Welcome back to Parental Advisory, where I answer all of your social media and IRL parenting etiquette questions. This week, let’s talk about loud kids at the library.

Question:

I have trouble studying at my local library because it seems to be the norm there for parents to allow their children to run around and scream like they're on a playground. It's like the parents have never taught their children the difference between inside and outside voices. Would it be rude for me to say something to the parent, child or librarian? Or do I simply have unrealistic expectations for volume level in the library?

— M.

Answer:

It's funny you asked this question, M., because I've received it from four other people. What this says to me is twofold. First, that parents allow their kids to treat libraries more "like a playground" now than they did when I was a child, and second, that many people, myself included, may not fully understand the roles that libraries play in today's landscape. When I was a kid, libraries were quiet havens, places to discover books and do research on microfiche (pre-internet!) that also hosted what I remember to be relatively quiet, tame story hours for the younger set. Admittedly, I no longer spend as much time in libraries as I should, and it's been some time since I've had any formal studying to do in one. Though historically, most libraries have children's areas, which allow for some noise, and "main" areas, which do not. That part seems not to have changed too much.

Still, I wasn't sure of the proper response to this query. It can't be a guessing game because we're talking about libraries here — the original home of the card catalog. If any place has an organized set of rules and objectives, it's the library. As such, I directed this week's question to both parents and librarians on social media, and their responses taught me some things.

Regarding our perception of libraries, as well as the question of what to do when kids run, scream and disrupt others, responses varied wildly:

Ahhh, but what is a "library voice" in 2016? This is the crux of the matter. By all accounts from more than a dozen librarians I spoke with, the current definition of a "library voice" is not what you might think it is.

It turns out, libraries have changed quite a bit. Engage any librarian on this subject and s/he will tell you that most people's understanding of libraries, and the purpose they serve, is outdated and needs a refresh. As one librarian put it, "Public libraries are or are becoming community hubs, so they're often not quiet anymore." As hard as it may be for studious people looking for a silent workspace to grasp, libraries are no longer tombs of near silence, and their rules no longer resemble the "quiet car" rules on Amtrak trains. Noise is permissible, though not necessarily encouraged in the main parts of most libraries and kid areas are considered "social zones," which do encourage play and engagement. This is because most librarians' goals are to get people excited, not just about reading, but about learning too. They want study groups to meet at libraries and engage in discussion. They want groups of senior citizens to come and learn about computers. And yes, they want kids to feel at home among the stacks, which means making shushing a thing of the past.

That said, most libraries still have study nooks and/or rooms with doors, and any kind of loud distraction is still discouraged (like people talking on their phones). It's entirely possible to get studying done in libraries, which remain some of the quietest spaces people congregate, but based on the words of librarians, it'd be foolish to assume that "loud kids" are going to register as legitimate complaints. One parent used an analogy that seems oddly appropriate by saying she thinks of kid areas in libraries as being similar to play zones at McDonald's. Kids can be loud in the Play Zone, but should behave in the actual eating area. This analogy makes sense because the kid areas of libraries are kind of like learning playgrounds now, with gadgets, toys, computers and other forms of (sometimes rowdy) engagement.

If these areas — which permit talking, laughing, and kids being kids — are too distracting for some users, it might be because of the layout of that particular library. Every library has a different layout based on its size, and some are too small to effectively separate the children's area from the main areas, leading to an excess of noise in those areas. The best thing to do if you're a person who is (understandably) tired of being distracted by children in the library would be to consider a few things: 

1. Are there any other, perhaps bigger, libraries you can go to instead?

One mom I heard from said her library puts kids on a different floor to try to cut down on the noise. Maybe you can find a library that's better suited for peace and quiet.

2. When do you tend to go to the library to study or read?

If it's during peak kid times, in the mornings and early afternoons, you're more likely to contend with noisy distractions. Check out your local library's activities page online (or ask a librarian in person) for a calendar breakdown. Keep in mind that kids aren't the only ones being loud; multiple librarians pointed to senior citizens and study groups of teenagers as equally noisy culprits.

3. It is impossible for libraries to please everyone, and that isn't their goal

Their goals are to promote literacy, community and learning tools and to provide resource materials. The librarians I chatted with expressed one primary objective, which is for everyone to feel included. This means that, while your current library may not fit your every need, the librarians who work there are doing their best to satisfy their user base. Find out more about your library by talking to the librarians and expressing your frustrations or desires. One person put it best by saying, "I'm a librarian and want to know if patrons can't work. Please tell a librarian. It's a good chance for kids to learn library manners."

And that brings us to the final question: What should you do when you're minding your own business, quietly studying, and kids are running around screaming like they're at a McDonald's Play Zone? According to every single librarian I heard from, the answer is simple:

The only way a library branch would know to create more quiet spaces or to instruct certain parents to control their annoying kids is if you speak directly to the staff. They're there to help, not to mention help resolve conflicts. One librarian noted, "Patrons should never correct each other's behavior. Too many fights start that way."

Don't be the person who starts a fight in a library. Be the person who remembered to bring along earbuds.

Do YOU have a question about parents on social media? Send whatever is on your mind to stfuparentsblog AT gmail.com!

I have a few mental health challenges. I was born with generalized anxiety disorder which developed into panic disorder. Six years ago, the extreme morning sickness I experienced in my second pregnancy left me with a real condition called HG/PTSD, and on top of it I have a mild case of hypochondria with a side of OCD which makes it hard to stop thinking and stop checking in, keeping me trapped in every mental health challenge club where only I hold the key.

More: The more similar I become to my father, the more I resent him

I could tell myself, “it’s not your fault, your brain is compromised” but there is no use in lying to myself. I blame myself for causing this. I battled a panic attack all day today. It came on when I was painting menorahs with my daughter after Hebrew school. In the middle of a bite of plain mini bagel with cream cheese, I “checked in” for whatever reason. I took a quick assessment on how I'm feeling, confirming I am not nauseated. Only this acute focus on one part of my body triggers me to think I'm actually sick and I begin a cycle of checking in, fearing I feel something, calming myself down, thinking I feel better, and then "checking in" again, starting the whole thing over. OCD causes this, like a tick. The fear of nausea is the PTSD from throwing up every day for nine months. It's been six years and I'm working on it.

