I've been kind of obsessed with chickpeas lately. They reel you in with hummus, but these seemingly plebeian little legumes are quietly hiding a big secret: They're more versatile than a bag of Doritos in the hands of a Taco Bell recipe developer. Even the water they're packed in is invaluable. The peas themselves can also be turned into wonder flour.

Also called besan or gram flour, chickpea flour is made from dried and ground raw or roasted chickpeas. It's naturally gluten-free, meaning there's no weird science going into making it suitable for those with wheat allergies in its au naturel state. Even if you're not gluten-free, chickpea flour is packed with protein, iron and fiber and (spoiler alert!) may actually be better than wheat flour for certain applications.

More: You can eat bread if you're gluten-intolerant with this work-around

How to make chickpea flour

You can, of course, purchase chickpea flour at the store. But making it isn't hard either. If you have dried chickpeas in the pantry, you're halfway home. But if you don't, you can just rinse off the canned beans and drain them well. If you like, you can roast them first. Otherwise, just spread them in a single layer on a cookie sheet, and bake them in a preheated, 150-degree F oven for 18 to 24 hours, stirring them every few hours so they dry evenly. They're dry when you can squeeze them between your fingers and they feel like a large popcorn kernel. Then just let them cool, and use a coffee grinder (in batches) or a blender on high speed to grind them until they look and feel like flour.

More: 17 foods you didn’t know contain gluten

Chickpea flour in baking

Chickpea flour can be used when baking without sacrificing much. Chickpea flour may have a small (and, for most people, completely acceptable) impact on color and texture. Cookies, for example, will be more golden, and the texture may not be quite as smooth. For yeast breads and the like, the lack of starch may inhibit the rise, since it won't retain as much of the gasses created by leaveners. To combat this, add xanthan or guar gum to replace the gluten the yeast would usually gobble up to create the rise. You'll have to experiment to get the right amount.

You'll usually use the same amount of flour for gluten-free baking as you would in a wheat flour recipe, though it's recommended that at least 25 percent of that be another gluten-free flour. If you're not gluten-free, use it like whole-wheat flour — substituting up to half of the regular flour for chickpea — for even better texture.

A word of caution, though. If you're one of those people who likes to taste their cookie dough, it's best if you skip that step. It tastes terrible until it's cooked.

Chickpea flour in dredges and batters

You may already know you can easily use chickpea flour in place of wheat flour in a dredge or batter for fried foods. What you may not know is that it's better than wheat flour. The density of chickpea flour gives your fried foods a perfect crust with a more intense, slightly sweet flavor.

More: 10 simple food swaps that make gluten-free eating a cinch

Other uses for chickpea flour

Chickpea flour can be used for just about anything wheat flour does. It's an excellent thickener for sauces (it even prevents curdling in yogurt-based sauces). It's a natural binder, making it great for burgers and meatballs (meat or vegan). And if you're also avoiding soy, you can even make homemade chickpea tofu.

More: Aquafaba: 15 things you need to know about the vegan egg replacement

So you might as well start experimenting with chickpea flour. It could become your new favorite secret ingredient.

The History Channel will air the four-part Roots series, and I'll be watching. The re-airing will probably evoke conversations and Twitter wars between TeamYouShouldWatchRoots and TeamWhyCantWeJustGetOverIt. For the record, I'm on TeamYouShouldWatchRoots. Getting over It isn't anything to be gotten over, because the story follows the evolution of a family and the nation. It is our national identity — and identity is something that sticks with you from the cradle to the grave.

More: I had to teach my biracial daughter suburbia is not a safe place for her

"But we're past that now; it's ancient history," TeamWhyCantWeJustGetOverIt will argue. Getting over It would be akin to erasing state boundary lines simply because they were drawn so long ago.

As for me, It was a big thing when I watched the original series as a child. Back then, It encompassed a myriad of ideals my young self couldn't quite completely process, but I knew It was more than one thing.

It was African

Names, clothes, black skin, broad noses, short kinky hair and full lips. They were all counterintuitive concepts during a time that glorified all things European — from names to fair skin, to silky hair and facial features. I was a little black girl with kinky hair and full lips, fascinated that actors would allow themselves to be on national television with un-pressed hair, without makeup that minimized their lips and glistening ebony skin. They looked like me, but looking African — like me — in the 1970s was wrong. And I was embarrassed.

It's taken nearly a lifetime for me to understand and really see the beauty that is African in all its shades, hues and textures. Now, I'll be looking for it and unashamedly embracing it when I watch Roots this time around.

More: My adopted daughter is part Native American – and I was terrified she'd be taken away

It was the Middle Passage, slavery and cruelty

There was unspeakable cruelties along the Middle Passage: packing people like cargo, rapings, beatings, tossing the dead overboard for shark food. As a child, it was painful to watch the portrayal, and I could practically smell the ship's filth on which Kunte and other people sailed to America. Then later, there were scenes of people being whipped and having their babies sold away to other families as if they were puppies. My young mind understood the cruelty and the inhumanity, but like children blame themselves when their parents divorce, someplace in my head I wondered if maybe the slaves had done something differently — were more compliant, worked harder — as if they earned everything that happened, things could have been different.

Of course, I now understand they — and their masters — and this country were built on a system where cruelty was the lynchpin holding together the economic livelihood and social status of everyone who was not a person held in bondage. I'll watch Roots with fresh eyes and with a deeper understanding of how our country continues to reel from that peculiar institution of so long ago.

It was resilience

It's estimated that roughly 12 percent of black people today are descended from people held as slaves. Given the portrayal of just one family surviving the Middle Passage, learning a second language without the convenience of Rosetta Stone software, then enduring generations of living as someone's property without rights or recourse, plying trades, and then grasping education and finally telling their story and the story of America... well, I'd say that is resilience. Triumph.

I didn't just understood that as a kid — I felt it in my gut. And I want to feel it again when I watch Roots again.

It is something I don't want to ever get over.

Sorry-not-sorry, TeamWhyCantWeJustGetOverIt.

More: How my grandmother inspired #BlackGirlMagic in me

We've watched The Real Housewives of Orange County's Tamra Judge prep for the Musclemania competition for months. This weekend, she finally took the stage. And guess what? To no one's surprise, Judge's training completely paid off. She won a big ol' trophy to take home with her.

More: Tamra Judge & Vicki Gunvalson are lucky to be alive after big accident

Judge posted a video of herself backstage before the competition, prepping with shoulder presses in her bikini. "Hard work, determination, and it all comes down to tonight," she wrote. It's great to see her hard work turn into literal gold as she flaunts that trophy in a sweet family photo.

More: We have only one word for Tamra Judge's latest body building pic: Dayum!

Even better, Judge seems to have her priorities in order. Even though she's going home with a trophy, she took the rest of the weekend off to relax and spend time with her family. She captioned her winning photo, "Amazing experience ..... But it's Time to relax and enjoy the holiday weekend with friends and family. Watch season 11 to see what happens." (Whew, that means we'll get to watch the ramp-up to the competition and the big day on the next season of RHOC.) 

She also celebrated her victory exactly how a fitness win should be memorialized — with a whole lot of doughnuts.

