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You could be a toxic parent and not even realize it

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There's no doubt about it: being a parent is a tough job. We do our best to guide our kids down the right path so they can develop into well-adjusted adults, but sometimes we get sucked into toxic parenting styles without even realizing it.

It's easy to project our own insecurities and issues onto our children. We'd never intentionally hurt our kids, and the good news is that recognizing toxic patterns is the first step to ditching them.

More: Thanks for making childhood suck, you sleepover-banning jerks

SheKnows spoke to four mental health and relationship experts to find out which parental behaviors have the potential to damage the relationship parents have with their children.

Toxic parenting
Image: Design via Becci Burkhart/SheKnows; Image via Getty Images

First, it helps to have a definition of "toxicity" to work off of, since the term has come to encompass a whole slew of unhealthy relationship tactics. "Toxicity within this context would mean behaviors that are transmitted unto children that could potentially cause them direct or indirect harm," says licensed marriage and family specialist Kingsley Grant.

Modeling healthy relationship dynamics is absolutely vital. "[Our children] are a reflection of us," Grant notes. "Remember, their actions are learned, and they are mostly learned from those who are most influential in their lives — namely, parents."

So what kind of actions could cause a child direct or indirect harm? "If you curse at your children or yell at them in a way that when you're done, you suddenly realize you lost your temper... this is a sign that you’re overwhelmed, out of control and don’t have an appropriate outlet for your feelings." says April Masini, relationship expert and author. Masini warns extreme displays of emotion are one of the more obvious signs that a parent has a toxic relationship with their child.

More: 53 hilariously wrong homework answers from kids

Even if you aren't flying off the handle at your children as a conflict-resolution technique, they're still learning from you. That means that your kids are looking to their parents, so if mom and dad have knock-down drag-outs, they notice.

"These children will not know that there are alternative ways to manage conflicts because this is all they know and have learned," says Grant. "Their use of this approach in conflictual situations could lead to being hurt physically, emotionally or mentally. It could also lead to disciplinary issues in school."

Anger might seem like an obvious sign of toxicity, but it isn't just screaming that parents should avoid. Turning your kids into a shoulder to lean on is another problematic sign of toxic parenting.

"If you weep in front of your children, regularly, as a victim, you’re in a toxic relationship with them," Masini notes. "Learn to ask for help so you don’t act out. You shouldn’t suppress your feelings, but you do need to find an appropriate outlet and support for them. Your kids should not be that."

In fact, recognizing what is and isn't part and parcel of a healthy parent-child relationship is key to eliminating toxic behavior. If you find yourself habitually confiding in your kids or hoping they'll alleviate your stress, that's not a good sign, says Meredith Silversmith, MA, LMFT and owner of Nassau Wellness, a private practice in Long Island, New York.

More: 19 celeb 'bad' parenting moments that make us feel so much better about our own

"For example, a parent has a fear of flying, and when their child talks about taking a trip on a plane, [a toxic parent will] share their concerns and anxieties because it's too uncomfortable to think about their child being on a plane," says Silversmith. "Over time, the child can take on these worries as their own and carry them for their parent."

Expecting a child to take on an adult role like that is unhealthy and will likely cause more problems down the road. So, too will the common — and often well-meaning — mistake that parents make when they project their own aspirations and shortcomings onto kids, instead of allowing them to be individuals.

"When a baby is born, parents have so many hopes and wishes for their future and for their life. As this child gets older, becomes more independent... it can be challenging for some parents to adapt," Silversmith explains. "In these situations, a parent may continually push a child to follow his or her (the parent's) dreams or a parent may speak and act as if his or her wishes and interests are the child's, even in the face of other information. Under these circumstances, the child may begin to feel their needs and desires are not important."

These are all great examples of broader toxic behaviors, but we can get even more specific. Since a lot of parents are only doing or saying what they think is best for their kids, it can be hard to check yourself — especially if nothing seems out of the ordinary.

Next up: Toxic behaviors that every parent should avoid

Originally published February 2016. Updated January 2017.

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Elaine Taylor-Klaus, CPCC, PCC, and parent coach and co-founder at Impact ADHD, says the following phrases and behaviors are good indicators that all is not well:

  • “You never listen to me." Hearing this means you need to ask yourself if you’re really listening.
  • Your kids complain about the same thing repeatedly. Hearing this means you might want to ask yourself if you’re responding to their concerns.
  • If you find yourself constantly identifying the ways in which other people are responsible for the upsets in your home, or it always seems to be someone else’s fault, you may be part of the problem.
  • If you’re screaming or yelling more than you’d like, you already know you’re part of the problem.
Grant weighs in with an extremely succinct and surefire determinant of toxic parenting:

"We can tell when we are being toxic when our children begin to behave in like manner... a parent will see similar patterns of behavior within their children and the place to begin correcting the behaviors is to correct it in ourselves as parents."

So if you suspect that you're exhibiting toxic behaviors as a parent, what can you do to rectify that? A great place to start, suggests Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, author of Discipline Without Damage: How to Get Your Kids to Behave Without Messing Them Up, is to determine whether or not you have a bonded or binding relationship with your child:

"Binding is created by nothing other than circumstance. For example, 'I am your mother and because you were born to me, we are bound together. And because in this binding I am the big person, you will do as I say.'" On the other hand, she continues, "Bonding is created by a relationship cultivated through enduring experience. In other words, 'I am your mother, and I adore you. I will always take care of you and have your best interests at heart."

Masini concludes that toxicity is "... usually a sign that you’re passing on learned behavior and your toxicity in relationships is historical. Recognizing the patterns in your personal [life] is a way to see that you’re replicating bad behavior, and this is a step towards changing it."

Before you go, check out our slideshow below:

duggar parents
Image: duggarfam/instagram

10 times Chrissy Teigen's hilarious tweets helped fuel a revolution

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Until about two years ago, I had no idea who the hell Chrissy Teigen was.

Then one day she popped up in my Twitter feed through what I can only assume was an act of divine intervention, and I've been one of her biggest fans ever since.

More: Chrissy Teigen tells the truth about how celeb moms get back into shape

Not because of her gorgeous modeling portfolio or work as co-host of Spike TV's Lip Sync Battle, and not because she frequently posts about her husband, singer John Legend, or her squishable daughter, Luna either - but those are definitely bonuses.

No, I fell in love with Chrissy Teigen because of the way she uses her Twitter account, with over 3.7 million followers, to craft honest, pointed observations about celebrity, racism, misogyny, and our political landscape.

I've collected 10 of Chrissy's realest recent tweets. By the end, I guarantee you'll want to start following her, too.

When she perfectly expressed the exhaustion we all feel right now

Chrissy Teigen Tweet1

Chrissy Teigen Tweet1

When she acknowledged that her daughter's blended heritage was the ultimate act of resistance against racist individuals.

Chrissy Teigen Tweet2

Chrissy Teigen Tweet2

When she asked the important questions

Chrissy Teigen Tweet3.

Chrissy Teigen Tweet3.

When she revealed that her celeb status doesn't make her immune to racist comments

Chrissy Teigen Tweet5

Chrissy Teigen Tweet5

When she invited us to love her imperfect body and in doing so, love our own, too

Chrissy Teigen Tweet6

Chrissy Teigen Tweet6

More: Is Chrissy Teigen taking it too far with her Twitter clap-backs?

