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8 Ways to Prevent Your Kids From Messing With Your Relationship

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You’ve probably heard that kids can be hard on relationships, and maybe you’ve even experienced it firsthand. After all, it can be tough to prioritize romance when you’re changing poopy diapers and stressing over bedtime.

One study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that the rate of decline in relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as steep for couples who have kids than those who are childless. Another study from Baylor University found that there’s a happiness gap between couples in the U.S. who are parents and non-parents — with the parents losing out.

Of course, kids can add immeasurable happiness to couples’ lives, and you’d be hard-pressed to find a couple that will say (or even think) that they regret having children. But raising kids is no joke, and it can challenge your ability to put your partner first.

“Balancing being a parent with being romantic partners is not easy,” says licensed marriage and family therapist David Klow, owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago. “Many couples struggle with finding a way to have it all.” Clinical psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life, agrees. “Having a child is such a powerful experience, and a couple can forget what brought them together in the first place — their love and affection for each other before their kids existed,” he says.

According to licensed marriage and family therapist Lesli Doares, author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage, relationship satisfaction “takes a real hit” when parents raise their children, often because parents get so busy that they don’t have (or make) time to work on their relationship. But she says doing that is the best gift you can give to your kids. “Good parents are good romantic partners and vice versa,” she says.

Of course, there’s a big difference between knowing it’s important to keep your kids from messing with your relationship and actually doing it. Here are a few expert tips to keep you on the right path.

Do one romantic thing a day

It sounds easy, but odds are you’re not doing this now. Klow recommends keeping it simple, like writing a loving note or text, giving your S.O. a lengthy hug or even slipping them a tiny gift. You can also show romance by taking action, like emptying the dishwasher when you know how much they hate doing it.

Play the (sexy) long game

Foreplay isn’t just what happens at the beginning of sex, Klow says — it can be a buildup of hours or days in advance of actual boots knocking. If you know you’ll have together-time later in the week, make sure to throw some meaningful looks and physical contact into the mix in advance. It could go further than you’d think.

MoreWhat to Do When You Have a High Sex Drive but Your Partner Doesn't

Have a state of the union

It’s important to take the pulse of your relationship whether you have kids or not, but once little ones come into the mix, checking in with your partner often gets sidelined in favor of more pressing issues. That’s why Doares recommends taking some time to talk to your S.O. about what you love about your relationship now and where there's room for improvement — and actually listening to each other and doing something about it.

Make "appreciate" a regular part of your vocabulary

“Many couples I work with benefit from regular expressions of validation and appreciation throughout the week,” Klow says. That can be as simple as saying, “Thank you so much for you doing [insert great thing they did here]. It means a lot to me,” or just “I appreciate you.” This lets them know you see them as more than a co-parent, Klow says.

Create phone-free zones

It’s easy to get distracted by your phone any time, but having it around during those few and precious kid-free moments is a major love buzzkill. That’s why Mayer recommends putting it away as much as you can when you’re together and don’t absolutely need to be reachable (like after the kids are asleep).

More: 11 Little Things That Can Totally Transform Your Relationship

Show affection in front of your kids

It’s easy to greet your partner with a “hey” or “what’s up?” in person and over the phone, but that doesn’t show much affection. Instead, Mayer recommends using a soft, welcoming voice and greeting, like, “Hi, babe!” Showing affection in front of your kids — including greetings, hugs, kisses and touching openly — is important for a child to see between their parents, Doares says. Not only does it fuel your romantic bond, but your kids will also eventually model what they see in their future relationships.

Make your romantic love as important as your parental love

It’s not about choosing one over the other. Rather, Klow says you want to build a culture in your family where your connection with your partner is seen as just as important as your connection with your kids. So don’t feel bad if you and your S.O. talk to each other at the dinner table rather than making the kids the central focus. “Keeping the marital relationship front and center can go a long way towards overall balance,” Klow says.

Take a kid-free trip

A full-on vacation may be tough, but a long weekend sans kids can do wonders for your connection, Doares says. Think about it: No kids around not only frees up more time for physical connections, but it also means you can kick back together without interruption — no whining, no demands, just the two of you blissing out on the love that made you want to start a family in the first place.


People Over 55 Are Likeliest to Have Extramarital Sex

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Extramarital sex has the potential to destroy (or severely damage) relationships, so it makes sense that there's research dedicated to who's likeliest to do it and why. A new study has found that older married Americans engage in extramarital affairs more often than younger married people.

The study, published by the Institute for Family Studies and titled “America’s New Generation Gap in Extramarital Sex,” revealed that 20 percent of married Americans over 55 have had extramarital sex, whereas only 14 percent of couples under 55 report getting it on with someone else.

One important thing to note, though, is that in this survey, respondents weren't asked whether they engaged in explicit adultery — just whether they had sex outside their marriage. That means it can and does include couples who have open, "ethically non-monogamous" relationships, meaning one partner or both can sleep with others outside the marriage with their spouse's full knowledge and consent.

More: 8 Ways to Prevent Your Kids From Messing With Your Relationship

While the overall number of Americans having extramarital sex has held steady at about 16 percent over the last 30 years, that trend has obscured a startling age-related difference. Older couples — those who've been married for two to three decades — seeking sex outside of their marriage has been on a sharp rise since 2000. At the same time, the rate of extramarital sex among married couples between 18 and 55 has declined.

Study author Nicholas H. Wolfinger believes that one of the reasons older couples go for sexual "test drives" outside their marriage may have more to do with the norms of the era they grew up in rather than midlife crises or boredom with their marriages.

“These older Americans came of age in the wake of the sexual revolution, and over the course of their lifetimes, have had more sex partners compared to younger Americans,” reports The University of Utah News. In other words, they might have more progressive, open-minded views about marriage and sexuality, not feeling the need to keep their relationships monogamous due to societal pressure or expectations.

More: 6 Signs Your Relationship's in a Rut

Conversely, even though younger generations may have been raised in a more progressive, sex-positive culture in general (thanks for paving the way, Gen-Xers and baby boomers!), they're not opting for open relationships as often as older generations are. “The declining rates of extramarital sex among younger Americans seemingly portends a future of monogamous marriage,” Wolfinger tells U News. It'll be interesting to see if that trend continues as millennials get older.