More: Tamra Judge may as well audition for Thor now, by the look of these pics

Adapted with permission from Your Kid's a Brat and It's All Your Fault: Nip the Attitude in the Bud — From Toddler to Tween by Elaine Rose Glickman. © 2016 by Elaine Rose Glickman. TarcherPerigee, an imprint of Penguin Group, Penguin Random House LLC.

Say it with me: “That sounds great, but we can’t afford it.” Hey, I told you to say it with me – not run away and hide! Yes, it’s hard to do the first time; but sharing the fact that you are not an endless well of cash is an important thing to do with your kid. You’re still hiding, aren’t you? Okay, stay under the bed for another minute or two – but at least listen while I explain further.

Your kid almost certainly suspects that your financial situation is not the stuff of her dreams. Even if you think you make a good living, have a nice house, and shower her with everything her little heart desires, the fact is that she has richer friends with bigger allowances, better rooms, and far more shit than you could ever dream of. I know this is a tough realization to accept. Our society places so much emphasis on wealth and acquisition that admitting we can’t afford something makes us feel like flops. And when that “something” is a pair of pricey sneakers half your kid’s class already has, or a vacation to rival that of her best friend (my kid’s friends have been to significantly more European capitals than I have, so believe me, I know how you feel), or an awesome tricked-out bedroom when your kid feels she’s basically living in a closet (my kid again, and her room is actually kind of small), it’s easy to feel even worse – as if you’re letting your kid down in some terrible way.

More: This video of a dad 'breastfeeding' his daughter is spreading like wildfire

It’s kind of depressing to make this realization, I know – but it’s also kind of liberating. Knowing that you will never, ever be able to buy your kid everything she wants means that you’re going to disappoint her eventually – so why not do it before she pushes you even farther along the road to bankruptcy? And why not tell her explicitly what she already knows – that your money is a finite thing, and that she’s not the only one entitled to it – and maybe even delve deeper into the subject?

First, drop the contrite or defensive attitude. These difficulties are part of life rather than something you need to apologize for. Nor should you feel guilty for not making these extras your top priority; foregoing a mani/pedi with a friend so that you can buy your kid yet another fuzzy sweater and a zebra-print rucksack, or giving your kid the new tablet you just bought and making do with the old one (true story!) will not only give your kid a completely skewed sense of how the universe operates and an even more bloated sense of entitlement, but will also doom you to chipped nails, a slower WiFi connection – and, oh yeah, resentment of your kid. This is where “That sounds great, but we can’t afford it” comes in – delivered not in a glum, remorseful way but in a casual, matter-of-fact, end-of-story tone.

Make sure, however, that you don’t go so far in the anti-apology direction that you drift into defensiveness or antagonism. Unless your kid is trying to make you feel guilty or inadequate when you suggest she find a way to cope with her hair that does not involve regular salon appointments and weekly blowouts, there’s no need to answer her request with a list of the million things you’ve bought her in the past month and an angry reminder that you work hard and deserve to enjoy a few luxuries yourself, has she stopped to think about that? Once again, “That sounds great, but we can’t afford it” will serve you well. Because it probably does sound great, and you probably can empathize with the feeling of wanting something beyond your means – and there’s no shame in acknowledging both of these facts to your kid.

More: Harambe the gorilla didn't deserve to die, but neither did a child

Your kid is old enough to learn about costs, budgeting, and saving – and the values your family upholds when making financial decisions. If you use online coupons or clip them from the Sunday paper, for example, involve your kid in the routine; let her search the Internet for bargains (not only will she enjoy the task, but she’ll also find websites and deals you never knew existed) or set her up with some scissors and go through the coupon inserts together. Rather than doing the grocery shopping while she’s at school (even though she’s told you a million times she hates the market, I know), drag her along and have her practice her math skills by figuring out the price per serving and price per unit of various items. Tell her why you shop the way you do; if you save by buying generic peanut butter, for example, but shell out for non-GMO dairy or locally-grown produce or name-brand cereal, share the reasoning behind your choices – and let her weigh in, too. Do the same when considering family outings or major purchases; without disclosing your net worth or giving her TMI about your finances, you can still help her understand just how many dinners out you might have to forego in order to upgrade her phone.

Once she’s gotten the hang of budgeting – and understands the link between what you spend and what you value – put her in charge of selecting ingredients for three nights’ worth of dinners or deciding what luxuries she wants to give up in return for getting a new set of earbuds just like the ones everyone else has, really, everyone.

More: Putting myself first doesn't mean I don't love my kids

I’m not saying that these activities will end your kid’s I-want-that-itis, or that she’ll immediately jump on the clip-and-save train; but I am saying that they will help your kid understand that you are more than a large, occasionally cranky ATM, and that your saying no to her requests for treats and luxuries is not just you being mean or cheap or poor. I’m also saying that you should not feel embarrassed about providing her with less than her wealthier, or just being-raised-with-different-values, friends may enjoy, and that the tween years are exactly the right time to introduce her to issues like budgeting and finances rather than shielding her from such matters completely.

Elaine Rose Glickman is the author of Your Kid’s a Brat and It’s All Your Fault (TarcherPerigee). She is the mother of three (non-bratty) children and is also a parenting advice columnist for Sarasota Mommy Magazine, a parenting expert featured on the syndicated television talk show Daytime, a former teacher, and the chair of a nationally accredited, top-rated Florida preschool.

Congratulations to The Hunger Games: Catching Fire actress Jena Malone and her photographer boyfriend Ethan DeLorenzo, who have welcomed a baby boy. Malone shared the happy news on Instagram Tuesday and couldn't contain her joy, describing the new arrival as "an incredible blessing" and "the most ancient and transcendent love that exists."

More: This video of a dad 'breastfeeding' his daughter is spreading like wildfire

She also revealed the name of their newborn, and it's definitely not one you hear every day: Ode Mountain DeLorenzo Malone.

Ode is a Teutonic baby boy name, meaning rich. Of course, "ode" also refers to a deeply emotional lyric poem devoted to the praise of a person, animal or thing. English poet John Keats was master of the art form; his six odes — including "Ode on a Grecian Urn" and "Ode to a Nightingale" — are his most famous works.

We don't know what inspired Malone and DeLorenzo's unusual baby name, but if the couple continue to be as open about their new addition on social media, we might just be lucky enough to find out.

More: A 6-month-old has hit puberty (yes, a 6-month-old)

New dad DeLorenzo also took to Instagram, sharing a sweet video of the new parents cuddling baby Ode. He also quoted from Lebanese artist, philosopher and writer Kahlil Gibran's book The Prophet: "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you."

More: These baby names for sci-fi lovers are seriously far out

Before you go, check out our slideshow below:

With all this talk about who Michael Strahan's replacement on Live! with Kelly could be, we've all been blind to one real possibility: it could actually be another woman.

A show insider says that there are several other names being thrown around that haven't been mentioned in the press previously — and not only are they women, they are women of color.

More: People love Fred Savage on Live! so much, they're forgetting about Kelly Ripa

"They are looking at women," the source told Us Weekly.

