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It's Hard to Believe Tarek El Moussa Would Actually Spy on Christina El Moussa

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Anybody else have sore eyeballs from constantly rolling them at whatever rumor of the day comes out about Tarek and Christina El Moussa's divorce? I can't be the only one.

More: Finally, Photos of Christina El Moussa and Her Boyfriend Gary Anderson

It would be one thing if the rumors were actually believable, but they go directly against the things the El Moussas themselves have said about their split, and they always come from anonymous sources. Sorry, but I'm not taking the word of an anonymous source over the word of one of the actual parties involved in the divorce.

The latest story is saying that Tarek, suspecting Christina of cheating on him with their friend, contractor Gary Anderson, hired a private investigator to follow her around.

"When he and Christina were on the rocks, he confessed to the production crew that he suspected she was dating some­one, so he hired a private investiga­tor to follow her. He wanted to know where she was going and what she was doing," the anonymous source of the day told In Touch. The source added that now that Christina is actually dating Anderson, Tarek is hella pissed about it.

More: Christina El Moussa Is Low-Key Commenting on Her Divorce on Instagram

"It’s hard for Tarek to see Christina dating, but it’s even worse that Gary is the guy she’s with," the alleged insider said.

You guys, we've already been over this. This is just a variation on another rumor — that before the explosive fight that caused the El Moussas to split, Tarek found inappropriate texts on Christina's phone. Tarek already denied that. Why can't we just take his word for it?

The El Moussas split almost six months before their divorce was made public. In that time, they still worked together on their show and everything was fine. It wasn't until after the divorce made headlines that rumors started flying about all their fighting and nastiness. Maybe, considering that, we should start taking all these rumors with a grain of salt? Just a thought.

More: Christina El Moussa Will Play Nice With Tarek On Air Because She Has an End Goal

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

HGTV scandals slideshow
Image: FayesVision/WENN.com

German Shepherds Have Unique Needs — Consider These 10 Facts Before You Adopt One

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It's easy to see why German shepherds are so popular — just look at the 2017 Westminster Best in Show winner, Rumor. She is gorgeous, regal and those looks are accompanied by a winning personality too. And while it is seriously tempting to rush out and get a GSD of your very own, it is a big commitment that should not be taken lightly.

If you're seriously considering adopting a German shepherd, you should know that there are dog people, and then there are German shepherd dog people. I would be lost without my German shepherd, and she knows it. And while you've probably already done a little research on your own, some advice can only come from an experienced GSD lover. So here are the 10 things you really need to know before adopting a German shepherd.

1. They are smart

The first thing any prospective German shepherd adopter needs to know is that German shepherds are smart. Very smart. Scary smart. These dogs will have your routine figured out before you do, and they are extremely sensitive to human moods. How smart are German shepherds? Not only do they know what “walk” means, but they can also spell it. Backward. Have a training plan in place before you bring your GSD home, and stick to it. Their high intelligence also comes with an eagerness to please their owners. They want to use their smarts in a constructive way, so have a strategy ready to make that possible. A bored German shepherd is no fun for all parties involved.

More: 14 things only German shepherd owners know

2. They can have high-energy needs

German shepherds are working dogs. There is a reason they are frequently used as military dogs, police dogs and service dogs. They love having a job to do, and your German shepherd is no exception. Be prepared for lots of long walks with your German shepherd and then some. Take them to a large park where they can run at full speed or consider signing them up for agility course classes. Trust me, if you don't give your GSD proper and adequate exercise, they'll start taking their built up energy on your favorite belongings.

More: Top 10 large dog breeds prove that bigger is better

3. They require mental stimulation

Long walks might tire out other breeds, but not the German shepherd. In addition to daily exercise, your new German shepherd will also require some mental stimulation. Obedience classes and dog sports can be especially helpful for rescue shepherds. Classes and training give you a bonding experience that builds trust and helps your dog figure out their place in your household, and it can help you diagnose any behavior problems early on.

4. They're cuddle bugs at home but aloof in public

Don’t be surprised if your rescue German shepherd is a total cuddle bug at home but aloof and distant in public. This is trademark GSD behavior and not something to worry about.

5. German shepherds are natural guard dogs

Without proper socialization, this can sometimes turn into territorial behavior and even aggression toward strangers and other dogs. Adopting an older German shepherd means you don’t know if their previous owner took the time to socialize them. This is a risk potential GSD adopters need to be aware of so they can take the necessary precautions when bringing guests and other dogs onto their property.

More: 6 self-defense tips I learned from my German shepherd

6. They are excellent listeners

Nobody is a better listener than a German shepherd. Once you have a GSD in your life, you will never be lonely again. Those radar ears are always listening for your voice, and watching them tilt their head is sure to get a smile out of you on even the toughest day.

7. German shepherds are actually made of Velcro

It is a little-known fact about German shepherds that they are actually made of Velcro (OK, not literally). While not all shepherds are clingy, you can be sure your GSD will never be too far from you, whether you are going to the bathroom, taking a shower, gardening, watching TV, cooking or taking a nap. GSDs take loyalty very seriously.

More: I want people to stop judging my German shepherd by her looks

8. They're not ideal for first-time owners

German shepherds can be a handful. They require consistent training and a level of experience that makes them a poor choice for first-time dog owners. If you do choose to adopt a GSD for your first dog, make sure you work with an experienced trainer so that your GSD does not develop any potentially dangerous or destructive habits.

9. Not all landlords love German shepherds

Sadly, German shepherds are not always welcomed by landlords. Adopting a GSD might not be a good idea if you are renting. If you are renting, make sure to ask your landlord or property manager if you can have a GSD in your rental before you bring one home.

10. You can’t have just one

Adopting a German shepherd might seem like a harmless decision. What you might not realize is that German shepherds are like potato chips. You can't have just one. You might find yourself owning German shepherds the rest of your life, which really means you’ve been adopted into the German shepherd family — not the other way around.

More: 12 dog breeds first-time owners should think twice about

Before you go, check out our slideshow below:
Image: Thumbs up Decals/Amazon

Katy Perry Is Turning Women Everywhere Into Mermaids

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Katy Perry likes to look like a mermaid. That’s just her aesthetic. When she hit up the Grammys wearing gold lamé on top and basically a grass skirt made of Big Bird’s carcass dyed pink on the bottom, no one batted an eyelash. Because she is Katy Perry, and her middle name is Mermaid. Katy Mermaid Perry.

So, understandably, people are freaking out about her new collaboration with CoverGirl, which is mermaid-inspired. (Freaking out, yes, but not surprised.) The Katy Kat Pearl Collection is Perry’s second with CG, and it includes mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, pastel eye shadow and two different highlighters, because Lord knows a mermaid can’t go out of the house without a good highlighter.

More: Katy Perry's Giving Off Strong Hillary Clinton Vibes With New Lyric Video

“There are new fun and cheerful colors ranging from peachy Apricat to a Bluetiful lip, shimmery highlighters in rose and gold, and a pop of Whispurr white or Purmaid green to line your eyes,” Perry told PopSugar. “If you're more classic but still want some fun, I put glitter in the black liners. You'll make Ariel jealous, and look better than a shimmering Easter basket when you're done." And what could be more alluring than a shimmering Easter basket?!

More: Katy Perry & Shailene Woodley Call for Support for Standing Rock on Thanksgiving

Perry revealed that her Grammys makeup was sourced from her new collection. “Grammy LEWK w/ my NEW@COVERGIRL Katy Kat Pearl Collection!” she tweeted. In case you want to copy the look—sorry, lewk—at home, CG shared the step-by-step instructions on Instagram.

