and diversity are huge issues being discussed at all times seems opportune. "It was always about making social commentary, shining a light on the politics in our country and pop culture, what’s happening in pop culture and keeping it very in real time," Messing says, addressing what fans can look forward to with the show’s return.
But this isn't Messing's only revival.
Fans of Dirty Dancing are ready to have the time of their lives when the revival airs on May 24 on ABC. Messing, in multiple interviews, has cited Dirty Dancing as one of the most influential films in her life, with Baby being the character that convinced her to continue pursuing her acting career.
For those who might be worried it won't live up to the original, let Messing assure you: The iconic moments will be there. "It has all the music that the original had. It has all the dance numbers. It has the iconic lift, everything that you loved from the original is in there." But how will it be different? The audience will find out what happened to Baby and Johnny after the summer and the other characters are more complex with much more backstory to them. And with Messing playing Baby’s mom, Marjorie Houseman, we’re sure that it won’t disappoint.
And these remakes aren't the only projects keeping Messing busy. She has recently partnered up with CoolSculpting — a noninvasive, fat-freezing method that doesn’t require surgery, pain or even a recovery period. "I love the fact that CoolSculpting is really an option that is about empowerment. It's about embracing and loving who you are," she says. You can read in more detail in our interview with her this Thursday. So stay tuned!
As General Hospital fans mourn the death of Peter Hansen at the age of 95, many will remember him as one of the cast members who made General Hospital a global phenomenon during the Luke and Laura heyday. However, his contributions to the show — including his alcoholism storyline — were even more significant than younger fans may even realize.
Hansen, who joined the cast in 1965, played Lee Baldwin, a lawyer who was considered an upstanding member of his community. But his character had a secret: a drinking problem. This storyline earned him an Outstanding Supporting Actor Daytime Emmy in 1979, the first year this category was created.
Peter Hansen GH tweet
Peter Hansen GH tweet
While an alcoholism storyline doesn’t seem revolutionary in 2017, it was in 1979. At the time, men were less likely to be portrayed as alcoholics on screen versus women and there were stereotypes surrounding anyone who was an alcoholic. In Richard Dyer’s 1977 book, The Matter of Images: Essays on Representations, he talks about how Hollywood portrayed alcoholism.
Hansen’s storyline on GH fell somewhere in between. He was a flawed man with so much potential that was being restricted by his alcohol issues. He put a face to addiction through his honest portrayal.
Unlike a sitcom that would neatly tie up his addiction in 22 minutes, GH made it a part of his everyday life. Lee Baldwin became a volunteer addiction counselor at General Hospital. The soap didn’t shy away from the highs and the lows of being a recovering alcoholic.
Peter Hansen and Kin Shriner-GH
Peter Hansen and Kin Shriner-GH
Even though Scotty Baldwin was Lee’s adopted son, the younger Baldwin spiraled out of control with his own alcohol issues during his love triangle with Luke and Laura. It created some wonderful father-son moments about open and honest communication during dark times. He always stood by his son — no matter what he was going through.
Peter Hansen and Kin Shriner-GH-2
Peter Hansen and Kin Shriner-GH-2
Soaps have always pushed society’s boundaries and been ahead of the curve when it comes to covering controversial topics. GH made sure to make Lee Baldwin’s recovery an important part of his daily life. They didn’t just drop it once he was sober.
In 1983, GH once again drilled the fact that society often holds an addiction against the people who are doing their best to live an honest life. Alcoholism and the workplace came to the forefront when Lee was running for mayor against Luke. Luke’s campaign manager threatened to use Lee’s alcoholic past to smear his honor.
By portraying various stages of alcoholism for 39 years on GH and Port Charles, Hansen allowed some families to start a dialogue, to communicate about a disease that affects an entire family and give a face to addiction. Hansen never discussed how effective his work was about breaking down societal stereotypes, but his legacy and impact have been felt for decades.
As if anyone struggling with celiac disease doesn't have enough to deal with, worrisome new research published in Pediatricsindicates that women with celiac disease may be twice as likely to develop anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder that affects 1 percent of U.S. women).
