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Jimmy Ruffin dies: 7 Things you didn't know about the Motown star

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Sugarhill Gang's Big Bank Hank loses his battle with cancer at 57

Ruffin died in a Las Vegas hospital on Monday, Nov. 17. According to the Mirror, he had previously fallen seriously ill and had been in hospital since last month.

The "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted" singer's family released a statement about his death, saying, "Jimmy Ruffin was a rare type of man who left his mark on the music industry. My family in its entirety is extremely upset over his death. He will truly be missed. We will treasure the many fond and wonderful memories we all have of him."

And Ruffin did indeed leave his mark on the music industry, but here are some things you may not have known about him.

1. He had a musical family

Ruffin was born in born in Collinsville, Mississippi, and was part of a very talented musical family. His younger brother, David Ruffin, was the lead singer of the Temptations.

Jamie-Lynn Sigler is mourning the sudden death of her brother

2. He started off singing gospel

As a child, Ruffin and his brother started off singing gospel with the group, the Dixie Nightingales, before they moved north to Detroit in 1960 and discovered Motown.

3. He served his country

Ruffin was drafted in to the army as part of national service. When he left the army in 1964, he returned to Motown and was offered the chance to join the Temptations and replace Elbridge Bryant. However, according to the Mirror, when the bosses heard his brother sing, they decided to hire him instead and, thus, Jimmy went solo.

4. He was an anti-drug advocate

After the loss of his beloved brother, David, who died in 1991 of a suspected drug overdose, Ruffin was prompted to become a vocal anti-drug advocate, a role which he continued throughout his life.

3 Life lessons learned from Diem and CT's romance

5. His biggest success was in the U.K.

Despite the fact that Ruffin was an American, his greatest success came from the U.K. According to the Mirror, he was once voted the world's top singer in a British poll and, in 1970, "Farewell Is a Lonely Sound," "I'll Say Forever My Love" and "It's Wonderful (To Be Loved By You)" each made the top 10.

6. He had a love affair with the U.K., too

The U.K. loved Ruffin and he returned its love. In the 1980s, he decided to move to Britain and work with Paul Weller of the Style Council. He continued to live in the country for many years.

7. He collaborated with his famous brother

Before David's untimely death, the brothers collaborated on an album together in the '70s called, I Am My Brother's Keeper.

Jimmy Ruffin will be missed by many and our thoughts are with his children, Jimmy Lee Ruffin, Jr. and Philicia Ruffin, as well as all those who loved him.


You should put away your adult toys when your kids crawl in your bed

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Too many people have asked me to weigh in on this photo that ThatWife posted to her Instagram account, showing her two adorable children playing something called the robot massager game so here's what I think about it: No. Nope nope nope nope no. I have no issue with adults owning adult things. I have no issue with kids crawling into adult beds. What I do have an issue with is a mom posting something like this on the interwebs, where it can potentially haunt her kids forever, and also, I don't care how sterilized you think certain things are — that looks like a pretty good recipe for an eye infection to me. I have chosen not to embed the image here because I don't wish to add to any embarrassment her kids may face in the future, but you can view it at this link.

Salon covered this story a few days ago and got a quote from the mom in question, Jenna Andersen, who had this to say about it: 

"I bought the Hitachi because everyone assured me I would love using it in an 'off-label' sort of way. I gave it a go, but found that there are other vibrators I like a lot more," she wrote in an email. "Now I have a $60 electronic getting dusty in a cupboard. My kids discovered it recently and immediately deemed it 'The Robot.'" And then she had this supremely smart thing to say: "Posting [the photo] felt like a funny way to comment on what it's like to move between being a woman and being a mother, and how strange it feels to have those two selves encounter each other in the presence of my children."

I'm not sure I really get that last part, because my kids have seen me being a woman and a mother at the same time. I guess I do stereotypical "womanly" things around them and I don't hide the fact that in addition to being their mother, I'm an actual adult human with my own interests. I just wouldn't share every adult interest I have with my kids. Because I'm an adult and they are children. Plus, I can't help but feel that this just falls into the parental overshare category and could one day embarrass her kids when they are older. Sure, snap a picture and stick it in the personal family album and show them one day. Don't post it on the internet. It also feels to me like this was posted just to get the pearl clutchers in a tizzy, which it has obviously done. Aren't there other ways to draw attention to your blog?

More parental overshares

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When oversharing becomes overbearing
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Sneak peek: Pretty Little Liars and the A who stole Christmas

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Who's hotter: Keegan Allen vs. Ian Harding

In just a few weeks, ABC Family will air the first ever Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode and it definitely looks like it's full of more of A's creepy antics than holiday spirit.

Don't get us wrong, we're loving the sparkly dresses and dark moody lipstick the Liars are rocking...

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

But, we're so not into the Lucas Santa. It definitely looks like Lucas in there to us.

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

And we're certainly dreading any presents from A that the Liars find under the tree this year.

QUIZ: Are you a hard-core Pretty Little Liars fan?

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

It looks like Spencer will be the one caught up in A's terror. We're just really hoping she doesn't go off the deep end again, because the last thing we need is another round of crazy Spencer.

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

But, at least Mona will be back to haunt Ali. Ali deserves some good haunting.

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

Judging by the photos, there's going to be a magical ball, called the Ice Ball. Because, obviously, it's Pretty Little Liars, so the more masquerades, the merrier.

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

Of course, the ball won't be merry for long, since Ali will make a grand entrance that will have everyone basking in her glow. Don't forget to notice her new army flanking her sides. Don't they kind of remind you of Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Girl days?

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

The Liars will then forgo the ball for a nice little Christmas sleepover.

Lucy Hale shares the secret behind her success: I never had a plan B

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

And lots of injuries...

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

But, it's the holidays, right?

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

So, at least they have each other. With no grown-ups in sight.

Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode

Check out the first sneak peek from ABC Family below.