Katy Perry Grammy arrival
Image: Getty Images

With options like a shimmery blue-toned lipstick called Blue-Tiful Kitty and a highlighter known as Tiger Rose, how could you go wrong? To shop the full collection, head over to Walgreens.

Katy Perry Grammy's makeup tweet 1

Katy Perry Grammy's makeup tweet 1

Katy Perry Grammy's makeup IG 2

Katy Perry Grammy's makeup IG 2

Katy Perry Grammy's makeup IG 3

Katy Perry Grammy's makeup IG 3

Katy Perry Grammy's makeup IG 4

Katy Perry Grammy's makeup IG 4

More: When Katy Perry Misses Her BF, She Does What Anyone Would Do: Google His Nudes

Love Actually Sequel Is Actually the Best News

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Ladies, gentlemen and everyone in between, today is a truly great day — and not just because Valentine's Day chocolates are now 70 percent off.

No, today we celebrate, because today it was announced that Love Actually is getting a sequel.

Love actually
Image: Giphy

Are you excited? I'm excited! And if you're not excited, you should be.

More: The Boys of Love Actually: Where Are They Now?

This isn't one of those situations when studio execs are stuck for new material so they decide to rehash a beloved movie in a lazy attempt to cash in on nostalgia and goodwill. Promise. This is actually the best-case scenario for a movie sequel.

Let me explain.

This morning Emma Freud, Love Actually script editor and partner of Love Actually writer and director Richard Curtis, tweeted this:

Red nose day actually

Red nose day actually

I typically have very little patience with sequels, I feel that they're cheap and lazy. This one, however, has real promise. This is a sequel done right.

This isn't going to be The Hangover 2. It also won't involve a half-assed version with entirely new actors, feverishly hoping the audience's affection for the original will carry them through a weak storyline and too-brief cameos from the original cast.

They're not inventing some hackneyed way to bring an old favorite back to life when nothing in the intervening 15 years has demanded they do so.

No, I feel good about this. Here's why.

1. It's for a good cause

The Love Actually remake will be a 10-minute short produced for Red Nose Day, a fundraising effort run by nonprofit organization Comic Relief and held every two years. The sequel, which is being referred to as Red Nose Day Actually, will air on March 24 and the event as a whole seeks to raise money to support a variety of charitable causes within the U.K. and worldwide. This ain't no small potatoes situation either; Red Nose Day has raised over $1 billion globally since it began in 1988.

So, I mean, if we're going to make a sequel, let it be for a good cause, you know?

Live actually Neeson
Image: Giphy

More: No One Knew About Emma Thompson's Secret Admirer in Love Actually

2. It will feature familiar faces

The sequel will reportedly feature most of the original cast, including Hugh Grant, Martine McCutcheon, Keira Knightley, Andrew Lincoln, Colin Firth, Lúcia Moniz, Liam Neeson, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Olivia Olson, Bill Nighy, Marcus Brigstocke and Rowan Atkinson.

(Two names notably absent from that list are Emma Thompson (why, Emma?) and Alan Rickman, who died last January.) 

The involvement of the original cast is essential to a good sequel. It ensures the quality will be top-notch, the characters will stay true to their roots and the audience doesn't have to suffer through a bewildering Aunt Viv situation.

3. They're taking suggestions

This reunion is taking great care to involve its considerable fan base in its creation. After making the announcement, Freud tweeted:

Red nose day actually 2

Red nose day actually 2

So not only are they bringing it back, they're doing it with style. Honoring the deep and sometimes strange relationship fans have with this Christmas/Valentine's Day/everyday film.

More: Love Actually's Deleted Lesbian Storyline Is a Must-Watch

I mean, yes! This is the best! Take suggestions. Crowdsource this wonderful event and involve the very people you hope will watch. Treat your audience with respect if you hope to lure them in with the promise of more.

Guys, I'm not at all ashamed to say that I'm feeling this. I'm in.

Red Nose Day Actually, I will watch you.

Love actually perfect
Image: Giphy

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

movie sequels slideshow
Image: Laura Cavanaugh/FilmMagic

Country Star Thomas Rhett and Wife Have not One but Two Babies on the Way

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Forget it. Just forget all the other baby news (and yes, we know there's been plenty lately). This is the best story yet this year — and not just because the couple in question is the country music version of Prince William and Duchess Catherine.

Country star Thomas Rhett (like he could have become anything else with a name like that) and his amazing wife, Lauren Akins (nursing degree, volunteers in African orphanages, enjoys mud baths with baby elephants) are pretty much #RelationshipGoals.

More: Country music newcomers you neeeeeed to know in 2017

In December, the pair headed off on a weeklong safari in Tanzania... and Akins wasn't feeling so hot. When Rhett joked that Akins should maybe take a pregnancy test, Lauren was all, noooooo, get serious, Thomas Rhett.

Akins, you see, was sure she wasn't pregnant because she hadn't been able to conceive — and months earlier the couple had quietly begun the long process of adopting a baby from Africa.

You see where we're going with this, right? Get the tissues.

The country adorables decided to take a pregnancy test, just for kicks. Rhett was so sure it would be a negative result, he went out for a stroll to the gym.

Lauren took the test — and WE THINK YOU KNOW WHAT THE RESULT WAS.

More: Look! Shirtless country singers, y'all!

Because 2017 is the Year of the Twins!

Rhett and Akins have fingers crossed that their adoption will be finalized before their bio baby arrives in early August. They are clearly thrilled over this unexpected double-baby situation. And they've already converted Rhett's tour bus to a big-ass babymobile:  “I took a whole row of bunks out of my bus and got a baby crib put in there. So we’re getting life on the road ready for when we do bring them out there.”

And? They added dog crates to the bus, too, so the whole family can be together.

Did we mention they met in kindergarten? These two.

The Boy Drama Between Justin Bieber & The Weeknd Is So Real

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The weird, petty love triangle that's going on between Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber and The Weeknd right now is some real high school shit. Like, has anyone told all these 20-something celebs that they are not literal children and they should all get over themselves and each other? Clearly not.

More: 7 Bomb-Drop Revelations From Selena Gomez's Latest Interview

For anyone who's not in the loop, here's the haps: Gomez and the Biebs started dating when they were teenagers, and it was young love and very tumultuous and off and on and annoying. They finally broke up for realz a few years ago. Since then, Bieber has basically hooked up with any woman that looked at him, from Sofia Richie to Kourtney Kardashian.

Meanwhile, Gomez has a new thing going with The Weeknd, which they announced to the world by going out to dinner and then openly making out on the sidewalk outside the restaurant. You know, like ya do. Simply updating your Facebook relationship status is so 2016.

More: Justin Bieber Gave His Dog Away — and Now the "Little Fluff Ball" Needs Surgery

Despite the fact that Bieber has been publicly linked to, like, 212,497,438,782,309 women since he and Gomez broke up, he is just stunned that she had the audacity to date another man several years later. He's been taking out his hurt feelings by publicly dissing The Weeknd to anyone who will listen — Bieber told TMZ he thought Gomez was just using The Weeknd for publicity, told paparazzi that The Weeknd's music is "whack" and posted a story to his Instagram sarcastically saying The Weeknd's hit "Starboy" was his favorite song while his friends cackled in the background.

Meanwhile, because apparently none of these actual legal adults can just get over their shit, Gomez teased a new song that is obviously about Bieber. And since that wasn't enough, either, The Weeknd just dropped a new song that's all about pissing off some dude by stealing his girl. Actual lyrics include: "I think your girl, think your girl, fell in love with me / She say my fuck and my tongue game a remedy," and "Oh yeah, yeah, I just hit a lick and I know you feelin' some way / (nah, nah nah nah, nah nah nah) / I just took that chick, and I know you feelin' some way, oh yeah / She just want a n***a like me, you feelin' some way, way, way, yeah / She just want a n***a like me, I play no games."