The researchers studied 17,959 Swedish women with celiac disease and compared them to a control group of 83,379 women who weren't celiacs. Women over 20 with celiac disease were doubly likely to develop anorexia later in life than women without celiac, and women who were diagnosed with celiac before age 19 were almost five times likelier to have been diagnosed with anorexia than women without celiac.
Since celiac disease can be difficult to diagnose, and since the symptoms of the two diseases — weight loss, fatigue, bloating — can present similarly, the researchers suspect this might play a role in the association between the two conditions. In other words, some of the subjects could have been initially misdiagnosed with celiac disease, but in reality were struggling with anorexia and vice versa.
However, it's also possible that there's an emotional link there too. It's unlikely that the strong correlation between the two diseases can be solely explained by misdiagnoses of symptoms. "The present study suggests that excessive focus on diet in patients with [celiac disease] may lead to development of [anorexia nervosa] in susceptible individuals," wrote study authors Neville H. Golden and K.T. Park.
Celiac disease — an autoimmune disorder where your body rejects gluten, the protein found in wheat — affects 1 percent of Americans. That might not seem like a lot, but it nets out to about three million people (and some numbers indicate that about 95 percent of celiac cases go undiagnosed, so it's probably even more than that). And the disease tends to be more prevalent in women.
That means we should all be aware of the crossover between these two conditions and the fact that celiac could predispose some to anorexia. Serious stuff, but good to know.
Bill Murray is the lovably sarcastic actor whose sense of humor is drier than the Sahara Desert. That, combined with his inescapable charm, has helped him land unforgettable roles in movies like Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, What About Bob, Lost in Translation and (of course) Caddyshack. Basically, Murray is the shit, and you probably love him.
Case in point: Murray's lovability was front and center when he got silly while throwing out the first pitch at Charleston RiverDogs baseball game in South Carolina. The Huffington Post was quick to point out that Murray, who is co-owner of the team, was attempting to really make the opening day pitch all the more memorable with some good ol' fashioned bribery. To make sure that his opening day pitch went smoothly, Murray tried to grease the umpire's mitts with some cash, the joke being that if they had a monetary incentive, they'd make sure to call his first pitch as a solid one. This guy!
Bill Murray Baseball Tweet
Bill Murray Baseball Tweet
This event is just one of the many that confirm Murray is probably one of the coolest dudes around. But what would it be like if he were a part of your life in a very real way? What if he were the one person who was there to give you great life advice while also making sure that family road trips weren't boring? What if he got you the best birthday presents? What if he totally pretended he loved your Father's Day gift while clutching the receipt because he was going to return it the next day?
Because he's a cool dad and definitely not like the other dads, Murray would definitely let you have one tiny sip of his beer while you two watched the Super Bowl or the World Series. Special occasions call for special moments.
His "birds and the bees" talk would be next-level hilarious
As a parent, having the sex talk is always a bit uncomfortable. For a man who has made his living understanding how people work and incorporating that potential awkwardness into a character, Murray would know how to diffuse the situation. You'd definitely get more than enough information about becoming sexually active, but you also wouldn't feel as weird with Murray turning every possible awkward element of the talk into a chance to make a wisecrack.
Classic bonding activities would obviously include playing catch, but do you think that any normal activity with Murray would stay normal? Hell no. Definitely expect Murray to whip out some hilarious Ghostbusters anecdotes while you toss around a ball that is no doubt signed by one of the Chicago Cubs (his favorite baseball team, and probably yours too since you're his kid).
His dad "interviews" for people who want to date you would be hilarious
You didn't think you were leaving the house and going on that date without introducing your date to your dad, legendary comedian Bill Murray, did you? Well, you're not, and he's probably going to embarrass both of you, so get comfortable — we're going to be here for a while.
He would always know the right thing to say to cheer you up
Whether he means it or not, a serious heart-to-heart — which Murray is totally down for because he's here to guide you through life — will definitely include some jokes. At the very least, he'll say something so enlightening in the wriest way possible that you'll laugh at first, then the profoundness will sink in. He's cool like that.
At the end of the day, you're his kid and he's your dad. Whether he's doling out serious life advice or he's taking you to a baseball game, there would never be a dull moment as Bill Murray's child.