Pretty Little Liars Christmas Special sneak peek

Pretty Little Liars Christmas Special sneak peek

The Pretty Little Liars Christmas episode will air Dec. 9 on ABC Family.

Blended persimmon mocktail is a favorite easy autumn drink

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Like most fruits, persimmons are rich in vitamins and minerals. They are high in beta-carotene, potassium and vitamins A and C, and a glass of this fruit plus other natural and healthy ingredients can benefit our bodies. They are autumn fruits and perfect in an end-of-season iced drink before the real cold settles in. Grab some ripe persimmons, and puree them in the blender with some sparkling water, fresh lemon, sugar and ice. You will be hooked, just like me and my family.

Persimmon spritzer

Blended persimmon mocktail recipe

Persimmons are delicious fruits that should be enjoyed in different ways. This time, I blended them with lemon, sugar, sparkling water and ice for a delicious, seasonal mocktail you'll want to make again and again.

Serves 1

Total time: 5 minutes

Ingredients:

  • 1 persimmon, peeled (or 1 cup pulp)
  • 1/2 teaspoon lemon zest
  • 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
  • 1 tablespoon sugar
  • 1 cup sparkling water
  • Ice cubes

Directions:

  1. To a blender, add the persimmon, lemon juice, zest, sugar, water and ice. Blend until smooth.
  2. Pour into a glass, and serve immediately.

More persimmon recipes

Persimmon gingerbread loaf
Persimmon and yogurt parfait
Persimmon and cranberry holiday oats

7 Things about Jurassic World we learned from its viral site

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Jurassic World

1. Dinosaurs go corporate

The viral site for the new film, Jurassic Worldis called MasraniGlobal.com and is set up to look like a real corporation, giving the fictitious company behind the dinosaurs a layered history. In the "About" section, you can read all about its founder, Sanjay Masrani. His son, Simon, played by Irrfan Khan in the movie, is now CEO.

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Jurassic World

2. The beautiful, tropical (and fake) Isla Nublar

Said to be off the western coast of Costa Rica, Isla Nublar is now the home of the Jurassic World theme park. For those still nervous after past tragic consequences, Simon Masrani has set up security teams, perimeter fencing and even quarantine zones, perhaps in case there's an Ebola outbreak.

Jurassic World

3. Golfing with a Gigantoraptor

If you'd also like to get in nine holes while visiting the dazzling dinosaurs, you're in luck! Jurassic World includes a "high class golf course" that's maintained using only sustainable resources.

Jurassic World

4. Dino egg omelette?

When we read about Jurassic World's "five star restaurants," we couldn't help but wonder if any giant reptiles were on the menu. We're guessing that even if they do serve broiled Brontosaurus or Fabrosaurus flambé, it will taste a lot like chicken.

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Jurassic World

5. New technology tease

On the part of the site called "CEO's blog," Simon Masrani indicates he has something new in the works. He wrote, "I can't say too much but one idea has been brewing for a number of years now and recently it's become a reality. Unfortunately, you'll have to wait for that one." We can only think it must have something to do with genetics. Could it be that InGen cloned a human?

Jurassic World

6. Investment opportunities

Looking to diversify your stock portfolio? Just click on the "Investors" button and learn all about the ticker NASDAQ MSRN. Stock is a real bargain at just $175.02 per share and has been rising all year.

Disney has a new movie and we're freaking out over its main character

Jurassic World

7. They need interns

Ever dreamed of working with giant, dangerous carnivores that have long been extinct? Then this is your opportunity to get involved. On the site, you can sign up to be an official genetic biologist intern and download and share your very own super-cool I.D. badge on social media.

Jurassic World opens in theaters June 12, 2015.

7 Signs your child needs a tutor

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Grades start slipping

One of the first things that might catch your attention is that your child's grades start slipping. "You may notice that your child is consistently not performing well in a particular subject over three to four months," says Raj Valli, CEO of digital tutoring platform Tabtor.

Homework sessions turn into meltdowns

If you feel like getting your child to do homework or sitting down to help them with their homework is like walking into World War Three — then you might want to consider calling a professional.

"Although there are certainly students who just aren't putting the effort in to complete their homework or think that homework is not important, there are also many times when students get overwhelmed by their homework and shut down," says Ann Dolin, president and founder of Educational Connections Tutoring.

Spending too much time on homework

For some kids, they are spending so much time on their homework that they have no free time for things like sports, socializing or spending time with friends and family. "Although it is certainly a testament to that child's work ethic, the hours and hours spent on assignments may not be necessary for the same level of academic success," says Dolin, who says many parents will call her concerned that their child is spending too much time on homework. A tutor can help them study more efficiently.

Not wanting to go to school

Some children are embarrassed about lagging behind the class and will start looking for excuses to skip school, says Valli.

Behavior problems

Valli says that if you notice other behavior problems, such as your child being irritable or getting frustrated at small things more often that this could be a sign that something is bothering him regarding school or homework.

Your child studies — but still bombs the test

Dolin says that if your child is not studying the right way, they could study a lot but still do poorly on a test. A tutor can teach your child the correct way to study to achieve success.

Input from the teacher

Your child's teacher is one of your best resources to help you decide if your child needs a tutor. If she indicates your child is having problem focusing or is struggling to complete classwork and is falling behind, ask her if she thinks a tutor would benefit your child.

Many parents wonder if the expense of a tutor is worth it. What can a tutor do that a parent can't do? "The majority of parents who call tell me that they have tried to help their child on their own, and it's just not working," says Dolin. "Some children get upset more easily when their parents help them because they feel like they are letting them down or disappointing them if they don't get something right away. Other kids are resistant to their parent's help because of other factors in the relationship. Bringing a tutor into the equation really simplifies the relationship and provides for a designated time to get things done," says Dolin.

Where can you find a tutor? You have online providers, in-person sessions at places like Sylvan as well as local tutors. Ask your teacher, friends and families for recommendations for local tutors.