I'm literally the same age as all these people, and I just want to yell at them to get off my lawn. Kids these days.

More: 15 Savage Celebrity Clapbacks, From Selena Gomez to Serena Williams

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

justin bieber selena gomez slideshow
Image: Dave Bedrosian/Future Image/WENN; Dennis Van Tine/Future Image/WENN

American Girl, Meet American Boy: A New Doll With Dude Cred

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It's a little hard for us to take Mattel's absurdly pricy American Girl line seriously considering that one doll and its accessories can easily set us back what it costs to feed a family of four for a week.

Still, the popularity of the dolls is undeniable, with hordes of little girls frothing at the mouth come Christmas or birthdays. Now Mattel is hoping to get little boys in on the overpriced action with a new boy character: Logan Everett, who arrives complete with limpid gray eyes, Bieber-like brown hair and his very own drum set.

More: One Mom's Experience With American Girls

This is the first time American Girl has let a boy into the girl-power-for-a-hefty-price club. Along with the coolest little drummer boy ever, Mattel is introducing a pal for Logan, a new girl doll — Nashville singer Tenney Grant. Both new characters will be released later this week, just in time for the industry New York City Toy Fair.

But will Tenney like Logan and slip notes into his drum kit? Will Logan like Tenney and wait by her locker? Will the other girls gang up on Logan and do a ritual American Girl NO BOYS, NOT EVER sage-cleansing ritual and spear him with his drum sticks? It all remains to be seen.

If you don't know American Girl, you are a childless person with a modicum of disposable income, and we salute you — American Girl has bankrupted at least one-third of our writing staff. The brand launched in 1986 with a line of historical-ish characters, like Victorian-era Samantha and colonial feisty-pants Felicity. But recently, the brand has been shifting its focus to more contemporary characters, because who needs history?

More: American Girl Launches a Civil Rights-Era Character From Detroit and We Don't Know What to Think

Logan's introduction — and his tongue-tied, shy drummer, cute-new-boy-at-school appeal — is part of a toy industry trend to push gender limits (thanks, Hasbro, for the gender-neutral Easy-Bake Oven). Nerf and LEGO have been rolling out lines designed to get more girls shooting foam bullets and making sure that parents of girls also suffer debilitating LEGO-related foot injuries in the middle of the night.

But Logan, well... we're not sure who's going to play with Logan. He could appeal to young girls, but maybe he'll surprise us all by starting his own all-boy band. Keep an eye on that young man. Also, keep an eye on your wallet, because boy or girl dolls, American Girl is happy to bleed you dry. (Thank God boxed mac and cheese is usually on sale.) 

8 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Kate Upton

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Kate Upton is one of the most famous and talked about bikini models out there right now, but how much do we really know about her besides the fact that she loves to do the Dougie?

We got curious, so we did a little digging and came up with these facts about her.

1. She's covering Sports Illustrated for the third time

Kate Upton Insta 1

Kate Upton Insta 1

The 2017 SI Swimsuit Issue will mark Upton's third cover. No small feat.

More: Kate Upton's Body 'Transformation' Is Not an Invitation for Your Opinion

And she's in good company this year. Also appearing in this issue are Christie Brinkley and her daughters Alexa Ray Joel and Sailor Brinkley Cook, Hannah Jeter, and Olympians Simone Biles and Aly Raisman.

2. But she's been in cahoots with SI for six years

Kate Upton SI 2011

Kate Upton SI 2011

Upton made her Sports Illustrated debut on the pages of the 2011 Swimsuit Issue, in which she was named "Rookie of the Year."

3. She's no stranger to sticking her foot in her mouth on social media

Upton weighed in on the National Anthem debate back in September, and the backlash was pretty intense.

"In my opinion, the national anthem is a symbolic song about our country. It represents honoring the many brave men and women who sacrifice and have sacrificed their lives each and every single day to protect our freedom," Upton wrote in the caption of an Instagram pic of some of the players kneeling. "Sitting or kneeling down during the national anthem is a disgrace to those people who have served and currently serve our country. Sitting down during the national anthem on September 11th is even more horrific. Protest all you want and use social media all you want. However, during the nearly two minutes when that song is playing, I believe everyone should put their hands on their heart and be proud of our country for we are all truly blessed."

4. She's pissed about that "Cat Daddy" video

Kate Upton cat daddy video

Kate Upton cat daddy video

It basically made her a household name, but Upton revealed in a 2015 interview with Vogue that she thought the video of her dancing was just behind-the-scenes antics — and the fact that it went public completely horrifies her.

"I was like, 'That was disrespectful, you could have told me!'" Upton said on confronting notable photographer, Terry Richardson, who she says posted the video without her knowledge.

5. She's off the market

Kate Upton Insta 4

Kate Upton Insta 4

Upton and her long-time love, Justin Verlander, got engaged last year. From the looks of things, their wedding is going to be one hell of a bash. Can we come?

6. She loves all the animals

Kate Upton Insta 2

Kate Upton Insta 2

It's no secret that Upton loves to engage in some good old fashioned puppy love.

"Justin is definitely an animal lover but he is definitely holding me back from my 10 dogs," she told E! News last year. "He is putting a three-dog limit on it."

Kate Upton Insta 3

Kate Upton Insta 3

And in January she and Verlander took part in Penguin Awareness Day in Detroit. And Upton was an accomplished competitive equestrian before her modeling career.

7. She has romantic ties to Kanye West

OK, Upton didn't really date Kanye, but back in 2011 the press went wild after a pre-Kardashian West was photographed making out with Upton doppelgänger, French actress Virginie Maury, at the Cannes Film Festival.

8. Speaking of the Kardashians, Upton knows how to #breaktheinternet

Kate Upton Insta 5

Kate Upton Insta 5

Kim Kardashian has a great hiney, but she doesn't have the market corned on making Instagram and Twitter freak out. Exhibit A: Upton's gorg pic that she posted of herself in a sheer dress in 2015.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

controversial mag covers slideshow
Image: Paper Magazine

Originally published February 2012. Updated February 2017.


Thomas Rhett & Lauren Akins' Love Story Makes Them the Cutest Country Couple Yet

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If you watched the American Country Music Awards last year, no doubt you noticed the adorableness of Thomas Rhett and his wife, Lauren Akins. Rhett may have taken home the award for Single Record of the Year in 2016 for "Die a Happy Man," but it was clear to anyone in a 20-mile radius that his most prized possession is his beautiful wife. Too bad there wasn't an award for #relationshipgoals. Rhett and Akins would have taken that home, too.

More: Blake Shelton on How "Awkward" It'll Be at the CMAs With Miranda Lambert

Here are seven things to know about this insanely cute couple.

1. They've got not one, but two babies on the way

Lauren Akins insta

Lauren Akins insta

In fall of 2016, Rhett and Akins began the process of adopting a baby from Africa. Then, while on safari in December, they discovered that Akins was pregnant, according to People.

The couple took to Instagram on Feb. 15 to make the exciting announcement.

"OH BABY! actually...BABIES!" Akins captioned a pic. "Our hearts are exploding with happiness for y'all to meet our new baby who we are bringing home from Africa soon who is also going to have a little brother or sister because, SURPRISE! there's a sweet baby in my belly too."

If that isn't the sweetest thing you've ever heard, we don't know what is.

2. They've known each other since first grade

thomas rhett

thomas rhett

Just in case you didn't think this pair could get any cuter, get this: Rhett and Akins have known each other since they were around 6 years old! If that's not a song waiting to be written, not sure what is!