Dennis Quaid’s sex appeal is kind of like having a wet dream about a distant cousin…wrong, but undeniable. He’s the older guy at the hotel bar you would totally go to a room with, and at the same time the guy you would totally set your mom up with. He’s a sexual quarter being flipped up in the air. You never know where he might land. Except now we definitely know that whether it’s with you or your mom, Dennis Quaid could be having a threesome either way.
Who knew notoriously fluffy and scripted reality TV would be the place where celebs start getting real? Quaid went charmingly there during an episode of Watch What Happens LiveWith Andy Cohen. Cohen revealed a cleverly titled segment,“Menacing the Dennis,” to make up for going soft on Quaid the last time he was on the show. During the rapid fire, candid Q&A – punctuated by Jemima Kirke’s giggles – Quaid revealed that his dick is allegedly satisfying, he has tried cocaine but not heroine and, yes, that he’s had a threesome.
He also admitted that he tried to get back together with Meg Ryan, his ex-wife of 13 years (1991-2001), after his most recent divorce. The two have a son, Jack, now 24, and reportedly have stayed very close since their split. When put all together, Quaid is a potentially giant D-having, threesome-enjoying, retired bad boy who isn’t a dick about his ex-wife, and yeah, now I’m starting to think I would totally fight my mom for him.
My favorite part of the whole thing though, is that he admitted that infamous stage mom and shit show, Dina Lohan, was trying to shill out the Lohan family brand tea during the entire filming of The Parent Trap. He rolls his eyes, “It was everywhere,” and I now I can’t stop laughing at the image of a hazed Dina in giant sunglasses sitting behind a tea stand on that dock where they filmed the secret handshake scene at the summer camp.
13 Reasons Why is Netflix's most controversial show yet, and for good reason. Yes, I'm one of those people on the bandwagon of "What the hell did I just watch" and "It's so messed up I feel sick to my stomach."
Warning: Spoilers below from 13 Reasons Why. We're getting all up in the twists and turns of this series so don't continue reading unless you're ready to discuss all the feels.
First of all, I want to make it clear that these are my thoughts, and my thoughts alone. You don't have to agree with me. Second, I want start by talking about the good in this show. The acting is on point. On. Point. I love Selena Gomez, and I love that she is getting into producing. I appreciate that despite my feelings about this show it's really digging in deep into those conversations about suicide, bullying, rape and addiction that are difficult to have.
However, I cannot support the message this show sends about suicide. Here are 13 reasons why 13 Reasons Why made my heart hurt... and not in a good way.
1. Hannah's actions were also dangerous
Hannah kills herself and then tells all these teenagers why they're responsible for her death as her goodbye letter. Talk about needing counseling for the rest of your life. Not to mention the fact that all the other people heard every single person's dirty laundry. Hannah's actions could have encouraged others to consider suicide. Alex did shoot himself and was left in critical condition at the end. So how does this make Hannah any better than any of the others? (Obviously, this is not including Bryce. Bryce is a whole other story.)
2. Clay lost me with the Tyler thing
Clay wouldn't throw a rock through Tyler's window, but he's totally OK sharing a naked photo of Tyler and spreading it around the entire school? One, let's not even get into the legality of sharing a nude photo of a minor. Is being involved in the sharing a naked photo of a minor not considered a felony (or three)? Two, watching Tyler cry made me lose all respect for Clay. I'm not saying what Tyler did was right, but in an eye-for-an-eye situation, everyone just ends up blind. Two wrongs don't make a right, people. When this plotline unfolded on the show, I almost stopped watching because I was so disturbed that Clay thought that was appropriate. Also, the show just kind of glossed over it, and Tyler let it go like NBD. Not cool. Really not cool.
3. Why do they all have tattoos?
My roommate and I couldn't get over the fact that all these teenage kids have tons of tattoos. I remember when a girl at my high school turned 18, she got these flowers on her foot, and it was a big deal because no one had tattoos. Maybe it was just my school. Maybe I'm an old 20-something and behind the times. My high school definitely wasn't this hardcore.