On the shortlist: comedian Wanda Sykes, and former co-host of The View Sherri Shepherd.

Shepherd may have come to the attention of show producers a couple of weeks ago when she told TMZ, "I think people would be ready for a woman with Kelly. How about a black woman?… I would love to do it.

"Would I do it? Yes," Shepherd continued. "Kelly and Sherri, Kelly and the black girl, I don't care. I would love to do it with Kelly. She's amazing; she's fun."

More: Mariah Carey really just wants Jussie Smollett to be Live!'s new cohost

Sykes has not commented on the possibility, but she has appeared as a guest on the show before, so it is not entirely foreign to her.

Shepherd and Sykes join some other big names as possible co-hosts for Kelly Ripa, including Anderson Cooper, Rob Lowe, Fred Savage, Andy Cohen, Seal, Taye Diggs, Common and Jussie Smollett.

More: What drama? Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan were adorable on his last day

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

A few years ago, I believe that the disease of the 21st century was either cancer or obesity. As for osteoporosis, I saw it as a condition that may or may not develop later in life, just like grey hairs, a bald crown or memory glitches — depending on individual genetic buildup. It was only after my mother suffered a hip fracture that I got a close-up of the disease in its true form.

More: 6 things you suddenly do – and don't – care about at thirty

My mother was only 52 years old when she fractured her hip. At the clinic, the doctor inquired about her bone injury history, family medical background, diet, occupation and various aspects of her lifestyle. It didn't seem important back then, but I later learned that physicians usually ask such questions if they suspect osteoporosis to be the hidden cause behind the fracture.

My mother isn't a picky eater, but she seldom eats dairy as she's lactose intolerant. Unfortunately, it had never occurred to her that the sensitivity could add up to chronic calcium deficiency and trigger osteoporosis at some point. When the DEXA scan results came in, we learned that my mother has a T score of -3, which is extremely low for a woman of her age. After running a few more tests, the doctor diagnosed her with osteoporosis and recommended surgery, diet changes and prescription medications to slow down the disease's progress.

The doctor said that hip replacement surgery can be successful in cases of mild and moderate osteoporosis, but it wasn't an option for my mom as her bone density was already low, and the surrounding tissue wasn't strong enough to support the prostheses. Instead, my mom underwent hip pinning surgery and was discharged from the hospital three days later. The GP gave her a pain medication prescription and instructed her to do light exercises and sign up for physiotherapy to restore joint mobility.

More: 7 ways to make yourself actually work in your home office

To minimize hip stress, my mother used crutches when standing and walking, and as weeks went by, she gradually resumed control over her injured leg. She was also prompted to include calcium supplements and calcium- and Vitamin D-rich foods in her diet to slow down bone loss and to promote the production of new bone tissue.

Hip soreness persisted for the next two months, but my mom had no major difficulties performing light, everyday tasks around the house. It took her a few more months to recover fully, though, but the new nutrition plan and physiotherapy helped a lot. My mom is currently on a medication called strontium ranelate, and she's handling it well. She was taking bisphosphonates for a short while after the surgery, but she had a severe reaction. Her doctor said that the next step may be hormone therapy, but she's treating it as a last resort because of all the risks involved.

Watching my mom recover, I realized that bone damage is a greater risk than most medical scares we see discussed in the media. Osteoporosis doesn't need a genetic predisposition to usher it in; it just needs years of negligence to come knocking on your bones, demanding a hefty toll in pain.

My mom is only one of about 9 million people who suffer an osteoporotic fracture every year. Not all osteoporosis patients fully recover from a broken bone, and many of them are at risk of sustaining another fracture within a few years.

Osteoporotic fractures occur every three seconds. One in three women over 50 will suffer an osteoporotic fracture this year. Unlike other conditions, osteoporosis exhibits no symptoms until it's too late to turn back the clock, and it can happen to your next-of-kin or to yourself.

I guess what I learned was this: Sticks and stones may not break your bones, but long-term health negligence certainly will.

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The snide, sarcastic and just plain rude comments from other people about marriage started pretty much the second after my husband slipped a ring on my finger.

"Enjoy the last few years of happiness before the kids come," one family member "joked" to us at Christmas dinner that year.

"Ready to get fat?" another acquaintance asked me a few weeks later after glancing at my ring and mustering up the least enthusiastic "congratulations" I've ever heard in my life.

About two seconds after my engagement announcement, the unsolicited marriage "advice" also began rolling in. Keep a separate checking account, one divorced woman whispered to me at a family party. While I innocently attempted to glide from table to table sipping a mango cocktail during my bridal shower and getting a buzz on, a woman (also divorced) approached me to say "congrats" and then followed up with, "Don't take his shit."

No shit. Really. Automatic buzz kill.

This year I celebrated my eighth year of marriage with a man I've been involved with for 11 years and have known for 18 years. He will never admit when he's wrong, leaves our bathroom towels all over the floor after a shower and is often so arrogantly set in his ways and opinions that I purposely throw out the most ludicrous counterarguments just to piss him off. He's also the same husband who has raced home from work with a slight fever and brushed it off to take our 5-year-old daughter to a robotics fair at the local school. He leaves random love notes for me on the kitchen counter and always calls me out when I'm about to throw in the towel on a project out of fear of failure. In other words, he's a spouse who is beautifully complex, flawed and perfect for me.

But if you judged our marriage based solely on the way some friends and even strangers describe marriage as a general concept, you'd wonder what the hell narcotic I had been abusing when I temporarily lost all sanity and agreed to marry this person.

He is going to steal my money.

He is going to look at other women, all of the time. This will start around year seven and I will have to be on my guard. Trust no one. Not your husband and not other women.

He's going to expect you to become his mother because all men are really just looking for their mothers so they can return to a state of infancy.

More: 'I'm happily married, but still wonder what could have been with my ex'

In one form or another, I have been told all of these things. At first, I would listen, nod my head and give thought to whether there was some truth to their statements. The majority of the women (with a few men thrown in for good measure) were older than me and, I assumed, wiser. My attitude began to change when one woman I know snorted after I told her I was planning on changing my last name.

"Why would you do that? You don't have to do that anymore, you know."

I immediately became defensive and started throwing out reasons why this was the right choice for me. I wanted to have the same last name as my children. I liked the idea of a common family name bridging us together — silly symbolism, maybe, but I dig it. It would make paperwork easier and avoid confusion when the kids started school.

And then I stopped mid-sentence and realized I didn't owe anyone an explanation.

"You changed your last name," I told her.

She didn't look surprised or "caught." She was a very intelligent woman who was a young teen when Gloria Steinem had posed as a waitress at the New York Playboy Club. But she had been raised in a traditional Italian family just five miles away from that club and her family still valued their girls getting married over matriculating at a college. She hadn't assumed I would gloss over the facts of her situation and, unlike me, she didn't get defensive.

"I always regretted it," she revealed. "If I could go back in time, I would have kept my name."

She and her husband had separated a few years back and were continuing to work things out. She had cheated on him. He had been emotionally distant to her for years before that. Her advice or criticism or whatever you want to call it was based on her life experiences, not scientific or factual information about what makes a happy marriage. She wasn't trying to be malicious — she was giving me all she could offer me at that time. I had the choice of accepting or refusing it (yes, I still changed my name).

