Since Meghan Markle and Prince Harry announced their relationship, they have each been scrutinized for any minute detail that might give clues about their relationship, including and especially their accessories.
The two wore matching blue bracelets to kick off the accessory craze. Then Markle reportedly wore a necklace with the letters "H" and "M". And now, it seems that she wore a ring which appeared to be adorned with the letter "H". The only problem: It wasn't an "H" ring. It was a double arrow ring.
meghan markle ring tweet 1
meghan markle ring tweet 1
Rather than obsessing over Markle's jewelry, however, it seems like their are much bigger signs in the Markle/Prince Harry relationship at this point.
Now, if that ring were on her left ring finger and was adorned with a big, sparkly jewel, that would be another story. But until that day comes for these two, let's agree that the royal accessory craze is going a bit overboard.
There is so much good in Nick Viall, but tonight on The Bachelor, I'm pretty sure we witnessed his collapsed. The poor guy just had a complete breakdown, and the girls broke down right along with him as soon as they caught on to those overly emotional vibes he was slinging.
No one can claim Nick isn't on the show for the right reason. This is a man on a mission to find love.
He's sensitive
The tears he sheds warm my heart a little bit because he is being so open with his emotions. Gotta love a man who can bear his soul like that.
He's honest
Nick respects the women, which means he's going to tell it to them like it is. The man is looking for a wife, and in his search, he's telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth no matter how brutal it may be.
When the girls try to rag on each other, he turns the conversation back around
When Nick tried to tell Whitney he didn't see a future with her, she immediately pulled out her claws and aimed them at Danielle. Nick very patiently and politely told her that the conversation didn't have anything to do with Danielle.
He did the same thing when Taylor tried to make it seem like the only reason she'd been sent home was because Corinne made her out to be a bully.
Now for the not-so-fuzzy parts of Nick as The Bachelor.
He's stressed out and anxious
As the weeks go on, Nick seems more and more uncomfortable as The Bachelor. Tonight, when the women were emotional on the group date, instead of comforting them, Nick just got all worked up right along with them. The only one who stayed sane in the whole situation was Raven, which makes me think maybe she balances Nick out, which makes me think maybe she's the one.
He can't make eye contact
Nick himself admitted this was a weakness at the beginning of the season. He still needs some work. He turns to avoidance, especially when he gets nervous or uncomfortable, which seems to happen a lot.
He can't keep his hands off Corinne
Nick's passion is a good thing. His passion for Corinne in front of the other women is not so good.
He's kind of ruthless
I respect that Nick is honest with the women and sends them home when he knows they aren't "the one." But he's starting to seem a little trigger happy. Girls are dropping left and right so it's no wonder the remaining six are feeling freaked out.
He doesn't seem to know what he wants
Sure, Nick wants love, a best friend and an adventure buddy, but what does that look like for him? After having his heart broken twice on television, no one can blame the guy for feeling skeptical about his feelings, but he's got to find his confidence for this process to work. All of his insecurity suggests he isn't ready to settle down, despite how much he may want it.
He may or may not have just broken up with all six of the remaining women
Nick went to see all the women at the end of tonight's episode and told them all that he didn't think he could keep doing this. Uh, usually when a guy says that it means he's done. Like done, done.
So did Nick just break up with all his remaining women?
The list of 2017 Grammys performers keeps growing and, with a little less than a week to go before before the big show, a new name has been added to the line-up. Katy Perry will perform at the 2017 Grammys, marking a major return to music for the pop star. Perry has kept it rather low-key these days, with a music hiatus that instead saw the singer focusing on activism, philanthropy and her enjoying down time with boyfriend Orlando Bloom.
While Perry did have one song in the mix in 2016 — "Rise," for the 2016 Olympics — she has not released an album since 2013. That's right, it's been a hot minute. Back in 2013, she released Prism, which featured singles "Roar," "Dark Horse" and "This Is How We Do." Needless to say, Perry is long overdue for a comeback. While her retreat from the spotlight has not been noticeable nor has she had to retreat for scandalous reasons (homegirl just wants to have a life, people), it's kind of crazy to think that it's been more than three years since Perry has produced a full-on album.
Katy Perry Grammys
Katy Perry Grammys
So color us blessed and impressed when Perry double confirmed the Recording Academy's Twitter announcement on Monday night. Perry joins Beyoncé and Chance the Rapper for the award show's live performance portions of the evenings, cementing this Grammys show as (arguably) one of the best that's ever happened. I mean, this is going to be the best concert we've ever seen, except it's happening at an awards show.
The biggest curiosity, which will only be confirmed on the night of the Grammys, is whether or not Perry will debut new music. It would stand to reason she would do so, as opposed to trotting out a slew of classics that could risk put the audience into "Snooze" mode. Perry doesn't appear to be in the mood of performing her greatest hits; her latest post to Instagram shows Perry bleach blonde and pink all over. The photo, captioned "New life who dis," implies that Perry is embarking on a new phase in life and in her career. And voila — new music rumors have been born.
Katy Perry New Look Instagram
Katy Perry New Look Instagram
I mean, if Perry doesn't grace us with some new tunes, I'll be slightly disappointed. More than 3 years of listening to "Dark Horse" on repeat, then accidentally when you hit "Shuffle" on your iTunes, could drive anyone to drink. Perry looks like she's ready to change things up again and this new photo is proof positive she's going to rock the smooth transition. There's no time like an awards show (where, noticeably, you are not nominated for anything) to debut something new, fresh and exciting for your fans.