3. They dated when they were 15...

thomas rhett

thomas rhett

...but broke up. Rhett told Taste of Country that he and his wife, then Lauren Gregory, dated for six months when they were 15. Sadly, though, it didn't work out. They stayed friends and wound up dating other people. "I don’t think she really noticed me ’til we were 16,” Rhett said. He then added, “When I heard that she had ended her other relationship, I moved in for the kill. We kissed, and that was it.”

4. They got engaged around Christmas

thomas rhett

thomas rhett

Rhett and Akins got engaged in December 2011. Rhett popped the question at Akins' favorite restaurant in Nashville, Tennessee, Giovanni's. “There was a [wine] bottle, and with a silver Sharpie, I wrote, ‘Marry me?’ on the bottle, and she wrote ‘Well, duh, yes’ on the bottle,” Rhett told radio station Y108. “Somebody cued 'The Way You Look Tonight' by Frank Sinatra, and we danced in this little cigar room. It was pretty awesome.”

5. They wed in October 2012 outside of Nashville, Tennessee

thomas rhett

thomas rhett

And yes, there's a video of their wedding. Dying.

6. Akins keeps Rhett humble

thomas rhett

thomas rhett

Just because Rhett is a country superstar, it doesn't mean it's all about him. “I’ve even come home a lot of the time and talked about what I did on the road and what songs I’m gonna cut, and then I realized I haven’t even asked my wife how her day was,” Rhett told Taste of Country. “So I think this business can be very consuming for some people. But thank goodness that my wife is there to call me out every single time, so my head shrinks a little bit.”

7. Rhett made a YouTube video of their fairy tale

thomas rhett

thomas rhett

Well, if you watch the video you'll see that it wasn't all a fairy tale. The pair spent a long time being friends while Rhett tried to win her over. But, in the end, love prevailed. So cute!

8. Rhett had to persuade Akins to be in his video

thomas rhett

thomas rhett

Rhett's "Die a Happy Man" video features his wife (and himself) in Hawaii, being all loved up. However, Akins wasn't super keen on being in the video at first. "It took a lot of convincing to get her to do it," Rhett told Billboard, despite the fact that she's the inspiration behind the hit song. "We were in the car, and Tim McGraw's 'Just to See You Smile' came on," Akins recalled. "I was like, 'Babe, people don't write songs like this anymore. It's so sweet — it just melts your heart. Write a song like that! About ­something besides whiskey, beer or taking a girl home in a big truck.'" And thus, "Die a Happy Man" was born.

How adorable is this couple?!

More: Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani Are Running Out of Time to Hit Their Marriage Goal

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Blake and Miranda GIFs slideshow

Image: WENN

Originally published April 2016. Updated February 2017.

Ashton Kutcher's Job Is An Actor, You Say? You Couldn't Be More Wrong

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Ashton Kutcher takes your definition of his day job and raises it by giving a fuck.

More: Everyone Loves Mila Kunis' "Makeup-Free" Cover, But Guys, She's Not Makeup-Free

I really, really, really hate the rhetoric of late that actors shouldn't have political opinions, and they should just act. Here's the thing: To be a good actor you must be active — ACTive. You must have a voice, an opinion, a message to share, otherwise, why would anyone want to watch you on screen for two hours? George Clooney, Matt Damon, Angelina Jolie, Meryl Streep are all among the greatest of the greats because when they get on screen there is meaning behind their words. They are passionate about the emotional situations they portray on screen. They are involved in society and involved in human nature. That's being a good actor. That's doing their job.

It's why actors make the perfect activists, and it's why they are leaders for change.

Kutcher did all of the above when he took to the Senate floor to emotionally plead for funds to help prevent child trafficking in the United States.

He also took a moment to brilliantly address those "Internet trolls" that he knows will see his video at the Senate and tell him to "stick to my day job."

More: Natalie Portman's Harvard Speech Glossed Over A Big Problem for Women

How does Kutcher respond to that reaction to his activism? Very simply. He defines his day job.

"My day job is as the chairman and co-founder of Thorn. We build software to fight human trafficking in the sexual exploitation of children. That's our core mission," Kutcher explained. "My other day job is that of the father of two, a two month old and a two year old. And as part of that job that I take very seriously I believe that it is my effort to defend their right to pursue their happiness and to ensure a society and government that defends it as well."

And even if activism was Kutcher day job, I think anyone who thinks actors should just "stick to their day job" bull shit and shove it. Right now, more than anything, we need innovators. We need change makers. We need leaders. We need dreamers. We need fighters. We need believers. And if that's actors, then bring it on.

More: No Guesswork Required: Mila Kunis is Pregnant Again!

Check out Kutcher's speech in front of the senate below.

ashton kutcher senate speech 1

ashton kutcher senate speech 1

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Mila & Ashton slideshow
Image: Getty Images

SVU's Latest Episode Could Very Well Save Victims IRL

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If we're being really honest here, Law & Order: SVU is nearly always painful to watch. Not because the show isn't good, of course — it's fantastic — but, rather, because the subject matter can truly be gut-wrenching. This week's episode, a domestic abuse case with a twist, proved to be particularly hard to wrap your head around.

More: SVU's 400th Episode Is Further Proof Mariska Hargitay Is Everyone's Hero

Perhaps it resonated with me in such a powerful way because the state I live in, South Carolina, ranks terribly where domestic violence is concerned: a woman is killed by a man in this state at a rate of one every 12 days. As recently as last year, the murder rate for women here was more than twice the national average.

Domestic abuse is a serious problem, and yet there are only 16 domestic violence shelters in the state — meaning hundreds of at-risk women and children are turned away because of lack of room and resources.

Nationwide, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. That's more than 10 million women and men each year.

What does all of this have to do with this week's episode of SVU? A lot.

The episode centers around an elite youth hockey league, shortly after a boy on the team named Jack misses a game-winning goal. After the game, he collapses walking to his car, where his mother discovers evidence that he has been sexually assaulted.

At first Jack acts as though he doesn't remember what happened, so the detectives go to talk to the coach. He admits there are two boys on the team nicknamed the "Bash Brothers" who can get pretty rowdy.

When they are questioned, one of the boys cracks under the pressure and admits that they only held Jack down — it was another teammate named Kyle who sodomized Jack with a hockey stick.

More: Let's Hope In Law and Order: SVU World, Brock Turner Gets What He Deserves

Horrible, I know. This is where the part of me that is a mother of two children feels like someone just sucker punched me. How can we possibly protect our kids from all the evil in the world, especially when that evil is hiding in plain sight as friends and peers?

But, as it is wont to do, the plot thickens.

Upon speaking to Kyle and his family, it becomes abundantly clear that Kyle has been physically abused for a prolonged period of time by his father. Unfortunately, Kyle's mother is doubling down on her "he's a good man who loves his family" defense, so there's little the detectives can do at this point.

When they go back to the hospital to speak with Jack, they learn he died from an infection shortly before their arrival. They then get a call that Kyle's father just beat the hell out of Kyle's older brother, Adam.

But Adam recorded the entire thing on his phone, giving the detectives the ammunition they need to bring the dad in. However, they still need Kyle to get his father to admit that he told Kyle to assault Jack. After Carisi opens up about a bully he didn't confront in school who later killed someone, Kyle agrees.

When Kyle's dad meets him at the rink, Kyle manages to get him to openly admit what he had encouraged his son to do. With that, the SVU team comes in and carts the monster off.

Like so many episodes in the SVU canon, this one is incredibly important because it calls attention to an issue that no one likes to talk about: domestic abuse.

More: SVU's Great Because Olivia Benson Tirelessly Defends Rape Victims

It makes people uncomfortable. They tend to look the other way or, like Jack's father fesses up to, feel like it's none of their business. And while most people are already made uncomfortable by this epidemic thinking of it as an issue between men and women, the tragic reality is that children often suffer from the trickle-down or directly from domestic abuse themselves.