When she showed us that the most powerful weapon is the truth

Chrissy Teigen Tweet7

Chrissy Teigen Tweet7

But being petty is almost as good

Chrissy Teigen Tweet8

Chrissy Teigen Tweet8

When she knew that showing up for her country was more important than showing up for her husband

Chrissy Teigen Tweet4

Chrissy Teigen Tweet4

More: 51 Powerful images of celebrities supporting the Women's March on Washington

When she opened her arms to the tired, the poor, and the huddled masses

Chrissy Teigen Tweet9

Chrissy Teigen Tweet9

And finally, when she demonstrated that sometimes you say it best when you say nothing at all

Chrissy Teigen Tweet 10

Chrissy Teigen Tweet 10

Before you go, check out our slideshow below:

14 pics of Chrissy Teigen, John Legend & baby Luna so cute we can hardly stand it
Image: Brian To/WENN

Jane Fonda splits from her longtime lover Richard Perry

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Jane Fonda and Richard Perry have gone their separate ways after eight years together, which means they're the second big celebrity split in 2017 so far and we're not ever through January. (Cuba Gooding Jr. and his wife Sara Kapfer were the first.) At this rate, the celebrity fallout of 2017 might be just as dismal as 2016.

More: Jane Fonda explains strange photos: Why does she have Ryan Gosling's face on a chair? (VIDEO)

Perry confirmed the end of the relationship to PageSix, "That's true. We're still very close."

Though the couple never married, they lived together in a $13 million Beverly Hills home together, which People reports recently went on the market. Perry added to PageSix that he was planning to move to another home.

They may never have married, but that doesn't mean Fonda didn't find something deep in Perry.

More: Fifty Shades of Jane Fonda? Actress talks about her fabulous sex life

Fonda described her relationship with Perry in a 2012 interview with UK's The Sun, explaining, "The only thing I have never known is true intimacy with a man. I absolutely wanted to discover that before dying. It has happened with Richard. I feel totally secure."

So what then did this relationship have that Fonda's previous three marriages did not? Well if The Sun hd any say about it, it was Fonda's "rampant" sex life with Perry. These two were still kickin' it like kids in their 70s.

Fonda hasn't addressed the news that she split from Perry as of yet, but she did strut her stuff at the women's march last weekend with a smile on her face, suggesting that Perry meant what he said about the two remaining close. Either that or she's taking the fake it 'til you make it approach. Hopefully it's the former.

More: Grace and Frankie renewed: 8 Things you should know if you've never watched

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

celebrity breakups 2016 slideshow
Image: FayesVision/WENN.com

Against all odds and reasons, Tamra Judge is returning to RHOC

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Tamra Judge must be a glutton for punishment if she's fighting to stay on the Real Housewives of Orange County like reports claim. Why in the world would this woman want to subject herself to another round of Kelly Dodd and Vicki Gunvalson's drama is beyond me. The reality show paycheck really must be that good.

More: Tamra Judge & Vicki Gunvalson are lucky to be alive after big accident

Not that I would think she needs the money. She got on the show in the first place because she's rich and fabulous and living the high life in Orange County, after all. Which makes it sound like an attention thing if nothing else.

Let's recap on said drama because this isn't a simple, "she hurt my feelings issue." These women are vicious. Tamra Judge kinda, admittedly, started it all when she accused Gunvalson of being in on her ex-boyfriend Brook Ayers' fake cancer claims. Then Gunvalson, with her right-hand henchwoman Kelly Dodd, slung it back at Judge by accusing Judge's husband, Eddie Judge, of being gay.

Money or not that does not sound like a healthy way to go about life.

More: Tamra Judge's daughter makes confession after controversial Facebook rant

Judge is all about it, though.

After sources confirmed that Judge will be returning to RHOC for Season 12, Judge posted an Instagram pic with the hashtag #stillahousewife, seemingly confirming the news. She was also sporting a #housewife hat that fellow RHOC cast member Meghan King Edmonds apparently had made.

tamra judge rhoc instagram pic 1

tamra judge rhoc instagram pic 1

Judge clearly doesn't mind facing the nasty rumors for the sake of the show. Bring on the Season 12 cat fights!

More: We have only one word for Tamra Judge's latest body building pic: Dayum!

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

RHOC scandals slideshow
Image: Bravo

Chris Brown suffers from a bad case of foot-in-mouth, again

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Why you gotta be so mean, Chris Brown?

Brown clearly can't take a joke, and there's clearly a reason he took those anger management classes.

More: Aziz Ansari can't get no love from Blake Lively, even after multiple texts

After Aziz Ansari's brilliant Saturday Night Live monologue last weekend, in which he compared Brown to Donald Trump, Brown didn't take it well. At all. And while no one should be surprised, that doesn't make his response OK.

chris brown response to aziz ansari insta 1

chris brown response to aziz ansari insta 1

Here's the thing: By posting a comment like this, Brown only proved Ansari's whole point that Brown is to music what Trump is to politics.

More: Aziz Ansari's new book is his coming out as our generation's love guru

Here's what Ansari said in case you missed it:

I’m sure there’s some people that have different political priorities. I’m sure there’s some people that voted for him [Trump] with reservations. I’m sure there’s a lot of people that voted for Trump the same way a lot of people listen to the music of Chris Brown.

It’s like, “Hey man, I’m just here for the tunes. I don’t know about that other stuff. I just like the dancing and the music. I don’t condone the extracurriculars.”

If you think about it, Donald Trump is basically the Chris Brown of politics. And “Make America Great Again” is his “These hoes ain’t loyal.”

More: Aziz Ansari's comments on sexual harassment toward women are on-point

If Brown were smart, he would have relished the comparison and responded with something like, "Thanks for complimenting my music, Aziz." Just like instead of posting hateful tweets and calling people out every chance Trump gets, if he were smart, he would embrace other opinions.

Oh, and he wouldn't be a racist jerk. That would be nice too.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Celebs refuse Trump inauguration slideshow
Image: ABC

9 essential tips for taking perfect care of your new fish

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Congratulations! You’re the proud parent of a new fish — or fishes. Maybe it’s a decision you’ve carefully thought through or maybe you were lured over to that lovely, quiet, darkened area of the pet store where the fish are sold and you came away with a few new fin-kids. Either way, you’ll want to make sure you take impeccable care of them and their environment. Here are a few tips to make sure you do exactly that.

1. Properly cycle the tank

While you might think you’re going to be able to fill a lovely glass bowl with water out of the tap and plop your new fish right into it, it’s definitely not recommended. Fill your tank with gravel, add your filter, then add water. Allow time for beneficial bacteria to populate the gravel and the filter. Use a tank starter if time does not permit. Then set your tank to maintain the proper temperature and pH for the species of fish kept and add appropriate lighting.

2. Acclimate

Make sure your fish are conditioned to the water you’ll be using and the water temperature before adding them to the tank. This can be done by floating them in bags or gradually adding tank water to the bag. It should only take about 15 minutes to an hour to do this.

More: 6 low-maintenance fish that basically anyone can keep alive

3. Ensure plenty of elbow room

Don’t over crowd your finned family members! Make sure there is no more than (roughly) 1 inch of fish per gallon of tank size. The best bet is to purchase the biggest tank your budget and your space allows. That way, you’ll have room to grow your collection if you decide that fish keeping is your thing (which it totally will be, for sure).

4. Segregation in fish tanks is actually a good thing

Don’t mix aggressive fish, like betas, with community fish, like goldfish. If you do, you’re obviously only asking for trouble. The same goes for large fish and small fish — to ensure harmony, make sure you either only get fish of one general size or keep two separate environments.

5. Fish food 101

Certainly, you need to feed your fish, but it’s important that you don’t overfeed. Sprinkle with a light hand, and if your fish are leaving food floating, chances are good that you’re feeding too much. It’s a good idea to vary the diet so it includes food of several different types, including flakes, pellets, fresh and freeze-dried foods.

6. Monitor the water

The health of your fish depends upon having water in the tank that is healthy for them to live in. Monitor the water quality, including pH, ammonia and nitrite levels by using an at-home test kit, or submit a water sample for testing at your local fish or exotic pet shop. Make the necessary adjustments as indicated.

More: Can you handle a saltwater aquarium?