Queen Elizabeth II Scolding a Pony Is Officially the Cutest Thing Ever

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If you don’t want to be reprimanded by the queen, then don’t eat her flowers.

More: A photographic look at Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip's love story through the years

Queen Elizabeth II was recently visiting the Sterling Castle in Scotland this Wednesday when she was given a bouquet of flowers. The queen was entering the castle when she stopped to say hi to a Shetland pony, who promptly tried to eat her flowers.

“Go away!” the queen scolds the pony. Then she hides the flowers behind her back and adorably taps the pony on the nose. “They always eat the flowers,” she continues explaining, while the rest of her party giggles along.

More: People over 55 are likeliest to have extramarital sex

You can watch the cute video below.

Queen and Pony

Queen and Pony

Queen Elizabeth II can be seen wearing one of her signature pink skirt suits with matching hat and handbag while being led into the castle.

The 91-year-old monarch approached the pony, whose name is Cruachan IV, to say hello to the mascot of the Royal Regiment of Scotland. Queen Elizabeth II was visiting with her husband, Prince Philip, to celebrate her 70th anniversary as the Colonel-in-Chief of the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders.

More: Lauren Conrad and husband William Tell welcome a baby boy

She was awarded the keys to the Castle by the Earl of Mar and Kellie, who is the ancestral keeper of keys. The queen and her party will be spending the next week at the castle, while traveling all around Scotland during what is called Royal Week.

The queen has been known to have a soft spot for horses, riding and enjoying their company through most of her reign. But this time the famous pony and Queen had a bit of a disagreement. Nothing a little reprimanding can’t take care of, though!

Emma Stone Explains How Her Fellow Male Actors Affect Her Paycheck

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Put another tally on the board of obvious-things-that-should-happen-but-don’t-happen-enough. Emma Stone candidly discussed her experiences with pay inequality in Hollywood, stating that her co-stars take pay cuts for her.

More: The gender discrimination Emma Stone faced in film is, well, laughable

The actress is gearing up for the release of her newest film, Battle of the Sexes, for which she portrays tennis player and boundary breaker Billie Jean King. The story comes directly from the events of 1973, when a retired tennis player (and all-around jerk), Bobby Riggs, was continuously outspoken about a woman’s place in the world - “...In the bedroom and kitchen, in that order.” Since King was such a champion on the court and feminist voice at the time, Riggs challenged her to what would become one of the most badass wins in sports history, solidifying that a woman’s place in athletics was just as possible and important as anywhere else.

More: Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield's relationship is a La La Land love story IRL

Stone’s story of equal pay holds up as just as significant. While it’s well known that female actors in Hollywood don’t make as much as their male co-stars, the Oscar winner opened up in an interview with Out Magazine about her experiences thus far, and what it means for equal pay in Hollywood to continue.

"In my career so far, I’ve needed my male co-stars to take a pay cut so that I may have parity with them," Stone started. "And that’s something they do for me because they feel it’s what’s right and fair. That’s something that’s also not discussed, necessarily - that our getting equal pay is going to require people to selflessly say, 'That’s what’s fair.' If my male co-star, who has a higher quote than me but believes we are equal, takes a pay cut so that I can match him, that changes my quote in the future and changes my life.

More: All the times we wished Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling were a couple IRL

"It’s not about, 'Women are this and men are that,'” Stone continued. “It is, 'We are all the same, we are all equal, we all deserve the same respect and the same rights.' And that’s really what I’ve been so grateful for with male co-stars — when I’ve been in a similar-size role in films, and it’s been multiple people who have been really incredible and said, 'That’s what I want to do. That’s what’s fair and what’s right.’”

While it’s an exciting step forward for Stone’s career, the same can’t be said for her other female co-stars. Even Stone’s co-star in Battle of the Sexes, Andrea Riseborough, mentioned in the same interview that she has “never had the experience of a guy taking any sort of pay cut.”

Just like Billie Jean King’s win in 1973, it’s a victory, but not a solution. There’s still a long way to go.

Nicole Kidman's Acapella Version of 'Wannabe' Is the Self-Care Treat You Need

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Nobody knows it, but July 8 is a very important holiday. It’s the 21st anniversary of the Spice Girls’ hit song, "Wannabe." So grab a drink and sit back because some celebs are celebrating, a capella style.

More: Spice Girls' Wannabe just got a reboot that really could change the world

In a truly mesmerizing video from W Magazine that will probably go down in Hollywood history, Nicole Kidman leads the charge of all star celebrities to sing the song that defines girl power and the importance of sisters over misters, uteruses over duderuses, etc. The video also features Milo Ventimiglia, Millie Bobby Brown, James Franco, and so many more to deliver the anthem, whether it’s singing a capella, speaking beautiful prose, or rapping along.

Check out the extremely important video below.

Wannabe Reading

Wannabe Reading

While the lyrics are classic, they take on new meaning with every rendition. While Kidman and Alexander Skarsgard go for a more intensely dramatic reading, Keri Russell and Millie Bobby Brown really belt it out in a new version of the song you didn’t even know you needed. The video also includes A-listers like Rupert Friend, Sanaa Lathan, Riz Ahmed, and even more.

More: Victoria Beckham's Carpool Karaoke is going to be so extra in all the best ways

It’s so good that all of them deserve an official Spice Girl name - maybe Milo Spice, Kid Spice, Millie Spice, Franco Spice… You get the idea. Even though there’s no word from the original five part girl band yet, there’s sure to be some kind of celebration of their own, especially since there was a partial reunion last year. Ginger, Baby, and Scary got together for the 20th anniversary last year, and released a video that hinted at a full reunion for the Girls. That hasn’t happened quite yet, but there’s still hope! There’s talks about a tour with the Backstreet Boys, and even admitted regret about leaving the band from Mel B.

For now, this will definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY do.

More: After a decade together, Mel B is divorcing husband Stephen Belafonte

Do You Know What Your Tampon Is Made Of?

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A new wave of health activists concentrated on the concept of menstrual equity are demanding that the government hold companies responsible for disclosing all chemicals and materials used to manufacture their menstrual products.

In May, Democratic representative Grace Meng of New York introduced the Menstrual Products Right to Know Act, a bill that would require manufacturers of pads, tampons and menstrual cups to list the ingredients in their products directly on the package.