More: I'm anti-marriage and anti-kids and have no problem with it — but men do

I'm older, wiser and am no longer affected by others' negative talk about marriage. Instead of getting angry when someone passes a comment about the oppressiveness of marriage, I try to remember that they're just speaking their truth. It's up to me to create my truth and, when it's my time to give "advice" to a young newlywed, I'll either keep it simple and positive or — better yet — smile and say "congratulations."

Polycystic ovarian syndrome was nearly unheard of just a few decades ago, so much so that many doctors thought women were imagining their symptoms. But not only is the illness very real, it has very real (and devastating) consequences.

No one is sure why, but rates of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) have exploded recently, says Renée Volny Darko, MD, a board-certified OB/GYN practicing in Pennsylvania. Not only is PCOS the most common hormonal endocrine disorder in women, affecting 5 to 10 percent of us, but it is also responsible for up to 70 percent of infertilities.

The syndrome is characterized by small cysts that grow on the ovaries (hence the name) and excess testosterone. Even though it's typically thought of as the "male hormone," all women do naturally have some testosterone. But in PCOS these levels inexplicably skyrocket, preventing the ovaries from releasing eggs and causing symptoms like male-patterned baldness, acne and excess facial hair. Other symptoms include insulin resistance, weight gain and the inability to lose weight, infertility and serious disruption of the menstrual cycle.

More: PCOS: What it is and how you can control it

Ironically, the things that help PCOS the most — diet, exercise and moderate weight loss — are the exact things that the illness makes so difficult, trapping many women in what feels like nature's cruelest catch-22. So, while doctors are learning more and more about this illness, women are left trying treatment after treatment, hoping to find their personal cure and dealing with the fallout however they can. Recently the app Whisper polled their female users about their PCOS "secrets" and what they found shows how dire the situation is (and why we desperately need more funding to study it).

Here are the anonymous confessions of women living with PCOS every day:

1. Sex life? What sex life? "I have PCOS, which comes with embarrassing body hair. I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable enough to have sex with someone."

2. You worry all the time about stuff other young women don't even have to think about. "I haven't visited my doctor in 2 years for fear that my condition has worsened and they'll have to remove my ovaries, leaving me barren forever."

3. The uncertainty is terrifying. "I'm scared I'll never be able to have that child or that relationship because I'm not 'normal.'"

4. It makes you question your femininity. "I'm so tired of having PCOS. It messes with my weight, feelings, makes me unable to have a child and, worst of all, makes me feel like less of a woman."

5. People who "slip up" or "accidentally" get pregnant are triggers. "Every time someone tells me they're pregnant I get depressed."

6. It changes your entire life plan. "I found out I have PCOS and have been trying to convince myself that I don't want kids and a family ever since."

7. Weight gain is super easy and weight loss is nearly impossible. "I hate being the fat friend. I have PCOS and a hormonal imbalance so when I try to lose weight I can't lose much. The most I've ever lost is 15 pounds."

9. It makes you hate the very thing you're trying to protect and love: Your body. "I hate not being able to lose weight. I hate irregular periods. I hate body/facial hair. I want a different body."

More: The myths and facts about women shaving their faces

10. It affects your relationships. "I am worried I will disappoint my fiance if it won't allow me to get pregnant. I hope he won't leave me."

11. You never thought you'd say this but... you miss your period. "A few years ago I wished I didn't have a period. Now I have PCOS, no period and am trying to conceive. I miss my period."

12. Where other girls flaunt their bodies, you feel like you have to hide yours. "I have hair all over so I hide my body. It makes life hard for a girl."

13. Periods are even more of an inconvenience than they already are. "When I get my period — if ever — it feels like I got hit with a truck."

Saturday's shooting of western lowland silverback gorilla Harambe was tragic. Many people argue that it was unnecessary, and everyone has an opinion about who to blame — whether it is the zoo, the parents or the child himself. Their outrage has turned an already tragic situation even uglier.

I am not a primatologist. I am not a zookeeper. I have no idea what I would have done in that situation, and if we were honest with ourselves, neither do most of the people reading this article. Very few people have jobs where we have to make decisions like that, but we are very quick to judge those who do. The Cincinnati Zoo made what they felt was the right decision at the time based on the information they had. That is all any of us can hope for.

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Saturday's accident was the first of its kind at the Cincinnati Zoo, although it is not the first time a child has fallen into a gorilla enclosure elsewhere. According to zoo director Thayne Maynard, "the barriers are safe. They exceed any required protocols. The trouble with barriers, whatever the barrier is, some people get past it. The zoo is not negligent."

More: Grizzly bear shatters glass zoo enclosure with 50-pound rock (VIDEO)

Even if you disagree with Maynard, there is some evidence that is irrefutable — programs like those offered by the Cincinnati Zoo are saving endangered animals. Fewer than 175,000 Western Lowland gorillas live in the wild. Approximately 765 live in zoos, which is a significant number compared to the total population. Preserving these animals and others like them is absolutely essential. Zoos provide places of protection and offer the public a chance to appreciate and fund these conservation efforts. Thanks to ecologically devastating human activities, these animals now need zoos like the one in Cincinnati in order to survive.

Hunting, habitat destruction and climate change are devastating many of our planet's animals. We owe it to them to try and save the ones that are left, and one of the ways we can do that is by supporting programs that promote healthier populations of endangered species. Boycotting the Cincinatti Zoo won't bring back Harambe. It won't encourage parents to be more vigilant. It will limit the available funds that the zoo has to put towards building better enclosures, supporting their animals and offering educational outreach programs.

More: It's Earth Day and you probably have no idea these animals are endangered

There will always be accidents when humans and wild animals meet. It was a terrible accident, no one is saying it wasn't. But instead of seeking someone to blame, people need to realize that bad events will take place and the focus should be on how to prevent them in the future — not on how we can attack parents or zoos on social media. It is OK that we are upset about Harambe's death. It is normal that we want to find the reason this happened. But it's not OK to bash people personally on Twitter feeds or Facebook posts.

More: 11 Cute endangered animals we need to save

There is no reason to personally insult zoo staff members or to offer to do horrific things to the mother's anatomy to prevent her from having further children. This anger feeds itself and does nothing to honor Harambe's memory or to prevent accidents from happening in the future. It doesn't matter what your views are. We all need to relearn how to express ourselves with a little more respect. And if we cared about Harambe as much as our social media posts say that we do, we will continue to support zoos and other programs that protect endangered species.

MTV reality star, Teen Mom Maci Bookout, is now a mom of three — she gave birth Tuesday to a son with fiancé Taylor McKinney.

More: Fat-shaming babies is everything that is wrong with the internet

Bookout, 24, shared the news on Twitter and revealed the name of the new arrival, who joins big brother Bentley (7) and big sister Jayde Carter. If Maverick Reed had made his entrance a couple days earlier, Bookout would have had two children under 1 as Jayde had her first birthday on May 29.