Perry's possible new music debut is a major point of excitement. If she's in a new phase of her career, does that mean she'll switch up her sound? Are the days of pop music Perry over? It's anyone's guess but just knowing she's making a comeback is alright with me.
When it comes to getting pregnant, doctors and fertility specialists have traditionally looked at a woman’s health as the main contributing factor for complications related to conception.
Now, a new study suggests that couples in which both partners are obese may take from 55 to 59 percent longer to achieve pregnancy compared to their nonobese counterparts according to a study by researchers at the National Institutes of Health.
The study, released on Feb. 3, 2017, focused on couples in the general population, not those undergoing treatment for infertility. The study enrolled 501 couples from Michigan and Texas from 2005 to 2009. The women ranged from 18 to 44 years of age, and the men were over 18 years old and were followed until pregnancy or for up to one year of trying to conceive.
During the study, women were asked to keep journals and record their menstrual cycles, intercourse and results of home pregnancy tests. Researchers calculated body mass index for each participant and placed them in two separate groups: class I (BMI of 30 to 34.9) and class II (BMI of 35 or greater). A BMI of greater than 30 is considered obese.
The researchers compared the average time to achieve pregnancy among the two groups — class II had 69 women and 75 men, while class I had 228 women and 84 men — by calculating the probability a couple would achieve pregnancy using a statistical measure called the fecundability odds ratio. The measure estimates couples' probability of pregnancy each menstrual cycle while trying for pregnancy relative to their BMIs.
The study found that the class II couples took significantly longer to achieve pregnancy (55 percent longer) than the nonobese class I group. And when researchers took into account other factors known to influence fertility — such as age, smoking status, physical activity level and cholesterol level — they found that it took the class II group 59 percent longer to achieve pregnancy.
The authors concluded that couples' obesity may reduce fertility chances, and therefore, it is advisable that the specialists discuss weight issues during counseling sessions.
“Our results indicate that fertility specialists may want to consider couples' body compositions when counseling patients,” noted senior researcher, said Rajeshwari Sundaram, Ph.D.
If a genie popped out of a bottle and granted us one totally vain, non-world-saving wish (hey, we’re not monsters—we’d definitely wish for world peace and cures for every type of cancer), it'd probably be for the smoothest, freshest, softest skin usually reserved only for newborn babies.
And though genies have yet to come down and give us what we want, a product called Baby Foot is basically acting as a stand-in magic maker by promising to literally peel your skin away to reveal new, fresh, young skin. Yes, we’re serious.
Image: Baby Foot
It sounds painful and scary, but we assure you it’s totally safe, and only partially scary, if you’re not cool with seeing your skin peel for days on end. Baby Foot, which originally hails from Japan, is a chemical exfoliator that peels off layers and layers of calloused, rough skin from your feet, leaving behind only shockingly smooth skin. The sock-like booties are filled with fruit extracts (including lemon, grapefruit, and orange), that work to deeply exfoliate—on a cellular level, not on a painful, sandpaper-rubbing-you-raw plane—the upper layers of your skin over the course of a few weeks.
Here’s how it works: After taking a shower to soften your skin, slip your feet into the booties, tape them in place (tape is included), wait one hour, then wash your feet off with soap and water. After a few days—for us, it was around day four—your feet will start to peel, with long strips of skin painlessly sloughing off on their own (or by your own shameless and addicting picking every single night) for the next two weeks.
Yes, it’s kind of gross in a fascinating, can’t-look-away way, but after a few weeks, your feet will feel softer than a baby wrapped in cashmere. And after a winter of heavy boots and dry skin, we’re all about losing our sheets of dead skin and pretending it’s almost sandal weather. Thankfully, one pack is pretty affordable at $19, and the results last for months, so you can have smooth, happy feet for, well, the rest of your life, if you want it. And look at that—you didn’t even have to use your genie wish on it.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley posed next to a horse and wished us all a happy New Year full of fresh starts. In celebrity code, this means Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is pregnant. You heard it here first from our celebrity code-crackers.
Rosie Huntington-Whitley Insta
Rosie Huntington-Whitley Insta
(We are a little crackers. You have to be in this biz of reporting celebrity pregnancies.)
We know what you’re asking: Wait, who's Rosie Huntington-Whiteley again, and do I actually care if she is pregnant?
The answers: 1) Let us double check, and 2) You tell us, you’re the one reading this.
OK, so you may remember Huntington-Whiteley from Mad Max. The horse whisperer is perhaps better known for her former life as a Victoria’s Secret model or for the fact that her longtime boyfriend is actor Jason Statham, whom she met on the set of Transformers. (Not sure how “longtime” that is, as we think that came out in 2011, but hey, we’ll go with it, Rosie.)
Huntington-Whiteley flashed a big ol' engagement ring back at the Golden Globes in 2016 (Statham was there too, but the diamond got more camera time than he did). And now rumors are swirling that the couple is expecting their first child together.
Why? Well, the horse picture, obvs, and a few other photos of Huntington-Whiteley wearing various trench coats. Horse picture + trench coats = knocked up ex-lingerie model. You know we speak truth. Don't look a gift pregnancy in the mouth. Trust us; you'll be the first at your watercooler to know, and you'll thank us later.
Need more proof? Fine. One rogue insider went on record, telling Us Weekly that Huntington-Whiteley looked “noticeably pregnant” at a photo shoot recently. So there you have it. Celebs can save money on home pregnancy kits as far as we’re concerned.