More: I ditched tampons for good and I'm never looking back

The introduction of this bill garnered attention from activists, particularly from an organization known as Women’s Voices for the Earth. Women from all over the nation gathered in Washington, D.C., on May 23 to join with Women’s Voices for the Earth to rally in support Meng’s legislation. Advocacy organizations including COLOR (Colorado Organization for Latina Opportunity and Reproductive Rights), Sustain, Period Equity and the Seventh Generation Foundation also came out to show their support and to participate in the first menstrual hygiene panel ever on Capitol Hill.

This is not the first time that a member of Congress has specifically advocated for menstrual product safety. In 2015, Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney (D-N.Y.) introduced the Robin Danielson Feminine Hygiene Product Safety Act of 2015, calling upon the FDA to disclose a list of contaminants that exist within the range of feminine hygiene products that are sold in the United States. This bill was not enacted by the end of its session of Congress and was thus cleared from the books. But this past May, Maloney reintroduced the bill as the Robin Danielson Feminine Hygiene Product Safety Act of 2017 with the hope that after 10 tries, it may finally move out of committee.

So, why all the fuss about what’s in a tampon?

Most people would agree that a tampon is a plug of soft, absorbent material that is inserted into the vagina to soak up menstrual blood. Over the years, it’s been made out of various materials — the Egyptians used papyrus tampons, the Romans made wool tampons, and the people of ancient Japan fashioned tampons out of paper. But when it comes to modern-day manufactured tampons, most consumers are completely unaware of what their intimate products contain.

The Food and Drug Administration classifies menstrual products as medical devices and it is suggested that manufacturers include some general information regarding the material composition of any given product. But because menstrual products are regulated as medical devices, the disclosure of individual ingredients is entirely voluntary and up to the manufacturer’s discretion.

More: What we don't know about tampons will terrify you

This is particularly alarming for consumers, as it is likely that many menstrual products contain incidental contaminants or byproducts created during that manufacturing process that may be toxic. In a study conducted by the University of La Plata in Argentina just last year, it was found that at least 85 percent of the tested tampons, cotton balls and sanitary products contained traces of glyphosate, a chemical thought to be a potential carcinogen. Whether the product is made out of cotton or rayon, the process of bleaching and purifying the material has the potential to leave behind traces of toxic dioxins that consumers may be exposed to down the road.

The fight has just begun to break the cycle of toxic chemical exposures from menstrual products. To get more involved, check out the Women’s Voices for the Earth website.

By Shaye DiPasquale

Originally published on HelloFlo.

5 Super-Easy Braids You Can Do on Long Hair

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If you have long hair, you know how quickly it can go from Rapunzel-level awesome to holy-shit-my-scalp-hurts annoying, especially when you try to wear a heavy, hardcore-pinned updo for more than 15 minutes. That's why we’re so in love with simple, easy braids for long hair.

More: This Website Tells You If Beauty Products Will Break You Out

We’re not talking about insanely intricate prom-level updos, but truly simple and surprisingly gorgeous braids that are perfect for long hair, like French-braided ponytails, half-up, half-down braids and loosely braided chignons. So we rounded up our favorite long-hair braid tutorials, below, that are ridiculously easy to follow. Keep reading — and watching! — to find an official replacement for your boring ponytail.

long-hair-braids
Image: ImaxTree

Part-braided bun

Part-Braided Bun (video)

Part-Braided Bun (video)

Dutch side braid

Dutch Side Braid (video)

Dutch Side Braid (video)

Softly braided chignon

Softly Braided Chignon (video)

Softly Braided Chignon (video)

More: Take Our Skin-Type Test to Find the Best Products for Yours

French-braided ponytail

French-Braided Ponytail (video)

French-Braided Ponytail (video)

Multilayered curly braids

Multi-Layered Curly Braids (video)

Multi-Layered Curly Braids (video)

Originally posted on StyleCaster.

Justin Trudeau Spoke Up for Global Gender Equality Ahead of the G20 Summit

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On the eve of the G20 Summit, Canadian Prime Minister — and possible superhero in disguise à la Clark Kent — Justin Trudeau showed up at the Global Citizen concert in Hamburg, Germany in order to promote something positive: gender equality. Trudeau and his wife, Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau, were invited onstage at the Global Citizen concert to speak briefly ahead of the rousing musical performances from notable acts like Shakira, Coldplay and Pharrell Williams. While onstage, Trudeau was quick to voice his support for global gender equality and how Canada is taking steps to ensure equality for and empowerment of women.

More: Prime Minister Justin Trudeau Attended Toronto's Pride March In the Best Way

After greeting the crowd in German, French and English (try not to swoon, y'all), Trudeau addressed the crowd, saying, "Global citizens like you know that fairness and equality starts with empowering women and girls." Trudeau's statement was met with thunderous approval from the crowd.

Justin Trudeau Global Citizen Video

Justin Trudeau Global Citizen Video

Grégoire-Trudeau continued, elaborating on how Canada is taking steps towards this equality initiative. "Because the really big issues we face, like climate change, poverty and disease, affect women and girls more than anyone else. That's why, just a few weeks ago, we announced Canada's first Feminist International Assistance Policy. It puts women and girls at the heart of these efforts and these great issues."

Trudeau finished up: "It invests in grassroots women's organizations like never before and it underscores something that we all know: given equal opportunities, women and girls can change the world. That's one of the messages I'll be bringing with me to the G20 Leader's Summit this weekend [...]."

More: Barack Obama & Justin Trudeau Had Dinner, So the Internet Can Die Happy Now

Trudeau's declaration that fighting for global gender equality definitely struck a chord with the crowd and set an exciting tone for an evening dedicated to promoting peace and positive, progressive values. From there, in an attempt to put that positivity into song, Coldplay and Shakira teamed up on stage for a number of songs. The Hollywood Reporter noted that both musical acts performed songs together from their respective musical catalogs, including duets on "Yellow" and "Chantaje."

Coldplay Shakira Global Citizen Concert

Coldplay Shakira Global Citizen Concert

Notably, the Global Citizen concert took place just down the street from anti-Trump and anti-globalization demonstrations where a great many police turned out to calm down the crowds. By contrast, the concert was a peaceful event, where tickets were free and given to those who showed their political commitments by doing things like signing petitions and or using social media to connect with politicians attending the G20 Summit.