I go through my day doing what needs to be done. I drive my daughter home, and she thinks I’m fine. I’m breathing, I’m not in pain, but I feel an avalanche brewing in my core – between my throat and my stomach and nothing can go in. I will not be able to eat for the rest of the day.

I begin my coping tactics. I clean the wood floor plank by plank with baby wipes. I move across the floor, like a crab, my arms and legs engaged, and I continue to deep breathe. I focus on finding dark spots. My body remembers this approach and it works to slow down my breathing and I feel better. I think. “Am I better?” I ask myself and I concentrate on whether I feel fine or still nauseated, and this thought forces me to start to shaking again. The legs first, tensed up in a spasm, and my teeth start chattering. I breathe again. I talk to my husband, he reaffirms this is all just panic and I will be OK. I’m not sick he reminds me and there’s nothing wrong with me. He reminds me to breathe and focus on something else. I’ll never snap out of it if I’m pulling myself back to the check in. I feel better for a few minutes and I check in, and it starts again. My brain is a CD stuck on a skip.

I calm myself down, I play Spot It with my kids and Super Mario Bros 3D World on WiiU and I think I'm over the attack, and at the end of Mario I check the fuck back in and I’m instantly back down the rabbit hole.

Because of this, my husband’s birthday and his special dinner resulted in me sitting in the living room typing while the remaining family ate without me because I couldn’t tolerate looking at the food.

I felt better for a few minutes and as soon as I dropped my guard, the invisible checker taps me loudly on my shoulder and says, “How are you feeling?” and my legs start shaking and my body is cut off in the middle with an awkward lump I can’t swallow.

More: I may be an American citizen, but I will never be able to shake my immigrant label

I’m ashamed of myself. There is nothing wrong with me and yet I’m causing myself to feel “sick.” I feel no pain I chant to myself. No pain, no pain. I am healthy, I am strong. These are my mantras and I repeat them over and over. I clean more floors, take more breaths, type more words. I stare at my kids and focus on their light and brilliance. I am selfish and focusing too much on myself. I shower with my six year old. I feel better. I am practicing mindfulness: being present, focusing on all five senses. I count five things I can see (my daughter, the white shower tiles, the shampoo, the yellow sand bucket holding water toys, my razor), four things I can touch (the water, the soap, my daughter’s hair, the tub with my feet), three things I can hear (pounding water on porcelain, Mad World by Gary Jules playing on my Pandora, my daughter telling me “This is fun!”), two things I can smell (peppermint in shampoo, eucalyptus in soap) and one thing I can taste (shower water).

When I distract myself I relax and get back to normal, and in those moments I celebrate the breaths which flow freely.

I can put an end to this recurring panic attack quickly if I took my prescription Klonopin. Now is exactly why I have the prescription but it's been eight hours and I still haven’t taken the pill to magically take me out of this mental purgatory. It can calm me down, silence the “check-in” tick, and put me to sleep. A quick fix today, but tomorrow I wake up hyper sensitive waiting for the follow-up attack and detoxing, even the smallest dose creates a whole new set of complications for me. So I try to get through it on my own. I try to get over the hurdle, emerge with butterfly wings and use this as evidence later to remind myself I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again.

Two weeks ago we buried my aunt, who had shared many of my mental health challenges. I was the first one to defend her when my father didn’t understand why some things which seemed so easy for him were so difficult for her. But I did. When I knew she was a few days from dying, I had this idea to bury my psychosis with her. My husband thought it was the most genius idea I’d ever had. The day of the funeral, though, I stared at her pine box and couldn’t think of my mishegas; it felt disrespectful. “Going to someone’s funeral is the biggest mitzvah you can commit because they can never thank you,” the rabbi said. I wanted to do it all correctly. I wanted to be a perfect funeral attendant. She deserved that. So I buried my aunt six feet under and inadvertently held onto these mind terrorists I can’t seem to eradicate.

If I drew them, can’t I erase them? Apparently not because you can’t un-see what you saw, can’t un-live what you lived, and can’t un-worry just because I tell myself not to.

But I’ll keep trying. I’ll keep fucking trying.

More: My terrible morning sickness still ruins my appetite six years later

Ornaments are always a nice holiday gift to give, but an ornament with a cute picture of your kid in it? Perfect.

These photo ornaments are simple enough for kids to make — and they have that personal touch that family and friends will totally appreciate.

More: Easy Christmas crafts for kids

Pom-pom wreath ornament

Supplies:

• Piece of cardboard
• Pen
• Scissors
• Cup or bowl
• Glue
• Sparkly pom-poms
• Ribbon
• Photo

Directions:

1. Trace around a cup or small bowl on the cardboard to make a circle. Trace around a second slightly smaller cup or bowl to draw a smaller circle within the larger circle.
2. Cut out the wreath shape by cutting out the center circle, then cutting around the larger circle.
3. Cover the front of the cardboard wreath with glue, then place the pom-poms in a single layer on the front of the wreath.
4. Come back and glue a few additional pom-poms on top of the first layer of pom-poms.
5. Once the glue is dry, flip the wreath over. Cut a piece of ribbon, fold it in half, and glue the fold to the back of the wreath. Tie a knot in the ribbon.
6. Cut out a photo that is slightly larger than the inner opening of the wreath.
7. Glue along the inner wreath opening on the back side of the wreath, then glue the picture to the back of the wreath.

Cookie cutter photo frame ornament

Supplies:

• Cookie cutter
• Photo
• Pen or pencil
• Scissors
• Glue
• Ribbon

Directions:

1. Place the cookie cutter over the top of the photo, then trace around the cookie cutter with a pen or pencil.
2. Cut out the photo.
3. Cut a piece of ribbon and feed it through the cookie cutter. Tie a knot or a bow in the end and use a dab of glue to secure it in place.
4. Run a small bead of glue along the back rim of the cookie cutter. Place the photo over the glue to secure it in place.