4. Why is no one talking to the authorities?
My mother was my lifeline in middle and high school. I've been told I'm an anomaly on this front, but you're going to tell me that none of these kids are close enough to their parents to tell them about the tapes? My mother would have been the first person I told. Yet, it wasn't until the end when all of the kids had listened to the tapes that someone finally cracked.
5. How should Hannah have gotten help?
Hannah's friends turned their backs on her, which was hurtful and neglectful and sadly, happens in every high school across the globe. But instead of spending majority of the time pointing fingers at the kids who bullied Hannah, the show could have focused on how to respond and get help in the midst of bullying. I think, in general, most of the kids on Hannah's tapes were good kids. They weren't trying to hurt Hannah in such an extreme way. That doesn't make their decisions OK, but it also doesn't mean that Hannah's death was their fault. Suicide is complex (which the show did a great job of portraying) but they made it seem like she ran out of options for help. In fact, shouldn't the message be that suicide should never be an option and there are always more resources for help? Sending a message that there is no hope if you don't have friends in high school or the one counselor you see doesn't understand seems dangerous, and it just isn't true.
6. The message is detrimental
This movie made Hannah out to be a villain instead of the bullied teen in need of help that she was. Sure, Hannah may have made some mistakes, but no one is one-dimensional either. And while revenge can certainly be something people with suicidal ideation consider, it's not the only reason. Yes, the show is about the serious consequences bullying can have, but glossing over the other very real problems Hannah was likely having sends the wrong message about suicide, which is equally dangerous.
7. Why did Clay tell everyone he didn't know Hannah?
This is never really explained. Was it because he was embarrassed for how she treated him at the party when he kissed her? Did he feel rejected and therefore rejected Hannah? That just doesn't seem like the kind of character Clay is, but maybe he felt because she had rejected him before she died, he couldn't call her his friend? I just don't get this one, but it really bothered me that he told people he wasn't close with her.
8. Uh, Tony tells Clay that Clay is responsible for Hannah's suicide... WTF
I know Tony clarifies in the next episode that he also said everyone was responsible for Hannah's death, but how is telling an emotionally unstable 17-year-old that he's to blame for killing a girl a smart call? Given all the events that happened up to this point, it's no wonder Clay stood on that ledge and considered his next move.
9. There's bullying... and then there's rape
For the first half of the show, the rape crimes were only hinted at. And then shit got real. The show finally began to weave itself together, threading the pieces of the culture at the school with Bryce's ability to take advantage of situations to commit these heinous crimes. While I do see how community support could have stopped Bryce from raping these girls, I also struggle to blame anyone but Bryce, who clearly has a sick, twisted, super-messed-up brain. It's like the show was trying to say teens should be able to recognize the signs of a predator more easily, and that's a fine line to walk.
10. There's room for mistakes in life
Yes, we all need to be more loving and available to help our neighbor, but life is messy and complicated and we make mistakes. Heck, when I was a teenager, I was so caught up in myself that I couldn't see past my own hormones to reach out to any of my classmates. Now, as an "emotionally mature" adult, I like to think that I am more empathetic to the people around me, but as a high schooler? Forget about it. I was angst personified. I was a kid. There is no way I would ever put the emotional heaviness of someone else's suicidal thoughts on a teenager. That just seems absolutely crazy to me. And the therapist isn't to blame either. Yes, he could have done more. We should all strive to do more, be better, but that doesn't mean we're always going to recognize the signs we should see. And that doesn't make us bad people.
11. The stereotypes were too much
The rich jock, the popular cheerleader, the moody Goth girl, the smart Asian, the compassionate nerd... I would have hoped that television was past the point of putting anyone in these stereotypical boxes.
12. And everyone lived unhappily ever after. The end.
I don't need a beautiful bow on my season finales. In fact, I love them with some mystery and lingering questions, but 13 Reasons Why takes loose ends to a whole new level of messed up. So, Justin is turning to vodka for a family, Alex shot himself in the head, Tyler is maybe also planning some kind of super-messed-up shooting, Bryce thinks he's going to get away with rape and the school is still trying to get out of admitting they have a problem. What exactly was I supposed to get out of this show?