More: Obviously Kelly Ripa & Justin Trudeau Talked About How Hot He Is

The next few days will be important when it comes to world leaders discussing a variety of issues that affect citizens all over the world. It's heartening to see that ahead of that, leaders like Trudeau are making their voices heard in any way possible to promote equality and unity.


7 Things Anyone Who's Addicted to Candy Crush Understands

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On July 9, Candy Crush will make a leap from your mobile device to prime-time television, where four teams will crush candy competitively until one winner takes home a cool $100,000. Hosted by Mario Lopez, the new game show based on the popular free app hopes to carry some of the famous addictiveness of the one-player game to a huge studio.

Candy Crush Game Show
Image: Candy Crush Game Show

I'm excited to watch, except that I don't really watch television anymore. Rather, I listen to television while my eyes are locked on my most recent game of Candy Crush Saga, to which I have been addicted for years (I'm also addicted to Soda Crush, but that is a slightly different story). I'm not quite convinced that watching other people play Candy Crush could possibly be as exciting as actively playing myself, but I would be happy to be proven wrong. Right after I finish this game.

From one addict to another, here are my top signs that you have a problem. A candy problem. A candy crushing problem.

More: Candy Crush and Other Addictive Apps You Need to Delete

You’ve unlocked your phone to text someone but automatically opened the Candy Crush app instead

candy crush addiction 6

candy crush addiction 6

Has this happened to you? You pick up your phone to check the weather or text a friend or make a call, and suddenly you find yourself tapping the Candy Crush icon again. It's either from pure habit or because your subconscious has taken control of your body and is absolutely determined to beat level 1136 without using any jelly fish.

You've changed the time and date in your iPhone settings in order to get more lives

candy crush addiction 3

candy crush addiction 3

It's a sad moment in Candy Land when you run out of free lives and have to sit on your couch pondering whether you are going to spend real money in order to get more. And I'm sure every Candy Crush addict remembers the joyous day they discovered that they can get infinite lives simply by going into their phone's settings and changing the date, tricking the Candy Crush app into thinking that they've patiently waited for a life refill. Of course, it's annoying to change the date and time on your phone. Yes, it is pretty disastrous when your forget to change it back. But it's all worth it for the chance to crush candy without limits.

More: All Men Should Follow Mario Lopez's Advice on Romance

You hold deep convictions about whether it’s cheating to use the lollipop hammer

candy crush addiction 5

candy crush addiction 5

There are 12 Candy Crush boosters, including the lollipop hammer, the color bomb and the coconut wheel. Some people think it's cheating to use any boosters to win a level unless the boosters are contained within the board. Some people think it's OK to use boosters as long as they are free. Finally, some people buy boosters and use them liberally in order to get ahead. Any one of these people could be Candy Crush addicts, and all of the addicts are deeply sure their approach is the only right and true one.

You’ve secretly watched Candy Crush YouTube videos and then erased your browser history

candy crush addiction 4

candy crush addiction 4

We've all gotten hopelessly stuck on a level before. Sometimes for days, sometimes for weeks. If you're a real addict, you don't give up and decide to go garden for a while — you open up YouTube and watch some other Candy-obsessed player beat the level on video. Then you destroy all evidence that you cheated and watched a video. You get bonus points for this if you have recorded video of yourself playing Candy Crush!

You’ve played so much that you've seen beautiful, beautiful crushed candy every time you blink

candy crush addiction 2

candy crush addiction 2

After a certain number of hours, Candy Crush enters your brain on a whole new level. You begin to think about every aspect of your life in terms of Candy Crush. Everything becomes candy you can crush. And when you sleep, you have Candy Crush dreams.

You’ve thought to yourself, “Maybe I should get addicted to slot machines instead, so I’d at least have a chance at winning money”

candy crush addiction 1

candy crush addiction 1

Candy Crush addictions can be truly serious. They can cut into your sleep, your personal relationships, your career, your dreams. Sometimes, you might even decide to play Candy Crush instead of going out or watching television. It's in these moments that you might wish for a different addiction altogether. Maybe gambling? Sex? Perhaps you could pick up smoking so you have something to do with your hands.

You’ve fallen asleep with a Candy Crush game clutched in your hand

candy crush addiction 7

candy crush addiction 7

There's nothing quite like playing Candy Crush in bed until you literally can't keep your eyes open, and then dreaming wonderful dreams filled with jelly fish and color bombs.

More: 21 Family Games That Are Fun for All Ages

Have you been able to break your Candy Crush habit? If so, please share your secret.

What Rob Kardashian Did to Blac Chyna Isn't Just Revenge Porn — It's Abuse

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Rob Kardashian just demonstrated the dark side of social media when he lashed out at Blac Chyna — his former fiancé and mother of his child — through a series of posts on Instagram and Twitter on Wednesday.

First came the hurtful words. He said that she was a cheater and a fraud and called her a "crazy person" in addition to accusing her of infidelity, drug use and exploiting him financially. Next came the nude photos of Chyna, posted to Kardashian's nearly 10 million followers without her permission.

As the Washington Post points out, not only is revenge porn cruel, it's also illegal in California where they both live. The act — as well as disclosing someone's personal details online —can also have a serious impact on a person's mental health.

More: Using Storytelling to End the Stigma of Mental Illness

According to Dr. Alisa Ruby Bash, a marriage and family therapist practicing in Malibu, California, Kardashian has been open about having bipolar disorder, and this behavior may be an offshoot of that. But regardless of diagnosis, Kardashian has no excuse for his extreme oversharing.

Why it's harmful

Revenge porn is a form of sexual harassment and cyberbullying, both of which are strongly associated with depression, isolation and using substances or self-harm as coping strategies, Shadeen Francis, a marriage and family therapist practicing in Philadelphia tells SheKnows. And because your information was shared on the internet, it’s not like you’re hiding from a specific person or group, but rather “an entire digital planet,” she explains, which can make it harder for the target to find safety or work toward healing.

People like Chyna who have gone through this type of invasion of privacy can experience anxiety of the unknown according to Patti Sabla, a licensed clinical social worker who has a private practice in Maui. It could also result in shame, which can lead to low self-esteem and low self-worth and potentially thoughts of suicide, feeling there is no other way out of this dilemma, she adds.