7. Clean house

Make sure to clean the tank regularly — approximately every two to three weeks. This includes a complete change out of the water and the filter media, vacuuming of the gravel and cleaning the tank glass.

8. Keep the peace

You might think fish are a peaceful species, and they typically are; however, you need to keep an eye out to ensure that there’s no bullying going on between fish, because this can happen. You also need to monitor your fish for bacterial, fungal and parasitic infections, as well as generalized lethargy, floating at the surface of the water and inability to stay upright.

9. Act quickly

If you notice any signs of illness, quarantine any unwell fish in a separate tank immediately. Consult with the store where you bought your fish or ask PetCoach for help in figuring out what’s going wrong and how to correct it.

Ask PetCoach widget

Ask PetCoach widget

More: Why you need an aquarium filter

Dev Patel's reaction to his Oscar nomination is more important than you think

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There will no doubt be plenty of history-making wins at the 2017 Oscars. Be it the potential for La La Land to sweep after making history with its 14 nominations, or Viola Davis becoming the most nominated black actress in Oscars history, to the one bit of nomination history I'm most interested in: Dev Patel's nomination for Lion. You see, Patel is the third Indian actor to have an Oscar nomination in the 87 year history of the awards ceremony. This makes his nomination a time for personal pride as well as a watershed moment for Asian actors and Asian representation in film.

More: Constance Wu is going in on the Oscars for nominating Casey Affleck

But first, let's focus on Patel. Patel joins actors Ben Kingsley and Merle Oberon as the trio of actors of Indian descent that, to date, have earned Oscar nominations. Patel's reaction to his nomination was beautiful and heartfelt — not a surprise from one of the warmest, most down-to-earth actors working today. PopSugar reported on Patel's Oscars reaction, and it's this portion that perhaps stands out the most:

What makes this moment so much more poignant is that I'm in India right now. This enthralling country holds such a deep place in my heart, and it is where Saroo's journey was born. "Lion" reaffirms the message that love is not dictated by the color of your skin, not by race, gender, sexuality, social status, or origin. It is a message I am proud to be spreading during these uncertain times. This will forever be one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

Patel's focus on the universality of love is an important reminder of what we, the people, need to hold onto in these uncertain times. His statement acknowledge the monumentality of his nomination, in the context of the intersection between race and film and in his own personal context. A nomination for Patel is important because it is recognition that stories centered on Asian lives are attention-worthy.

Dev Patel Lion
Image: Mark Rogers/The Weinstein Company

Patel broke out from his small UK following into the American mainstream with Slumdog Millionaire and American audiences took notice. We've embraced him and his talents. The depths of that talent and passion for truthful representations of Indian people and their lives continued in the pair of Exotic Marigold films. Now, Lion sees Patel going back to his Indian roots and telling yet another honest, brilliant story. I am not surprised he was nominated but I am further hopeful his momentum continues because of his work and the history he is making.

Dev Patel Lion History

Dev Patel Lion History

His nomination is not only well-deserved, but it shines a spotlight on an aspect of film representation that tends to get pushed to to the side in conversation on diversity in film: Asian representation in American film (and while we're at it, television too). We currently only have one television show that focuses squarely and, for the most part, positively, on Asian-American life: ABC's Fresh Off The Boat. Yet at the same time, in 2017, we are still discussing the deeply negative effects of whitewashing Asian characters in film. Doctor Strange and the upcoming Ghost In Shell were just recent examples of this, but whitewashing Asian characters and the use of yellowface are deeply entwined with the history of film.

More: The outrage over Meryl Streep getting an Oscar nom over Amy Adams is so real

When we talk about representation and diversity in film, our conversation tends to focus on black representation. This is accurate, correct, and fair to do; I am in full support of this crucial line of conversation. However, there is a need to bring other communities of color into the conversation. The focus on these unseen communities comes in fits and starts, but perpetual focus could effectively change the game. Diego Luna's recent public affection for a Rogue One fan's reaction to Mexican representation on film is a positive example of how we need to support and elevate all communities of color into a more positive and accurate strata of film and television. It's possible to give actors of color a platform in ways that accurately represent them and make for great film and television.

More: The 2017 Oscars nominees are less white, but there's still a long way to go

Patel's nomination is historic, moving the conversation in a progressive direction: Forward. Not only do I wish him the best of luck this Oscar season (I hope you do, too), but I hope that this is just another in a long and forthcoming line of successes for Asian representation in film and television.

Before you go, take our poll below!

Oscars 2017 poll

Oscars 2017 poll


Talking HIV prevention with Nurx app’s founder, Hans Gangeskar

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As a queer millennial, I haven’t given much thought to the possibility of contracting HIV.

Like many of my misinformed LGBTQ+ counterparts, I saw the disease as a thing of the past, only brought back to life whenever I’d rewatch the film adaptation of Rent.

But while the number of cases per year has definitely decreased since the '80s, after effective treatments eventually beat the stigma, HIV is absolutely still a threat. And the fact that my favorite app, Nurx (which is basically the Seamless for birth control) carries PrEP only further solidifies my education about HIV-preventative measures still being needed to this day.

More: 5 advances in women's health technology that we're excited about

Additionally, my good pal and fellow queer journalist Kenny has been teaching me a lot about HIV and fourth-wave activism to bring greater awareness to a young community that often feels somewhat distanced from the perils and risk of the disease.

Feeling proud of Nurx for carrying Truvada (a form of PrEP), I decided to chat with one of the app’s founders, Hans Gangeskar, in the hopes of learning more about the drug as well as the importance of HIV awareness. We talked about the importance of preventive medicine, accessibility and the future of HIV/AIDS awareness. And I learned yet another reason to love the lifesaving and ever-inclusive Nurx app.

HelloFlo: When did Nurx start offering PrEP?

Hans Gangeskar: We currently have two services we provide through our app. The first is our birth control delivery service, which we launched in December of 2015. With our birth control delivery service, users receive a three-month supply delivered right to their door and it is often free with insurance.

More: How HIV symptoms are different for women

This past March, we began offering Truvada for PrEP through our app as well (at Nurx.com/prep). PrEP (short for pre-exposure prophylaxis) is a relatively new HIV-prevention method in which people who do not have HIV take a daily pill (Truvada) to reduce their chances of infection. Studies have shown Truvada for PrEP to be up to 99 percent effective in preventing transmission of the virus.

HF: Why is it important that Nurx carries (and advertises that they carry) PrEP?

HG: We are focusing on making preventative medicine more accessible to everyone. And with PrEP, there is a huge access problem. According to the CDC, 1.2 million people should be on Truvada, yet as of 2015, only 21,000 were actually on the drug. One reason for this is the lack of awareness about the drug in the medical community. Federal health officials estimate that about one-third of primary care doctors and nurses are actually unaware of Truvada. In addition to the stigma and lack of information about PrEP, there is also a shortage of doctors who will prescribe it. We are making Truvada for PrEP more accessible to those that need and want it.

HF: Do you think Nurx is helping to bring greater visibility to an issue that has been largely ignored by younger generations? Why is this important to you?

HG: We already have raised visibility to this issue. We’re inundated with emails from people who say they saw an article about us and didn’t know that an HIV-preventive medication such as Truvada even existed. This is important to us because we want to give people more control over their health care. We want people to know that preventative action is key and that it doesn’t have to take weeks to access, nor do you have to jump through a bunch of hoops just to get the care someone wants, needs and deserves.

HF: Do you think by providers like Nurx offering PrEP, HIV-preventative measures are being (or will be in the future) more widely used by younger people?

HG: Absolutely, and we’re already seeing this with younger people. In fact, nearly two-thirds of the inquiries and requests for PrEP we receive are from millennials. We expect this to continue to increase as well. For millennials, technology is a way of life, and this generation is embracing health technology faster than any other generation.