Did you know that men who, as children, witness their parents' domestic violence are twice as likely to grow up to be abusers too?

Or that girls who suffer physical abuse at home are much more than twice as likely to become future victims of domestic abuse themselves?

It's a problem we should be talking about and raising awareness about (not to mention violence and sexually-charged hazing among boys and young men). If someone has spoken up about Kyle's dad prior to the incident in this episode, little Jack might still be alive.

And that's just a fictionalized TV narrative. It isn't too much of a stretch to think that there are a lot of real-life Jacks living in very real danger right now, just waiting for someone to be a voice for them.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below!

Mariska Hargitay through the years
Image: NBC

I'm Childless, But Your Child's Education Still Matters to Me

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I know that childless people (of which I am one) like to bitch about how parents are raising their kids. I feel confident in saying that virtually every parent has had the experience of going out in public and being chastised for your children's manners and behavior, your discipline, or the latest theories of child-raising. (Or for that matter, the good ol' theories of child-raising.)

You've heard it all, from praise of Dr. Spock to "Dr. Spock is the root of all evil"; from "those kids could do with a good spanking" to "spanking is child abuse"; from "children should be seen and not heard" to "you're stifling their creativity."

More: 5 things therapy has done for me

The automatic reaction is, "You don't have children, so you don't know what it's like." And that statement is entirely true.

I don't and shouldn't have a thing to say about discipline, behavior, and manners (although I do wish your children wouldn't fingerpaint with the salsa at a Mexican restaurant, especially when it's at our table and you've assured me that the children know how to behave in a restaurant, to choose one example not completely at random).

Unless I see your child actually pocketing the server's tip or harming an animal, I will keep my big mouth shut. And if I do see those things, I will do my best to respond in a polite, calm, and constructive manner.

More: Not everything needs to be 'fun' for our kids

What I can't stand by and see without commenting is children not receiving a proper education. Even though I don't have children, I still care deeply about and will act upon my notion of what is good for your children in school.

Part of this is selfish, I will admit. Your children will be the workers of their generation who will be affecting the quality of life for my generation. I don't want to be governed by politicians who don't understand civics, treated by doctors who don't know the facts about human reproduction, or "informed" by scientists who have not had a chance to encounter the varied opinions of their field.

I also want my health aides, restaurant servers, mechanics, computer programmers, hair stylists, tour guides, garment workers all workers to be able at least to read and write basic English and do basic math. This is not entirely selfish – workers who do not have basic literacy and numeracy skills are more likely to be cheated by their employers and less able to negotiate the treacherous paths of bureaucracy that every American, without exception, must deal with. I want these things for children with disabilities as well, or at the very least the presence of well-educated aides and advocates.

More: I thought my hypomania was just relief from my depression

For that matter, I want some of your children to grow up to be painters, musicians, singers, dancers, actors, athletes, craftspeople, writers, and animators who will make my future richer and more sustaining as I age.

In order to achieve these things, I have a vested interest in the education system. Just because I have no school-aged children or any children at all does not mean I should keep away from school boards, community volunteer programs, decision-making bodies, etc. I will support good education issues with my tax dollars and my votes. I will oppose any that limit a child's access to good-quality, thorough, well-informed, factual, adequately funded, modern education.

I want your children to be smart, motivated, curious, skilled, artistic, problem-solving, conscientious, well-adjusted, healthy, helpful, effective, competent, confident adults, both for my sake and theirs.

The best way for me to contribute to that is to support, fund, and, yes, influence both the local and national system of education. I will help all you parents who want the same things for your children, and I will oppose those who settle for second best (or worse, given the international statistics).

Give me a well-educated world of your grown-up children and I'll even overlook the salsa fingerpainting.

Originally posted on the author's blog.

Oprah Winfrey Might Actually Have A Plan to Take Donald Trump Down

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If anyone can take down Donald Trump and his corrupt administration it's Oprah Winfrey and oh how, oh how I would love to see that happen.

More: 7 Women Donald Trump Has Tried (& Failed) to Silence Since Becoming President

Andy Puzder has officially withdrawn his nomination as Secretary of Labor, and it sounds like it was Winfrey's network OWN who was directly responsible for uncovering and proving Puzder's shittiness.

andy pudzer nomination withdrawal tweet

andy pudzer nomination withdrawal tweet

The network reportedly turned over videos of 20 episodes for the HELP committee to view privately from an interview segment Winfrey did with Puzder's ex-wife, Lisa Fierstein, who claimed to have been reportedly abused by Pudzer throughout the course of their relationship.

More: John Oliver Rips the Term 'Scientific Studies' A New One

Details about the footage and the proof in the videos hasn't been made public, but Fierstein's attorney during the divorce, Dan Sokol, told TIME the abuse claims were "credible."

Senator Patty Murray, who viewed the tapes, described them to Politico as "very disturbing."

As if beating his wife wasn't enough, Puzder was also accused of mishandling his positions as the CEO of the Hardee's and Carl's Jr. fast food chains. He has a history of making sexist comments. You know those Super Bowl ads of women sexualizing burgers? Yup, that's all Puzder.

Now, Puzder didn't say he was withdrawing his nomination specifically because of the tapes or any of the misconduct allegations but... let's be real. All of the above?

Winfrey has yet to comment specifically about her network's role in encouraging Puzder's withdrawal but I, personally, would be happy to hear more from Winfrey about her thoughts on the Trump administration and the steps citizens can take to keep these bad people from positions of power.

More: Rosie O'Donnell's Poem About Ivanka Trump Is Actually Really Powerful

We stopped a man who beats his wife and abuses his employees from entering public office. Now how do we get rid of a president who has practically admitted, for the world to hear, to sexual assault?

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

donald trump quotes slideshow
Image: Alex Wong/Getty Images

Apparently No One Wanted To Sit Next to Tiffany Trump at NYFW

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Tiffany Trump doesn't deserve to be ostracized from the fashion community just because her father is making decisions people disagree with. But that's apparently exactly what happened at New York Fashion Week last weekend.

More: Rosie O'Donnell's Poem About Ivanka Trump Is Actually Really Powerful

Fellow fashionistas reportedly avoided Trump like the plague so much so that seats in the front row at the Philipp Plein show were left vacant because no one wanted to sit near her.

tiffany trump nyfw tweet 1

tiffany trump nyfw tweet 1

tiffany trump nyfw tweet 2

tiffany trump nyfw tweet 2

tiffany trump nyfw tweet 3

tiffany trump nyfw tweet 3

I'm all for a good peaceful protest, and I disagree with Trump's recent actions just as much as anyone else who reads the paper. But I don't agree with taking out our collective frustrations on Trump's daughter, who has absolutely no control over what her father says or does. She also has no decision making power whatsoever within the White House. So grow up, people!

More: 7 Women Donald Trump Has Tried (& Failed) to Silence Since Becoming President

Luckily, it doesn't appear all the hate stole Trump's thunder. She and her boyfriend rocked their way through NYFW with pictures along the way.

tiffany trump nyfw instagram pic 1

tiffany trump nyfw instagram pic 1

Trump also responded with a thank you for Whoopi Goldberg, who defended Trump amongst all the fashion week hate.