These mental health issues are common among victims. According to Dr. Lisa Strohman, clinical psychologist and founder of Digital Citizen Academy, “studies cite that between 80 and 90 percent of victims suffer from anger, guilt, paranoia, depression or even suicide,” in addition to possible deterioration in personal relationships and feelings of isolation.

More: The Biggest Mental Health Reveals From Britney Spears' New Interview

“When betrayal occurs regarding intimate details, it leaves the individual exposed and violated, which can create traumalike conditions,” Lisa Bahar, a marriage and family therapist practicing in Dana Point, California, tells SheKnows. But it might not end there: Bahar says that in some instances, the victim may turn into the perpetrator and do similar things to get even or gain power and control over the situation, which perpetuates the cycle of violence.

In addition, the negative effects go beyond Chyna. It could also impact their child.

“As a parent, [Kardashian] has created a lifelong volatile and hostile future through an obviously impulsive reaction and lack of control of his emotions,” Bash explains. “I’m sure with such a betrayal, there will be lifelong repercussions, such as anxiety and fear of intimacy.”

But revenge porn and disclosing of private information isn’t just a problem for the rich and famous. “Unfortunately, what began as a way for scorned exes to exact revenge on celebrities, revenge porn has now made its way into ordinary people’s lives,” says Stacy D. Phillips, a celebrity divorce attorney who worked on Britney Spears’ divorce. “While the monetary value of this material may not be the same for regular people as it is for celebrities, the negative impact on the victims’ lives is equally as consequential.”

Advice to victims

If something like this has happened to you, chances are you were left feeling embarrassed, hurt and vulnerable. But according to Bash, it’s important to remember that this behavior reflects much more negatively on the offending partner.

“The hostility and betrayal must certainly be tough pill to swallow,” she says. “But be grateful that you are free from a relationship that could turn so toxic.”

Not only that, but the negative impact on the victim’s self-esteem could make them “more likely to engage in unhealthy relationships in the future,” Emily Griffin, a mental health therapist practicing in Germantown, Maryland, warns.

More: Important Mental Health Takeaways From the S-Town Podcast

Like so many other crimes, there is a tendency to blame the victim in revenge porn situations, chastising them for having a hand in creating the private content that was shared.

“A person who finds themselves in this situation should remember that they are not to blame,” Dr. Judi Cinéas, a psychotherapist who practices in New York and Florida, tells SheKnows. “Very often, people will feel embarrassed and want to go hide. If you need this to take a break from the mayhem, then do it for your own mental health, but don’t allow people to shame you into hiding.”

Although it’s the go-to reaction for so many of us, Sabla says that victims should also try to avoid negative self-talk — asking questions like, "How could you have been so stupid to trust him?" — because it will only make you feel worse. She also stresses the importance of allowing yourself to grieve.

And while the actions may be illegal, Strohman cautions against taking the matter to court. "Although victims can file civil and criminal litigation against their perpetrators, this can often create more harm to them as they face long-term legal battles that continue to create more emotional trauma,” she says.

Similarly, whether it is pursuing legal action or dealing with family — especially children — Cinéas suggests taking some time to get your things in order.

Moving forward

Unsurprisingly, most of the mental health professionals interviewed recommend that the victim of revenge porn and sharing of private details seek help from a therapist to work through their emotions.

If something like this happens to you and your trust is seriously violated, Sabla suggests surrounding yourself with your most supportive friends and family and avoiding those who may be judgmental at all costs. She also recommends sticking to your daily schedule because “we function better and feel safer when our brain knows what to expect by following our daily routine.”

Bash also would remind victims to put things in perspective, because as awful as it is in the moment, it’s “a temporary situation and time will alleviate some of the sting.”

“We live in such a fast-paced world that there is always newer, bigger news happening and our attention spans are pretty short,” Sabla adds.

Sophia Bush's Anger About the Congressional Dress Code May Be Overkill

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One of Congress' rules is getting a lot of press attention today: Women on the House floor and in surrounding areas, including a Speaker's Lounge where reporters wait for interviews with lawmakers, are forbidden from wearing anything sleeveless.

More: Chicago P.D. Is Ruined Now That Sophia Bush Quit the Show

Sophia Bush, who is often politically vocal, chimed in on this on Twitter, writing, "This is fucking pathetic. Policing women's clothes? Our bodies? And all while screaming that OTHER cultures detract from women's freedom!?"

Sophia Bush tweets about Congress dress code rules

Sophia Bush tweets about Congress dress code rules

But is Bush overreacting a little bit here? I think so.

More: Sophia Bush Claims Everyone Partakes in Body Shaming, Even 4-Year-Olds

Dress codes are silly and antiquated in many of their applications. Dress codes in schools, for example, that forbid girls from wearing sleeveless tops when no such rules exist for boys, would certainly fall under Bush's interpretation of "policing women's bodies." In an attempt to be fair, I should point out that men are policed just as closely when it comes to the Congressional dress code. Even in the swampy D.C. heat that drives women into sleeveless dresses and blouses, men are required to wear jackets and ties. There are no sneakers or open-toed shoes allowed for either gender. The dress code is clearly in effect to ensure formal dress in the House, not to oppress or target women.

The argument is being made that the rules should simply state that anyone on the House floor or in the surrounding rooms must be dressed professionally. Without clear definitions of what that means, boundaries can be pushed and enforcement can be tricky. Hence the "policing" rules, which are actually just clear and specific, not policing.

More: Next Time a Real Creep Won't Leave You Alone, Refer to Sophia Bush's Letter

Is the dress code old fashioned? Absolutely. Should the rules be updated to reflect more modern styles and attitudes toward dress? Arguably yes. But as long as the rules currently on the books stay put, they should be followed. But while Congress is actively working toward legislation that will oppress women in the United States, whether we can wear sleeveless tops in certain places is not the battle we should be fighting.

Venus Williams' Lawyers Hope to Control the Crash Investigation

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Updated July 7, 2017, 10:10 a.m. PT: An investigation into the deadly crash involving Venus Williams is ongoing, and now her lawyers have filed an emergency motion to stop anyone from inspecting her car.

Their concerns come from the chance that data from the two vehicles involved in the crash could be lost if it is improperly downloaded. They want experts on-hand along with both parties and their legal counsel when the download occurs, rather than the Barson family's attorney having access to the vehicles.