More: AIDS is still a threat, and it's thriving in young people

HF: Why might it be difficult or stressful for a patient to procure PrEP through other means (like face-to-face/doctor visits, etc.)? Have you perceived there to be any level of scrutiny existing around the use of the drug?

HG: With our app, someone can get on PrEP within a couple days, but this is very often not the case when someone visits their doctor in person. As previously mentioned, lack of awareness about the treatment, so less providers are willing to prescribe it. The wait time for people trying to get on PrEP can take weeks, as Micah Enloe recently explained in an article discussing his experience before he found Nurx.

The only real scrutiny we have noticed has come from Michael Weinstein, head of the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, who condemned Nurx for making PrEP more accessible because people might use it in conjunction with hookup apps like Grindr and Tinder. It’s frightening that the head of the largest AIDS service organization in the world would speak out against expanding access to a drug which reduces the risk of spreading HIV. Personal opinions about the morality of taking PrEP have no place in the discussion of safety and medical appropriateness of Truvada for PrEP.

HF: What would you tell a millennial who doesn’t think PrEP is important to apply to their sex life or that HIV is a threat to them?

HG: I would say, it’s a personal choice, but if someone is having unprotected sex with multiple partners, it might be worth looking into. By taking Truvada for PrEP daily, it has been shown to be 99 percent effective at preventing HIV. Last September, after the culmination of two-and-a-half-year study involving 657 “at-risk” patients who took Truvada for PrEP, researchers announced that there were no new HIV infections.

If someone decides that this is right for them, we can help them get their lab work done, and then if they are a good candidate, we can get them on PrEP very quickly. And if cost is an issue, we can help connect them with programs to pay for their medicine.

HF: What progress do you hope to see in the coming years (whether it be through the medical community, the media, etc.) with regard to progress in further creating awareness about HIV/AIDS?

HG: We hope to see more medical providers aware of and willing to prescribe PrEP to their patients. Additionally, we hope to see people like Michael Weinstein of the AIDS Healthcare Foundation take a more solutions-based approach to HIV prevention and PrEP. If this happens, this will help reduce the stigma surrounding the topic.

By Meg Zulch

Originally published on HelloFlo.


8 things a pet nutrition expert wants you to know about your pet

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We all want to do what's best for our pets where nutrition is concerned, but with so much information floating around out there, sometimes it's tough to know if we're making the right choices.

What are the benefits of a premium pet food? What should I look for to ensure balanced nutrition for my pet? How can I even be sure what I'm feeding my pets is the best fit for their nutritional needs?

To cut through some of the confusion, we tapped a nutrition expert, Jennifer Freeman — Natural Balance® Pet Foods, Inc., registered veterinary technician — to help us understand the most important principles of healthy diets for cats and dogs.

1. Cats and dogs have different nutritional needs

While it might not be the end of anyone's world if your dog occasionally consumes some kitty kibble (or vice versa), you should try to avoid the occurrence as much as possible. "One main reason why their nutritional needs differ is because cats are true carnivores, whereas dogs are not," Freeman told SheKnows. "As a true carnivore, cats require more protein, especially amino acids. There are also nutrients that cats require as essential nutrients that dogs don’t. An example is a fatty acid called arachidonic acid. For dogs, this is not considered an essential nutrient. This is why it is important to feed the correct diet for the species it is balanced for."

2. Association of American Feed Control Officials standards exist as a baseline

Not all pet food is created equal! There are certain considerations that should be made before placing a bag of food in your cart. AAFCO standards exist as a baseline to ensure those needs are met through a pet food.

Freeman explained the criteria's relevance in choosing pet food. "Natural Balance Pet Foods not only ensure that we meet the minimum nutrient requirements recommended by the AAFCO, but also set our own internal nutritional guidelines based on the most up-to-date research to provide balanced and quality food for healthy dogs, cats, puppies and kittens," she said.

3. Choose a food that is right for your pet’s breed and life stage

When you shop for yourself, you pick up a box and read the label, right? You scan the ingredients and decide whether they are good enough to merit making the trip home to your pantry. The same should apply when shopping for your pet's food.

"It is always important to read the label of the product you are feeding. Beyond looking for the species a product is intended for, it is very important to check for the nutritional adequacy statement that is located on the back panel of every completely balanced product — this is where you’ll see what life stage it is made for," elaborated Freeman. "The Nutritional Adequacy Statement and the Guaranteed Analysis are the only nutritionally objective statements on the label to demonstrate food quality. These can direct you to know more about what you are feeding your pet. For example, at Natural Balance Pet Foods we offer our All Life Stage Formulas, Adult Maintenance Formulas and Growth Formulas.”

4. Food safety impacts the life of your pet

"Pet food makers have two priorities in providing food for your pet: food safety and nutrition. Healthy, active dogs and cats are our consumers, and at Natural Balance Pet Foods, we work very hard at formulating and testing our finished products by doing nine safety tests through our Buy with Confidence® Program. This helps to provide assurance to the pet parents that our products are safe and nutritious. Our food, plus regular visits to your vet, will help support your pet's overall health," said Freeman.

5. There are options when your pet starts exhibiting picky eating behavior

What do you do if your pet suddenly shows a loss of interest in their food or starts being particularly picky? There are a few ways to address the situation. First and foremost, run it by a pet care professional. "As in any abrupt change in your pet's behavior, it is always important to consult your veterinarian, as there could be many reasons why your pet has lost interest in food," says Freeman.

If your pet gets the all clear from the vet, though, you should look to what's in their food bowl. "We don't know exactly why pets become picky, however, many options of texture and flavors are available to try to stimulate a pet's interest in food,” Freeman said. “Moreover, at Natural Balance Pet Foods, we have a team of nutrition experts who can help you find the right food for your individual pet."

6. Sometimes, a pet's dietary needs change in ways that are hard for pet parents to perceive

There are times when a change in the way your pet eats their food can signal a shift in their dietary needs. However, sometimes that shift occurs in ways that aren't immediately obvious to us — and that's OK as long as you keep up with your pet's routine care. "It isn't always easy to tell, and that's why it's so important to talk to your veterinarian about nutrition and what is and isn't working for your pet. A veterinarian can help determine if changes have occurred that require a change in diet," Freeman underscored.

7. You can limit the number of ingredients your pet consumes

Whether your pet should avoid certain ingredients, exhibits irregular behavior toward food or you simply prefer to keep your pet's diet as routine as possible, you don't have to reinvent the wheel to meet their needs — there are pet foods specifically formulated to be complete and balanced, to give consumers the opportunity to pick and choose what they're feeding in order to easily feed ingredients they are comfortable with. "A variety of limited-ingredient diet foods provide different options for the pet parent to choose from for their pet," explained Freeman. "Natural Balance® L.I.D Limited Ingredient Diet® formulas are developed to limit the number of animal protein sources."

8. Visit your vet if your pet experiences weight gain

Even too much of a good thing is possible, so it's important to keep serving sizes in mind when feeding your pet — no matter what food you've chosen. "It is important to feed proper feeding amounts, not over feed on treats and ensure your pet gets proper exercise," said Freeman. "Why is this important? Because obesity in animals can cause several secondary health issues." If your pet starts packing on the pounds, it's time to visit a vet to check for any underlying issues and come up with a plan for weight loss.

This post was sponsored by Natural Balance Pet Foods, Inc..

A roundup of your health-related rights in danger since Monday

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We are now starting the fifth day of the Trump administration, and we’re losing health care-related rights as quickly as golden curtains are being hung in the Oval Office. It’s happening so quickly and in such a chaotic fashion that it’s really hard to keep track of — and to be clear, that is absolutely their strategy.

In an attempt to at least be aware of what’s happening so we know where to direct our congressional phone calls, here’s a handy roundup of all the health-related steps backward we’ve taken this week.