13. The message in this show was lacking
The message in this series needed to be bigger than "we should do more to help people." The conversation should be about the fact that suicide doesn't solve anything. It only leaves a trail of hurt in it's wake. I don't begin to try to comprehend her suffering. What she went through was terrible. I repeat — terrible. Please don't mistake these critiques as undermining anything Hannah went through. But her life wasn't worth Bryce's confession. It just wasn't. Nothing that happened because of her tapes justified her decision. Life is more precious than any kind of justice or revenge and that should have been the message communicated to the thousands — heck, maybe millions — of kids who tuned in.
Remember back in the day when we totally stressed out about finding the right prom dress? Little did we know that the stress of wedding dress shopping is like prom dress shopping on crack — it comes with pressure from family and friends, all kinds of crazy emotions, and don't even get us started on the nightmare that is budgetary constraints. But we're here to tell you that a lot of this chaos can be eliminated with a little bit of homework about what wedding gown styles are the right cut for your body type.
"Overall, I feel dress selection should be about highlighting a bride's best features. Where I see things go wrong is when brides choose a style that doesn't flatter them or doesn't compliment the style of ceremony or reception they are having," says Kimberly Morrill at Your Perfect Bridesmaid.
You can avoid wasting time and money on the wrong gown by consulting this wedding dress glossary, before you buy.
A-Line
Image: Tiffany Egbert/SheKnows
What it is: Flares out gently from the shoulder creating a subtle A shape.
Looks best on: Almost anyone.
Not so good on: Some A-lines have a very fitted top, which will not be comfortable for everyone — especially those with bigger busts.
Morrill says, "An A-line dress is great for enhancing small busts, and for slimming larger hips. It is flattering on everyone. Additionally, the dress is not so huge as to be uncomfortable or a burden on a warm day or at an outside wedding."
Ball gown
Image: Tiffany Egbert/SheKnows
What it is: Fitted bodice with a full, bell-shaped, floor-length skirt. Usually reserved for more formal weddings.
Looks best on: Tall brides and brides who are heavier on bottom than on top.
Not so good on: Shorter brides can get overwhelmed by the full skirt. If you're a shorter bride and you have your heart set on a ball gown, make sure to get it altered to fit you.
Morrill says, "Ball gowns really show off a small waist. They are wonderful for formal weddings, but be sure the folks doing the alterations install a strong and sturdy bustle. I would avoid a ballgown that has extensive ribbing for a warm weather wedding as the heat can make everything swell and be uncomfortable."
Ballerina
Image: Tiffany Egbert/SheKnows
What it is: Fitted bodice, full, bell-shaped skirt that hits mid calf — a less formal style.
Looks best on: Shorter women with stellar calves and women with broad shoulders. The full skirt will work to balance your upper and lower body for a proportional appearance.
Not so good on: If you have thick ankles or calves, avoid this style. Taller brides might also find this style to fit them awkwardly.
"Ballerina gowns are fantastic for gals with incredible legs," Morrill explains. "The dresses also make it easy and comfortable to spend your reception dancing the night away."
Not so good on: Women who are fall somewhere in the middle of thin and curvy extremes
For women with an apple shape, wardrobe stylist Melissa Bessey recommends, "Look for dresses with an empire waist and pair them with a bra that offers good lift."
Mermaid
Image: Tiffany Egbert/SheKnows
What it is: Modern, sleek style hugs your body to the hips and then flares out at the knee.
Looks best on: Tall women and shapely, curvy women with hourglass or petite figures.
Not so good on: If there are any parts of your figure that you like to minimize, this is not the dress for you. If your ceremony requires kneeling, this dress may not work for you either.
"Fitted dresses are great for women with hourglass shapes because they accentuate your natural curves," says Bessey.
Princess
Image: Tiffany Egbert/SheKnows
What it is: Not as close-fitting than a mermaid or sheath, the bodice has vertical panels of fabric and then the skirt flares out gently — an elegant style.
Looks best on: Almost everyone.
Not so good on: It's a classic, feminine look that may not suit everyone's taste.