"The on-board data of both vehicles will be critical evidence," court documents read. "Issues have been known to arise when a vehicle's data is downloaded. These issues included, but not limited to, the unintentional loss of the data. For that reason, no party should be allowed to inspect the vehicles until all Parties can be present with their experts and this Court issues a procedure for collecting the vehicles' data."

Williams' lawyers are instead asking that inspections of the vehicle be postponed until the court can establish "procedure for the proper collection of all data." A hearing is scheduled for today.

Updated July 1, 9:40 a.m. PT: In the wake of the car crash that claimed the life of Jerome Barson, Venus Williams has released a statement. Williams was reportedly in one of the cars involved in the accident and has offered some words of sympathy to Barson's family.

On her Facebook, Williams wrote, "I am devasted [sic] and heartbroken by this accident. My heartfelt condolences go out to the family and friends of Jerome Barson and I continue to keep them in my thoughts and prayers."

Venus Williams Car Crash Statement

Venus Williams Car Crash Statement

At this time, this is Williams' only official statement.

Original story: Venus Williams, professional tennis player and sister of Serena, was reported to be involved in a fatal car accident with an elderly couple on June 9 in West Palm Beach, Florida. Jerome Barson, 78, died of head trauma from the accident two weeks later.

More: 25 Pics of Venus Williams in All Her Badass Glory

It was originally reported that the accident was Williams’ fault, then that it was simply an accident-inducing traffic jam that Williams happened to be involved in. Linda Barson, the victim's wife, told police in the original report that “she was approaching westbound... when Venus’ northbound SUV suddenly darted into the intersection,” as reported by TMZ. The swerve into the intersection apparently caused Linda to T-bone Williams’ car.

According to The New York Times, Williams’ lawyer Malcolm Cunningham released a statement about the incident: “Ms. Williams entered the intersection on a green light. The police report estimates that Ms. Williams was traveling at 5 mph when Mrs. Barson crashed into her. Authorities did not issue Ms. Williams with any citations or traffic violations.”

More: Venus Williams May Have Just Revealed the Sex of Serena's Baby

At the time of the accident, Williams reportedly told local police that a traffic backup caused her to slow down to 5 mph after attempting to cross the intersection. Police also reported that Williams was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol, according to The Associated Press.

More: Chris Soules' Court Date for His Fatal Crash Is Already Set

It is important to note that with the facts reported thus far, using the terms “at fault” or “responsible” in a fatal situation like this are extreme, and it's likely that they have only been used in reports because of Williams’ high profile. “This is an unfortunate accident and Venus expresses her deepest condolences to the family who lost a loved one," Williams’ lawyer said. It seems that is the only sure statement at this time.

Untreatable 'Super-Gonorrhoea' Spreading Through Oral Sex

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A diagnosis of gonorrhea is never great news, but it's about to get worse. The World Health Organization reports that the sexually transmitted infection is becoming much harder — and in some cases impossible — to treat.

"The bacteria that cause gonorrhoea are particularly smart. Every time we use a new class of antibiotics to treat the infection, the bacteria evolve to resist them," said Dr. Teodora Wi, medical officer of human reproduction at WHO, in a press release.

MoreReminder: Vagina Is Not a Dirty Word

After years of successfully treating the STI with antibiotics, some countries — particularly those that are higher-income and have been at the forefront of treatment — are finding that the existing medications are no longer effective.

Gonorrhea, which infects an estimated 78 million people each year, can affect the genitals, rectum and throat and is increasingly spread through oral sex. On top of that, according to WHO, complications of gonorrhea disproportionately affect women, causing pelvic inflammatory disease, ectopic pregnancy and infertility as well as an increased risk of HIV. It can also be passed onto a child during pregnancy.

More: Sophie Turner's Oral Sex Ed Came From Game of Thrones

The STI can be prevented with correct and consistent condom use as well as increased awareness of what the symptoms look like. These symptoms can include a thick green or yellow discharge from genitals, pain when urinating and bleeding between periods.

More: So There May Be a Link Between Bikini Waxing & STIs

“To control gonorrhoea, we need new tools and systems for better prevention, treatment, earlier diagnosis, and more complete tracking and reporting of new infections, antibiotic use, resistance and treatment failures,” said Dr. Marc Sprenger, director of antimicrobial resistance at WHO, in a press release. “Specifically, we need new antibiotics, as well as rapid, accurate, point-of-care diagnostic tests — ideally, ones that can predict which antibiotics will work on that particular infection — and longer term, a vaccine to prevent gonorrhoea.”

30 Creative Hot Dog Toppings for a Next-Level Cookout

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July is here and National Hot Dog Month along with it! Being that hot dogs taste the best when cooked out on the grill, midsummer really is the best time to celebrate the good ol'-fashioned wiener. We're doing the classic justice by giving it some creative toppings.

In honor of the monthlong holiday, we suggest throwing a hot dog bash your friends will never forget. All you have to do is grill up the perfect dogs, put out the toppings next to this handy infographic and let your friends choose which flavorful combination they're most likely to relish. (See what we did there?)

More: American Hot Dogs Bucket List: The Dogs You Must Try at Least Once in Your Life

hot dog toppings infographic

Image: Karen Cox/SheKnows

Originally published August 2015. Updated July 2017.

School Lunch-Shaming May Finally Be Coming to an End

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Being a kid is hard enough, but add poverty and public shaming into the mix, and you've got a situation no child should ever have to be in.

School policies for dealing with students who have overdue lunch balances or who simply don't have the money to purchase lunch on a given day can be surprisingly brutal. Stories range from kids having their hot lunch literally thrown in the garbage in front of them and being told to make a peanut butter sandwich, to being stamped on their arms with reminders to bring lunch money the next day.

More: New Mexico Says No to Lunch-Shaming

Now obviously, a lot of schools simply don't have the budget to cover the lunch costs of every student (and it's estimated that 75 percent of school districts have outstanding student meal debt, so the problem is widespread). But these very public lunch-shaming actions cause kids emotional distress, which can be magnified by the fact that many of them are either living in poverty or have parents who are neglecting to make sure their lunchtime needs are taken care of. But — thank goodness — it looks like these heartless policies are starting to change.

More: Mom is stunned when school confiscates Oreos in her daughter's lunch

New Mexico has passed a law that requires the school to contact parents directly about any unpaid meal debt, and the kids there would still get a meal even if they can't pay that day. The California Senate has passed a bill that would make it unlawful for schools to deprive kids of meals, and in Texas, kids are going to be given a grace period where they can still receive lunches while the school settles their debt with their parents.