Glass photo ornament

Supplies:

• Glass or plastic ornament
• Photo
• Scissors
• Mod Podge
• Paintbrush
• Puffy paint

Directions:

1. Cut out the photo so that it is small enough to fit on the front of your ornament.
2. Paint the back of the photo with Mod Podge, then adhere the photo to the ornament.
3. Once the Mod Podge has dried, trace around the photo with puffy paint.
4. Decorate the rest of the ornament with designs, such as stars or snowflakes.

More: Edible Christmas crafts

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Sure, the lyrics to "The 12 Days of Christmas" are classic, but that doesn't mean they don't need a little tweaking to add in some more holiday spirit — or spirits, that is.

Retreat from the stress of the 12 days leading up to Christmas with 12 special holiday cocktails. These recipes will get ya where you need to go.

On the first day of Christmas...

Berry & pear tree martini recipe

Yields 1 martini

Ingredients:

• 3 ounces pear vodka
• 1-1/2 ounces cranberry juice
• 1-1/2 ounces blackberry brandy
• Juice of half a lemon
• Few drops simple syrup
• 1 pear (optional)

Directions:

1. Put all of your ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well and strain into a martini glass.
2. Garnish drink with a pear slice.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

Originally published December 2015. Updated December 2016.

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On the second day of Christmas...

Vanilla dove shots recipe

Yields 2 shots

Ingredients:

• 1 ounce amaretto liqueur
• 1 ounce Irish cream
• 1 ounce vanilla vodka
• Fresh nutmeg (optional)

Directions:

1. Layer in two shot glasses each, half an ounce of amaretto liqueur, then top with half an ounce of Irish cream and end with half an ounce each of vanilla vodka.
2. Sprinkle with a few grates of fresh nutmeg.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

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On the third day of Christmas...

French 75 recipe

Yields 1 drink

Ingredients:

• 2 ounces dry gin
• 2 teaspoons superfine sugar
• 1/4 ounce fresh lemon juice (save the peel for the garnish)
• Champagne

Directions:

1. Combine the dry gin with the superfine sugar and lemon juice in a cocktail shaker filled with crushed ice. Shake well and strain into a Champagne flute.
2. Top with Champagne and garnish with a twist of lemon.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

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On the fourth day of Christmas...

One calling bird with an apple twist recipe

Yields 1 drink

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup apple cider
• 3 ounces Wild Turkey bourbon
• Juice of half an orange
• Apple slices (optional)

Directions:

1. Combine all ingredients into a shaker with ice. Shake cocktail well and strain into a rocks glass filled with ice.
2. Garnish with 4 thin apple slices.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

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On the fifth day of Christmas...

Golden butterscotch recipe

Yields 1 drink

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup Goldschlager
• 1/4 cup butterscotch schnapps
• 1-1/5 ounces Irish cream

Directions:

1. Pour equal parts each of Goldschlager and butterscotch schnapps into a shaker with ice.
2. Shake mixture and strain into a highball glass filled with ice.
3. Pour Irish cream over the top.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

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On the sixth day of Christmas...

Grey Goose a laying recipe

Yields 1 cocktail

Ingredients:

• 3 ounces Grey Goose La Poire
• 2 ounces elderflower liqueur
• Tonic water

Directions:

1. Combine Grey Goose with elderflower liqueur in a shaker with ice.
2. Shake well and strain into a rocks glass filled with ice, then top with a few splashes of tonic water.
3. Garnish with a pear slice.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

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On the seventh day of Christmas...

Chocolate swans a swimming recipe

Yields 1 martini

Ingredients:

• 3 ounces Swans Neck vodka
• 1-1/2 ounces vanilla vodka
• 1-1/2 ounces white chocolate liqueur (we used Godiva)
• Whipped cream (optional)

Directions:

1. Combine all ingredients in a shaker with ice.
2. Shake well and pour into a martini glass.
3. Top with a dollop of whipped cream.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

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On the eighth day of Christmas...

Classic grasshopper recipe

Yields 1 cocktail

Ingredients:

• 1/2 ounce creme de menthe
• 1/2 ounce white creme de cacao
• 2 ounces heavy cream
• Mint sprig (optional)

Directions:

1. Combine all ingredients in a shaker with ice.
2. Gently shake and strain into a highball glass and top with a mint sprig.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

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On the ninth day of Christmas...

Pink ladies dancing recipe

Yields 1 cocktail

Ingredients:

• 1-1/2 ounces gin
• 1/2 ounce apple brandy
• 1/2 ounce grenadine
• Juice of half a lemon
• 1 egg white (optional)

Directions:

1. Combine gin, apple brandy, grenadine, the juice of 1/2 of a lemon and 1 egg white (optional) in a shaker with ice.
2. Shake well, especially if you use the egg white.
3. Strain drink into a rocks glass filled with ice and garnish with a cherry.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

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On the tenth day of Christmas...

Lords a drinkin' recipe

Yields 1 cocktail

Ingredients:

• 2 ounces cognac
• 1/2 ounce Grand Marnier
• 2 ounces cranberry juice
• Splash of pineapple juice
• Orange slice (optional)

Directions:

1. Combine cognac, Grand Marnier and cranberry juice in a shaker with ice.
2. Shake cocktail well and strain into a highball glass filled with ice.
3. Top with a splash of pineapple juice and garnish with an orange slice.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

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On the eleventh day of Christmas...

Pomegranate pipers piping recipe

Yields 1 cocktail

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup pomegranate juice
• 1/2 cup Champagne
• Fresh ginger (optional)

Directions:

1. Fill a champagne glass 1/4 of the way full with pomegranate juice.
2. Fill the remaining way with Champagne.
3. Garnish with freshly grated ginger.

Next: More Christmas cocktails

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On the twelfth day of Christmas...

Rum in a drum recipe

Yields 6 to 8 cocktails

Ingredients:

• 6 cups white rum
• 3 cups dark rum
• 1-1/2 cups coconut rum
• 64 ounces pineapple juice
• 64 ounces orange juice
• Juice of 2 small limes
• 1/2 cup grenadine

Directions:

1. Combine white rum, dark rum, coconut rum, pineapple juice, orange juice, juice of 2 limes and 1/2 cup grenadine in a large punch bowl.
2. Add ice and stir well. Ladle punch into cups to serve.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Let's be real, one of the best parts of the holiday season are all of the sweet treats. Whether it's candy or baked goods, you can count us in.