Morrill advises, "Princess gowns are for brides with a romantic, formal style who also value comfort. Again, be sure the train has a sturdy bustle. I also recommend avoiding princess gowns if you have a lot of bridesmaids, or if you want to have custom seating (like a vintage chair) as the gown takes up a fair amount of space." Bessey points out that a gown with a V-neckline can also lengthen a shorter torso.
Not so good on: Short-waisted brides, full-figured brides, brides that are heavier on top than on bottom.
"Sheath gowns really can show off a tall bride's height. They are great for warm weather weddings or for outdoor venues," Morrill says.
Slip
Image: SheKnows Design
What it is: An elegant style, usually made of satin that clings to your body — think old-school Hollywood glamour.
Looks best on: Thinner women with small chests.
Not so good on: Hourglass shapes — it could drown your curves and make them look awkward where a dress in the mermaid-style gown will bring the best out in your curves.
And according to Morrill, "A slip style creates a sexy shape for a slender bride. Again, a great choice for warm weather weddings."
What it is: Not a dress shape, but a helpful term to know. A dress with a bustle allows you to gather up some of the excess material or train at the back of the dress after the ceremony. This is great for dancing and celebrating at your reception.
Make a Note: These terms are just to give you a head start on your wedding dress shopping. If you love a dress, try it on. A dress you love will always look 20 times better on you than a dress you think you're supposed to love! So while it's important to consider your body type, it's even more important to choose a dress you love over a dress you're told to love.
A Dutch TV network is under fire for a segment on a new game show call Fat or Pregnant? in which a woman stood in front of teams who had to guess whether or not she was gestating a fetus.
It has garnered plenty of negative attention since it aired on Sunday night, forcing Kro-Ncrv, the production company behind the show, to issue a statement validating their programming choice, saying that it “shows how you can go wrong if someone evaluates his or her appearance.” The statement also cites examples of this particular segment on other episodes, where they have teams guess whether a person is a “criminal or businessman” or “Dutch or German.”
As a health editor and ethicist, as well as a voluptuous woman often mistaken for being pregnant, I have a lot of thoughts about this show.
1. Did the women consent to this?
Anyone appearing on a show like this would presumably have to sign some sort of consent form stating that she has read and understood what will be happening during and following the show. Was this Fat or Pregnant? segment specifically mentioned in that, or was it part of a broad umbrella clause granting blanket consent to a number of different situations? Let’s hope it’s the former, but even with informed consent of the participants, we still need to think about why (and how) a segment like this was able to be made in the first place.
2. Were any women involved with the development of this show?
I don’t actually have an answer for this, but based on photos posted to social media of those involved with the show, I’m going to say no. If this isn’t a solid case for why people other than smug white men should be involved in TV (and government), I don’t know what is.
I have been very open about my experience with people assuming I’m pregnant when I’m not. It’s not the assumption that bothers me or being offered seats on the subway unnecessarily — it’s the unsolicited advice and having strangers touch my stomach. Under no circumstance — pregnant or not — should this ever happen.
It’s great that people are up in arms about this game show segment; at least that demonstrates that they understand this basic premise to be wrong. But my hope is that we can take this one step further and recognize that no, it’s not OK to touch someone’s abdomen (or anywhere else on their body) without asking first; and no, you definitely should not tell a woman you think looks pregnant that she should put down that glass of wine.
Moving forward, when it doubt, don’t touch someone or tell them what to do with their own bodies. And if you’re confused about whether they’re pregnant or not, unless you are their medical doctor in an examining room, there’s no need to ask.
We know you've been craving news about the force of nature that is Speidi — the eight-years-wedded couple that is Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of the MTV series The Hills.
Or did you totally forget about them? We kind of did. But they're like taxes and death — there's no avoiding them. Suddenly, it's Speidi season all over again with the news that the pair is expecting their first child.
They got downright chatty with Us Weekly about the baby on the way. Not that we're really surprised that they were chatty. Speidi is chatty; chatty is what Speidi does, especially when there's a bun — or another baked good — in the oven.
The Spencer half of the equation had this to say about the moment he heard he was going to be a dad: “The look on her face, I can’t even describe it... She was literally glowing. I thought she was about to say she made muffins or banana bread.”