We know JTV is a telenovela and drastic things are bound to happen more often than not, including characters dying. But we're having a hard time coming to terms with this particular death. That's right, a beloved character is no more. It pains us to even write this, but Michael (Brett Dier) died during Monday's episode, which means Jane (Gina Rodriguez) is now a widow.
What? How is this possible? At the end of Season 2, Jane and Michael finally got married. Then when Season 3 opened, Michael survived a gunshot from Sin Rostro. Things seemed good for these two, who were clearly meant to be.
However, throughout Monday's episode, Michael complained he wasn't feel well, which he and Jane pretty much wrote off as nerves over him taking the LSATs, though Jane packed him some antacids and Michael even promised to go to the doctor right after the test. After the LSATs, Michael stood up, fell to the ground and died. Based on the phone call Jane received at the end during which a doctor informed her about Michael, it appears he died due to complications stemming from being shot.
After Jane fell to the ground screaming and in tears upon learning the news, JTV shot three years forward with a scene of Jane getting ready for someone's mysterious wedding and a 4-1/2-year-old Mateo walking in to see his mother.
This is a huge shake-up for the series. Granted, Michael's untimely death has been suspected ever since the narrator ominously teased in Season 1 that Michael would love Jane until his very last breath, which is clearly what happened.
However, we definitely didn't think it would happen this soon or somehow the series would figure out a way around the narrator's line. Why couldn't Michael live until he was 90 and then die loving Jane? Well, showrunner Jennie Urman had her reasons, and based on several post-mortem interviews, she's opened up about how the show will go on without Michael.
Not only did she assure TV Line that Dier will be back in flashbacks, but that "Michael is dead." Obviously, this is going to impact Jane greatly, which is partly why Urman decided Michael had to die. "Part of it is for the character, part of it is for the show," she explained. "Part of it is because this is a soap, and [you] need to keep things fresh and have big events happen and watch how characters spin out from those. Part of it is personal, experiencing loss in life and wanting to mine how one moves on and remains hopeful and optimistic."
Of course, seeing as there was a three-year time jump, we will now see a different Jane, who has somewhat come to terms with Michael's death. "Three years has allowed Jane to grow and heal, and the pain of Michael’s death is not going to subsume our narrative or our comedy," Urman told TV Line. "We can’t live in just how dark that was," though, there will be flashbacks to how Jane, in addition to the other characters, coped with his death early on.
It's all about the characters finding the light again, but especially Jane, Urman told The Hollywood Reporter. As much as she recognizes that fans will be upset over Michael's death, Urman said this pushes the story and the series in a much-needed way.
"I would also say it has opened up so much in the way of storytelling," she told THR. "When you're thinking about the show as a whole and the telenovela and where we're going toward at the end, whether Jane gets together with someone or whether she finds her happiness alone, I think it has opened it up in tremendous ways. It propels the season and the story forward. I hope people can appreciate that."
Urman also told Entertainment Weekly that when JTV returns, it almost feels like the pilot episode, especially since all of the characters are in different places than when we last saw them. It's kind of a like a reset button has been hit.
"Rafael has gone to jail, Xo, Rogelio, and Jane are all in very different places," she told EW. "There’s a wedding that we’re alluding to. And parenting stories are different now because we’re not dealing with a 1-and-a-half-year-old. We have a 4-and-a-half-year-old, and the twins are 4. We have a lot of new places to go in terms of our parenting storylines. It’s pretty exciting."
There's no doubt the dramedy will be extremely different without Michael, but his death will also open up an endless number of doors. Even though it's always good to keep a series fresh to push the characters forward and keep fans on their toes, Michael's death is beyond devastating.
We have faith in JTV because it has never disappointed in its storytelling before and Urman really can seem to do no wrong. Although, here's hoping she and the series can make up for Michael's death in a big way. Can it really succeed without him and Jane and Michael's love for one another?
Until we see the next episode and where the show goes from here, you can find us eating ice cream and crying our eyes out over Michael. We'll also be keeping our fingers crossed that all of this heartache we're feeling will soon dissipate. Too bad we can't jump three years forward in real life like the JTV characters.
Update, Feb. 7, 2017, 8 a.m. PT: Apparently, Madonna really wanted to keep her adoption a secret.
Despite denying that she had any plans to adopt more children from Malawi, Daily Mail reports that the country's high court approved an adoption petition for her and she is now the mom of twin girls.
Madonna has already adopted Lourdes and Rocco, both 11, from Malawi. The site reports that her new twins' names are Stella and Esther.
Original story:
Despite the rumors, Madonna is not about to become a mom again.
A government spokesperson in Malawi told reporters that Madonna appeared in the African country's high court, a final step in her attempt to adopt two children. Now, she's speaking out and blasting the rumors, saying she is in Malawi, but only to check in on her charity there.
"I am in Malawi to check on the children’s hospital in Blantyre and my other work with Raising Malawi and then heading home," she said. "The rumors of an adoption process are untrue."
Madonna has already adopted two children from Malawi, David Banda in 2006 and Mercy James in 2009. Both are now 11 years old.
Madonna has been active in Malawi, donating money and doing charity work. She's also spoken publicly about her decision to adopt her kids from the country.
"I decided that I had an embarrassment of riches and that there were too many children in the world without parents or families to love them," she wrote in an essay published in Harper's Bazaar in 2013. "I applied to an international adoption agency and went through all the bureaucracy, testing, and waiting that everyone else goes through when they adopt."
She also addressed being criticized for her actions as a pop star.