The name Maverick means "independence and non-conformity." It's believed that it originated in 19th-century America, when a rancher named Maverick refused to brand his calves the way others did. This tale has made Maverick stand for an unfettered, free spirit. If Maverick grows up to be anything like his mom, we reckon his name is just perfect.

After Maverick was used in a 1950s TV western series starring James Garner, it grew in popularity, getting a boost from 1986's Top Gun as Tom Cruise's character. It reached its highest spot in the U.S. baby boy name chart — number 184 — in 2015, but the Teen Mom's endorsement could see it soar even higher.

More: This printable guide is about to solve all your baby-naming squabbles

Bookout has also given the world a glimpse of her new arrival when he was only hours old, posting a cute 15-second video to YouTube showing the doting parents with their newborn son.

No doubt baby Maverick will get plenty more screen time when the new season of Teen Mom OG begins in August.

More: Hunger Games actress gives her first child a thought-provoking name

Before you go, check out our slideshow below:

You've probably heard about that tradition of freezing the top tier of your wedding cake so you can enjoy it on your first anniversary.

Long ago, couples saved that last piece to celebrate the first child's christening, which, back in those days, was probably pretty close to the first anniversary if you do the math (what without any reliable birth control and a couple of horny kids who had, theoretically, been holding out until that first night to kick their wedded bliss off with a — ahem — bang). Of course, back then, the cakes were liqueur-soaked fruitcakes sans any fondant or delicate buttercream.

More: Disney just took your wedding cake to an epic level

These days, saving that cake is a bit trickier. Sure, the real secret is wrapping it up and freezing it correctly. But it's all for naught if it doesn't make it home. Don't forget to inform the catering staff or whoever is in charge of cleanup that you want to save that cake top. That way they won't serve it or dispose of it. And appoint a trusted friend to be the person in charge of transporting it home and cake blocking (that is, threatening anyone who even looks at it sideways within an inch of their lives).

1. Get the cake in the fridge ASAP

The top tier should be carefully removed and refrigerated as soon as humanly possible.

2. Remove fancy decorations

Remove any sugar flowers or other decorations that will get in the way of freezing.

3. Preserve the frosting integrity

Place the cake on the inside of the lid of a large, airtight container, and snap the bottom closed around it. Place it in the freezer for at least two hours (up to overnight).

4. Wrap it up

Once it's par-frozen, carefully wrap the cake in plastic wrap, making sure the whole thing is covered. A couple of layers should be plenty.

5. Stop freezer burn

Using freezer paper, wrap the cake again (use butcher tape to secure it).

6. Box it up

Place the wrapped cake in a sturdy cake box at least 2 inches larger than the cake, and close the box.

7. Seal it again

Wrap that box (being careful to not flip it around and upside down… remember, there's a cake in there!) in another layer of plastic wrap, then wrap it as much like a present as possible in another layer of freezer paper, using butcher tape to secure it.

More: Do it yourself: Fresh orange, honey and ricotta wedding cake

8. Box it again

Carefully place that box into a second, larger box at least 2 inches larger on all sides (including the top) than the first cake box.

9. Protect it

Fill the rest of the box with unflavored, air-popped popcorn (don't shove it in — you're using it like packing peanuts in case something smashes into the box). Don't forget to put at least one layer of popcorn on top, and seal the box.

10. Mark it

Use a marker to write on the top and all sides (omitting the bottom) "Wedding cake — handle with care. Do not open until…" your anniversary. Just in case someone else is rooting around in your freezer during a cookout or something… Don't want them to store a big ol' rack of ribs on top of it.

11. Store it right

Store it in your freezer in a place you won't often need to store other things, and always (always) remove it to rearrange things, being careful to not leave it out for more than a couple of minutes.

12. Control odor

Your cake may absorb odors from other things in the freezer if you aren't careful, so watch what else you store in there. This is one of the reasons it pays to pack your cake in so many layers.

13. Defrost gently

Take the cake out of the freezer at least 36 hours before you plan to eat it, and put it in the fridge to defrost, plastic wrap, freezer paper, boxes, popcorn and all.

14. Bring to room temp

Carefully remove all the popcorn and wrapping. Your frosting is at its most vulnerable now because it's no longer frozen solid. Remember, Tortoise: Slow and steady wins the race.

More: 51 unique wedding cakes for the most adventurous couples

One year later... "Help, the frosting is damaged!"

Take a deep breath. If your frosting was still just too delicate to make it and far too damaged to serve as is, if it bugs you, you can scrape it off and refrost it. No, it may not look as good as what your professional cake baker did, but in some cases, it's better than it looking like the cake was used for target practice.

It's been a tough couple of months for General Hospital's Kirsten Storms. Just a few weeks after the announcement that she's divorcing her husband of three years, Brandon Barash, she's now taking a temporary hiatus from General Hospital. According to a recent tweet, stress acne has gotten so bad that she's had to step back from the role she's played on GH since 2005.

More: General Hospital's Kirsten Storms and Brandon Barash divorcing

She explained the situation to over 180,000 fans on Twitter: "Tweeters! First, thank you for the outpouring of love & support. I appreciate all the positive messages I've received. Second, yes I am taking a little break from work due to some skin issues I've been having."

She continued, "My dr's say my breakouts are due to stress, but shouldn't take too long to get under control (I can say that I'm on the better end of it now). However, it was becoming too difficult for GH to cover up. And we all know in this biz appearance is important. In the meantime, I look forward to watching Molly on screen as I take the next few weeks to heal. Again—thanks for the love and you will see me again in no time [sic]!"

More: General Hospital suddenly seems like the hardest place to work in daytime TV

With ex-husband Barash also a costar, it's easy to imagine what's causing that stress acne. Is there a more stressful situation than working with an ex?

Storms' fans are coming out in support with kind words. One fan wrote, "I would rather see Maxie with bad skin, all broken out, whatever then not see Kirsten, get well and come back soon." Another agreed, "We're gonna miss you! You're flawless no matter what. Get well soon and hurry back!"

More: Ben Higgins enjoys new fame with John Stamos & Samuel L. Jackson

Queen Elizabeth is celebrating her 90th birthday with a gorgeous spread in Vanity Fair, surrounded by some special loved ones — and not all are human.

In what was either a diplomatic move to not appear to play favorites or a deliberate move to show who her favorites actually are, the queen shares her cover with four unexpected models: her dogs!

"Introducing our cover stars: Holly, Willow, Vulcan, Candy — and The Queen. Read more about the exclusive Annie Leibovitz portrait honoring the Queen on her 90th birthday at the link in our bio," Vanity Fair posted.

More: Prince Harry and the queen help the Obamas officially reach the DGAF stage of presidency

The magazine shared another exclusive photo on Instagram, this one of the queen with her "strength and stay," Prince Philip.

"Married for nearly 69 years, the Queen says her husband, Prince Philip, ‘has been my strength and stay all these years,'" the magazine shared.

The photo series also includes two previously released images, one of the queen with her only daughter, Princess Anne, and another of the queen surrounded by her youngest grandchildren and great-grandchildren — the future of the monarchy.