More: Why we march — women share their biggest health concerns

Global Gag Rule anti-abortion policy is back

So on Monday, Donald Trump wasted no time reinstating a Reagan-era rule that blocks foreign aid for family-planning services. International programs that perform — or even provide information about — abortions (except in cases of rape, incest or life endangerment) are no longer eligible for aid.

These services are aimed at reducing maternal and infant mortality rates with not only safe abortion options, but also access to contraceptives and HIV-prevention programs. Contrary to what Republicans want you to think, funds are not being used to operate overseas abortion factories. What will happen, though, is likely to be an increase in abortions performed — potentially in unsafe conditions — because of the lack of access to birth control these organizations provide.

Take away: Why stop at putting the lives of Americans at risk when you can reenact a policy endangering the health of people around the world?

More: No, Republicans: Defunding Planned Parenthood definitely won't save money

Republicans move to repeal abortion care for women with ACA insurance coverage

Thanks to our friend, the Hyde Amendment, funds from Medicaid are already prohibited from being spent on abortions, which, just as a reminder, is a safe, legal medical procedure. Basically, a new bill introduced (and subsequently passed) in the House of Representatives would make the Hyde Amendment — which currently has to be passed each year as a budget rider — permanent legislation, only worse. If/when this passes in the Senate and is signed into law, abortion would not be accessible for many low-income women who would no longer be able to afford it.

But it doesn’t stop there — it also jeopardizes access to reproductive health and abortion coverage for women who pay for their own private insurance. It would also impose tax penalties on small business that provide employees with insurance plans that cover abortion services and restrict reproductive health access to federal government employees, military women stationed overseas and women in the Peace Corps.

Take away: The tactic here is to block our right to choose our own reproductive health care by cutting of access to abortions for countless women.

More: It's a better time to be a woman than a man, according to Republican men

Bonus: House Science Committee chairman says news should come from Trump, not the media

Just in case you were wondering how information in the age of Trump will work, don’t worry — we’re being told. Yesterday House Science Committee Chairman Rep. Lamar Smith told the American people that we should be getting our news directly from Trump rather than the media (hi!) so it’s, you know, “unvarnished.” He also praised the involvement of the Trump children (well, besides Tiffany) in his decision-making process. Smith is also a member of the House Freedom of the Press caucus.

Take away: You shouldn't even be reading this.

Sherri Shepherd slams her ex's frivolous child support bid

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Personally? We wouldn’t want to be on Sherri Shepherd’s bad side. Just sayin'.

Shepherd, a former co-host of The View, is feeling pretty victorious. She told People that a judge smacked down her ex-husband Lamar Sally’s request for a hike in child support payments for the couple’s son, Lamar Sally Jr.

Let us catch you up: The boy, conceived with Sally’s sperm and a donor egg, was born via surrogate in August 2014 after Shepherd and ex-husband Lamar Sally had broken up. (Hoo boy. You knew this wasn’t going to be pretty, right?) 

More: Sherri Shepherd is still slamming her ex

Shepherd made headlines (big! BIG!) for her decision to walk away from the child (to whom she is not related genetically) and Sally has been raising him alone.

In April and November 2015, Pennsylvania courts ruled that Shepherd’s name — not the surrogate, who is the biological mother — would remain on Lamar Jr.’s birth certificate. The courts also ruled that Shepherd would be responsible for paying Lamar Sr. child support — despite Shepherd not having any sort of relationship with the 2-year-old. Got all that?

More: Court rules that Sherri Shepherd is the mother of surrogate's baby

Sally then upped the ante by filing for a “modification of child support due to Shepherd’s increased earnings.” And Shepherd, well, she was having none of that. Nope. So she’s reportedly over the moon that the California family court was having none of that, either.

A rep for Shep (heh) told People, “Shepherd had a huge victory in the California family court. Sally and his counsel were humiliated as the judge flat out denied his request and politely asked Sally to be seated in the audience, away from counsel table so he could properly dispose of the matter.” INSERT GAVEL BANG.

More: Sherri Shepherd's ex reveals how Shepherd rejected their son

Interestingly, the amount of child support Shepherd is currently paying her ex-husband — over $4,000 a month — is more than the state of New Jersey requires her to pay. What were you thinking, Sally Sr.? Shepherd’s rep added, “…if Sally wanted to revisit the matter in a New Jersey court he would likely face having his payments reduced substantially.” 

The rep’s statement concluded: “Shepherd now hopes that her ex will stop his frivolous attempts to get more money out of her and will seek gainful employment to take care of his child like any other capable parent.” Burrrrrn.

We have a feeling Shepherd's not quite ready to let the matter slide. E! Online reported today that Shepherd took to Twitter Tuesday night to post Lamar’s dating profile from Black People Meet (DO NOT MESS WITH THE SHEPHERD, PEOPLE) with a warning to fans: 

"#BEWARE In court docs he says he only works 20-30 hours/wk. But his dating profile says $100k #Liar #WatchOut #Scam," she wrote Tuesday evening. And it's not the first time Shepherd's taken to Twitter to rant about her exes, either.

A little advice for you, Lamar: You might have to scooch on over to OK Cupid, buddy. And maybe change up that profile pic.

Amazon's STEM club will send your kid a science toy every month

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If you've got a kid who would rather take apart a toy car to see how it works than play with it, boy, do we have a treat for you — Amazon has just launched a new subscription service that will send your kid a new science toy every month.

More: Who says girls aren't good at STEM?

Amazon's new STEM Club (STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) will send your kid new STEM toys for $19.99 a month. The toys will be selected from among STEM toys "that have recently launched or are exclusive to Amazon," according to TechCrunch, and will cover everything from "robotics to natural sciences." They will also be age-appropriate, with options for 3- to 4-year-olds, 5- to 7-year-olds and 8- to 13-year-olds.

It can be really difficult to figure out which products are good-quality and which are boxes full of rickety garbage. The idea of having someone else pick a solid, trusted science toy for my kid and deliver it to my house sounds pretty dreamy.

More: Subscription boxes for kids really are the gift that keeps on giving

Let's face it: We need all the scientists we can get these days. We need people who love facts and want to share them. So it's heartening that the reason Amazon started this club in the first place was due to the success of the STEM toy section on their site, which TechCrunch says was the second-most visited section and had the highest volume of sales during this past holiday season.

We love the idea of someone shopping for us, and we love the idea of someone picking toys for our kids, but most of all we love when those toys are educational and meant to spark their curiosity about the world.

More: 6 new tech products parents should be excited about

Somehow Bachelor's Corinne snuck onto 2 Chainz's music video set to nap

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Just like Michael Jordan and Abraham Lincoln, The Bachelor's Corinne Olympios is a champion at taking naps.

More: It's time for Corinne's nanny to make an appearance on The Bachelor

But long before she got to the Bachelor mansion, she was already napping on screen, probably set to make a career out of doing exactly what she does best: falling asleep at unexpected times and in really unexpected places.

Barstool Sports made the amazing discovery that long before she changed career paths to become a Bachelor villain, Olympios was professionally napping outside of reality TV. The site uncovered the fact that it really looks like Olympios starred in a 2 Chainz and Juicy J music video back in 2011, and for the whole three seconds she appears on screen, she is (you guessed it) napping.

Corinne was in a 2 Chainz and Juicy J music video 4

Corinne was in a 2 Chainz and Juicy J music video 4

In the video above, Olympios can be seen starting at the 1:46 mark. She's the one with her eyes closed and head rolled back, because she's asleep, which is definitely her best self.

More: Corinne's mom refuses to believe her daughter got naked on The Bachelor

The internet obviously imploded a little bit after discovering Olympios' pro-napping history.

Corinne was in a 2 Chainz and Juicy J music video 1

Corinne was in a 2 Chainz and Juicy J music video 1

Corinne was in a 2 Chainz and Juicy J music video 2

Corinne was in a 2 Chainz and Juicy J music video 2

Corinne was in a 2 Chainz and Juicy J music video 3

Corinne was in a 2 Chainz and Juicy J music video 3

Olympios hasn't said anything about her professional napping past. But at least we know she has a backup career just in case marrying Nick Viall and running her dad's company don't pan out. Someone has to sign Raquel's paychecks.