These edible crafts turn out looking adorable — and they're simple enough for children to help make.

More: 16 Adorably crafty gifts kids can make themselves

Candy cane reindeer

Turn simple candy canes into playful reindeer when you twist on pipe cleaner antlers and glue on wiggle eyes to yummy Christmas candy canes. The best part of this edible Christmas craft? Watching your kids get excited as they hand them out to friends and family!

More: 3 Cute Christmas ornaments kids can make with candy

Peanut Butter Play Dough

Knead 3 1/2 cups smooth peanut butter with 4 cups of confectioners' sugar and you'll have a sweet, non-toxic Christmas craft that is ready to mold a child's imagination... and it makes a fun snack, too! If your kiddos aren't ready to gobble up their creations right away, whether baked and hardened or in its original remoldable form, seal in an airtight container and store in the fridge for up to a week.

Next Up: Rice Krispies Snowmen

Originally published December 2015. Updated December 2016.

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Rice Krispies Snowmen

Move over, Rice Krispies squares! The only limit to this sticky and sweet Christmas craft is your kids' imaginations. "The most fun that any child can have is making Rice Krispies Creatures!" shares Susanne Alexander-Heaton, CEO, Motivated by Nature Calgary, AB. "I made them with children I babysat 20 years ago, and they still talk about how much fun it was!" Simply cover hands with butter or butter-coated baggies and mold warm, but not hot, Rice Krispie mixture into any shape you wish.

Reindeer Cookies

Sugar cookies come to life when you bake Christmas cookies that look just like Rudolph. Have your kids roll and press sugar cookie dough into oval shapes, add pretzel antlers and bake. Hot out of the oven, add candy eyes and a red M&M nose to create a reindeer cookie that is almost too cute to eat.

Next Up: Marshmallow Snowmen

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Marshmallow snowmen

Marshmallows mimic the snowy season, so using them to please crafty kids is a guaranteed hit, shares Karen Hoxmeier, of MyBargainBuddy. "I was able to keep half a dozen kids (ages 3-10) busy for hours making a marshmallow snowman village! When they were done, I wrapped their portion in holiday cellophane and they gave them to their mommies for Christmas."

Chocolate dipped spoons

Red or green plastic spoons dipped in microwave-melted milk chocolate make easy Christmas crafts for young kids. Before placing on waxed paper and cooling in the fridge, roll in crushed candy canes or Christmas sprinkles for a festive touch. Cover cooled spoons in cellophane and a ribbon for hot chocolate or coffee stirrer giveaways.

More: Cool Christmas traditions for kids who aren't being raised with religion

Christmas will soon be over and the time to take down our beautifully decorated, delightfully smelling trees is fast approaching. There's really nothing worse, and the sadness of saying goodbye to our beloved Christmas tree until next year causes many of us to put the task off — maybe a little too long.

More: Poinsettias: How to keep them thriving year-round

While simple procrastination dictates when most of us take down our trees, for others there are very specific Christmas tree removal dates that must be adhered to either out of tradition or just plain old superstition.

Here are popular dates to take down the tree along with the reasons why.

Dec. 31: Take your tree down on New Year's Eve before the bells toll at midnight. Otherwise it's said you'll be dragging all your baggage and bad luck from last year into the new year... if you're superstitious about these things, that is.

Jan. 5: Take your tree down on this day, traditionally considered the Twelfth Day of Christmas — i.e., the last of 12 days of Christmas merriment. Think of it as getting closure on the holiday season.

More: Thousands of bugs could be sitting in your Christmas tree right now

Jan. 6: Take it down on January 6 in observance of the Epiphany, a Christian holiday marking the revelation of God in human form, in the person of Jesus. Again, some would say leaving your tree up beyond the 5th or 6th brings bad luck.

More: Celeb Christmas decorations, from relatable to outlandish (PHOTOS)

Tell us, do you take down your tree on a certain date?

Originally published December 2015. Updated December 2016.

Emma Watson was the perfect woman to play a modern Disney princess in the live-action version of Beauty and the Beast, not just because she looks the part, but because her actions are inspiring for woman (and men) everywhere, young and old.

More: I'm the mystical unicorn otherwise known as a Christian feminist

Take a look back at her most inspiring moments yet.

1. Watson's interview with Malala Yousafzai

When Emma Watson interviewed women's rights advocate Malala Yousafzai at the Into Film Festival in November 2015, good things were bound to be said, and these ladies did not disappoint. They discussed everything from the word "feminism" to education and the power to affect change.

Watson shined in how genuine she was during the interview, and you can clearly see her passion for the subjects she and Yousafzai discussed.

"I just wanted to say how wonderful I thought the film was and that you're just my absolute hero," Watson told Yousafzai at the start of the interview.

2. Watson on equality in fashion

In August 2015, Watson challenged some of the world's top designers, including Stella McCartney and Jonathan Saunders to take a stand on gender equality in fashion.

"I have seen some very positive steps toward equality in the industry," Watson said during the interview. "But I think there's a lot of racism, there's a lot of sexism. I'd really, really love to see a more diverse representation of women and men in any way that makes them feel empowered."

3. Watson defines chivalry

During a Facebook Live Q&A back in March 2015, Watson commented on the dichotomy between chivalry and sexism. For example, some women get offended nowadays when a man holds the door open for her. But Watson said she is not that type of feminist.

"It's just a nice thing to do — it's polite. The key is, would you [as a man] mind if I opened the door for you?"

She added, "chivalry should be consensual and both parties should be feeling good about it."

4. Watson fights sexism

In January 2015 during a Twitter Q&A, Watson inspired those facing sexism.

On commenter said, "#HeForShe is a snappy hashtag, and a good mission, but this gendered binary excludes a lot of people. #Inclusion"

To which Watson beautifully responded, "I don't believe in a binary I believe that we all exist on a spectrum and all deserve equality. I hope people do feel included."

5. Watson inspires young girls

Watson will play Belle in the upcoming live-action version of Beauty and the Beast, but don't expect her to be a damsel in distress.