"The most moving, important thing about this shoot is that these were all her ideas," photographer Annie Leibovitz explained. "She wanted to be photographed with her grandchildren and great-grandchildren; her husband, Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh; her daughter, Anne, the Princess Royal; and her corgis. I was told how relaxed she was at Windsor, and it was really true. You get the sense of how at peace she was with herself, and very much enthralled with her family."

The summer issue of Vanity Fair featuring Queen Elizabeth will be available nationally stateside on Tuesday, June 7, 2016.

More: The Obamas are coming for dinner but Prince George DGAF

Stacey Dash's memoir is going to be a far cry from Clueless.

More: Why Stacey Dash wanted to be the butt of an awkward Oscars joke

Unlike the classic comedy that made Dash famous, her memoir, There Goes My Social Life, will address her lifetime of abuse and addiction.

"Sometimes my past is extraordinarily heavy," Dash told People magazine during a sit-down to talk about her book. "That's when I scream and cry until I feel like I can breathe again."

In her book, Dash recounts that she was only 4 years old the first time she was molested by a 16-year-old family friend. When she was 16, Dash was offered her first line of cocaine. She quickly became addicted.

"I couldn't find happiness," Dash said. "It got to a point where I didn't even want to live anymore. The voice in my head was saying, 'There's nothing here for you.'"

That lifestyle gave Dash a lot of her current, controversial views about welfare programs.

"When you get stuff for free, you have no self-worth," she said. "When you have no self-worth, you become depressed, addicted and either abused or an abuser. This is what perpetuates the cycle of violence in inner cities. We don't need free stuff. We need opportunities."

More: Stacey Dash defends her controversial remarks with unapologetic explanation

She continued, "When I say there should not be a BET channel or a Black History Month, I'm saying we deserve more. I just hope people understand that I'm not judging; I'm coming from experience."

Dash was in an abusive relationship before she started dating musician Christopher Williams. And soon after meeting Williams, she became pregnant. In her book, she recounts how she almost chose to have an abortion.

"When I got pregnant, I was doing a lot of drugs and I didn't want to live," she said. "I wanted to die. I was going to have an abortion. I was crying and I said to God, 'Please tell me what to do.' And God told me, 'Keep your son.' I ripped the IV out of my arm and I said, 'I'm keeping my son.'"

Dash has been making headlines in recent years for her controversial, conservative views. But with the dark details of her past coming out, will those offended by her views give her any more slack? According to the comments posted on the article, probably not.

"stacey truly needs to s t f u," one commenter wrote. Another added, "God cannot reach people audibly and tell them not to rape or steal but he can talk to stacey dash?"

More: Gabrielle Union isn't here for Stacey Dash's stance on the BET Awards

Do you plan to read Stacey Dash's memoir?

Joe Giudice is currently serving a lengthy prison sentence for bankruptcy fraud at the Federal Correctional Institution in Fort Dix, New Jersey, while Teresa Giudice is trying hard to get her life back to normal following her prison stint at the Federal Correctional Institution in Danbury, Connecticut. But it may be a long time before all the couple's legal woes are officially behind them.

More: Well, that's rough: Teresa Giudice's home sells for $100 (yes, $100)

At least according to a new report from TMZ, which claims that Teresa still owes thousands of dollars in income tax.

According to documents obtained by the gossip site, Teresa was hit with a tax lien for $23,365 in February — just two months after she got out of prison. While her husband, Joe, who started his 41-month prison sentence in March, was hit with $238,269 of unpaid taxes in April.

More: We can't even handle the Teresa Giudice RHONJ drama in the trailer

The good news is that the couple are working, along with their lawyer, James Leonard Jr., to pay off the debt in full. And Leonard Jr. told TMZ that the Giudice's have set up a schedule to pay off said debt.

The Giudice's are not going to be able to leave their past completely behind them before they get all their debts in order, but, judging from Instagram, Teresa appears to be in a pretty good place in her life at the moment, and she has been enjoying spending quality time with her four daughters (including cooking and spending time at the shore).

More: Are Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga trying to get cast on the Baywatch reboot?

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Happy Wednesday Hump Day — also known to us as Celebrity Baby Bump Day. We have rounded up the most buzzworthy pregnant celebrities of the week, including Blac Chyna, who showed off her growing baby bump at a pool party in Las Vegas. Courtney Stodden debuted her baby bump in a sexy Instagram post, while Megan Fox kept her bump casual at the park. Emily Blunt, DWTS’s Peta Murgatroyd, Behati Prinsloo and Candice Swanepoel all make the list of the cutest baby bumps of the week.

Blac Chyna

Pregnant Blac Chyna showed off her baby bump in a white dress as she and her fiancé, Rob Kardashian, posed for pictures before their hosting event at the Sky Beach Club pool party at the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas. Even though neither one wore a swimsuit at the pool bash, they reportedly walked around and took pictures with guests. Chyna, who is expecting her baby later this year, also dipped her feet in the pool and was spotted chowing down on sliders and onion rings.

Chyna recently announced on Snapchat that she would no longer take any more hosting gigs until after the baby is born. Chyna, who normally makes money with appearances and hosting events, is reportedly going to receive around a million dollars for the first pictures of the baby.

Courtney Stodden

Pregnant Courtney Stodden is “embracing her insane body changes” by posting a sexy video of herself (below) dancing in a skimpy bikini. The 21-year-old reality star is around 7 weeks pregnant with her first child with her husband, The Green Mile star Doug Hutchison. Stodden was first in the news when she married the 55-year-old actor when she was only 16 years old.

Stodden, who posted the video below, has been open about the fact that she has been struggling with depression.

More: Courtney Stodden shares an honest picture about her morning sickness

Emily Blunt

Emily Blunt celebrated her baby shower surrounded by friends, including Charlize Theron and celebrity trainer AJ Johnson. The Huntsman: Winter’s War star, 33, is expecting her second child with her husband, The Office star John Krasinski. The couple is already parents to a 2-year-old daughter named Hazel.

No word yet as to the gender of her second baby — and her baby shower cake doesn’t give us many clues. The main frosting is blue (so perhaps a boy?); however, we spot some pink icing on the top of the cake and yellow ducks adorn the top.

Next up: Dancing with the Stars' Peta and Maksim’s pregnancy news, plus Megan Fox

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Peta Murgatroyd

Fresh off her Dancing with the Stars win, professional dancer Peta Murgatroyd, 29, and her fiancé Maksim Chmerkovskiy, 36, recently revealed they are pregnant and expecting their first baby together. Peta posted this fun collage as she and Maksim kissed at a friend’s wedding.

No word yet how far along she is; however, she doesn’t appear to be showing much yet, so she is probably early in her pregnancy.

More: Celebrity moms Anne Hathaway, Kristin Cavallari and Katie Holmes share adorable photos

Megan Fox

Pregnant Megan Fox kept a low profile as she took her two sons, Bodhi and Noah, to a Malibu park. The 30-year-old Transformers star kept it casual in a hat, leggings and T-shirt. The actress and her on-again-off-again husband, Brian Austin Green, confirmed the pregnancy news, saying it was a surprise but that they were excited to be welcoming another baby.