"I was accused of kidnapping, child trafficking, using my celebrity muscle to jump ahead in the line, bribing government officials, witchcraft, you name it," she wrote. "I could get my head around people giving me a hard time for… publishing my Sex book, even kissing Britney Spears at an awards show, but trying to save a child’s life was not something I thought I would be punished for."
In addition to her adoptive kids, Madonna has two other children, Lourdes and Rocco, from previous relationships. Rocco just moved to London to live with his father, Guy Richie, after Madonna lost a long and bitter custody battle.
We’re one step closer on the never-ending quest to find safe, effective male birth control thanks to the promising results of a study on a male contraceptive gel. Known on the market as Vasalgel, the gel presents a reversible and less invasive option for men who want to take responsibility for preventing unplanned pregnancies without having a vasectomy.
Vasalgel works by acting as a physical barrier that is injected into the tubes to block sperm from swimming down into the penis. Basically, it’s like a gel version of a vasectomy: Sperm will continue to be produced in the testes, but then dissolves or is absorbed into the body instead of being ejaculated.
The contraceptive gel was 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy during the two-year trial with monkeys. The company behind Vasalgel hopes to begin clinical trials with human men in the next few years.
In order for Vasalgel to hit the market, it first has to secure funding for the human clinical trial, during which it needs to be proven safe and effective. Given the widespread uproar over side effects in a recent trial for a male contraceptive hormone injection, this will be easier said than done.
Makers of Vasalgel are hoping that it will appeal to men because it is reversible and isn’t something they would have to worry about on a day-to-day basis.
“This would be more akin to an IUD [the coil] in women,” Catherine VandeVoort of the California National Primate Research Centre and the study’s lead author told The Guardian.
For the 2017 Makers Conference, Clinton delivered the opening remarks in a video, making this her first recorded comment of a political nature since the election in November 2016. The video may have only been approximately 90 seconds long, but there was one resounding message in Clinton's speech: The future is female.
Full Hillary Clinton Makers Conference Speed
Full Hillary Clinton Makers Conference Speed
Clinton's Makers Conference video is a watershed speech in one major way — perhaps the only way, you could argue — and that is that the video confirms her unabashed feminism. While she had to scale it back (to the chagrin of some) to make herself appear more palatable to the American public during the election, Clinton gives zero cares now. In 2017, she is proclaiming herself as a feminist loudly and proudly; it is truly the most empowering thing to witness.
Annoyingly, absurdly and yet expectedly, there's been a groundswell rejection of Clinton's "future is female" remarks. Despite the phrase having been around and in use since the mid-'70s, "The future is female" still manages to irk folks who don't understand that phrase is all about equality. Some have questioned why the phrase is so dead-set on honoring one gender during a time of greater awareness of a variety of sexualities and genders. This argument falls on deaf ears because it mocks rather than critically engages — and literally ignores the point of the phrase.
Hillary Clinton Makers Conference Naysayer
Hillary Clinton Makers Conference Naysayer
Others have hypothesized what it would be like if a man were to say something like, "The future is male." Honey, to that I say, "bless your heart," but pipe down because the future has always been focused on men's needs, desires and goals over that of women's. Every day, men say, explicitly or through their actions, that the future is theirs and frankly, look where it's gotten us. It ain't good.
Clinton's Makers Conference video is simply beautiful because it's nice to see an ally for women back in the spotlight. We are mere weeks (yes, only weeks and not years, which is what it feels like) into Trump's administration, and it's easy to feel like the world is imploding, the clock is rolling back and soon we'll be living in a hellish dystopian future that would make Katniss Everdeen run for the hills. This video from Clinton is a warm hug and a rallying cry for women of all colors, creeds, genders, sexualities, socio-economic backgrounds and political leanings to embrace one another and celebrate their womanhood.
It's good to have you back, Clinton. We missed you.
Makers is a storytelling platform for the trailblazing women of today and tomorrow. For more information and to tune in to the live conference, please visit please visit: Makers.com.
Want to start feeling confident and in control of your life? Try these three steps and you will begin to see results in no time!
1. Ditch the four letter F word
As a trained psychotherapist and mindset coach I hear women throwing this word around quite often: FEAR.
But what if I told you it most likely is not fear? What other emotion exhibits very similar physiological symptoms? This, my dear, is excitement. Yes, excitement. Fear and excitement can feel the exact same way internally. Think elevated heart rate, fluttery stomach, racing thoughts, loss of appetite, etc. So the next time you tell yourself you're "scared", stop, evaluate the situation and decipher. Is this really fear or could I possibly be excited? Am I really scared to be finishing grad school or am I excited to finally be off on my own and working my dream job?
2. Do what scares you.
When you evaluate the fear and rule out excitement, don’t panic. This little tool called “opposite action” will give you the courage to begin nipping fear right in the behind! This skill was derived from a modality I was trained in called Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT. This particular skill encourages you to do the opposite of what most are used to doing. In the instance of fear, most naturally freeze, tense up, and avoid. To practice opposite action, rather than avoiding, you dive into the fear. You right away do what scares you. Now the reason for this is because we know that the longer fear hangs out in our mind, the greater we let it build up. And the longer it hangs out in our mind, the more brain space you are allowing it to occupy. And whose got time for that?!