More: Oprah Winfrey Might Actually Have A Plan to Take Donald Trump Down

"You know what, Tiffany, I’m supposed to go to a couple more shows. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m coming to sit with you," Goldberg said on Wednesday morning's episode of The View. "Because nobody’s talking politics. You’re looking at fashion! She doesn’t want to talk about her dad! She’s looking at the fashion!"

tiffany trump nyfw tweet 4

tiffany trump nyfw tweet 4

We don't become a united country by being bullies to the children of the man who is a bully. That just makes no sense, whatsoever.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

celebs against trump slideshow
Image: FayesVision/WENN.com

Samantha Bee's Take On Paul Ryan Suggests A Tough Four Years

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These are frightening times, folks. Whether you have your green card or are clutching desperately to your marketplace health insurance plan, there's likely a lot about the present White House that has your stress levels kicked up a notch

More: Samantha Bee Finds the Silver Lining in the Immigration Fiasco

In the past, we could count on checks and balances to limit the abilities of power-hungry presidents to wreak havoc. Even now, those checks and balances do play a role — the Trump administration is currently plagued by multiple investigations and undesired responses from the judicial branch. Still, the White House and Congress work a little too well together these days, and that's a problem.

More: Samantha Bee Is Spot On With Her Kellyanne Conway and Cersei Lannister Comparison

According to Samantha Bee, Paul Ryan is largely to blame for the mess we find ourselves in. Sure, Trump signs the executive orders, but Ryan makes it a lot easier for the executive branch to run wild.

Even when he cites concerns about Trump's actions or character, Ryan's not willing to act. Instead, he adapts his stance to fit Trump's "alternative facts." It's impossible to know how his views will evolve, even in a few short hours.

Samantha Bee
Image: TBS

Ryan's flip flopping could be sheer cowardice, but knowing him and his history, it's probably political opportunism. The guy would do just about anything to climb another rung on the political ladder. His approach has certainly worked so far — he's Speaker of the House!

More: Samantha Bee Reminds Us That President Obama Wasn't Perfect

Bee believes that Ryan's refusal to abandon his quest for political influence makes him a real liability in these turbulent times. A less career-minded politician might actually stand up for what he believes in after seeing Trump push the boundaries too far. Ryan, on the other hand, is quick to voice his agreement, even when he's condoning reprehensible policies that he previously claimed to oppose.

Every time the public hears about another kooky White House plan, they assume that there's no way Trump can pull it off. We're quickly learning, however, that he can and he will. With the full power of Congress behind him and only a few stray judges to keep him in check, there's no knowing what he'll do next. As Bee astutely observed, we're in for a long four years.

Do you agree with Samantha Bee? Is Paul Ryan partly to blame for the turmoil we've experienced thus far under President Trump? Comment and share your opinion below.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Samantha Bee quotes slideshow
Image: TBS

Ryan Murphy Revealed the AHS Season 7 Theme and It's Legit the Scariest Thing Ever

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Buckle up, because it's about to get ridiculous and super-horrific on the next season of American Horror Story.

More: AHS: Roanoke seems to be one big, negative message against law enforcement

American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy revealed the Season 7 theme on Watch What Happens Live late Wednesday evening to a shocked Andy Cohen. There weren't too many tidbits given out, but what we did learn was the theme and the fact that yes, it's about to get incredibly scary on the show. However, it may not get scary in the ways that you're thinking. Given the reveal, there's a chance this season will be free of ghosts, serial killers or witches (although anything is possible on this show) while something far more sinister lies in wait: reality.

American Horror Story WWHL Reveal

American Horror Story WWHL Reveal

Before Cohen moved to guest callers, he asked Murphy if he could reveal anything about the upcoming season (it's absolutely insane, by the way, that we're already six seasons down in the AHS anthology). Murphy, ever so coy yet matter-of-fact, replied, "Well, I don't have a title yet. But the season that we begin shooting in June is going to be about the election that we just went through."

More: American Horror Story Season 6 might bring the series full circle

Say what now? You mean to tell me that we won't get fake scary monsters, but real, live, "Oh my god, why is this a thing?" monsters? In all fairness, the election was actually a scary horror show, as if we were made to gaze into the black abyss for more than a year before legit throwing ourselves into it. The daily upheavals coming out of the White House have roots in issues and events from the election. There's plenty of scary material to be mined from that hot mess of an election.

AHS Emma Roberts Surprise
Image: Giphy

Murphy will definitely be hitting a serious nerve with Season 7; while AHS has never been outwardly political, previous seasons have pushed buttons and social taboos to the limit. That said, it's not entirely unfathomable that it will now push political buttons too. While it doesn't seem like there's an easy entry point for the supernatural to come into play with this election theme, there are a ton of ways this season could be shaped. If Murphy does intend to crossover characters from other AHS seasons, I certainly don't think it's out of the realm of possibility for him to bring back characters from Murder House or Coven, perhaps the biggest combinations of real-life and supernatural characters we've seen on the series yet.

More: We're picking up the clues American Horror Story's dropping about Season 6

The 2016 election was scary indeed, and Murphy, it appears, is going to make us relive it all over again.

How to Dry Your Hair Fast When It's Cold Outside

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In the summer, drying your hair fast usually means stepping outside for the six seconds that it’d take for the sun to do its job, but in the winter, it’s a whole other story: No matter what your grandmother would have you believe, leaving the house with wet head of hair might not actually get you sick, but it will be unfortunate levels of uncomfortable. With that in mind, we talked to hairstylist Michael Dueñas to find out how to dry your hair fast—like, really fast.

Wring It Out

First things first: As soon as you shut the water off, wring out your hair ever so slightly—you don’t want to twist it so hard that it hurts, but getting rid of the excess moisture will set you up for a quick blow-dry.

Towel Dry

For the love of all things holy, stop towel-drying your hair in a fury: You’ll damage the cuticle faster than any heat tool, since wet hair is more susceptible to breakage. And while you’re at it, switch to a microfiber towel for maximum absorption. “I highly recommend switching to the Aquis towel,” says Dueñas, who says he’s “never used a more absorbent, less abrasive towel before.” It’ll cut your dry time in half, but if you’re in a bind, a 100 percent cotton T-shirt works, too. And if you have curls, plop: just flip your head over and pile your hair on top of your head. Then, wrap it in the microfiber towel and get started on your makeup.

Prep Your Hair

“Getting your hair to dry faster without damage is key,” says Dueñas, who recommends spritzing Garnier Fructis Smooth Blow Dry on damp hair before you pick up the blow-dryer. “It provides your hair with the moisture it needs, so it’ll release the water it’s holding on to.”

Drying your fast in the winter
Image: ImaxTree

Grab the Alcohol

This might seem counterintuitive since alcohol can be drying, but if you’re really in a rush, go for it: “A pro secret is to use a light hairspray because the alcohol in it will help dry your hair quicker,” says Dueñas, who likes Oribe Superfine Hairspray. “And as a bonus, you get great texture!” I recommend.

Your Brush Matters

I’ve seen friends use their fingers—or worse, a rattail comb—to blow-dry their hair, which isn’t helpful if you’re trying to get out of the house five minutes ago (or ever, really). Instead, use a brush that allows air to pass through the back of the brush, Dueñas says. He recommends the Denman Vent Brush, which’ll run you about $10.

Drying Time

“A good blow-dryer absolutely makes a huge difference,” says Dueñas, who recommends the Conair 3Q. “It has great airflow that helps dry hair radically faster than other dryers.” If you’re in a position to invest in a blow-dryer, both the T3 Featherweight Luxe 2i and GHD’s Air Professional Performance blow-dryers are ion-powered for a fast blow-dry.

More: 4 Things to Try to Make Your Hair Air Dry Faster

Originally posted on StyleCaster.com

10 Things Saving 2017 From Being a Total Dumpster Fire

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2017 is in full swing, and let's be honest, things aren't looking great so far. But a few things have happened that we can cling to for hope.