As far as price goes, Valli says the world of tutoring has a wide range with prices, saying his online tutoring company (Tabtor) charges $60 for a whole month of learning. Depending on your location and the type of tutor, you can generally expect to pay $25 up to $100 per hour.

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Can men and women really be just friends?

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Go back and read what I just wrote and suddenly, this friendship takes on a different look. Maybe you're wondering: What is she really doing with this guy? Is this an emotional affair? So, the question is: Can men and women maintain friendships when one or both are married. And if they can, what are the ground rules, and do you establish them up front or do you wait until one of you may have wandered over the line and now have to find your way back to what is "acceptable."

When I was single having male friends was an important part of my life. Growing up my best friends were always boys. I trusted them more than my girlfriends, they weren't catty, they weren't competitive with me and they weren't trying to borrow my clothes all the time. This worked because I only had male friends that I wasn't the least bit sexually attracted to, so there was never any danger of me falling for them. The problem was, I didn't consider what would happen if one of these male friends started to fall for me.

On the occasions when this happened and my male friend would subtly let me know that he now liked me in a different way, I did the only thing I could think of to keep him as my best male friend. I pretended I had no idea what he was talking about. This would work for a while, but at some point he would casually try to tell me that he wanted us to be more than just friends. I would then also casually mention that I was swearing off boys until I got my C in algebra up to an A, which I knew was impossible. These were high school guys, so I could get away with this for a while. But after this male friend saw me lusting after some other guy, he was convinced that I was just not getting that I really wanted him as my boyfriend and just didn't know it yet. He would one day blurt out: "Hey, haven't you noticed how great we are together, I really like you as more than a friend." As soon as I told him I that I only saw him as a friend and I had assumed he saw me the same way, he would be hurt and as mad at me as if I just dumped him and the whole thing would end.

I thought this was just a high school thing, but it turns out that it seems to be the way men and women relate to each other. A study published in Scientific American stated that women are much more likely to be able to keep male friends platonic, while men have a harder time. The article states that these friendships are masked by a cover-up of sexual impulses by one of the parties. It's said that men were far more attracted to their female friends and assumed their female friends felt the same, when they didn't. Females were far less attracted to their male friends, and they, too assumed that the male friends felt the same as they did. So, when it comes to male/female relationships, there are a lot of mixed signals going on from both sides.

After high school, I met my husband. He was one of my close male friends, but lucky for both of us, we found a sexual attraction in each other. After we married, almost all my male friends fell by the wayside. Recently, I asked my married girlfriends if they still had male friends, and they, too, realized their male friends were long since gone. Work friendships were OK, but taking them outside of work was a non-starter. Reconnecting with an old high school or college buddy on Facebook was fine as long as you only got together for the occasional meal. And any friendship where your kids are part of the equation was a no-brainer. There's no better reminder of marriage than wiping a melted ice cream cone off your shirtless toddler.

I wondered if it was just the natural progression of settling down that ended these close friendships, or maybe there's a lack of interest because our partner meets that need we have for getting attention from the opposite sex. Or it could be that the wives of our old male friends were less than thrilled that we were in their husband's lives. I know I wouldn't have liked my husband having a close friendship with another woman, unless she looked like a Furby if the Furby was having a bad hair day.

Marrying your best friend is probably the smartest thing you can do, but even so, one person can't meet all your needs. I find it easier to get my other needs met from my girlfriends and the male attention I get outside of that is restricted to the few men that still try to pick up on me in the grocery store. I must be getting old, because that's getting fewer and farther between.

Photo credit: Jordan Johnson/Flickr

Our 17 favorite Thanksgiving recipes of 2014

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We don't think Thanksgiving has to turn into a weeklong cooking project that wears both you and your wallet out. All these dishes are easy to make but totally impressive and definitely delicious. Now all you need is the turkey. For a little extra help with the bird, check out our 20 genius turkey-cooking tips, and you'll have the dinner of your dreams.

Savory sides

1. Sweet potato gratin recipe

sweet potato gratin

A decadent, cheesy, sweet potato gratin always has a place on the holiday table.

2. Everything bagel stuffing recipe

everything bagel stuffing

Switch things up with your stuffing by using everything bagels. Then eat the leftovers in the morning, because sausage bagel stuffing is the best breakfast ever.

3. Herbed turnip mash recipe

herbed turnip mash

It's hard to resist a big scoop of extra-buttery mashed potatoes, but your waistline might thank you if you dive into a bowl of mashed turnips instead.

4. Vegan parsnip-butternut squash soup recipe

vegan parsnip soup

Vegan guests will be thrilled with a bowl of this hearty parsnip-butternut squash soup. And bonus, it's super simple to make.

5. Muffin tin potato gratins recipe

muffin tin potato gratins

This deliciously cheesy recipe makes 12 muffin tin potato gratins... but what is everyone else going to eat?

6. Cheesy corn casserole recipe

corn casserole

Remember the sad bowl of corn you used to see on Thanksgiving tables? Forget everything you ever thought about creamed corn, and make this cheesy roasted garlic corn casserole instead.

7. Cauliflower-broccoli mash recipe

cauliflower-broccoli mash

Another tasty mashed potato alternative: cauliflower-broccoli mash.

8. Cauliflower kale-stuffed mushrooms recipe

cauliflower-kale stuffed mushrooms

A tasty side dish or predinner bite, these healthier stuffed mushrooms make you feel better about gorging on turkey and pumpkin pie.

9. Gluten-free turkey gravy recipe

gravy

Keep your gluten-free guests in mind when you make gravy this year.

Fun snacks

10. DIY fruit-filled cornucopias recipe

fruit-filled cornucopias

Make fun DIY cornucopias for festive place settings and a healthy snack.

11. Mini turkey-shaped cheese balls recipe

turkey-shaped cheese balls

Cheese balls are a holiday tradition, but these mini turkey-shaped bites are the cutest ever.

12. Whole-wheat pumpkin muffin turkeys recipe

turkey pumpkin muffins

Sneak some healthy ingredients into these whole-wheat pumpkin muffins decorated like turkeys. The kids will gobble them up.