More: Bachelor Nation is trying to raise $100,000 to free Corinne's nanny

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Bachelor Season 21 contestants slideshow
Image: ABC

Hold up — Madonna says she's not adopting two more kids from Malawi

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Despite the rumors, Madonna is not about to become a mom again.

More: Madonna just won the battle on ageism with one photo

A government spokesperson in Malawi told reporters that Madonna appeared in the African country's high court, a final step in her attempt to adopt two children. Now, she's speaking out and blasting the rumors, saying she is in Malawi, but only to check in on her charity there.

"I am in Malawi to check on the children’s hospital in Blantyre and my other work with Raising Malawi and then heading home," she said. "The rumors of an adoption process are untrue."

Madonna has already adopted two children from Malawi, David Banda in 2006 and Mercy James in 2009. Both are now 11 years old.

Madonna has been active in Malawi, donating money and doing charity work. She's also spoken publicly about her decision to adopt her kids from the country.

"I decided that I had an embarrassment of riches and that there were too many children in the world without parents or families to love them," she wrote in an essay published in Harper's Bazaar in 2013. "I applied to an international adoption agency and went through all the bureaucracy, testing, and waiting that everyone else goes through when they adopt."

She also addressed being criticized for her actions as a pop star.

"I was accused of kidnapping, child trafficking, using my celebrity muscle to jump ahead in the line, bribing government officials, witchcraft, you name it," she wrote. "I could get my head around people giving me a hard time for… publishing my Sex book, even kissing Britney Spears at an awards show, but trying to save a child’s life was not something I thought I would be punished for."

In addition to her adoptive kids, Madonna has two other children, Lourdes and Rocco, from previous relationships. Rocco just moved to London to live with his father, Guy Richie, after Madonna lost a long and bitter custody battle.

More: Madonna's Philippines concert is a spectacle of TMI

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Madonna Billboard Women in Music
Image: Nicholas Hunt/Getty Images for Billboard Magazine

Kate Middleton visits a children's hospice and warms our cold hearts

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US Weekly is positively gushing over the emerald skirt suit ensemble the former Kate Middleton wore yesterday on her visit to a children’s hospice in Quidenham, England. (Yes. Really. Quidenham. You adorable, adorable Brits.) 

And don’t get us wrong, it’s a very nice outfit. We’re just way more swoony about the way Kate handles herself around kids. Every. Single. Time. Darn it, Kate! Stop making us all mushy. We are totally losing our street cred.

More: She may be a princess but there are limits, you guys

She may be the mother of the heirs to the British throne — Prince George, 3, and Princess Charlotte, 20 months — but it ain’t no big thang. The Duchess of Cambridge (can’t we call her “princess”? “Duchess” is so musty) loves every kid who crosses her path, and we are pretty sure she is going to start taking them all home or at least giving out Shetland ponies and extra corgis that the queen has lying around.

Yesterday during her official duties as Royal Patron of East Anglia’s Children’s Hospices, the duchess (fiiine) was in her element. She was clearly delighted to be on the receiving end of a warm welcome from 40 schoolchildren at the Quidenham hospice. One of the children present was Nell, 4, who offered Kate a posy bouquet. Nell’s brother Finnbar received care from the Quidenham hospice due to his inoperable brain tumor and died last year.

Nell’s father, Tristan Cook, was deeply touched by Kate’s warmth. “She gave us a hug and said thank you for doing this… I think she was really trying to put herself in our situation. In the space of six months, we had to watch [Finnbar] go from being a healthy 5-year-old, going to school, to watch him become so unwell.”

Also to be filed under "Hugs All Around": Kate spent time with Nell’s mom Claire Cook as well. Claire Cook shared, ”She said to me, 'I'm a mum and I can't imagine what you've been through.' She had lots of questions.” 

More: Kate Middleton channels Princess Diana

One mother at the hospice, Michaela, said that the duchess “was very down-to-earth and happy to sit with [my daughter] Isabella." Michaela's other daughter, Daisy, became Kate’s new BFF and we are totally jealous.

“Daisy asked her what it was like to be a real princess, and Kate said she's very well-looked after by her husband," said Michaela. "Daisy is 4 and absolutely loves princesses.” 

WE FEEL YOU, DAISY. Especially the ones who are amazeballs with kids.

Kate met with volunteers and donors as well as families, and OH SO CHARMINGLY (we’re trying to settle down, we really are) admitted that her first royal speech was “terrifying.” Oh, you. Stop. Don't stop.

The duchess also played with kids in an art therapy session, admiring the room’s collection of plastic dinosaurs and saying, “I can see these going down very well with someone I know!”

Readers, we present to you a duchess who is tickled by plastic dinosaurs. We cannot unknow this. We cannot unlove this. You’ll just have to deal with our serious Kateophilia. We’re sorry. She is officially #MomGoals. Long live Princess Kate. Er. Duchess. Whatever.


My friend took MDMA and confessed horribly violent crimes to me

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The third and final trial of a study to determine whether MDMA, ecstasy’s active ingredient, can safely and effectively treat PTSD has just gotten FDA approval. If it's successful, medical uses of the drug could become legal within the next five years.

Some may interpret the drug's success in the first two trials and other studies as an argument against restricting recreational use. But it still carries many risks, as I learned when I took MDMA with a friend and attempted to be her informal therapist.

More: My friend's an addict, and I'm just watching her fade away

A few weeks ago, a friend and I split an ecstasy pill at a bar. It was my first time taking it outside a club or concert. Knowing MDMA had been used for therapy, we wanted to have a candid conversation about our lives and arrive at insights we may not otherwise. But she had more baggage than I realized — and dropped a bomb that would permanently change me. (Trigger warning: physical violence, though I won't describe specifics.)

During a dark time in her life when she was confronting childhood sexual abuse, she told me, a pet of hers became the "outlet for her rage." I would have normally stopped her right there and told her I couldn't stand to hear about something like that. But the drug brought all my walls down, and I let her go on. I heard in detail everything she did, and it was even more horrific than I expected.

In the hyper-empathetic state that ecstasy induces, I experienced all of it right along with her — not only the acts of violence she committed, but also the unparalleled pain that could lead someone to do that.

It didn't sink in until we'd gone back to her apartment that I couldn't stop her story from playing through my head. Every object in the room somehow reminded me of it. I couldn't be alone with her or sleep over with her as planned. I told her I had to leave, walked out with no idea where I was going and texted two friends, "Can I have a cuddle please."

More: PTSD recognized as work-related disease for the first time

At 1 a.m., they met me at their office, the closest private place we could find, and held me as I shook.

They slept on either side of me, stroking my hair to calm me down and accompanying me to the bathroom because I was scared to be alone. The next day, I sat on the couch crying for hours. I slept beside friends for days, afraid of what I'd see when I closed my eyes. I tipped baristas extra, gave money to a homeless person on the train and cuddled every animal I could to assuage guilt that shouldn't have belonged to me.

A week later, I broke down crying at a bar because the story popped into my head again. "She did that, not you," a friend tried to convince me as I sobbed and wheezed and gasped for air in the bathroom.

"You haven't done anything like that, have you?" I asked.

Knowing one person in my life was unexpectedly capable of abuse had thrown me into a tailspin of wondering who else was.

Another two weeks after that, I donated to the North Shore Animal League in a desperate attempt to make something good come out of this.

Gradually, I've regained my sanity and returned to a normal but altered life. But I'm more easily startled and scared of the dark, and I still can't get her words out of my head. It's as if the memory is mine now.