1. Beyoncé's pregnancy announcement

Beyonce pregnancy announcement

Beyonce pregnancy announcement

The world needs a hero, and Beyoncé will deliver not just one, but two, because she is a queen and will not be outdone. The photo shoot by Awol Erizku she used to announce the big news seemed unusual to some, but each picture was based on classic artwork like Botticelli's "The Birth of Venus" and Jan Brueghel the Elder's "Madonna in Floral Wreath."

2. Lady Gaga's delightfully subversive Super Bowl halftime show

Lady Gaga's Super Bowl halftime show 2017

Lady Gaga's Super Bowl halftime show 2017

Lady Gaga gave one of the best halftime performances since Prince a decade earlier, and the best part — aside from her considerable vocal prowess — were her deep political digs. From singing the first verse of "This Land is Your Land," an anti-establishment protest song, to performing her gay/trans anthem "Born This Way" in front of staunchly anti-LGBTQ Vice President Mike Pence, to dressing her dancers in swirling lavender capes while rainbow lights twinkled around them, Gaga proved how to take your broken heart and turn it into art.

3. Christie Brinkley in SI at 63 years old

Christie Brinkley SI

Christie Brinkley SI

We knew she was a goddess, but we didn't realize she could literally walk on water. At 63 years old, Christie Brinkley has returned to the pages of Sports Illustrated flanked by her 30-year-old daughter Alexa Ray Joel and 18-year-old daughter Sailor Brinkley Cook, and she looks just as incredible as she did decades ago. Definitely gives me hope for the future!

4. Saturday Night Live

Melissa McCarthy Sean Spicer SNL

Melissa McCarthy Sean Spicer SNL

While the funniest skits in the show this season have been inspired by things that in real life are actually pretty terrifying, SNL has risen to the occasion to remind us of what they do best: satirical takes on current events. Alec Baldwin's Donald Trump impression is legendary, and Melissa McCarthy was pretty much born to play Sean Spicer. The only thing that could make it any better would be Rosie O'Donnell playing Steve Bannon.

5. Winona Ryder at the SAG Awards

Winona Ryder SAG Awards

Winona Ryder SAG Awards

Stranger Things may have won a SAG Award, but Winona Ryder deserves an award herself for Greatest Range of Emotional Facial Expressions Revealed During Someone Else's Speech. It spawned a thousand theories, but our favorite is that she was hallucinating pizza.

6. George and Amal Clooney are reproducing

George and Amal Clooney

George and Amal Clooney

Highly respected international human rights attorney Amal Clooney and her husband, some actor who once did a voiceover for South Park, are expecting deeply genetically blessed twins who, hand-in-hand with Beyoncé's twins, will spin the world backward like in Superman so we can reverse time back to Nov. 7 for a redo.

7. The park ranger resistance

Park Ranger resistance

Park Ranger resistance

If there is anything 2017 has taught us so far, it is to expect the unexpected, and the park ranger resistance is pretty much the exemplification of that. When Trump demanded a total social media blackout of all science-based federal Twitter feeds, the rangers in national parks around the country went rogue, as well as the EPA, Department of Education, NASA, the USDA and a dozen others. There's even an internal White House staffer leaking info.

8. Hillary Clinton's shade-filled Twitter

Hillary Clinton 3-0 tweet

Hillary Clinton 3-0 tweet

So far, Clinton has tweeted her support for the Women's March, her disgust at the Muslim ban and her support of Elizabeth Warren in the face of her Senate censure — but her best tweet so far was only three characters, a statement pointing out simply how badly Trump's harsh immigration policy bombed in the court system.

9. #SaltBae

Saltbae

Saltbae

When life needs a little seasoning, just add Salt Bae. Turkish restaurateur Nusret Gokce became internet famous when he posted a video of himself perfectly seasoning his meat, and the first huge meme of 2017 was born.

10. The Love Actually sequel

Love Actually GIF
Image: Giphy

The schmaltziest, and therefore best, holiday movie of all time, Love Actually, is finally getting the sequel it deserves! Sort of. It will only be a short 10-minute catch-up, filmed to benefit Comic Relief, but we will see where all of those beloved characters are today. Red Nose Day Actually will air March 24 on BBC One and on NBC on March 25, 2017.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Mary Tyler Moore death
Image: John Shearer/WireImage

9 of Your Most Pressing Dog Health Questions Answered

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All dog owners should have a basic working knowledge of the most common health problems we see in our canine friends. Read on to learn what pressing questions dog owners have for us veterinarians so you can be prepared if you see any of these problems in your own dog.

Why is my dog vomiting?

Dogs are what we in the veterinary profession like to politely refer to as “indiscriminate eaters.” This is a delicate way of saying that most of them will eat whatever they can before it eats them. Back in the day, they had to scavenge for their food, and it turns out it’s pretty tough to unscramble that trait from their DNA.

Vomiting is No. 6 on the list of top 10 reasons dogs get brought into the veterinarian, and many times the cause of the vomiting is that they ate something they shouldn’t have. Usually this is relatively easy to resolve with antacids and anti-nausea drugs. However, you and your veterinarian should remember that there are many, many other reasons dogs vomit — including kidney disease, liver disease, pancreatic disease, toxin ingestion and intestinal blockage — so if he seems especially ill or the problem has been going on for a few days, blood work and X-rays are in order to get to the heart of the problem.

More: 8 Natural Ways to Soothe a Dog's Upset Stomach

Why is my dog limping?

The short answer to this question is because something hurts, of course. However, figuring out exactly where the problem is turns out to be paramount to determining what to do about it. To get started, we need to localize the source of the pain to a specific bone, joint, tendon or ligament with a thorough orthopedic exam. Although it feels a bit barbaric to poke at a dog and move all his limbs around until he says, “ouch,” unfortunately they can’t tell us where it hurts, so that’s usually the first step.

Once we know where the pain is coming from, X-rays are the next step. A look inside the body to the bones and joints gives us a lot of information and helps us determine whether there is a fracture, arthritis, cancer or a ruptured ligament among other things. Knowing that makes it possible for us to prescribe the appropriate treatment.

Why is my dog so itchy?

This question can be answered as follows: It’s usually either something that’s living on your dog that shouldn’t be or its allergies.

Things that live on your dog and make it itch include fleas, mites (commonly known as mange), lice and ringworm (actually a fungus and not a worm). Dogs develop allergies to something in the environment or an ingredient in their food.

Again, determining the exact cause of the itchiness — not just giving something to stop itching — is paramount because parasites living on your dog have to be killed or encouraged to move along, and to treat allergies, we need to suppress the body’s reaction to whatever it’s allergic to.

What vaccinations does my puppy need?

Most veterinarians look at puppy vaccines from a standpoint of “core” and “noncore” vaccinations. Core vaccinations are those that protect against diseases that every dog, no matter where it lives, is at risk of. In the United States, that includes the distemper virus, parvovirus and rabies. Puppies need three rounds of the distemper/parvo combination vaccination, ideally starting at 8 weeks of age and being administered three to four weeks apart. Only one rabies vaccine is necessary, and can be given as early as 16 weeks of age.

Noncore vaccinations are given based on the risk of contracting a certain disease based on location and lifestyle. Most veterinarians recommend two leptospirosis vaccinations starting at 12 weeks of age. Leptospirosis is a disease that is often fatal and can be contracted through contact with standing water. Frequent contact with other dogs, such as at a dog park or day care facility, will likely expose your dog to kennel cough, a typically mild but extremely contagious disease, so your veterinarian may recommend that vaccination as well.

Why does my dog eat grass?

Dogs are omnivores, just like humans, so they like a little vegetation to round out their diet. Eating grass in small quantities, especially in the spring when it’s fresh and tender, isn’t abnormal. But when dogs eat large quantities of grass, to the point that they resemble dairy cows, it’s time to see your veterinarian to discuss whether there is an underlying gastrointestinal problem such as a food allergy or inflammatory bowel disease going on.