13. Chicken salad Pilgrim hats recipe

chicken salad pilgrim hats

These chicken salad Pilgrim hats are perfect midday snacks for the little ones and just the right size for tiny fingers.

Sweet treats

14. Thanksgiving scarecrow cupcakes recipe

Thanksgiving scarecrow cake

Skip the pumpkin pie, and go untraditional with the cutest scarecrow cupcake cake ever.

15. Pumpkin spice poke cake recipe

pumpkin spice poke cake

'Tis the season for all things pumpkin. Change things up with a fall take on the classic poke cake.

16. Turkey pudding cups recipe

turkey pudding cups

What kid (or adult, for that matter) wouldn't love to dig into these adorable turkey pudding cups decorated with cookies and candy?

Adult beverages

17. Bourbon-cranberry cocktail recipe

bourbon cranberry cocktail

Every family gathering needs a good, strong cocktail, right? Save a few cranberries from the sauce, and make a big batch of this festive bourbon drink.

More on Thanksgiving

Top 10 Thanksgiving fails will make you feel better about your cooking skills
How to have a delicious Thanksgiving dinner that’s totally gluten free
A Tiny Hamster Thanksgiving is the best meal you'll see all year (VIDEO)


Yes, your kids can make a difference in the fight against hunger (VIDEO)

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Many of us don't go to bed hungry, and it's all too easy to take for granted that we have enough nutritious food to feed our own children. A lot of our kids don't know what it's like to go to school on an empty stomach, which is why we wanted to educate the Hatch kids on what food-insecure households face each and every day and how the average cost to feed a person is $36.50. Through a partnership with Unilever Project Sunlight, we sent the Hatchlings to a local market with this amount of money and instructed them to buy enough groceries to feed a child for a week, balancing their menu with guidelines using the Healthy Eating Plate, comprised of the four food groups.

Hatch: Hunger

Hatch: Hunger

Even the youngest kids are capable of understanding that selecting nutrient-rich foods on a limited budget can be a difficult task and that we all need to do our part to make sure no child goes to bed with an empty stomach. As the Hatchling says in the video: "Don't use the word 'starving' lightly, because there's a lot of people who are actually starving." The following activity can be done at a local grocery store with your own children or with students to help showcase the difficult choices people have to make due to budget and to empower these kids to make a positive impact on their community by sharing a meal.

Parents can download this activity PDF to do this activity with their own kids.

Launched in November of 2013, Unilever Project Sunlight is a sustainable initiative focused on encouraging people to create a brighter future for our children. Unilever Project Sunlight believes that even the smallest act — whether it's sharing a meal, donating time or money or volunteering — can make a difference when multiplied over time and can help build a brighter future for children. Go to ProjectSunlight.us to learn more about how to share a meal to end child hunger, or join the conversation on Twitter using #ShareAMeal.

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Meet the new doll that's challenging Barbie with zits and stretch marks

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Lammily (pronounced as lamb-ah-lee) aims to give Barbie a run for her money and a good shot of self-esteem to young girls who may have been traumatized by Barbie's unrealistic perfection.

Lammily is a dream come true for every little girl who brushed her Barbie's hair knowing hers would never flow so perfectly blonde. She's a dream for all the girls whose freckles and bruises made them feel less-than. Because guess what? Lammily has them, too. The doll can be customized with removable stickers to include real-life flaws, such as cellulite, acne, freckles and scrapes. She even comes with temporary tattoo stickers.

Stretch mark stickers for Barbie

Photo credit: Lammily.com

Created by Nickolay Lamm, the doll was funded with crowdsource dollars, which means there was a real need. Though Lamm is a man (amazing, right?!), even he was tired of unrealistic-looking Barbie dolls.

The truth is, Barbie had to go. Her proportions — the tiny waist, enormous breasts, legs for days — would make it virtually impossible for Barbie to stay alive. Still, we all grew up with her. We lovingly stroked her hair, changed her clothes a million times and eventually cut it all off to make her a punk rocker (wait, was that just me?).

Lammily comes standard as a brunette. And while this may alienate blonde children, it's a nice change of pace.

Beyond her body shape and hair color, the doll is designed to show that "average" is beautiful. Not everyone loves the message, though. Many people are debating whether the doll or her "imperfections" really achieve what Lamm is trying to get at. After all, won't this doll alienate the girls who lack stretch marks and brown hair?

Lammily doll with stretch marks

Photo credit: Lammily.com

In all seriousness, there is more than enough room for two to play in Barbie's dream house. The two dolls can share clothing and live side by side in happiness, one perfectly dreamy and impossible, the other perfectly adorable in all her imperfection. And that's probably the message we all want for our kids, right? Let's all get along and live in harmony. Amen.

Check out what these second graders had to say about the doll.

Barbie

Barbie

Would you buy this doll?

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Has The Bachelor finally driven its producer completely insane?

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Brooke Burke-Charvet crashes car & tweets she was sober

The man who created a popular TV series about finding love clearly does not share those sentiments for his neighbors, and has allegedly made physical threats against Dancing with the Stars veteran Brooke Burke-Charvet and her husband, Baywatch star David Charvet. He even went so far as to point speakers at their house that blasted the sound of dogs barking, TMZ reports.

Fleiss has been waging war against the couple and according to TMZ, the Los Angeles County District Attorney has now charged him with the crime of disturbing the peace with loud noise. It has also been reported that he was uncooperative with police during the investigation.

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According to the Daily Mail, in addition to the above claims, Charvet has allegedly claimed that Fleiss is the reason why Burke-Charvet was fired from her hosting gig on Dancing with the Stars, and that Fleiss also always revs his car when he sees him. Yikes!

The family — which includes the couple and their four kids Heaven Rain, Shaya Braven, and Burke-Charvet's two children from a previous marriage, Neriah and Sierra — lives in a 14,000-square-foot mansion with an ocean view, so it's not surprising that they wouldn't want to just pack up and leave. But they have been desperately trying to deal with their allegedly unpleasant neighbor.