We think it is fair to say that we're a little concerned about the extent of Montag's (very public) plastic surgery and Botox-ing if her husband could not discern the difference between banana-bread excitement and pregnant-with-our-firstborn excitement.
“Heidi said, ‘I’m pregnant.’ I was like, ‘Whoa, that’s way more exciting than banana bread!’” he continued. Dude. Go ground yourself with some hematite.
Montag is three months pregnant — they're looking at a due date of Oct. 19. Both Montag and Pratt have fingers crossed that their little party-crasher will be a boy, but they're not going to release the sex of the child. (Sure. We give it another six weeks.)
“I wanted a baby three years ago. Spencer was a little hesitant," Montag said. "Then one thing after another came up. We had work obligations, like Celebrity Big Brother in the U.K., which I did not want to be pregnant for. I’m actually really thankful we waited. I thought I was ready in my twenties, but with everything we had going on, it just wouldn’t have been a good situation for us.”
Agreed. But it probably would have been a good situation for the TV networks. Just saying.
Also, we would kill to be able to say with a straight face, "We had work obligations, like Celebrity Big Brother."
Montag continued waxing philosophical about time and space and life experience. “It might never be the perfect time, so we said, let’s move forward. We had all these conversations. We’re older, we have more life experience. Nothing is holding us back.” Nothing except the fact that your husband is just as excited about banana bread as he is about the miracle of human reproduction.
The best part of the story? Montag, her notorious frenemy Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port — all of The Hills gals — will have babies within mere months of each other. The producers are no doubt cranky that The Hills is no more because this would be popcorn-pounding reality TV drama for sure.
Getting any sort of lab work done is no picnic. Once you hit your 20s, it’s hard to avoid regular blood tests, urine samples and Pap smears and really, you shouldn’t. These are important diagnostic tools that keep us healthy and help doctors figure out if something is wrong.
But that doesn’t mean you have to look forward to them. Let’s assume that you don’t have a crippling fear of needles and move on to all the other fun aspects of this routine part of our medical maintenance.
First, it’s uncomfortable and awkward. No, peeing in a tiny plastic cup isn’t painful (if it is, see your doctor right away) but for those of us without a penis, it’s not that easy. You have angling to worry about coupled with an “away” toilet situation and making sure that you’ve had enough liquids for a sample, but not so much that you couldn’t hold it and ended up having to make a pit stop at a gas station bathroom on the way to the clinic. Then once you have the actual sample, you then have the opportunity to hand a cup of your still-warm urine to a lab technician who isn’t any happier about this arrangement than you are.
Blood work is a little better (again, minus the needles) but you have to contend with challenges like where to look when the nurse inserts the needle, how hard to clench your fist and what kind of conversation, if any, you should be having with the person drawing your blood.
And Pap smears — well, there’s really no way to make those any better — and they can be downright painful.
For some people, these routine procedures are just matter of taking a few minutes out of their day in the name of preventative health. But for others — myself included — there’s no such thing as a simple trip to the lab.
I was about to start a new job and had to have a drug test for the first time in my life. For some reason, I was instructed to go to a clinic nowhere near where I was living (despite several being much closer), as well as to come with a full bladder. I followed the directions and more than sufficiently hydrated on the trip over.
When it was finally time to provide the urine sample, everything went off without a hitch — that is, until I stepped out of the bathroom. All that water had worked its magic and I had quite the specimen to hand over.
I asked the lab technician if there was some sort of lid for the container and as she answered my question, she gestured toward the supply cabinet, knocking my sample out of my hand and all over my clothes. For a second we both just stood there, staring at each other. Her eyes grew wide and I wasn’t sure if she was about to laugh or cry. I laughed, and she apologized profusely.
Instead of going straight to a restaurant to meet friends for dinner, I had to make a detour home to change clothes. Everyone was fine with me being a little late.
Floor cells
Several years ago, I was living in Ireland and got a letter from the country’s health service saying that I was eligible for a free Pap smear. Never one to pass up free health screenings, I made an appointment, smug in the fact that I was being responsible while someone else was paying for it.