More: My PTSD comes from a different type of war

Certain objects and words trigger the story and set me into a state of panic. Among them are her face and name. I backed out of an event because I knew she'd be there, and my heart skips a beat whenever I scroll through my texts and see old ones from her.

It makes sense to me that MDMA could help PTSD patients. In fact, it may have helped my former friend offload her trauma — onto me.

But people shouldn't take this, like I did, as a reason to conduct informal therapy sessions of their own. To the contrary, the same properties that make the drug useful in a therapist's office make it dangerous outside one.

It makes you so quick to trust that you disclose information against your better judgment. And it makes you feel so connected to others that you can’t distinguish their thoughts or experiences from your own. When one person’s desperate to reveal the darkest depths of their minds and the other’s eager to jump into the deep end, that becomes a scary combination.

I hope nobody else has to learn that the hard way.

Criticize Lena Dunham's Trump comments all you want, but leave her body alone

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Alright, folks. It's time we sat down and had a little heart-to-heart about something — or rather, someone. It would appear that Lena Dunham is back on our radar, and this time, it's getting pretty political. Dunham recently posted a poem on Instagram about the ways in which President Trump relates to women, making them feel like errant daughters under the watchdog eyes of their fathers.

Lena Dunham Trump Tweet Snapshot

Lena Dunham Trump Tweet Snapshot

The poem gathered so much steam to a such a seemingly negative degree that it forced Dunham to delete the post and, in its place,post an mea culpa.

Lena Dunham Instagram Trump Apology

Lena Dunham Instagram Trump Apology

More: Lena Dunham's insightful essay stresses the importance of individuality

At the same time Dunham posted the poem, a rather insidious Facebook account under the name "God Emperor Trump" posted a side-by-side photo of Dunham and an opened can of Pillsbury biscuits. Dunham, in workout gear, was implied to resemble the food item, wherein dough was spilling out of the package. The comments are misogynistic, cruel and unfair — they won't get repeated here, so click the image below to see what I mean.

Bad Lena Dunham FB Comments

Bad Lena Dunham FB Comments

But the connection between Dunham, her now-deleted poem and the misogynistic picture bring up a timely argument: When is it okay to criticize someone, especially someone expressing feminist views? With women's issues front and center in the first week of Trump's presidency, we're hearing more explicitly political viewpoints from celebrities, those highly visible people we arguably idolize for their typically apolitical work. The Women's March in Washington D.C. on January 21 marked a recent uptick in coverage of female celebrities and their political viewpoints and there is an implication that, in the wake of the march, there will be no quieting down from female celebs any time soon.

Lena Dunham Women's March Insta

Lena Dunham Women's March Insta

Simply put, the only critique of a person should be on their words and actions, not their bodies. I read Dunham's original poem post with my jaw on floor because her ability to connect Trump to a father figure, how egregious that father figure may be, was stomach-churning. Odd, too, since I don't recall many fathers as dedicated to disabusing their daughters of their inherent rights. Additionally, the poem boils down women, essentially, to mischievous bitches that are obsessed over, to near-Oedipal levels, by their fathers. Uh, did your dads do that with you, ladies? Because my dad and I are nowhere near that weird with one another.

More: Lena Dunham defends Dylan Farrow

But to connect Dunham's words and past actions to her appearance (as that abhorrent photo seems to suggest) not only weakens that rejection of Dunham but it aims to make perceptions of her body seem detestable too. To judge Dunham's body in comparison to her words, whatever those words may be, is just rhetorically bad. Can't think of a better argument than to point and laugh at a woman's body? Try harder.

Even if you don't support Dunham's comments (full disclosure: in this specific instance, I am one of them), there's nothing cool about body shaming. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Seeing things like this picture pop up on the Internet any time a woman speaks her mind (again, you can respect freedom of speech while also critiquing it) is so disheartening.

More: Lena Dunham talks about her first time... voting

Sure, Dunham is not everyone's cup of tea. And yes, at times, even she goes a little in the wrong direction when trying to make a point. But she's speaking up about issues that matter and for that, nobody can fault her.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

actresses sexism quotes slideshow
Image: WENN

Criticism hurled at Taylor Swift exposes a problem with the women's movement

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Taylor Swift probably thought she was doing the right thing when she tweeted her support for the record-setting Women's March.

Taylor Swift tweets about Women's March

Taylor Swift tweets about Women's March

Oh, Taylor. Sweet Taylor. You of all people should know the danger of Twitter.

More: Taylor Swift is finally back on Twitter after her messy Kimye feud

While plenty of people liked the tweet, many also expressed their disappointment that she didn't show up for the Women's March on Washington (or any others, for that matter). And while Swift has remained mum, long and combative threads have ensued between fans. This anger toward Swift started last fall when people began to notice that, despite her girl-power music and feminist claims, Swift wasn't commenting on the election. Specifically, she wasn't skewering Trump for his sexist comments. Hey, benefit of the doubt — maybe she's writing a song about it.

Rather than fighting over Swift's intentions (or schedule during the march) this kerfuffle provides an opportunity to discuss ideas about what it means to be feminist and what's involved in advocacy that initiates change.

More: Women's Marches were the post-election turning point we needed

Fair-weather feminism, which Swift's haters have accused her of, is just what we don't need right now. I don't even think it's a stretch to say it allows misogyny to flourish. Just pat the hysterical lady on the head; she'll get distracted by something shiny. (I'm basically a cat when it comes to shiny objects so in no way do I find that insulting.)

Feminist (n.)

A feminist is a person who believes in or advocates for feminism, which according to Merriam-Webster dictionary is "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes" or "organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests."

But is there a fine line between who can and who cannot be considered a feminist?

On Saturday, one friend shared her disgust on Facebook for celebrities who attended the march, insisting that "those women" don't speak for her. Here's the thing — they don't have to.

This friend of mine doesn't consider herself a feminist, yet she's a longtime volunteer with underprivileged women and a founder of a nonprofit to help women transition from the prison system. She advocates for women on and off the clock. So, the real question, even though she rejects the title "feminist," is she one? If you ask me, yes, she's one in action.

She isn't my only friend who didn't want to be identified with the event. I know many women — single and married, mothers and childless — who aren't "feminists," but also don't think it's acceptable to treat women as "less than."

And I have friends on the other side of the argument. Many posted jubilant photos from the midst of their local marches. They laughed at signs, reported about reactions and participation numbers and enjoyed the kind of camaraderie we usually only feel at sporting events. I'm thrilled they had the experience and can't wait to see how they continue engaging on a community level.

I suspect most of you have mixed friend lists just like mine. That doesn't matter. Actually, that's great. What does matter, though, is that the intent of the campaign — this women's campaign — is beginning to crumble as we all mud wrestle over what it means to act like a woman who cares about women's issues.

Fair-weather (adj.)

Via Urban Dictionary, fair-weather is "Applied to someone who is present only when things are going well or when they need something, but at the first sign of trouble/hardship, they disappear faster than Britney Spears's career."

First of all, I will say that Britney Spears' career is just fine. Leave Britney alone! But aside from that, the definition is pretty accurate.

Among the 4 million marchers, there were undoubtedly one or two that fit this description. They just showed up to have a good time with friends and maybe grab some lunch. They haven't thought much about what's behind gender equality and aren't that interested. That's fine. I just ask that they don't turn a march photo into their personal avatar.

But just because they showed up doesn't mean they helped. Vice-versa, just because someone didn't show up, doesn't mean they're not helping.

Here's the bottom line: The marches were important, but what we do now, after the marches and in the days ahead, is what really matters most. Sustaining momentum will be hard as we all melt back into our busy lives. But we all — whether we call ourselves feminists or not — need to pinpoint the issue(s) that matter most and find a group that's working to address them. We need to volunteer, donate, read up on local and federal legislation that's impacting our concern, write our representatives. Use our voices.