TMZ reports that Burke-Charvet and Charvet had previously attempted to get a restraining order against the producer last month but had no luck — perhaps their luck will change this time around.

Brooke Burke-Charvet: Erin Andrews bad choice for DWTS

So why does the mega-producer hate this family so much? Your guess is as good as ours.

Should I spend thousands of dollars on cancer treatment for my pet?

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Dear Amanda:

Our beloved 9-year-old German Shepherd mix, Holly, was just diagnosed with osteosarcoma. Our veterinarian presented all of her treatment options including surgery and chemotherapy. On the one hand, I want to do everything that would keep her with us for even one more day. But on the other I worry that with a daughter in college, a son in high school and facing retirement myself in the near future, it would be irresponsible to simply close my eyes and say yes to the tens of thousands of dollars this treatment would cost. Holly is already an older dog, and such expensive interventions may just end up causing her more pain and suffering. Still, I lay awake at night feeling like a horrible person for even considering the expense factor. How do I figure out the right thing to do?

Agonized Mom of Three

My heart goes out to you, mama. Our animal companions can be as dear to us as children. But carving out a little bit of thought for practical responsibilities does not in any way diminish your love for Holly. If anything, it demonstrates how complicated it is to be truly responsible for others' care.

I've worked with a number of people whose lives were seriously impacted by costs of medical treatment for their pets, or whose grief after a pet's death was made worse by having to face a mountain of debt. Your worries about how these costs affect your other financial responsibilities are real and justified.

Gather information

Before you even consider making a decision, focus on gathering all the facts you can. Make an outlined list of everything the vet has told you may be involved in treating Holly: the costs of various procedures, medications and other treatments. What additional arrangements might need to be made for her care? For example, would you need to take time off work after her surgery, or for chemotherapy appointments? Would you need to hire help? What can the vet tell you about how these treatments would affect Holly, how long they might continue and her prognosis? The goal here is to put together a comprehensive picture of everything that you can possibly know and to make sure all questions that can be answered have been answered. You can't know what the future will hold, but you can make sure you know as much as possible.

Partner up

Ask a friend or family member to act as your supportive sounding board. This person should know you well enough to understand what Holly means to you, but not be as personally involved as you and your children. Your partner's job is to comfort you, ask you questions and listen to you as you process. He or she will not tell you what to do, but more importantly, you will hear yourself start to voice what you believe is the best course.

Look for the money

As you start to explore options, consider how each one will affect the other parts of your financial life. Are there extras you can trim, or activities you can cut back on? Other expenses may be affected anyway. For example, if your family usually takes a trip over the holidays but Holly's health would now prevent that, consider it money that can be put toward her medical care. Next look at your emergency fund, but be careful that you don't deplete it entirely, leaving yourself unprepared for other emergencies that may come up. It's unlikely that you would be able to absorb the full brunt of her care costs into your budget, but the idea is to control what you can and to minimize the amount of debt you potentially take on. Speak with a financial advisor before you even consider taking money out of retirement accounts.

Make room to feel

Feelings of stress, worry and grief are natural prompts that make us want to take action. We look for something we can do that will make that feeling go away. But in this case, emotions may cause you to embark on a knee-jerk "more is better" course that would not be good for either Holly or the rest of the family. Treat your feelings directly by making space for them: Be compassionate with yourself, connect with friends and loved ones, and allow yourself to worry and grieve without needing to tie it to a decision or activity.

Making a decision about a pet's medical care is never going to be easy. They give us their unconditional love and trust, yet we cannot ask them how they would want us to care for them in return. I am glad Holly has a mom who cares so much and wants to do the right thing. At the end of the day whatever you decide will be best.

And for those who have not yet encountered a major medical issue with their animal, taking preparatory measures now can save you some of the suffering and second-guessing that comes from having to deal with a situation in crisis. First of all, have a budget and an additional emergency fund for your pets. Look into pet insurance (though note that there are a lot of uncovered expenses and loopholes, especially for conditions associated with specific breeds). When selecting a veterinarian in your area ask about prices for routine procedures and tests, which can really add up. Finally, do a little research into the range of costs for common conditions and treatment courses, and think about how you might make care decisions relative to the cost and age/health of your pet. Having a plan in place greatly diminishes the anguish of making a decision under duress.

Photo credit: Paul/Flickr

Meet Yoda, the fluffy inspiration behind Beth Stern's new children's book

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Yoda and Beth Stern

Yoda was what Stern fondly refers to as a “hard luck case,” meaning he had been at the shelter a little longer than most and was definitely in need of a little extra love. When Stern took the cat to the vet, she discovered that Yoda was suffering from a heart ailment that the doctor thought would likely take the cat’s life in four to six months.

Yoda with his cover

Yoda with his cover

And so Beth did what she’s done with more than 70 cats she’s fostered — she took Yoda home, dutifully gave him his heart medicine and love and tried to make the time he had left happy and comfortable.

When kitten season came around, Stern brought home a litter to be raised until they were old enough for her to handpick new homes for them. Once she brought the kittens into a special room she has set aside for her foster cats, she says something miraculous happened.

“Yoda’s eyes lit up,” Beth says about Yoda’s first meeting with his new charges. “He started grooming them and loving them. It was amazing.”

Yoda and his babies

Yoda and his babies

Yoda completely took over the kittens’ care. One by one he watched and cared for them. Once, she says, the kittens escaped their special area and Yoda was able to chase them down and bring them back to where they were supposed to be.

yoda and his kitten

yoda and his kitten

In those little kittens, Yoda found his purpose, and it healed his heart. Really.

In fact, Beth told SheKnows that two weeks ago, Yoda visited the vet and was given a clean bill of health and taken off all medication for his heart.

It’s a wonderful story of how love really can heal just about anything, whether you’re a cat or a human.