"I feel like young girls are told that they have to be a princess and fragile. It's bullshit," Watson said. "I identify much more with being a warrior — a fighter. If I was going to be a princess, I'd be a warrior princess. Definitely."

More: Emma Watson met Justin Trudeau and made all our feminist dreams come true

6. Watson outlines equality action plans

As the goodwill ambassador for U.N. Women, Watson delivered an empowering speech on equality in Switzerland in January 2015.

"It is my belief that there is a greater understanding than ever that women need to be equal participants in our homes, in our societies, in our governments and in our work places,” she said. “They know that the world is being held back in every way, because they are not. Women share this planet 50/50 and they are under-represented, their potential astonishingly untapped.”

7. Watson on feminist love

Watson doesn't deny the fact that the word "feminism" carries a negative connotation. Rather than ignoring the hate, she focuses on changing the conversation.

"I'm a feminist, but I think that romance has been taken away a bit for my generation. I think that what people connect with in novels is this idea of an overpowering, encompassing love — and it being more important and special than anything and everything else."

8. Watson comments on #HeForShe

"Feminism is not here to dictate to you. It's not prescriptive, it's not dogmatic," Watson said in an insightful interview with Elle magazine in October 2014. "All we are here to do is give you a choice. If you want to run for president, you can. If you don't, that's wonderful too."

9. Watson stuns with U.N. speech

Watson's perception as the feminist trailblazer started in September 2014 when she gave a speech at the United Nations as she launched her #HeForShe campaign. She explained the campaign is aimed at bringing men and women together in the fight for equality.

"I decided that I was a feminist. This seemed uncomplicated to me. But my recent research has shown me that feminism has become an unpopular word. Women are choosing not to identify as feminists. Apparently, [women's expression is] seen as too strong, too aggressive, anti-men, unattractive."

10. Watson graduates from Brown University

Watson puts her money where her mouth is. Already a successful child actor thanks to the Harry Potter franchise, Watson didn't need higher education in order to accomplish her dreams. Yet she made the decision to get her degree to better herself — a decision worth noticing.

More: Why Emma Watson is today's face of feminism

11. Watson supports multiple causes

Despite the fact that equality is Watson's main philanthropic cause, she doesn't limit herself to that alone. She also supports cancer research, among other things, and attended a ball hosted by Prince William back in May 2014 in order to support the cause.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Are you someone with no idea what to do if you get called out for doing or saying something racist? Are you, in fact, as terrified as most of us at how to respond in such a situation? It's OK, here I am, to the rescue with eight steps to take when faced with this situation.

More: Women of color are pushing back against racism in the blogging world

Don’t panic

That gut-wrenching white guilt that is welling up inside of you is perfectly natural, but don’t let it take over.

Think about their feelings first

Cry if you must, but even if your feelings are hurt, don’t say that your feelings are hurt. Remember that this situation is happening because someone else’s feelings are hurt. That is your number one priority right now.

Apologize

There’s a really good chance you didn’t mean to do or say or imply whatever you did, but that’s not important right now, so swallow all those excuses. What is important is that something you did or said has hurt someone else. Do you feel remorse when you hurt people? I’m guessing yes, because you’re not a monster. So express that remorse. Even a simple “I’m so sorry that I’ve hurt you,” is a good start.

Try to understand what happened

Again, be careful not to descend into excuses. But if the person calling you out seems to be willing to explain, and it isn’t clear to you, most people will be glad that you want to know how to change your behavior. If they are willing to explain, listen.

Offer comfort

Remember, if someone has told you that you or your behavior are racist, they have been hurt, probably pretty deeply by the time they’re willing to say something. If you know the person, maybe you know of a way to help them feel soothed — maybe you can do something nice for them. If you’re not sure, it’s usually OK to ask “How can I help you feel better?”

More: I am raising my white children to stand up against racism every single day

Stay calm

If they are angry or confrontational, stay calm. You might be angry too in such a situation, and remember that you really can’t understand what it feels like. Try to de-escalate the situation. Often when someone starts out confrontational it is because they expect to be met with defensiveness or even anger in response, but if your reaction is to acknowledge how they’re feeling, take responsibility, and hear them out, that alone may diffuse the situation.

Leave if the aggression gets to be too much

If it doesn’t, it is perfectly OK to leave a situation where someone is behaving aggressively toward you. But you should do so respectfully. If someone can’t be calmed down, excuse yourself from the conversation, perhaps offering to return to it at a later time when they can explain their feelings to you in a more respectful way.

Reflect

After you’ve taken care to address the offended person’s feelings and concerns, be sure to consider what this means for you. It’s OK that you made a mistake — if you’re white, you’re almost guaranteed to at some point — and it’s OK to forgive yourself for hurting someone with your ignorance once you’ve made it right with them. But it’s important to address the underlying reasons that you made the mistake in the first place. Maybe there is something you need to admit to yourself, and to try to change. That’s OK. That’s part of life, and that’s part of being white. Even part white, like me! I go through this on occasion still, and it used to be far more regularly when I was younger. Usually I manage to catch myself before I’ve outwardly offended anyone, but the struggle is real.

Be humble. Be open. Be willing to accept your shortcomings and make positive changes. And don’t forget that it’s a privilege to only have to deal with the hurt of accidentally offending people, and with the slight trouble it takes to think before you speak or act, and to learn how to speak or act in the first place. All of that pales next to the hurt of being the victim of a racist system that is so prevalent. Even your friends will sometimes do or say racist things and you have to call them out and hope and pray that they react well.

So there you go. I hope this helps you be the person you want to be, and the person your friends, coworkers, family, and fellow humans need you to be.

Originally published on BlogHer

More: I thought I said goodbye to racism when I left my KKK-riddled hometown — I was wrong

You would expect celeb chef Carla Hall, co-host of ABC's The Chew and owner of the new Brooklyn restaurant Carla Hall's Southern Kitchen to know more about food than an actor does. But does she know more than actor and cookbook author Freddie Prinze Jr.? We pitted the two foodies against each other for a scorching round of our favorite food game, Hot Sauce Trivia. Watch to see who will win... and who will have to take a big bite out of a hot pepper

More: Haylie Duff kicked our butts at Hot Sauce Trivia

More: We played 'What would you make?' with Bobby Flay

In the second film about Barack Obama to come out this year, Barry explores the formative years of our current president's life with thought-provoking results.