More: No working woman should be afraid to stand up for her pay

But let's get back to Taylor Swift: Is she or isn't she a "fair-weather feminist?"

Personally, I think Swift has done more for women than some people are giving her credit for. I love seeing photos of a bunch of girls going to prom together tagged #SquadGoals. She has a solid record of spending money and time on causes she cares about, including fighting internet sex crimes. And her unfiltered personal style has inspired a generation of girls to feel more comfortable sharing their own feelings. In 2012 and 2014, she openly said she didn't really identify with the term feminist but that she's come to understand that she is one because she supports equality.

The beautiful truth is that feminism doesn't wear just one face, but as a gender we have to be one body. It's not just marching with a sign or just writing letters or raising daughters (and sons) to see talent, not gender. It's all these things and many more in endless combinations. But we're all in the same boat and it's definitely docked and ready to take on new friends. Call yourself a porter or captain; it doesn't really matter. But get on or get off; there's no room for stowaways.

Before you go, get inspired with our slideshow below.

Inspiring Feminism Quotes slideshow
Image: WENN

The two worst people in the world are coming together for one movie

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If you're curious about what the next few years are gonna look like under the Donald Trump regime, well, Michael Bay has a lot of ideas.

More: Kellyanne Conway punched a guy in the face — not once, not twice, but three times

He's already helmed the Purge movies, where a rich, white class rules the U.S. and for one day out of the year, everyone is allowed to commit whatever crime they want without consequence, which doesn't even seem that far-fetched with someone like Trump leading the free world.

Now, he's set to direct a new movie called Little America, which is actually explicitly about one of the billions of completely plausible scenarios in which Trump completely ruins all our lives. The movie is set in a future where the U.S. has been bankrupted and China has cashed in on its debts, so it pretty much owns the country and all of us, and everyone is moving to China to try to find jobs. TBH, that sounds terrible, but not like the most terrible thing Trump could do.

Shrug

Image: Giphy

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Michael Bay is the perfect complement to the train wreck that is Trump because he has a solid reputation as one of the sleaziest guys in Hollywood. His skeeze is well documented, from insinuating that Kate Beckinsale was fat while she was filming Pearl Harbor and saying she "wasn't so attractive" to making Megan Fox put on a bikini and wash his car in order to get into the way over-sexy mindset he wanted for Transformers, which, let's remember, was basically a movie geared toward kids. Yeah, he's gross.

Anyway, Little America just got picked up by Universal, so you'll be able to see your future on the big screen in no time.

More: The Scientologists all voted for Trump, but not because they were forced to

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Celebs refuse Trump inauguration slideshow
Image: ABC

An open letter to my Republican friends, regarding Betsy Devos

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SUB: Don't let my special needs son become the collateral damage for Donald Trump

I need your help, and I’m not asking for me because I don’t deserve it, I’m asking for my son, Kevin, and all the children in this country like him.

I have heard a rousing chorus of late:  “For God's sake, give the man a chance he hasn’t even taken office yet!” 

My answer to that is this:  “You’re right.”  However, before he took office President Trump nominated a woman named Betsy DeVos to be Secretary of Education. I don’t care that she knows nothing about public education because neither she nor her children ever attended a public school. I don’t care that she’s a billionaire with no real sense of how the majority of us have to live and provide for our families. I don’t even care that she doesn’t understand the difference between proficiency and growth. I don’t presume that an outsider is incapable of repairing the public school system. In fact, I think that might just be what we need. But not her.

More: My son had to be restrained at school for his violent behavior

I am an educator and cognizant that our current system is failing many families. It is deeply flawed and requires extensive repairs. I know a lot of people support what she’s proposing and I understand why. Something along the lines of:

“I support Betsy DeVos because she’s proposing freedom of choice in education and I want that. I want my child to attend the school operated by my church, to be educated in faith, but I can’t afford it. If Betsy Devos is confirmed religious education will become more affordable and readily available.”

Or: “My child is being bullied and the school has done nothing to help us. He’s scared to death to get on the bus in the morning and his grades have plummeted. It’s a little hard to concentrate while the other boys are whispering 'faggot' in your ear all day long. If Betsy DeVos is confirmed more charter schools will open in my area and I can finally free him from this abusive environment. Charter schools have the power to expel students for that kind of behavior, so if anyone starts that again, I can demand they be removed and it will happen. My son will be safe."

“The common core is idiotic. It makes little sense to me and zero sense to my daughter. She’s intelligent and talented with failing grades because she doesn’t fit in 'the box.' Soon I’ll have the freedom to enroll her in a charter school with and independent curriculum focused on project based learning and freedom of thought and she will thrive.”

More: We still alternate between acceptance and anger about our son with special needs

I get it. I sympathize with these situations but if these apply to you, I’m asking you to consider something:  I deserve the same choices, but under Betsy DeVos, I won’t have them because Kevin is disabled and therefore doesn’t count.

Many of you voted for Donald Trump because he is a successful businessman and feel this country should be run more like a business and believe it or not, I don’t disagree with you. I took one business course in college. I was hungover for most of it but one lecture I remember quite clearly. The instructor said, “In all business models there must include the outcome of collateral damage. It is inevitable. Collateral damage is something that must be anticipated and balanced against the ultimate success of the plan. It is a PART of the plan, not an unintended result of it.”  Translation: In the best business plans, someone has to get fucked for it to be successful. It’s just sound business, people.

Because he is a businessman Donald Trump has chosen for his Secretary of Education a businesswoman. It seems to me that she has a plan, and the collateral damage in the form of the special needs population.

Millions of dollars are spent on special education services every year to support a population, many of whom will never be contributing members of society. She may be a cold-hearted bitch but she’s smart. Gotta hand it to her, at least she’s honest.

If she is confirmed, millions of dollars will be siphoned from the public education system to fund charter schools and provide parents with vouchers to attend private schools, none of which will be under any obligation to provide special education services. In short, only the parents of “perfect” children will be offered school choice. The rest of us, we’re the collateral damage. In a few short years, if she has her way, our public schools will become a dumping ground for

  1. The children of parents who don’t give a shit
  2. The children who were expelled from their private/charter school
  3. The special needs population

You can support him without supporting this. You can support him without supporting her. That is what I am asking - no, begging - you to do.

Here’s something people like me don’t understand: You’re good people. You are kind, thoughtful, hard-working, patriotic, spiritual people who love your country and your fellow Americans. Even the ones like me who don’t deserve it. What I’m asking I ask not for myself but for Kevin, because I know you love him. You love that your children have him in class because you believe the exposure to him and all his classmates have made your children kinder, gentler, more understanding and accepting people.

In my soul, I know, more than you want school choice for yourself, you do not want an education system that excludes special needs children. You do not subscribe to the business model which accepts children as collateral damage.

More: Calling my son developmentally delayed pretends that he can 'catch up'

Donald Trump isn’t going to listen to me or anyone like me but he’ll listen to you. He needs you. He needs your good opinion. He is nothing without it. There is a petition at the bottom of this article. Please sign it. Please share it. The reduction of special needs children to second class citizens isn’t really your problem… only it is, because I know this isn’t the America you envisioned. The vote on her confirmation has been postponed. There’s still time. If more Republicans start signing it, President Trump will get the message. The message is this:

I voted for you. I stand with you but I do not stand with this decision. If you’re going to make school choice an option, make it an option for every American or I’m not interested. There can be no collateral damage in this part of your business plan, Mr. President. It’s millions of helpless Americans and I will not stand by and watch you sweep them away. You said in your speech, “Today is the day we give the country back to the people.”  You have to mean everyone because if you don’t, you don’t have my vote anymore.

Donald Trump is powerless without you. Betsy DeVos will never be confirmed without you. Please use that power as a force for good. Tell the man you voted for that the woman he nominated for Secretary of Education and her business plan, complete with collateral damage, is unacceptable.

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