Yoda and his kitten video

Yoda and his kitten video

Stern’s book is available now. She wants people to know she won’t make any money off the book. Proceeds will go toward expanding the Stern’s beloved North Shore Animal League to include a cageless cat sanctuary. The book was illustrated by Devin Crane.

So why would this woman, a stunning former model and current wife of one of the most successful people in show business, spend her time caring for animals no one else wants? It's a fair question. Beth Stern could be sunning herself on any beach in the world and occupy herself wearing beautiful clothes and attending premieres. At the same time she could write her own pretty hefty checks to support animals and still feel pretty darn good about her work. Her answer to the question was predictably charming.

Beth and her kitten

Beth and her kitten

"Since I was born, I feel like this is my life's purpose," she said. "And I'm so fortunate to be able to spend my days doing the work that I love. It helps that my husband can take these animals, put them on the radio and make them rock stars."

More sweet animal stories

9 Talented dogs that will make you feel like a total schlub
13 Dogs team up for jump rope
8 Adorable puppy Vines you'll want to play on repeat

Rihanna 'wanted to kill everybody' when she watched Home

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Home

Based on Adam Rex's novel The True Meaning of Smekday, the new animated film Home is about a nomadic alien race called Boov who have the ability to control gravity. The Boov want to help humanity but their misguided effort leads to all humans, which they call "native savages," being exiled to Australia.

The Big Bang Theory's Jim Parsons lends his voice as the purple alien character called Oh who needs the help of a resourceful human girl called Tip, voiced by Rihanna. Together, the two become fugitives and work to bring peace between the alien species and the human race.

Who makes more: the cast of The Big Bang Theory or Modern Family?

During the press conference, Rihanna claimed she had to learn to speak "American" for the role and it was difficult because there "are so many types of American accents." As a native of the island of Barbados, her natural accent sounds a like a mix of British and Jamaican, which would most likely sound strange to an American audience. We think she did a fantastic job.

The film deals with themes of intolerance and the importance of friendship. Jim Parsons said that while making the movie, he "thought a lot about being a gay person." He seems truly excited that the message of the film is to support and love those different from oneself.

Rihanna has reasons to be very, very afraid of her stalker

Home

But the film also packs an emotional punch, according to Rihanna, something she wasn't aware of until she watched the finished product. "There was a specific point in the movie that wrecked me. I felt like I wanted to kill everybody. I was bawling my eyes out. I'm literally crying at this stick figure the first time I watched it."

Rihanna says she was also happy to contribute music to the film because "music dictates the emotion."

The Little Mermaid turns 25: A look at Ariel's poor choices

Home also stars Steve Martin as Captain Smek and Jennifer Lopez as Lucy. The movie opens March 27, 2015.

Home

Home

A healthy seasonal salad with roasted pears is just what you asked for

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What makes this salad even better than the hundreds of other roasted pear salads out there is the addition of beets, blue cheese, roasted sweet potatoes, Parmesan cheese and a creamy, zesty Dijon vinaigrette. You may have just found your new all-time favorite salad recipe (and definitely a recipe that'll blow the socks off any other salads this holiday season).

Roasted pear and sweet potato salad with fennel and beets recipe

Looking for a festive and delicious holiday salad for your feasts? Look no further than this amazing fresh pear salad made with an assortment of other delicious fall produce. Don't skimp on the pears here — the more, the better.

Serves 4

Prep time: 30-35 minutes | Cook time: 15-20 minutes | Total time: 45-55 minutes

Ingredients:

For the salad

  • 2-1/2 to 3 cups chopped sweet potato
  • 2 pears, sliced in half
  • 1 small red onion, peeled and chopped
  • 1/2 fennel bulb, chopped
  • 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
  • Salt and pepper
  • 1 large red beet
  • 6 cups mixed greens
  • 4 ounces blue cheese
  • 3-4 tablespoons shredded Parmesan cheese, plus more for topping
  • 1/4 cup chopped mixed nuts

For the dressing

  • 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
  • 1/2 tablespoon Dijon mustard
  • 1/2 tablespoon brown sugar
  • 1/4 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
  • Salt and pepper

Directions: 

  1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Place the sweet potatoes, onions, pear halves and fennel into a large roasting pan. Drizzle all the vegetables with the olive oil, and sprinkle with salt and pepper.
  2. Trim and peel the beet. Chop it in half, and place it into a separate roasting pan.
  3. Roast both pans for about 20 minutes. Then, using a spatula, toss the vegetables, and roast another 5 to 8 minutes or until soft. Set aside to cool.
  4. Once slightly cooled, slice the pears into slices. Carefully slice the beets into thin slices.
  5. In a large bowl, mix the greens together with the roasted vegetables. Toss in the blue cheese, nuts and Parmesan cheese.
  6. Meanwhile, make the vinaigrette by whisking together the red wine vinegar, Dijon mustard, brown sugar, vegetable oil, olive oil, salt and pepper.
  7. Toss the salad dressing with the mixed salad. Serve with extra Parmesan cheese.

More pear recipes

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Watch the Diem Brown video that played at her funeral

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Brown passed away when she was just 32 years old, but from the video tribute it is clear that she lived her life to the fullest and made the most of every moment. The touching tribute opens with Ed Sheeran's ballad "Kiss Me," and begins with adorable family and baby photos before taking you on a journey through the bubbly blonde's childhood years.

The video then explains how the Brown family moved to Ohio and then Roswell, where Brown attended high school. You can see how the former reality TV star grew from a sweet child into a beautiful young woman before the tribute moves on to Brown's days as a Delta Gamma at Florida State University, where she passionately speaks about making life memories.

CT Tamburello and 8 other tributes to Diem Brown that will make you cry

"These are the times you're making life memories that you will never forget. These bonds are never broken and these sisters are part of your life forever," she is heard saying in a video diary.

Then comes the star's pursuit to follow her entertainment dreams and the caption reads, "After college, Diem moves cross-country to pursue a career in entertainment." The clip then shows Brown's enthusiasm as she reports on the red carpet, followed by her rise to fame on MTV's The Challenge.