Next up: Victoria’s Secret models Behati Prinsloo and Candice Swanepoel

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Candice Swanepoel

Victoria’s Secret stunner Candice Swanepoel showed off her baby bump in this gorgeous photo she posted on her Instagram page, writing that she was “halfway” into her pregnancy and gushing about “the magical business of making a new life.” Swanepoel and her fiancé, Hermann Nicoli, are expecting their first child, a baby boy.

Behati Prinsloo

Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsloo joked that “Breakfast was GREAT” as she posted this photo showing off her growing baby bump in a black dress. The model and her husband, Maroon 5’s Adam Levine, are expecting their first child together.

More: Blake Lively and Kerry Washington show off their baby bumps

Warm weather is upon us, and you know what that means: Every single magazine suddenly starts running headlines about getting that "summer body" or becoming "bathing suit ready." But what does that even mean? We reached out to our favorite Raging Feminists to get their take on the best ways to prepare for summer.

How do you get your "summer body" ready?

"I get my summer body by going to lots of picnics, drinking micheladas on rooftops, eating fish tacos at Rockaway Taco and watching Amy Schumer episodes on repeat in my air-conditioned apartment while eating coconut ice cream." — Dakota Kim

"How do I get a summer body? Well, basically I take the body I use for fall, winter and spring, and I use that." — Mayim Bialik

"I wait for it to turn to summer. Then I look at my body, and that's my summer body." — Claire Linic

More: School teaches us how not to make girls feel good about their bodies

"I plan to take my body outside a lot this summer, hence it being a summer body. I hope it runs a lot, climbs a lot and gets good sleep. Here's my summer body with a little person I made with my body. His name is Liam. Here we are running and hiking at Hat Rock State Park." — Shaindel Beers

"Wait for summer and walk outside." — Danielle Corcione

"Oh the Summer Body! So different from the Winter Body! I get an entirely new set of limbs, and this year I ordered my Summer Stomach early, in time for Spring Festival Season.

"But really, the Summer Body is on the same calendar as Holiday Inspired Muffin Top and Freshman Fifteen — the diet and fashion industry employs the calendar, with its threat of hot temperatures and long, languid beach dates, as a tool to make us think our year-round bodies aren't good enough to be let out into the summer breeze without some kind of therapy, some fix, some high-cost remedy.

"If you love the sun, if you love to swim, if you enjoy letting your body spring forth from your downy parka, don't waste a moment wondering if you've got an acceptable Summer Body — you do! Your body is All Season and beautiful. We don't need permission to exist in the summer months." — Lyndsay Kirkham

More: While you were mourning Harambe the gorilla, people were dying

"How to get a summer body:

1) Have a body.

2) Do summer-related things with your body. Go to the beach, run in the waves, laze in the sand, wear the swimsuit of your choice and eat and drink whatever refreshing thing you want.

3) Don't forget to slap some sunscreen on that gorgeous summer body of yours.

4) You're welcome." — Awanthi Vardaraj

"I try not to have an out-of-body experience, and I wait for summer. I’ve found that usually works. There used to be a time when I worried about the size and shape of my body, when I bought swimsuits that were cut and contoured to show off what I thought were my more acceptable features.

"Nowadays, I don’t even bother doing my bikini line. So it’s koala ears or boy short swimsuits." — Asha Rajan

"You transition from a winter body into a spring body and then a summer body by progressively wearing fewer clothes. That's if you live in Ohio. Also, add some poison ivy, mosquito bites, bruises from lifting concrete blocks and bags of rocks for landscaping projects and what we call a 'farmer's tan.'" — Meg Galipault

"Advertising headline promises "Summer Thighs in 7 Days." Um, that's easy: Wait until one week before summer. Seven days later, voilà. Your thighs will exist then too. Your body is fine in every season." — Jennifer Pozner

More: Don't you dare tell a little girl which bathing suit will cover her flaws!

"I see both the media-made 'beach body' tropes, and the hard-feminist 'all bodies are good bodies' kind of stuff, and I feel like I'm somewhere between them, for myself. It's not that I think I need to meet some absurd standard for my body that could only be met with some kind of real-time Photoshopping of me from every angle, for every observer, forever. But it's also not that I don't have a personal beauty aesthetic that I aspire to and work toward, because I do. I've never, ever liked my body hair, and once I realized I'd been a girl my whole life, that made more sense to me, because it's something that I, personally, for me, assign to femininity. It's a way for me to express that part of who I am, so part of having a 'summer body,' for me, is showing off smooth, hairless legs in comfy skirts or a bikini bottom or whatever.

"So, aside from being more vigilant about publicly visible body hair, my 'summer body' tips are the same as my 'winter body' tips: Be healthy, be joyful, be in a body you'd want to be around." — Seranine Elliot

"Lots of exfoliation so I can cover myself with temporary tattoos and take bicep-flexing beach selfies with my friends while we down arepas and beers." — Kait Burrier

"First: Check the calendar. Is it summer? Congrats, you are halfway there! Take a deep breath, you are doing great.

"Second: Do you have a body? (Note: Ghosts, demons and other ethereal beings must be currently occupying a body to answer 'yes.')

"You are on a roll!

"Last: Check yourself out — you have a summer body! Get out there, and show it off. Or don't and don't, IT'S YOUR BODY!" — Alex Blank Millard

"Gosh I've barely had time to think about that since I've been spending the last six months improving my vocal patterns due to an inordinate amount of emails from complete strangers with unsolicited notes about my voice after listening to my podcasts. Once I achieve this, I will start on that bikini body!

"But first I'm working on my: vocal fry, NY accent, interdental lateral lisp, tone, volume, pitch, Minnesota accent, pace, Irish lilt, shrillness, laryngeal papillomatosis, upspeak, puberphonia and downspeak.

"I will then expunge 'weak' words and phrases from my vocabulary, including 'like,' 'um,' 'well,' 'so you know,' 'sorry,' 'I feel' and 'ah.'

"Finally, I'll tackle those pesky 'fillers' and verbal placeholders I tend to use whilst confabulating from my lady-mouth-hole, such as: such as, 'ahhh,' 'I mean,' 'like I said,' 'please don't talk over me,' 'why are you raising your voice,' 'no I'm not being too sensitive,' 'seriously is it so hard to pay me what I'm worth' and 'uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.'

"After that's taken care of, I'm looking forward to shedding those pounds and hopefully finish the seemingly lifelong project of decorating and molding all aspects of my personhood to please men!" — Katharine Heller

More: I'm putting a bikini on this summer, and it has nothing to do with my post-baby body

It seems like no time at all that we were shocked and saddened to hear the reports of the San Bernardino shooting, and now another major shooting incident has taken place in California, this time at the UCLA campus.

Details are still coming in about the incident, but social media has been a major source of information, with the issue trending in a "live" form on Facebook and constant updates from the school, school newspaper and police organizations on Twitter. Here's what's been said so far.

The student newspaper, The Daily Bruin, broke the news of a reported shooting at the Engineering IV building just before 10 a.m. this morning.

More: When my son asks about another shooting I want to tell him he's safe, but I can't

Within 30 minutes, it was confirmed that there were two shooting victims.