More: Students band together to boycott "nasty" school lunches

Hopefully, other states will catch on. Because when you have to worry about doing your homework, navigating ever-changing social dynamics and keeping up good grades, the last thing any kid should ever have to deal with is being stamped in front of their peers for not having enough money to eat.


Ben Affleck Has Quietly Re-entered the Dating Pool

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Happy Friday, and also Ben Affleck is here to ruin your weekend. Why, you ask? Because he is dating someone who is decidedly not Jennifer Garner, his true soul mate. Why, cruel world? Why?

More: Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck Go on Vacay Together Post-Divorce

The woman who is ruining all our hopes and dreams is Saturday Night Live producer Lindsay Shookus. A source told Us Weekly that Shookus has been spending a lot of time in Los Angeles with Affleck. Last week, they spent four nights together in London before being spotted together again in L.A. Insert crying emoji here.

"They were together on the set of Justice League in London where Ben was filming reshoots," a source dished, adding that Affleck is "very happy" and "very much enjoying spending time with Lindsay."

She's probably great, but she's not Jennifer Garner. With that in mind, it's going to take us a hot minute to warm up to this situation. But in case it helps, here are some admittedly badass things we've learned so far about Shookus:

More: Ben Affleck Is Moving On & Moving Out

1. She's a mom and a divorcée

Shookus shares a daughter with her ex-husband, Kevin Miller, whom she met when they worked together on Saturday Night Live in 2002. At the time, she was an assistant producer and Miller was a writers' assistant. Shookus has stayed on at SNL, while Miller now works on Late Night with Seth Myers.

2. She's a veteran at SNL

Shookus has risen through the ranks in the 15 years she's worked on the show, and she's now the producer who oversees casting, meaning she has a heavy hand in how the show changes and develops.

3. She's a successful lady

In 2015, Shookus was one of The Hollywood Reporter's "Up-and-Coming Execs 35 and Under."

More: Jennifer Garner Addresses Unauthorized Divorce BS for the Record

She's still not Jennifer Garner, but if this is our reality now, we'll do our best to accept it. We just hope Affleck isn't looking as puffy and sad as he has since he and Garner announced their split. If he's happy, we're happy.

5 Things Our Parents Felt Zero Guilt About (& Maybe They Were Right)

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By Diane Levine

My siblings and I have great parents. Growing up, they loved us, provided for us, helped us out of jams when we needed it and forced us to help ourselves when we needed that too. A pretty bang-up job as far as I’m concerned. But by today's standards? They would be pariahs.

Previous generations turned to friends or doctors or even (*gasp*) their own mothers and fathers for parenting advice. Now, we have Pinterest parenting. An ever-present, ever-widening circle of “experts” to consult about every parenting move we make. The result? Guilt. And lots of it.

Here are five things today’s parents feel guilty about that the previous generation would have laughed off (on their way out the door as they left us home alone to fend for ourselves, of course).

More: How I Raised a Strong & Courageous Daughter

1. Gluten

And trans fats. And refined sugars. And chicken that didn’t grow up with the same freedom and luxuries as the neighborhood children. Our parents didn’t obsess over ingredients, and they did all their grocery shopping at a single store. We may not have had the best diet in the world, but at least we didn’t have to spend every Saturday afternoon trailing after them in the farmers market while they hunted down organic microgreens.

2. Our homework

Both of my parents had highly demanding jobs with their own work to worry about. You know whose job it was to take care of my schoolwork? Mine. Sure, they drove me to the craft store to get Styrofoam balls for my solar system diorama, but it was my responsibility to know I had homework, understand how to do it, get it done, and make sure it got to school the next day. And if it didn’t? I was the one who would have something to feel guilty about.

3. Plain-old sandwiches

My mom made three lunches. Bologna and cheese on white bread. Ham and cheese on white bread. And something called chicken roll and cheese on white bread. That was it. Now, when I look online for "quick and easy" kids lunch ideas, I see that I'm supposed to julienne carrots, purée squash, whip up some quinoa meatballs and form it all into the shape of a kangaroo for my kiddo. Too bad I have a job and a husband and a Netflix subscription and a need to sleep at least six hours a night, so my poor kid gets some variation of turkey and cheese wrapped in a carb most days. But I still feel plenty guilty about it (and shouldn’t).

4. Too much screen time

My house had two screens: the downstairs television for the kids and the upstairs TV in my parents’ room. My parents didn’t give a crap how many hours we spent in front of those screens as long we got out of the way quickly when my father felt like watching something other than cartoons or cheesy sitcoms. Funny thing is, without our parents policing us, we didn’t even want to watch TV all day since we were busy outside doing God knows what.

More: How to Deal When Nanny Jealousy Strikes

5. Giving us nothing to do

I said, “God knows what,” in that last blurb, and I meant it, because our parents certainly didn’t know what we were up to every second of the day. Nor did they feel the pressure to fill all our waking moments with some form of educational enrichment or gender-neutral, age-appropriate, culturally sensitive play. I still remember how it felt to wake up that first morning of summer knowing we had a long, glorious stretch of nothing-to-do days ahead of us. But we didn’t do nothing. We created our own agendas, packing them with bike rides and books and Marco Polo games and aimless, exhilarating walks around the neighborhood. Will my kids ever know this kind of freedom? Probably not, because I signed them up for summer camp back in February, which is when today’s parents start to panic about their summer plans.

Of course, who’s to say whether any generation of parents does things the right or wrong way? We do the best we can with the information at hand. But when it comes to raising my kids, some days I definitely wish I could have a little less information, a little more gluten.

Originally published on Fairygodboss.

A New Princess Diana TV Special Will Focus on Conspiracy Theories

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This again? Really?

More: Princes William & Harry Plan Private Ceremony to Honor Princess Diana's Memory

There's a new Princess Diana special coming to TV, but it might be one you'll want to skip. Princess Diana: Tragedy or Treason? premieres July 31 on TLC and will focus on the conspiracy theories surrounding Di's life and death. Ugh. Hasn't this dead horse been beaten enough already?