In his autobiography Dreams from My Father, Barack Obama only spends about six pages talking about the time period when he was an undergrad at Columbia University in New York. So while there isn’t a lot of public information about Obama’s experiences in the early 1980s, the filmmakers thought this must have been a very formative time for Barry, as he was known back then.

More: 16 movies based on true stories coming in 2017

Barry presents a young man struggling to forge his identity. As a biracial, intellectual and charismatic student, Barry (Devon Terrell), isn’t sure where he fits in. Being one of the few people of color in his classes, the other students expect him to speak on behalf of all black people — something Barry doesn’t feel comfortable doing.

Adding to his identity crisis is the fact that Barry grew up in Hawaii and Indonesia. PJ (Jason Mitchell), one of Barry's friends, tells him, "You're a whole different type of brother. You do realize that, right?"

Barry is also dating a white woman, Charlotte (Anya Taylor-Joy), whose world of wealth and privilege doesn’t seem to include him despite her strong romantic feelings for him.

In a scene in a country club bathroom, just before Barry is about to meet Charlotte’s parents, her father, Bill (Linus Roache), mistakes Barry for the bathroom attendant and gives him a tip. For civility’s sake, neither men address the incident during dinner, but it is just one of many moments in the film that tell Barry he’s an outsider who’s value is less than the others around him.

More: There are 16 movies getting a ton of Oscar buzz right now

Similarly, Barry gets judged by his black friends for dating a white woman, making for a nearly schizophrenic experience as he tries to figure out his identity.

Barry screenwriter Adam Mansbach told SheKnows that he was eager to explore this particular time in Obama’s life because it was so complicated.

“This time period was very formative, but also very opaque. The challenge of figuring out who he was then, what his concerns were and retrofitting who he was then based on who he is now, given the scant material available, seemed like a fascinating challenge to me.”

This film doesn’t include any major epiphanies or conclusions, and leaves young Barry in an active state of transition, which is unusual for a biopic, but also very thought-provoking. The filmmakers can’t say specifically how Barry’s experiences in New York transformed him, only that they did.

Earlier this year, the film Southside with You was released, also focusing on another very specific time period in Obama’s life, 1989, when he went on his first date with Michelle Robinson, who would later become his wife. In Southside, Obama is depicted as having come to terms with his racial identity and focused on his talents as a leader.

No sitting president has ever had two films made about him. We asked Mansbach why he thinks storytellers were so interested in this president.

“He’s compelling to filmmakers because he’s both incredibly open, articulate, reflective and yet, there’s that professorial quality that some people describe as aloofness that keeps him more distant than some of us would like him to be. Someone like that invites exploration and tempts you to crack the nut to figure out what’s going on.”

Given the division of the country over President-elect Donald Trump, Mansbach also says there’s already “a tremendous amount of nostalgia that’s going to increase daily.”

More: Donald Trump talking about Ivanka in a sexual way is stomach-turning

Barry is a fascinating exploration of not only the formative years of Barack Obama, but also of race and culture in America. The film is now streaming on Netflix.

I was recently listening to "Call Your Girlfriend," one of my favorite podcasts in which hosts Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman talk about life, politics, feminist issues, friendship, and more. In this episode, they answered a question from a soon-to-be college grad about how to balance life and work, and whether "having it all" is really possible.

More: 15 jobs with flexible schedules for busy working moms

Sow's response: "Can women have it all? No, because that's a bullshit capitalist construct. Can you have everything you want in life? Maybe, if what you want is realistic." To which Friedman replies, "Having it all is what happens when market forces combine with powerful, outdated gender norms to say, 'you should want to fully devote yourself to both of these things completely, and do it without failing, and perfectionism isn't a lie.' I see the three words 'having it all,' and I'm like, RUN."

Exactly. The idea of having it all has become, for women, such a loaded and sexist term. (Have you ever heard anyone say, "Can men really have it all?") So instead of that twisted concept, let's focus on something we all deal with on a daily basis: The juggling act that is adult life—balancing the demands of work and expenses, the pleasures and obligations of family and friends, the responsibilities of kids, and, last but not at all least, our own health and self-care. There are only so many hours in a day, but some people seem to be better than others at making the most of them, getting things done, but also being present and enjoying life without turning it into a nonstop to-do list.

More: 25 best jobs for work-life balance, according to employees

I talked to five super-successful women about their strategies for staying sane, having self-compassion, and still managing to slay their careers and have plenty of time for the people they love.

Prioritize Your Health.

"When I'm really busy, I try to be serious about getting enough sleep—even if that means less study or work time. It's tempting to stay up late or get up extra early to finish stuff, but I find I'm so much more productive if I have at least seven and a half hours of sleep. The same goes for eating well—I know when I'm busy, I'll likely slip with buying groceries and cooking, so I try to make up for it by eating healthy-ish, which mostly means not skipping meals, not surviving on donuts and pizza, and trying to work in fruits and vegetables when I can. And I try to not go overboard on coffee—I'll let myself have an extra cup in the afternoons, but not much more than that. I think my body craves structure and I try to remember to be especially good to it when I'm stressed." –Brooke, 29, Master of Public Policy candidate in Berkeley, CA

Let Yourself Off the Hook.

"Over time, I've learned not to beat myself up for not being a perfect human who exercises every day and doesn't drink on weekends and works on a set schedule. I used to be more disciplined and try not to drink on weeknights or go out to dinner because it through off my sense of a schedule, but it sucked—especially since I own my own business and work alone. Now I just don't care as much. Whereas the 23-year-old me would be stressed that I only worked out once this week and splurged on dinners out, now I'd rather enjoy life and stress about things that actually deserve my attention." –Delia, 29, owner of Delia Langan Jewelry and Mission + Geneva

Skip Things Strategically.