Alleged details of the shooter's appearance were tweeted.

The LAPD released an official statement on all their social media channels, confirming that they responded to several calls of shots fired on the UCLA campus, two male victims had suffered gunshot wounds but providing no confirmation that any suspects had been found.

More: America's gun problem in 7 startling images

As people watched the tragedy unfold on social media, one student on lockdown within the campus sent an incredibly powerful image to her father.

Other pictures taken by the public were reassuring: students being escorted from the campus by police officers.

Meanwhile, law enforcement units continued to arrive, and it was reported that officers were wearing helmets and bulletproof vests.

UCLA alumni shared their disbelief that this was happening.

Inevitably, much of the conversation on social media focused on America's gun laws.

LAPD confirmed that the two shooting victims were dead, and that they were looking at a possible murder suicide.

When my ex-boyfriend killed himself last year, it was more than a tragedy — it was news. He was a well-known chef who taught children at a Harvard summer school and volunteered at local farms. He was an associate instructor driving research at a liberal arts college. He was known for his love of art, music and history, and he traveled widely throughout Europe and the Middle East researching traditional cooking techniques and bringing rare ingredients home with him to give to friends and colleagues. Roald Dahl’s daughter, for whom he was a personal chef, called him a Renaissance man. She wasn’t wrong.

Both Eater and The Boston Globe published news of his death, and it was shared widely and with great sadness on social media channels around the world. Noma chef René Redzepi named a scholarship to the MAD global culinary symposium in his honor. A large memorial service was held at which his friend, the dean of Harvard’s Graduate School of Design, created and installed a photo wall. Dozens of members of the community spoke in his memory. I imagine they hugged one another, cried together and smiled as they remembered happy moments they shared with him.

I don’t know. I did not attend.

The morning he committed suicide, my ex gave me a choice: return to him, or he would kill himself. It was a minefield I had navigated with him before; in the two years we dated, he attempted suicide three times and threatened more than I could count. The threats began when I found out he was seeing someone else and tried to leave him. They continued when I caught him a second time. When he broke into my apartment and I called the police, he told me he would kill himself if I pressed charges. I didn’t.

More: The PTSD diagnosis that saved my relationship

He hit me for the first time in an Airbnb in Kathmandu. When we came home, he hit me again. And again. And again. He took control of my finances and drove me to and from work so he would always know where I was. He monitored my cell phone, email and Facebook accounts. Every time I tried to leave, he told me he would kill himself. I lived in constant fear of abuse, but the fear that choosing to live my life might mean ending his was greater.

One morning, we passed the elderly Haitian woman who lived above us in the hall. She asked me if I was OK — she knew I spoke French and he didn’t. I lied and said I was fine. I told him she was asking about the broken water heater. One week later, after dinner with friends, he beat and strangled me. I said I couldn’t breathe. He said he didn’t care. He said he could kill me if he wanted to. He weighed a full 100 pounds more than me and had a drawer full of sharpened chef’s knives within his reach. He wasn’t wrong.

I got away somehow, and he went to jail. But he was a college graduate and an upstanding member of society (see above). His felony assault charges were dropped. His mother violated the no contact order and called me, sobbing. He promised to leave me alone, she said. He promised he understood that what he’d done was wrong.

He didn’t. Despite weekly court-ordered therapy and domestic violence counseling, the stalking, threats and violence recurred. I moved for a third time and changed jobs, but he found me. “Everyone thinks you’re crazy,” he said. “Our friends, the doctors, the media, everyone. I made sure of it.” Then, he gave me the choice. It was his life or mine. I still don’t know why, but for the first time, I chose me.

If I had the choice again, I wouldn’t do anything different.

I thought about writing about all of this in response to the doubts surrounding Amber Heard’s abuse at the hands of the beloved Johnny Depp. Every time there are public instances of domestic violence, I relive my trauma and wish I could tell my story, but I worry that I’ll be criticized or blamed for my abuse. I think that maybe I’ll be ready to write about it the next time it happens. There are two things wrong with that. The first is that I’m worried that I’ll be blamed. The second is that I know there will be a next time. I can count on it. We all can.

More: Yes, domestic violence can happen to anyone — even lesbians

There will be a next time because we don’t believe Amber Heard. There will be a next time because Johnny Depp, like my ex, will not be held accountable for his actions. There will be a next time because he’s just one of millions of men and women who will get away with intimate partner violence this year because his partner wasn’t abused “enough.” She wasn’t beat up “enough.” She wasn’t traumatized “enough” to risk potentially disrupting her partner’s life — famous or not — and she will be demonized for calling into question the character of a man loved by so many.

At best, he’ll just find another woman to abuse. At worst, he’ll kill her. Maybe he’ll kill her children too. Maybe he’ll beat her into a coma. Maybe he’ll just leave her bruised, homeless, jobless, financially ruined and with severe PTSD. At some point, we decided it’s up to the victims to protect themselves. Victims, by virtue of their victimhood, are not in a position to do that. So, we’ll watch the news, and we’ll cluck and say shame, shame on him, shame on her. But we won’t say shame on us. And it will happen again. And that’s what the f*** is wrong.

Abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. As a society, we establish circumstances that make abusers think it’s OK to abuse, and the abused think they’re at fault for the beatings and humiliation. We tell abusers that their behavior is OK by asking questions of the victims. We tell abusers their behavior is OK when we bring victims’ sexuality, race, income, employment, education and mental health into the conversation. We look for reasons the victims’ accounts of our beloved’s bad behavior might be faulty, and we tell their abusers that it’s OK to humiliate, beat up and murder those who are “other.” It doesn’t take much to establish “otherness” in a human being. It could be as big as religion and as small as taste in ice cream. Abusers don’t care. We should.

We tell victims they’re to blame by diminishing their experiences and ignoring their cries for help. My abuser violated his restraining orders three times. He was only arrested once. The time he broke into my apartment and locked me out? He was told to go home. A stranger who did the same thing would have been arrested. But because it was a domestic situation, my ex got to walk away and continue to terrorize me. I was called crazy instead.

At one point, after his parole officer, mother and friends refused to help, I called his ex-wife. Much like Depp's ex, she told me it didn’t sound like him. She asked me to leave her alone. I did. I saved the photos of my bruises and all of his threatening messages. I look at them sometimes to reassure myself that I wasn’t crazy. I shouldn’t have to do that.

More: Domestic violence is trapping women in more than just bad relationships

There isn’t much I’m sure of anymore. I’m sure that I never feel safe. I’m sure that I’ve lost my sense of what’s OK and what isn’t, so I don’t know who to trust. I’m sure that I wish I could un-know what I know, un-see what I’ve seen, and un-feel what I feel. I’m sure that I can’t.

I’m sure that we tell abusers it’s OK every time we doubt a victim. So I’m sure there will be another Amber Heard, another Rihanna, another Janay Rice, another me. There will be a next time.

To help understand, identify and work to change the cycle of domestic violence, watch this documentary: http://www.privateviolence.com/. If you have ever experienced any form of violence from your intimate partner — whether it is physical, sexual or psychological — please reach out for help. Call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.