Let me give you a simple example: Your boyfriend surprised you and booked a vacation for your birthday. You know that time of year is a busy time at work and you aren't quite comfortable requesting time off so you WAIT. You let a week pass, a month pass, the closer you get to the date, the more anxious you feel, and now you really aren't sure it will be possible. Now you've let two months pass by, you've allowed it to take up space for that long in your mind, and the chances that your boss will give you this time off with such short notice is pretty slim. This is why opposite action is going to be your new BFF. Imagine how (yes, scary but) simple it would have been to ask your boss the day after finding out? This would have been plenty of notice, you would have gotten your answer right away, not had that two-month internal struggle in your mind, and probably avoided arguments with your nagging boyfriend who continued to ask why you haven't requested time off yet. You see what I’m saying? Do what scared you today.
3. Ask yourself “what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
Back to number two’s scenario. What would have been the worst thing that could have happened if you asked for time off right away? Your boss says no? Would that really be the end of the world? No, you would have been able to figure it out. You would have had plenty of time to find someone to cover for you or push back the dates of your vacation. We tend to turn things into big to-dos in our minds, when the worst case scenario A. isn’t really so bad or B. would never actually happen.
Implement these three steps and your confidence will be soaring in no time!
First things first: Let’s give tea the credit it’s due. In terms of our health, there’s plenty of research highlighting the benefits of this particular beverage, second in popularity in the world after water. Studies have shown that tea can help protect the heart, detoxifies harmful chemicals and reduces the risk of strokes.
But don’t believe everything you read about tea — like these five health myths for starters.
1. Milk in your tea undoes its heart-healthy benefits
Recent research disproves this theory. A study published in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry claimed that the same amount of catechins (antioxidants linked with a reduced risk of some cancers) were absorbed from tea with milk as from tea without.
2. Black tea has more caffeine than green tea
Time to clap back at that friend who claims she’s healthier than you because her tea is a different color. All tea has caffeine, and there’s a broad spectrum. Many factors determine a particular cup of tea’s caffeine content, such as where and how it was grown, the size of the fully-grown leaves and the processing style. Roasting, aging and fermentation processes can all lower caffeine content. How the tea is brewed is also significant; the longer a caffeinated tea is brewed, the more caffeine it will have. A study in the Journal of Analytical Toxicology found no correlation between the style of tea (black or green or white or whatever) and the caffeine content.
3. Green tea will make you lose weight
According to a recent video from Good Health 24/7, the catechins in green tea help to keep you slim by speeding up your metabolism. However, only lab and animals studies have indicated that the components in green tea decrease fat production and increase fat- and calorie-burning. According to a 2010 review in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, its weight-loss benefits for humans are less convincing.
Yes, green tea — like other styles of tea — comes with a range of health benefits, but it's definitely not the "miracle" weight-loss tool sensationalist headlines would have you believe. In fact, some tea drinkers who hike up their green tea consumption without eating report upset stomachs.
You might have been offered a cup of peppermint tea to soothe an upset stomach, but it's not actually the best choice. In some people, peppermint tea (and mint in general) aggravates GERD (gastrointestinal reflux disease, or recurrent heartburn to you and me.) If you have an upset tummy, go for ginger tea instead.
5. Detox tea is better for you than regular tea
Dietitian Anna Taylor told Cleveland Clinic that so-called detox teas aren't likely to provide any more genuine health benefits than green or black tea. Because many of the detox teas on the market target the weight-loss market, they contain diuretic ingredients, such as nettle leaf or dandelion leaf, or laxatives, such as senna leaf. While these may result in weight loss, it's only going to be temporary due to the loss of water and body waste. "This does not facilitate increased fat burning," said Taylor.
For those who want to experience it, sexual pleasure (like other forms of self-care) can be a radical practice.
Take a moment to think about the ways you have learned about sex so far in your life. My guess is that for most readers, pleasure has not been a central part of these conversations. Some people’s earliest memories are those of parents or teachers shaming them for exploring their bodies, although some parents are working to change this.
In school health education, if we learn about sex at all, we usually learn about reproduction and not about pleasure. Think about whether an adult had a serious conversation with you, at any point in your development, about masturbation or sexual activity with others. If they did, was the conversation positive? Did it acknowledge or validate pleasure as a legitimate and typical motive behind sexual activity? Did anyone ever talk to you in an educational and/or positive way about lube, sex toys or porn? Most of us answer these questions with “no.” Most of us don’t even think about these questions.
It is no mistake that sexual pleasure is often omitted or negatively framed in our education about relationships, sex and bodies. Our society is simultaneously terrified of and fascinated by sex and bodies — particularly certain types of bodies. Pleasure in general, but sexual pleasure especially, is seen as unimportant, undeserved or unacceptable for most people, usually based on the marginalization of some aspect/s of their identity.
So just what radical things are we doing when we prioritize sexual pleasure?
1. Reclaiming and celebrating identity
Our bodies are the front lines of our oppression in all its violence and neglect. It is radical to recognize the desires of those whose bodies and experiences are devalued based on their gender identity, gender expression, race, color, size, age, (dis)ability (NSFW), sexual orientation and more. Our liberation, then, can also be based in our bodies; and pleasure can be a powerful tool for individual ownership of someone’s identity and/or their body.
For example, we often think about pleasure-as-liberation in terms of the gender binary: Basically, male pleasure is legitimized while female pleasure is not. While in many ways this is true, it’s not the whole story. This narrative ignores the experiences of trans and gender nonconforming people as well as the complexities of intersecting identities (not all men are straight, white, cisgender, nondisabled, normatively attractive, etc.).
And when it comes down to it, even straight, white, cisgender and otherwise privileged men are validated in their pleasure only within very narrow parameters, and often are not granted the tools that women may be given to talk about and process sexual experiences. It is a rare person who can’t benefit from unpacking and reframing the ways they’ve been taught to perceive their body and/or self.