I’ll spare you the nitty-gritty details for this one. When it was over, I exhaled, relieved that the unpleasant experience was over, when I heard “oh dear” ominously come from other side of the stirrups containing my legs.
“You didn’t spill the sample, right?” I asked.
I should have known better than to joke about this.
“Well, Elizabeth,” she said sighing, “I’m afraid your cervical cells are all over the floor instead of in this vial.”
I asked if she was kidding. She was not.
When she went in a second time I started to bleed. When the doctor got what she came for she immediately sealed the vial and told me that in addition to whatever I had planned on drinking that evening, I had her permission to add two pints to that.
Recently I had to get a blood test as part of a physical. Naturally, this was the nurse’s first (unsupervised) time drawing blood — something that he didn’t necessarily need to disclose. After being unable to locate a suitable vein on my left arm, he moved on to my right and eventually struck blood.
Except that’s exactly what happened: he struck the vein in a way that blood came spraying out like a lawn sprinkler, all over both of us. He couldn’t have been any nicer about it and looked like he wanted to wrap himself up in the hospital curtain around the examination table and hide forever.
I burst out laughing and proceeded to tell him about my experiences with my urine sample and Pap smear, and told him that I’d much prefer to be splattered in a comparably smaller amount of blood than urine.
“In an ideal world, you wouldn’t have any specimens spilled on you,” he replied, adding “now you’re going to have to include me the next time you tell someone about bad lab experiences.”
Most women will admit to experiencing the mysterious phenomenon known as “cankles" at one time or another in their lives. If you happen to be one of the lucky ones, the “thick ankle” fairy will only visit you while you’re pregnant. But if you’re anything like me and haven't seen your ankles for quite some time, then you’re probably cursed with the dreaded cankle syndrome.
What are cankles?
While not a formal medical term or diagnosis, the word “cankle” is a slang word combining calf and ankle. It defines the part of the leg where the ankle meets the calf and when there is no definition or indentation — in other words, the calf doesn't taper down to the ankle.
Pregnancy is usually the first thing that comes to mind when women talk about their ankles disappearing. But what many people don’t realize is that there are several other explanations for why their ankles have gone on vacation without them.
Genetic predisposition
Looks like this is one more condition we can blame on our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents. Some women just have naturally larger bones/ankle joints and thicker calf muscles, which can be blamed on our genes — something we obviously cannot change. So if you are genetically predisposed to have a straight lower leg with no shape or curve, then there may not be a whole lot you can do to change the appearance of your ankles. And if you’re already at a healthy weight, eat well, exercise regularly and keep an eye on your sodium intake, then it may be time to just embrace your cankles.
Fluid retention
If your body retains too much water, it can cause swelling in areas such as the lower calf and ankles. This gives them the appearance of fluid “pooling” in the ankles, which can be caused by poor circulation, sodium intake and pregnancy among other conditions. If this happens to be the cause of your cankles, it’s best to steer clear of sodium-rich foods (especially processed snack foods and fast food) and focus on getting plenty of fluids (water, not sodas and soft drinks) throughout the day.
Pregnancy causes your body to retain fluid, which in turn, creates the appearance of wide ankles for most women. If cankles are not something you normally deal with, this extra fluid that pools around the ankles usually resolves after the baby is born.
Weight gain
The heavier you are, the more likely cankles will appear. As you gain weight, your body increases fat stores in several areas of your body, including your legs and ankles. Cleaning up your diet, exercising and losing a few pounds may all help.
Medications
Certain medicines may also cause your legs to swell: antidepressants (including MAO inhibitors and tricyclics), blood pressure medicines called calcium channel blockers, steroids and hormones such as estrogen (found in birth control pills or hormone replacement therapy) and testosterone. Consider talking to your doctor about whether you can switch to a similar medication without the unwanted side effects.
Most women who deal with cankles have no reason to worry about any significant medical problem; however, if your cankles appeared over a short period of time, are progressively worsening, are painful or swollen, feel much warmer or cooler than your other skin or if the overlying skin is red, you should see your doctor. Medical conditions such as kidney disease, liver failure, heart failure, blood clots and others can all increase fluid retention, especially around the ankles.