The three-hour special will feature an interview with noted conspiracy theorist Richard Belzer, who has long claimed that Diana didn't die from a high-speed paparazzi chase but was assassinated, and the royal family administrated a complex cover-up to hide the truth of her death. Belzer has even written a book about it: Dead Wrong 2: Diana, Princess of Wales. Good gracious.

More: Princess Diana's Life Was Truly Amazing & There Are Photos to Prove It

We get that Diana's life was not totally free of scandal and that she's still so well loved that we all miss her deeply, to the point that we crave information about her life. But the conspiracy theory stuff, you guys? It's gotta go away. It's so disrespectful to her memory and her legacy. We can honor her so much better than this.

So, instead of watching a garbage show about conspiracy theories surrounding her death, watch something else about Diana. Lord knows we have options coming up — with the 20th anniversary of her death coming up on Aug. 31, plenty of networks are scheduling memorial specials in her honor.

This includes a BBC special called Diana and I, which will explore the impact Di's death had on regular people around the world, which sounds amazing. There's also the second season of Ryan Murphy's Feud, which is going to focus on Diana and her tumultuous relationship with Prince Charles, which is the kind of real-life drama realness we can actually get behind. Unlike the conspiracy theory bullshit.

More: Did Diana & Prince Charles' Marriage Implode Because of Baby Harry?

Diana was an amazing person who left such a mark on the world. Can we stop trying to sully her memory already?

I Haven't Had Sex in 8 Years Because of Sexual Anorexia

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Don't talk to me about sex. I don't want to have it. I don't want to think about it. I want nothing to do with it. It's been eight years, and even then it was a problem.

It started with sexual abuse. A predatory teacher turned comforting hugs into a sexual relationship I was neither ready for nor wanted. Over the course of three years, he broke me down relentlessly until I had no choice but to say yes to every manner in which he inserted himself into my space without invitation. I learned to disconnect from my body entirely — to submit was the path of least harm. Sex simply wasn't safe and I never wanted to be in that situation again.

More: An Open Letter to my Body After Sexual Abuse

When I had my first serious partner years later, they expected me to be an expert in sex, but I was terrified despite deeply wanting to be with my partner. I couldn't get the idea that sex was unsafe out of my mind. I faked it as best I could, but neither of us was truly satisfied. We had stopped having sex altogether months before our inevitable breakup.

I felt like a failure, like I just wasn't good at intimacy and it was safer to keep it out of my life. I shut down and obsessively pushed the subject away. Compounded by my trauma and deep shame, eventually even the mention of sex caused panic. I can't talk about it at length. Even the idea of dating causes severe anxiety. Nobody around me seems to be having trouble, but I definitely am.

When my therapist mentioned I am probably a sexual anorexic, I had never heard the term. So I did a little research and found I'm not alone in my aversion to sex.

More: As a Childhood Sex Abuse Survivor, Sex Will Never Be Easy

Sexual anorexia is the deprivation of sex and intimacy because of overwhelming feelings of fear, anxiety, anger and a need for control to create a sense of safety. This can manifest as withholding sex, love, praise and appreciation from your partner, feeling loathing toward your body, having contempt for the idea of sex or isolating from potential dates and partners. I checked off all these boxes.

Like in my case, sexual anorexia is often a symptom of underlying issues, especially trauma. This could mean sexual abuse, but other types of abuse, neglect or abandonment as well. Sexual anorexia serves as a protective mechanism against deep-seated traumatic messaging around sex.

"A person tries to get safe," says Marissa Nelson, a licensed marriage, family and sex therapist in Washington, D.C. "What happens is that the fear response comes in and then the body goes into fight or flight."

Although sexual anorexia does not appear in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it is considered an avoidance disorder.

"In many ways this whole behavior is like a protective mechanism," adds Elana Clark-Faler, a licensed sex addiction and sex therapist in Los Angeles. "It's really trying to look at more of the deeper issues [and] trying to understand why the protective mechanism is happening."

While it may not seem like a big deal to avoid sex, it's devastating. Sex is one of the most basic, intimate means of creating meaningful connection as an adult, so much so it's built into our biology. To not have that intimacy with other people, to avoid dating and shut out the possibility entirely, I not only feel lonely, I feel hollow.

Sexual anorexia also places sexual power in the hands of other people when sex should be a personal expression of individuality and humanity. My abuser compromised my sense of safety in a relationship when really, intimacy can and should be empowering.

"[Sex] really is integral to personal sexual agency," says Nelson. "It really allows us to connect with pleasure […] because I want it. It's because it feels good to me. It's because this is an expression of my own sensuality and I'm not doing it for anybody else."

More: The Time to Address Your Childhood Sexual Abuse Is Now

I am still a long way from being ready to express my own pleasure physically — the healing process will take time. But what I did learn is that with support, I can reclaim my body and sexuality from sexual anorexia and learn to enjoy intimacy because it's something I want, not something I am forced into. And that makes me feel less alone already.

Kate Middleton Shares Prince George's Adorable Nickname for the Queen

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We will never be royals, but we are big fans of the palace crowd across the pond. And so we are beside ourselves with the release of a new documentary, Our Queen at Ninety, celebrating the reigning monarch's illustrious nine decades of life.

More: Kate Middleton admits parenting can be "lonely"

The documentary preview includes a clip of Princess, er, the Duchess of Cambridge, the former Kate Middleton's first TV interview since Prince William put a ring on it several years ago. In it, Kate chats about her children with Prince William, George and Charlotte and their relationship with their great-grandmother. Melt.

Gan-Gan

Gan-Gan

It's hard to picture the queen outside her royal duties, just loving her role as great-grandmother to the heirs to the British throne. But it sounds like the role suits her well according to Kate's observations.

More: Kate Middleton is rocking motherhood

"The queen was really thrilled that it was a little girl, and I think as soon as we came back here to Kensington [Palace], she was one of our first visitors here," Kate said. "I think she's very fond of Charlotte. She's always watching what she's up to."

And how cute is it that the queen of England has a nickname?

"George is only 2-1/2, and he calls her 'Gan-Gan,'" Kate said. "She always leaves a little gift or something in their room when we go and stay, and that just shows her love for her family."

Your Majesty, we had no idea. You softie, you.

("Gan-Gan" definitely beats Prince William's childhood nickname for his grandmother: "Gary" instead of "Granny." Although Queen Gary does have an intriguing ring to it, no?)

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