"It's inevitable that things will slip sometimes, but it feels better when I'm in control of what's falling off my plate—rather than missing something because I forgot about it. I keep a hard copy day-planner—love my bright red Moleskine!—and try to stay on top of my inbox, so that even if I won't have time to tackle everything that comes my way, I'm actively choosing what I do and don't do. Also, when things start to get out of balance, my advice is to fix something. Focus on what's most important to you, and then try to get it back in balance, even if it means cutting down on happy hours or sports leagues." –Brooke

Efficiency is Everything.

"At my first job, I showed up early, stayed late, and got promoted young. On paper, that all sounds great, but I took very few risks, neglected some friendships, and didn't focus on any self-care. What good is a promotion if it's the only thing you've got? Now, I'm better about speaking up, taking risks, clarifying timelines and deadlines with colleagues, and simply working my ass off when I'm at my desk. Then I go home." –Katie

Learn When to Say No.

"My eight-year-old daughter, Lina, generally gets the bulk of my attention, but this year was tricky because I had a novel to promote. The book tour, signings, and speaking engagements were beginning to take up a lot of my weekends, so I turned a lot down—and I kept telling myself that one day, Lina will benefit from the lessons she learned, watching her mom work very hard to succeed in a field that she loves. Also, whenever we were together, I really made it count—because of divorced parent guilt, among other things. Thus, we discovered musical.ly and have, to date, filmed roughly forty thousand music videos. I also have a health issue that requires me to slow down and say no sometimes: Chronic migraines mean I'm in nearly constant pain—something I have to pay attention to, no matter what I have going on. If my body is telling me I need to lay down in a dark room and pull myself together, I have to do it." –Tia Williams, author and Copy Director at Bumble and Bumble in New York City

Be Your Own Best Advocate.

"It's so, so important to act as your own advocate in work and life, because no one else can do it for you. No one knows what you're thinking or what you need—whether that's your partner or your colleagues—so you need to tell them. And yes, that includes telling your boss when you're feeling burned out or are ready to ask for that raise." –Kalli, 29, marketing and growth at Maven Clinic in New York City

Schedule Time with Loved Ones.

"Relationships are the part of my life I try to invest the most time in—including the elusive one we have with myself! They outlast every job. But, I just started a new gig, one that requires an extra dose of networking outside 9-to-5, so I've been putting in extra hours to make a good impression. Because I know how easy it is to get sucked into working nonstop, I've made sure to schedule nights that are just for me, just for me and my partner, and just for me and my friends. It can sound forced or unnatural to schedule time to talk with your mom like you would a client, but for me, it's important to make sure I'm maintaining my relationships when I'm overwhelmed with work—even if that means blocking out that time well in advance. This also means that I try to keep the dates I've set with friends, even if I'm exhausted. I never regret seeing them, even if I scoot out early. And when I'm with them, I have some rules—but I try to be kind to myself when I break them: Be present, be open, be forgiving, and be an active listener. The last one's especially important to me. When we're so overwhelmed with everything we're dealing with, it's sometimes hard to get out of your own head—especially since I work remotely, so I spend every day totally entrenched in my own brain!" –Katie, 29, literary agent in New York City

Look for Pockets of Zen.

"When you have a million things going on, it pays to find a practice that makes you feel calm—yoga, meditation, journaling, walking, running, pole dance classes, painting, cooking, anything. It can be the smallest thing. I have a girlfriend who colors in adult coloring books whenever her life fee;s unmanageable. Figure out what calms you, and do that. Whatever works. I was all ambition, all the time, and didn’t take a breath until I was in my late thirties. Don't make my mistake!" –Tia

Be a Multitasking Master—But Don't Overdo it.

"I used to beat myself up when I felt like I couldn't do everything and please everyone. Now, one strategy I use is to try to do the things I love—or need to accomplish—with the people I care about. This means going running with my mom and brother to catch up, having post-run or pre-work coffee dates with my boyfriend, and hitting up networking events with coworkers I enjoy spending time with. But at the same time, even if I'm killing two birds with one stone, I try to be as present as possible, as in not getting caught up with email, work IMs, Instagram—a huge challenge! Luckily, I have a partner who has patiently taught me the value of ditching my phone, whether I'm spending time with friends and family or even when spending time on my own. It's very freeing! –Kalli

Ah, the facial toner—a thing you’ve been told you absolutely need to use, but you actually have no idea why, or what facial toners even do. It’s cool; that’s why we’re here. In the most basic of explanations, toners do exactly as their name suggests: tone and prep your skin for the rest of your skin-care products, and replenish what your skin barrier lost through cleansing. Necessary? Not totally. Unless, of course, you want amazing-looking skin.

More: The Best Nude Lipsticks for Your Skin Tone

Toners of yesteryear were generally geared toward oily, acne-prone skin and filled with horribly irritating ingredients, like alcohol and fragrances. But the (good) toners of today are specifically formulated for a bunch of different skin types, with a mix of antioxidants, powerful hydrators, and natural acne-fighters. Just swipe one on with a cotton ball after cleansing, wait for your skin to dry, then continue with your normal skin-care routine. It’s that simple—and yes, they really do work.

Still, unless you’re a cosmetic chemist or an ingredient nerd, it’s tough to separate the good from the bad toners, though we will say it’s almost always safer to go with a natural product with recognizable ingredients. So to make it easy on you, we rounded up our favorite ten natural toners for every skin type. Pick your favorite, add it to your regimen, then marvel at the fact that you finally own a toner and understand what it does.

More: The Best Moisturizers for Dry, Sensitive Skin

For red and irritated skin…

Thayers Alcohol-Free Rose Petal Witch Hazel Toner (Thayers, $11)

For hormonal, acne-prone skin…

SheaMoisture African Black Soap Problem Skin Toner (SheaMoisture, $10)

For dull, blah skin…

Valley Green Naturals Replenishing Perfection Skin Brightening Toner (Walmart, $12)

For skin that’s prone to dark spots and red marks…

For skin that needs a quick pick-me-up…

Aveda Green Science Replenishing Toner (Aveda, $39)

For combination skin…

Derma E Purifying Toner Mist (Derma E, $16)

For dry, help-me-I’m-dying skin…

Herbivore Rose Hibiscus Coconut Water Hydrating Face Mist (Sephora, $32)

For oily skin…

Meow Meow Tweet Face Toner (Meow Meow Tweet, $19)

For skin beset with dry, bumpy patches…

Paula’s Choice Earth Sourced Purely Natural Refreshing Toner (Paula’s Choice, $24)

For sensitive skin that needs some TLC…

A Beautiful Life Skin Botanical Toning Mist (A Beautiful Life, $18)

Originally posted on StyleCaster.com        

If there's one gift we can give our daughters when they're born, it's a strong, brave name. As the fight for equal rights continues, every little bit helps, right? Giving your girl a name that embodies all the characteristics of a powerful female is the perfect way to remind the world of the strength of women throughout history.