More: 9 Things Your Dog Doesn't Think You Understand

Why is my dog coughing?

In a young dog, coughing is most often attributable to infection with the very common disease known as kennel cough. Kennel cough is a mild infection that affects the upper part of the respiratory system, usually causing a dry, honking cough, an easily irritated throat, occasionally sneezing and a bit of nasal and eye discharge.

Kennel cough can affect dogs of any age; however, when your dog starts to cough, don’t lose sight of the fact that coughing can be a sign of several other much more serious conditions. Heart disease, heartworm disease, asthma and pneumonia are all possible causes of coughing in dogs, so investigate any coughing that goes on for more than two days or is accompanied by lethargy, lack of appetite or fever.

What is this lump on my dog?

Dogs get bumps, and they can represent a benign change such as a cyst or something more sinister. While most lumps are not cause for serious concern, they should all be investigated in order to make that determination since no one can tell for sure just by looking or feeling.

Lumps that appear in the location of any of the five sets of lymph nodes that can be felt on the outside of the body — under the jaw, in the front part of the shoulder, inside the armpit, in the groin or behind the knees — should always be investigated without delay. Lymph nodes are an important part of the dog’s immune system, and when they become enlarged to the point that you can see or feel them, it likely indicates an infection or cancer in that area.

Why do dogs eat poop?

Disgustingly, the short answer is because it tastes good to them. We really don’t understand exactly why dogs do this — perhaps there is an underlying evolutionary drive to recoup protein lost in the feces.

Whatever the reason, if your dog eats poop, it’s for sure super-disgusting. Train your dog early to “leave it!” so that you can instill in him the mindset that this is not something to ingest. If you’re having troubles with teaching this behavior, products like Forbid, which is mainly composed of MSG, can be sprinkled over their food. I’m told the end result is that it makes their poop taste bad, and I’ll just take the manufacturer’s word for that claim.

Why does my dog’s eye look funny?

There’s not a simple answer to this question, but the important thing to take away from this discussion is that diagnosing eye problems always requires a thorough ophthalmic exam by your veterinarian. And odd-looking eye, whether it’s red, swollen, partially shut or has discharge, should always be examined at the onset. While simple bacterial conjunctivitis is often at the heart of the problem, dogs can have a host of other very serious and sight-threatening problems, such as glaucoma, that look very similar to a layperson. So never assume that your dog’s eye problem is something mild — get it checked out right away.

More: 8 Ways to Deal With Your Dog's Separation Anxiety

Aaron Carter Shares His Favorite Pickup Lines and They're the Worst

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Aaron Carter has released a new EP called Love.

Oh, except it's not called "Love" it's called LØVË, because of course it is.

Why is Aaron Carter using a slashed O and an "e" with an umlaut? No one knows. There's no good reason for it, much like there's no good reason for anything that happened in the one-minute-and-45-second-long interview he recently gave to Page Six, presumably designed to promote said album.

Don't watch it. It's terrible.

I will tell you how terrible it is scene by scene so that you don't have to watch it. You're welcome.

First, Carter opens the "interview" by telling us how he slays the ladies. Yes, Aaron Carter giving dating advice is a real thing that is happening.

He says, in an unexpectedly high-pitched voice: "OK, so the way for me to seal the deal? 'Hey, my name's Aaron Carter, what's your name?'"

As he says this, he contorts his face into an irritatingly insipid leer that I think he is employing in order to try to appear seductive, but it's not working because he's Aaron Carter and he just unironically used the phrase "seal the deal."

More: Hilary Duff Is Officially Creeped Out, All Thanks to Aaron Carter

Next, he is asked about his favorite part of a woman. Because why wouldn't you discuss and rank women's body parts as separate entities like choice cuts of meat when you're promoting your new album about love?

Carter has no issue with the question, however — hell, he probably wrote the question — and replies coyly, "So, my favorite part of the woman is her butt."

The woman, he says. And make no mistake, this syntax is important.

Can you even imagine Idris Elba saying " the woman" in such an oddly detached way?

Carter refers to women just like that Oklahoman anti-abortion lawmaker does — you know, the one who recently called pregnant women "hosts"? As though we are some sort of disembodied alien life-form designed exclusively for their use and appreciation.

But that's not the worst part. It's fucking bad, but it's not the worst. The worst is what he does after, and I'm sorry but I can't describe this. I have to show you.

Aaron Carter biting
Image: Page Six

What is that? Is he... biting at the camera? Is he mime-biting "the woman's" butt? Is this bewildering gesture designed to communicate how much he likes said butt? Is this some sort of ironic performance art where he performs an exaggerated caricature of toxic heterosexual masculinity? Are we being punked?

It continues.

After the unfortunate mime-bite, he inexplicably says "ocks." Trust me, I double-checked it with closed captioning on to confirm, and yes, that is indeed what he said.

I don't know what the hell that means and I refuse to Google it. I will not let Aaron Carter besmirch my browser history any further.

More: 9 Creepy Internet Trends You Wish You'd Never Seen

Then, the haunting memory of that mime-bite still in my mind, we reach a new low. I present the following:

Interviewer: "Who was your celebrity crush?"

Aaron Goddamn Carter: "Well, my first celebrity crush was Sandra Bullock. Super-awkward. And then I actually ended up meeting her later with Demi Moore. I was hanging out with Demi Moore and the family, and Sandra Bullock walks into the room, and I was like, 'Oh no. What do I do?'"

What do you do indeed? What would you do when confronted with your celebrity crush? Blush? Attempt to introduce yourself? Perhaps allow yourself the tiniest bit of fangirling?

Not if you're Aaron Carter. This is what Aaron Carter tells us he did: "I think I farted a little bit."

At this point I'd like to remind you that this isn't a leaked interview or a so-called locker room conversation on a bus with Billy Bush never intended for public consumption à la President Donald "Grab 'Em By The Pussy" Trump.

This is a promotional interview. To promote his new album. That is called Love. (Sorry, LØVË).

He keeps going.

"No, I farted a little bit and she was like [he grimaces] and just walked away. It wasn't good."

Well yeah, no shit it wasn't good, Aaron! You met Sandra fucking Bullock and farted in front of her, forcing her to leave the vicinity!

Sandra Bullock!

Jesus Christ, man. Get it together!

More: Woman Files Police Report After Date Farts in Her Apartment

The video then cuts to a clip from the video for his new song Fools Gold, where nervous farter Aaron Carter writhes around with "the woman" behind a foggy sheet of glass trying to get us to erase the previous minute and 10 seconds from our collective minds.

Next, he tells us that his favorite pickup line is, 'Hey, what's up? My name is Aaron. I have this new EP out. You should check it out. You should let me know what you think."

And then he winks.

Aaron Carter wink
Image: Page Six

And as he winks he makes an audible clicking sound — he's basically giving us the wink and the gun without the gun — and guys, I feel dirty. I feel so dirty.

Plus, this isn't a pickup line! This is a weak attempt at album promo! And, incidentally, neither one would work!

At this point I feel like I'm being sexually harassed through my computer screen — is that possible? If it is, Aaron Carter just did it. I put the video on mute and fast-forwarded through the rest of it and wait! He's not done miming yet, folks!

Carter mime plays the piano on his goddamn piano forearm tattoo.

Aaron Carter piano arm
Image: Page Six

Aaaand I'm done. I'm out. I can't watch any more. No one made him do this. He chose to. He chose to do this interview and I chose to watch this interview and now this goddamn creepy AF interview will live in my head forever.

I need a shower.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

sandra bullock slideshow
Image: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN
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