The tribute also depicts Brown's long struggle with cancer and shows her unwavering positive attitude, gratitude to those who helped her, her infectious smile and her fighting spirit.

3 Life lessons learned from Diem and CT's romance

"Do everything," she says in a video clip montage. "Don't take any moment for granted. Just go for it, do it. Because you're going to experience so much."

According to People magazine, when the video was shown at the church on Tuesday, everyone was left in tears.

Whether you knew Brown, or not, this tribute will truly touch your heart.

Watch the video below.

Diem Brown memorable video

Diem Brown memorable video

Giving birth is like producing a live television broadcast

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Before I was a childbirth educator and doula, I worked in television production. The more childbirth classes I taught and births I attended made me realize how much giving birth is like live TV.

This may sound crazy, and obviously, the life-changing event of giving birth is more important than what happens during a live television broadcast and any bloopers that may arise. But there are a lot of similarities between the two.

No one — not even your doctor or midwife — can predict what will happen during labor and birth.

Planning a live television event involves scripting and lots of meetings, rehearsals and changes before the big day.

So does preparing for labor. You can write a birth plan, meet with your health care provider and doula, decide what your preferences are and change your mind.

Then it's time for the big day. Everything is set to go a certain way after all the hard work you've put in getting ready for labor.

Until things change, as things sometimes do.

When it's time for "action," that's it. There are no do-overs. There's a saying in television, "We'll fix it in post." Well, since the only "post" with birth is postpartum, that's not a possibility.

During a live television broadcast, actors may flub lines or miss entrances. Technical difficulties may arise. Breaking news may interrupt all of the hard work that went into planning the show.

Labor is unpredictable. You can plan till the cows come home, but what if labor needs to be induced? What if you plan a natural, drug-free delivery but need a cesarean? What if you have your heart set on getting an epidural but labor progresses quickly with no time for one?

Everyone wants the best possible outcome for moms and babies, yet the chosen journey of getting to hold a baby in her arms is different for each mom. My view is that ideally, every mother will have the birth experience she wants. However, I'm also realistic. I've given birth twice and have taught hundreds of couples and attended many births. The experience — and sometimes the outcome — doesn't end up the way a mother thought it would.

Bottom line? Keep an open mind during labor. Find an awesome doctor or midwife and doula to help you and your birth partner through the process. When it's time for "lights, camera, action!" you'll be great.

Read more

Positions and comfort measures to ease back labor
The truth about epidurals
How birth extremists are giving the rest of us a bad name

The Vampire Diaries: 12 Reasons Stefan and Caroline should date

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1. Stefan needs to get over Elena once and for all

Sure, we love those broody, tortured looks he shoots just to the side of the camera, but enough is enough already. Damon's alive! So put a smile on, Stefan.

Elena crying
Photo credit: Damonsdimples.tumblr.com

2. Because Caroline tells it like it is

A life partner is there to push you to be a better person and Caroline doesn't roll over and let anyone walk all over her. Especially not Stefan.

The Originals' Joseph Morgan interview: Good news for Klaroline fans

3. They have such amazing chemistry

Paul Wesley and Candice Accola are killing it this season in the googly eyes department for sure!

Caroline and Stefan
Photo credit: tumblr.com

4. They make a great team

Remember at the end of Season 4 when they teamed up against The Travelers? That was the moment we all started to realize that there was something bigger between them. And not because they stared into each other's souls, but because they worked so well together.

Caroline and Stefan
Photo credit: giffings.tumblr.com

POLL: Should The Vampire Diaries' Kol and Finn return to The Originals?

5. You just don't move on from history like that

Stefan was there for Caroline when she became a vampire. He was probably more there for her than he was for even Elena. They built a strong foundation of trust because of it and that's the start of a solid relationship.

Caroline and Stefan
Photo credit: nathanshales.tumblr.com

6. Caroline's had enough heartbreak

Stefan's been a jerk to Caroline for long enough. Now that he knows how she feels, he really, really needs to stop letting her walk away. Just kiss her already!

7. Caroline is no Lexi

Some people have said that Stefan and Caroline shouldn't get together because Caroline should be Stefan's new Lexi. I say, "No way!" The chemistry between Caroline and Stefan should definitely not be limited to the bond of friendship.

Caroline and Stefan
Photo credit: finnicksownsugarcube.tumblr.com

8. Caroline likes 'em bad

Between Tyler and Klaus (JosephMorgan), Caroline has a thing for those troubled guys. And while Stefan is definitely troubled, he's also constantly trying to be better and do the right thing, which makes him a good match for type-A Caroline.

Hiss all you want: Caroline and Klaus' love is eternal

9. Klaus ain't comin' back any time soon

I love, love, love Klaus and Caroline together. Please don't get me wrong. But sometimes, two people can be great together, but the timing just isn't there. We can only harp on about the past for so long before it's time to let go.

Caroline and KlausPhoto credit: theappleisthefruit.tumblr.com

10. Stefan needs to man up

We can only cut him so much slack for being oblivious for so long. And as someone who is over 150 years old, he should be able to read the hints by now. Boys will be boys. But since Enzo's spilled the beans, Stefan has to realize the feelings between he and Caroline are definitely mutual.

The Vampire Diaries' Stefan
Photo credit: theappleisthefruit.tumblr.com

11. Forever is a long time

Eternity shouldn't be spent alone just because Stefan and Caroline are both stubborn. Sure, right now she isn't too happy with him. (We don't blame her.) But Stefan has plenty of time to win her back.

12. Because, I mean, look at them together

Stefan and CarolinePhoto credit: Tumblr.com

Enough said, right?

The Vampire Diaries Thanksgiving episode airs tonight on The CW.

7 Shondaland-inspired foods to obsess over as much as Scandal

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Whether you're hunkering down for the winter finale of #ShondalandThursday favorites Grey's Anatomy, Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder or simply planning to spend your weekend with Netflix, these awesome themed foods will take your next Shondaland TV marathon totally over the top. From a hairy-chested McDreamy to a chocolate-covered Fitz Stick, these treats will leave you totally satisfied.