2. Transcending taboo
I mentioned our fear and fascination when it comes to sex; this combination gives rise to taboos, anxieties and damaging messages. For many, if not most, accessing the kind of pleasure they want in sex or relationships requires breaking through those taboos — and what is this if not revolutionary?
This experience of rupture may be particularly true for folks whose practices and/or identities are not accepted in the mainstream, such as people who fall under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, who practice kink or BDSM or who practice polyamory. Even within the range of sexual activity understood to be acceptable within the mainstream, people must overcome restrictions and shaming messages in order to access the freedom, agency and communication that facilitate pleasure.
Conversations that shatter taboos, allowing people to say yes to what they want, also open up space for people to say no. That includes creating space for people on the spectrum of asexuality in conversations about sexual freedom. The key word here, as usual, is communication. We break through our society’s dangerous limits whenever we have open conversations about sex and sexuality with partners, family members or our communities.
3. Knowing yourself
There is power in knowing yourself, in loving yourself and in recognizing that your body exists primarily to serve you rather than other people. To explore and experience sexual pleasure, you must first recognize your own desires and your right to explore them as long as no one is harmed in the process.
You are more than your body, and your body is yours. It’s harder to internalize these two statements than you might think because most of us have, in some lasting way, been taught the opposite. As Sally Kempton says, “It’s hard to fight an enemy that has outposts in your head.”
Sexual pleasure is radical when it gives us individual ownership over our bodies separate from “productive” labor. It is radical when it validates our identities and lets us know and care for ourselves and others. It is radical when it allows us to realize our pleasure through means that are somehow at odds with the narrow lens through which we are taught to view sex as “normal.” It is radical, not to mention extremely empowering, when it lets us push back on the idea that our identities make us less-than and instead find ways to love ourselves.
So come the revolution (pun very much intended). Each act of self-love and self-ownership brings us closer to a better world and a more content existence.
We've been consistently impressed with the grace with which Rudy Huxtable — sorry, Keshia Knight Pulliam — has been handling single motherhood. Pulliam had a baby girl recently — Ella Grace, her first child. But she revealed on her podcast, Kandidly Keshia, that her postpartum experience on the maternity ward included a very unpleasant dose of racial profiling.
The actress shared with fans the deeply uncomfortable tale of the hospital's lactation specialist, who insisted that Pulliam should read up on welfare services for low-income mothers, including the WIC (Women, Infants and Children) food supplement program. Pulliam said she appreciated the offer, but the lactation specialist refused to believe her when she told her politely that she did not need those services and had perfectly good insurance, thankyouverymuch.
"This old little white lady, I think she may have voted for Trump, but bless her heart," Pulliam told her fans on the podcast. "She says, ‘Yes, and we have some great programs that you may want to take advantage of that you may need — WIC is a great program; I don’t know if you have insurance.' WIC is welfare. So I guess she saw this little black girl with the little baby by herself, and on the door... I guess she saw ‘Miss Brown’ [staff had put up a fake last name to prevent paparazzi invasion] and was like, ‘She probably needs some WIC.’"
Pulliam continued, "That’s when I stopped her — I said, ‘Ma’am, I have excellent insurance but thank you.'"
Even worse? The white lactation specialist didn't even want to touch Pulliam to assist her with breastfeeding. We are pretty much speechless.
“Lactation specialists... literally will, like, guide your boob, show you how to hold it, put it in the baby’s mouth. This lady was not trying to touch my little brown booby," said Pulliam. "I was like, Mom, it’s OK. This lady, she doesn’t know any better, because if she knew better, she’d do better!"
We love Pulliam's attitude, but we hate that this was part of her postpartum experience. Eventually, Pulliam's doula insisted that another lactation specialist be sent to help. Still, Pulliam's takeaway was awesome and majorly evolved: "It wouldn't be me without the funny stories."
Not so sure about the funny quotient of this story, Keshia. We totally salute the graceful way you handled it. But we're not laughing, not one bit.
Who doesn't love gummy candy? The sweets are totally nostalgic, and you'd be surprised at how simple it is to get all Willy Wonka in the kitchen to whip up gummies on your own.
Gummy bears and worms were totally our favorites as kids, but the beauty of making gummy candy at home is you can create pretty much any shape you want. It's as simple as picking up a few novelty silicone ice trays, and you're on your way to making brain, Star Wars, or huge diamond ring gummies.
Gummy candies are easy to make
Gummy candies aren't much more than a whole lot of gelatin and some flavoring. Yes, that simple. You might have all the ingredients you need in the house right now. As for equipment, the only thing you might not have is a mold.
Ah, the mold. This is where you can go a little crazy. You can use actual candy molds from candy supply houses, silicone ice cube trays (like we mentioned above), or simply improvise. I like to keep the final product on the small size because I like the idea of a handful of them. If you can't locate a mold, just pour the mixture out onto a baking sheet, and cut it with a pizza cutter when it has set. And if you want to get super creative, read up on making your own custom molds with food-grade silicone.
Learn the basics, then get creative
The following basic recipe makes a relatively few number of candies — about one ice cube tray — but you can easily scale it up to make dozens more of these gummy goodies. Learning how to make gummy candy turns out to be so quick that you can even make successive batches in different flavors. And once you have the recipe and technique down, you can experiment with adding additional flavors to the gummies. A good example is adding ascorbic acid powder for tart-flavored gummies (add the ascorbic acid after melting the mixture).