Oh, and don't forget about our #ShondalandThursdays drinking game!

1. A totally meta cake

grey's anatomy cake

Photo credit: Facebook

Finally you can watch Grey's while eating a cake of you watching Grey's.

2. Sprinkle on some McDreamy

grey's anatomy mcdreamy cake

Photo credit: The Cake Stand Blog

This McDreamy cake is a little too McRealistic for me, due to the uncanny chocolate-sprinkle chest hair, but at the same time, I've gotta give it credit for originality.

3. The cake to end all cakes

shonda rhimes cake

shonda rhimes cake

Photo credit: WhoSay

Shonda's own over-the-top cake that celebrated the 200th episode of Grey's Anatomy really takes the... er, cake.

4. A Scandalous treat

scandal cake

scandal cake

Your gut will be telling you "more cake, please!" if you ever get your hands on this culinary masterpiece.

5. Just enough Scandal for one person to handle

scandal cupcakes

Photo credit: My Ultimate Experience

These cupcakes make the perfect snack for your next Scandal-marathon ladies' night.

6. It's all about the red wine

scandal themed party

scandal themed party

Wineglass-shaped cookies and a cake as elegant as Olivia Pope herself make for the most legit Scandal party food ever.

7. Your hunger pangs? They're taken care of.

Scandal snack food

Scandal snack food

How much do you love these classic party foods Scandalized? Pigs in a blanket are "Gladiators in suits," chocolate-covered pretzels are "Fitz Stix," and there's even a delightful bowl of "Huck Punch" if you feel like flirting with danger.

More Shondaland

Shonda Rhimes is glad for the 'angry black woman' mess, sort of
Shonda Rhimes has no fond memories of Katherine Heigl
Shonda Rhimes now dominates ABC's Thursday nights

The Lana Del Rey rape scene actually has a powerful message (VIDEO)

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I had a single chance to get a glimpse of the whole video, with the addition of Lana Del Rey's "Pretty When You Cry." (The original video was apparently just images with creepy music.) The centerpiece is a rape scene in which Lana Del Rey is attacked by an unknown assailant in bed. Surrounding this is a cornucopia of what I assume to be acid-induced images of an Alice in Wonderland party gone terribly wrong.

The party includes violence, balloons marked "Rape," fire and even a bloody, bruised woman being drowned. To me (this'll sound strange), the rape scene was actually the most normal part of the video. But what does it mean? At casual glance, it's gratuitous sexual violence. Upon a study of the lyrics, though, and consideration of the video as a whole, maybe the violence isn't gratuitous at all.

REVIEW: Lana Del Rey's "West Coast" makes us dizzy

Pretty When You Cry

Photo credit: DailyMail/Sturmguppe/YouTube

Let me give you a chance to make an assumption. Here's a taste:

"All the pretty stars shine for you, my love

Am I the girl that you dream of?

All those little times you said that I'm your girl

You make me feel like your whole world

I'll wait for you, babe, that's all I do, babe

Don't come through, babe, you never do

Because I'm pretty when I cry

I'm pretty when I cry

I'm pretty when I cry

I'm pretty when I cry."

Suddenly, after reading the lyrics, the video made sense. My brain felt like it'd been kicked with a steel-toe boot, because I realized: This is a song about an abusive relationship.

We've lately been inundated with reports of domestic violence in the NFL. We even saw the video of Ray Rice punching his then girlfriend (now wife) in an elevator. Yes, did you read what I just wrote? His now wife. The woman stuck with the guy even after he knocked her cold on camera, and the woman in "Pretty When You Cry" symbolizes this same kind of blind devotion.

Pretty When You Cry

Photo credit: DailyMail/Sturmguppe/YouTube

That's the thing about abusive relationships: In a sick way, they are addictive. As the lyrics say, "You make me feel like your whole world." Most abusive men are very charismatic at first and this girl is caught in his spell. She'll wait for him, she says. She'll do anything for him, even if he hits her, because her mind now believes "I'm pretty when I cry" and perhaps at no other time.

Chris Brown has some interesting advice for Ray Rice

The rape scene, as I said, seems to be the centerpiece of the music video. Lana Del Rey struggles against her attacker, but the final, lingering image of this scene is a close-up of her nails running passionately down her attacker's arm. She is used, abused and raped, and she still sticks around.

Abuse is not about weakness. As the lyrics say later, "I'm stronger than all my men, except for you." Strong, independent women can fall under the spell of monsters, too. Monsters, by the way, rule the controversial video, and again, I see purpose in what could be deemed gratuitous creep factor.

Pretty When You Cry

Photo credit: DailyMail/Sturmguppe/YouTube

When a woman is in an abusive relationship, she loses grasp on the outside world and sinks into codependence. The man in her life becomes everything. Her behaviors are dictated by him; he is her dictator, even her protector. The outside world becomes the scary place, just like the psychotic party scenes that surround the rape sequence. Even the woman drowning is symbolic of a woman drowning in her love for her abusive lover.

Domestic violence: How one woman survived the abuse

Following the rape, Lana is seen crying. She's crying, but she doesn't walk away. She stays and she cries, because he tells her and she believes it, "You're pretty when you cry." Then, she repeats the words over and over... "I'm pretty when I cry, I'm pretty when I cry..." as if to convince herself that it's true, convince herself that his love is worth her pain.

In my opinion, and I'm sure people will not agree with me, this video is just not as sick and gratuitous as people (even the film's creator) are making it out to be. Creepy? Yes. Should you watch it under the influence? No. But the hard truth is that it does have a message, a warning: If you're in an abusive relationship, do your best to get out or your life may turn into a slideshow of nightmares you never thought you'd have.

You can watch the clip, but disclaimer: It's violent and upsetting.

Lana Rape

Lana Rape

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