Into a heatproof glass measuring cup, pour the cold water. Sprinkle the gelatin over the water while stirring with a rubber spatula. The resulting mixture will be a super-thick mass, much like clay, but keep stirring. When all the gelatin is sprinkled on, try to get all the dry bits off the side of the measuring cup and off the spatula (as well as any moist bits), and press onto the surface of the gelatin mass.
Cover the measuring cup with plastic wrap, and let the mixture rest for 10 minutes. Fill a medium-size saucepan half full with water, set over medium heat, and bring the water to a simmer. Remove the plastic wrap from the measuring cup, and place it in the water. Let the mass of gelatin melt, stirring occasionally and gently. When the mixture is clear, turn off the heat, and let it sit for 1 – 2 minutes.
Very carefully pour the hot mixture from the measuring cup into the molds. If the syrup gets too thick, you can reheat it a little. If the candies contract a fair bit as they cool, top them off with a second round of the gelatin mixture. Place the mold in the freezer for 10 minutes, then in the refrigerator for another 5 – 10 minutes. Peel them out of the molds, and serve.
OK, Prince Harry fans — don't freak out. Sure, there's potentially big news about Prince Harry's relationship with Meghan Markle, but let's not get ahead of ourselves on this one. STAY CALM.
Rumors are flying right now saying that Harry plans to take Markle to Pippa Middleton's wedding as his official plus-one. The wedding is set for May 20, and according to a source who spoke with the Express, "Harry and Meghan are madly in love and he no longer wants to hide that from the world."
But hold up. We've been through this before. Remember when there was all that intel saying that Markle was going to accompany Harry to a rugby match and it would be their first official appearance together because they were so in love? Nothing came of that. Nothing. It is entirely possible that this is also just a rumor put out into the world to break the hearts of single ladies everywhere.
Of course, that was much earlier in their relationship, and Harry and Markle do seem to be getting more serious lately. This news comes just days after friends were telling reporters that they basically live together in London any time Markle isn't filming Suits in Toronto. All signs point to something very serious between Harry and Markle.
Still, until they officially make their official appearance somewhere as an official couple, I'm going to stay in denial skeptical. Rumors fly around about these two all the time, and if the internet has taught us anything, it's that you can't believe everything you read.
Most of us assume that babies can't experience depression and anxiety because those are feelings you can only have after you learn about things like injustice, unrequited love and who our president is. But a new study says that even infants can show signs associated with later depression and anxiety.
In this month's issue of the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, there is a study with the very complicated title, "Neonatal Amygdala Functional Connectivity at Rest in Healthy and Preterm Infants and Early Internalizing Symptoms." (Whew.) What the study found was that in both full-term and preterm infants, there were, as The Huffington Post explains it, "certain patterns of brain connectivity... in newborn babies that can predict the baby's likelihood of showing early symptoms of mental illness."
To examine the theory that preterm babies have a greater risk of developing mental illness, researchers did MRIs on 65 full-term and 57 preterm babies, and then studied them again two years later. They found that in both full-term and preterm babies, those with a stronger connection between the amygdala (the brain's center of emotion, emotional behavior and motivation) and the medial prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain involved in memory and decision-making) were more likely to show signs of depression or anxiety at age 2 (such as hopelessness, sadness, irritability and being unable to find joy in things like toys).
But those of us who have depression or anxiety and worry about passing it on to our kids don't need to surrender to the idea that our kids will either be born with our mental illness or they won't. As Dr. Cynthia Rogers, one of the study's authors, told HuffPo, "It's important to note... that the experiences and environment that they are exposed to as they grow may alter these connectivity patterns, making it more or less likely for these symptoms to develop."
Biology is not destiny, and knowing that our children may be born with certain traits can only help us to be more attentive to our children's feelings and our role in shaping their futures.
Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos just gave Nick Viall the best advice he could possibly get after last night's disastrous dumpster fire of an episode of The Bachelor: Run the fuck away.
"I was reading some of this stuff, the facts about the selection of girls you had to choose from. OK?" Ripa said during Viall's appearance on Live! with Kelly Tuesday. "So one girl is 25 years old and still has a nanny. You need to run away. You need to run, OK? Another girl showed up in a shark-dolphin costume, I don't know how that is possible, but again, you have to run. One girl slapped you. One girl wanted to choke you."
Consuelos interrupted, "Saw that. That was weird. Good decision on your part there," about Viall's decision to send Jasmine home after their awkward talk and her profession that she wanted to choke him.
Their advice came a little late, since last night's episode ended with Viall having a little cry fest with the girls and then storming out, whining about how he's sure he's not going to find love on TV during his fourth attempt to find love on TV.
The rest of the segment was spent discussing some of the high (or low — who even knows anymore?) points of Viall's season so far.
"One girl threw up, yet you still made out with her," Ripa added.
Viall replied, "I was trying to make her feel better."
After the two hosts tried to convince Viall to try to find a girlfriend somewhere normal, like at a bar, he hinted at the possibility that he did find someone on The Bachelor.
"What if this all works out?" Viall asked.
"That's a big ‘if,' dude," Consuelos said.
"You will have to tune in next week… I guess we'll see. I will try and picky my head back up and do better," Viall said.
Rejoice, Walking Dead-heads! (Is this a thing? Let's make it a thing.) On Sunday, we'll all be sitting in the dark watching the continuation of Season 7 of The Walking Dead. And heading into that premiere, AMC may have just given us a leg up — quite literally, a leg — on discovering the identity of the boot-wearing spy who's been creeping on Rick and Aaron.
You remember the boots, right? As Rick and Aaron went about their missions, we knew someone was following them. We knew because that person was revealed to us. Well, not the person so much as their busted up ol' boots.
Image: AMC
So, those kinda look like lady feet, right? That's the initial thought I had upon seeing them. But who is this mysterious stalking lady? AMC may have just subtly revealed the stalker's identity in a new photo.
Image: AMC
See that badass-looking lady in the middle holding that T-bar thing? Look at her feet. While we can't see the boots clearly enough to make a positive ID, the boots she is wearing could definitely be the boots belonging to Alexandria's resident creeper.
But, uh, who is she? Well, we don't know that yet either. However, speculation online suggests that there is a new community entering the fray. Yes, a new community — I know, we're still trying to get a handle on, like, the last three that were introduced.
On the plus side, this means there are more people for the battle with Negan. More people means a greater likelihood our favorite people will survive. That sounds morbid, but such is the zombocalypse, baby.
When asked by Entertainment Weekly about who the mysterious boot-wearing spy could be, Gimple replied, "I'm just going to say that Rick is going to meet this person and/or persons pretty quickly. The answers are just around the heap. I cannot wait for people to meet this character and to see this actor. There is some formidable fun coming up."
Did you catch it? Just around the heap. As in a trash heap? Could this be a coincidental choice of diction? I think not. I believe Gimple chose the word with intention. So that certainly bodes in favor of the boots belonging to someone from the so-called Garbage Pail Kids.
Are there other possibilities? I have one other theory. Remember the woman from the all-female Oceanside Community who helped Tara escape? I want to believe it could be her and she could become an integral part of the survivors' narrative, because otherwise that entire episode seems so disjointed from the rest of the season.
She clearly had her doubts about her own community. Perhaps she has fled (or been banished for helping Tara) and will eventually seek asylum in Alexandria.
Happily, if Gimple is true to his word, we won't have to wait long to find out.
Don't forget to tune into the midseason premiere this Sunday, Feb. 12, at 9/8c.
When our children are growing up, they’re like puppies. They’re all over us. They’re always excited to see us. Maybe so excited they pee on the floor. When family or friends or even complete strangers come into contact with the baby, they make embarrassing cooing noises. They can’t help it. They want to pick them up and smush their li'l faces!
But then your puppy gets bigger. And bigger. And something changes. They no longer run to the door when you arrive home. They would prefer not to snuggle in your lap for no reason. If you try to pick them up, they hiss and retreat into a dark corner. Friends and family regard them with a wary fascination.
Teenagers, in other words, are just like cats.
Stay with me, because this analogy is perfection.
They show their love in strange ways
Cat #1
Cat #1
Just like cats, teenagers do love us. They just show their love very differently. They may not inform you that they’ll love you forever and would like to marry you when they grow up (and, by the way, they also don’t like to be reminded that they ever did that), but they definitely love you.
Does your teenager want you around? Not in the same room, maybe, but definitely somewhere they can keep an eye on you? Do they text you to ask when you’re coming home, and when you ask why, they say, “nothing”? Surprise: They love you.
Proximity is the teenager’s love language. In the same way, cats show they love you by hanging around in your general vicinity. If you’re sitting next to them on the couch? They’re pretty much in love.
They make an incredible mess
Cat #2
Cat #2
You will be constantly infuriated by your teenager’s messes. It’s amazing how much wanton destruction a teen can leave in their wake. If there is a can of soda anywhere in your home, it will eventually lie opened on its side, a sticky pool spreading across your area rug. This is how your teenager tells you, I still need you. Also, look at the mess I made.
They can only handle a small amount of affection
Cat #3
Cat #3
You can pet a cat once, twice, three times, and then they’re like, “No.” If you’re lucky. If you’re less lucky, it’s a full-on freak-out to the face, claws extended. Similarly, teenagers can handle a quick hug or a smile, and then they’ve run off into the darkness of their rooms, or suddenly you’re on the receiving end of a noogie.
When they’re affectionate, it’s usually because they want food
Cat #4
Cat #4
When it’s mealtime, the cat emerges from his slumber and pushes its face against yours, purring maniacally, until you give in and feed it. Similarly, mealtime is when the teenager emerges, blinking, into the daylight, and asks how your day is going. Then they might casually inquire when dinner is going to be ready or if you’ve purchased any snacks they can shove into their faces. If food is available and ready, it will be declared that you are a very good parent and were always secretly their favorite. If food is nowhere to be found, they will make unholy noises indicating that they’re going to die soon if they don’t get said food/snacks.
They will burn energy by suddenly wigging out
Cat #5
Cat #5
Cats will transform from cold, distant jerks who live only to stare at you in judgment to complete maniacs who zoom through the house knocking over everything. Teenagers are also known to act like hyped-up goofballs suddenly and with no warning, running around the house with their scrawny limbs flailing dangerously close to lamps and other breakables. This is especially liable to occur when their friends are over.
In conclusion
But now that I’ve proven with zero doubt in anyone’s minds that teenagers are basically cats in human form, what’s to be done with that information? What can we do with these new, strangely distant beings who have taken over our once lovably straightforward babies? My advice: Make like a cat owner and learn to appreciate them on their own terms. Note every subtle gesture toward connection and clumsy attempt at showing their love. And remember, this phase, too, will pass, and someday you’ll miss having these weirdos invading your home.