More: Disney-inspired baby names with a hint of magic

English names that mean brave

English names meaning brave may not appear at the top of the baby-naming charts, but part of being brave is being different, right?

• Andi
• Dusty
• Kelsa
• Tracey

Greek names that mean brave

Forget goddess names and give your girl a Greek name to bring out her courageous side.

• Andrea
• Andranetta
• Andreanna
• Andrena
• Andreya
• Andriana
• Andrienne
• Andrina
• Leandra
• Thaddia

French names that mean brave

A French name will give your fearless little female a certain je ne sais quoi.

• Andree
• Bernadette
• Bernadina
• Bernadine
• Vafara
• Valeraine
• Valere

Latin names that mean brave

The language of Ancient Rome, Cicero and Julius Caesar inspired naming traditions of dozens of languages throughout the world, and offers many options for your brave little baba.

• Balendin
• Hero
• Valari
• Valencia
• Valentia
• Valeria
• Valora

More girl names that mean brave

Whatever language you choose for your baby girl name, there's plenty of proof that bravery is a quality we all want to foster in our girls.

• Bertuska (Russian)
• Caci (Gaelic)
• Casee (Irish)
• Kelcie (Irish)
• Casey (Celtic)
• Uald (Teutonic)
• Kemena (Spanish)
• Valentina (Italian)
• Terrwyn (Welsh)

More: This printable guide is about to solve all your baby-naming squabbles

Before you go, check out our slideshow below:

Platters of meat, cheese and veggies are some of the easiest ways to feed guests during the holidays. But there's nothing more boring than going to party after party that's serving the same old carrot sticks and suspiciously slimy turkey rolls.

Luckily, there are tons of ways you can switch up your crudités and cold cut platter game, from what you put on the tray to how you display it, so you don't have to worry about sending your guests home to nightmares of drowning in ranch dip while watery slices of ham look on laughing.

More: 3 easy dip recipes you need in your holiday entertaining arsenal

Crudités

Roast your veggies

Tired of boring crudités? Try roasting your veggies. You want to toss them with olive oil, salt and pepper, then roast at a very high heat (425 degrees F). The key is to get some color and char on them while keeping them firm enough that they don't require anything more than fingers or a toothpick for eating them. Roasting will deepen the flavor of your veggies, adding a layer of complexity to what would otherwise be just another cold and crunchy vegetable tray.

Shop at an international or farmers market

Instead of sticking to the usual carrots, celery and bell peppers, add variety to your crudités by checking out the selection at your local international grocery store or the seasonal offerings at your farmers market. Whether you opt for sticks of jicama or Romanesco florets, your tray will be a lot more interesting (and people may actually feel compelled to eat their veggies).

Jazz up your dips

Stop serving standard dips with your veggie platters (the ranch dressing that comes with a pre-made crudités tray should basically be tossed in the garbage — your guests deserve better). Even if you still go with higher-quality store-bought dips, making them unique can keep your spread from feeling too boring.

Skip the ranch dip and serve your crudités with:

• Pesto
• Homemade blue cheese dressing
• Spinach-artichoke dip
• Labneh swirled with za'atar and olive oil
• Baba ganoush
• Avocado whipped with feta, lemon and herbs

Color-code it

For maximum visual impact, try color-coding your crudités tray. Serving all green veggies with a green goddess dip makes quite a statement, as does beet hummus served alongside crimson produce.

Serve creatively

You don't have to cut your veggies into sticks and leave it at that. Items like zucchini and carrots can be cut into thick ribbons that are fun to dip, or you could abandon the platter concept altogether and serve your crudités in individual cups, stuffed into baguette slices or in a bowl made of ice.

Cold cuts

Head to the international deli

If you have an international grocery store in your area, stop in and see what kind of sliced cured meats and cheeses they have on offer. Many Eastern European grocery stores have a full deli counter, while stores from other areas around the world offer up their own cured meats and dairy products — it's worth a trip to see what's on offer in your community, apart from the usual large grocery chain.

Switch up your condiments

Yeah, mayo and yellow mustard are the classic condiments to serve with a cold cut platter, and they do the job, but even a few small changes can elevate your tray. Try offering:

• Stoneground mustard
• Chipotle mayo
• Cranberry mustard
• Hot honey
• Green goddess dressing
• Feta, Peppadew pepper and cream cheese spread

More: Forget store-bought, make these DIY condiments instead

Serve with carbs

Whether you're serving crudités or cold cuts, there's something sort of weird about feeding your guests just raw veggies or just meat and cheese without any carbs (especially if people are drinking at your party).

Serve a basket of mixed crackers, rolls or flatbread along with your platters so your guests can feel like they're eating something a little more substantial. And think outside the box when it comes to your offerings alongside your meat and cheese tray. Plain white rolls work just fine, sure, but you can add a lot of pizzazz to the mix by opting for ciabatta rolls, jalapeño-cheese rolls, halved croissants, pretzel rolls or homemade flatbread.

Mix and match

There's no reason you can't add cold cuts and veggies to the same platter, and it can be a fun way to run with a culinary theme. See how well it works to combine the two into one epic Italian antipasto platter:

• Cooked, sliced Italian sausage
• Italian cold cuts like prosciutto, mortadella and capocollo
• Italian cheeses like fresh mozzarella, provolone and Asiago
• Basil pesto, sun-dried tomato pesto, roasted red pepper dip and ricotta for dipping
• Artichoke hearts, cherry tomatoes, marinated roasted red pepper, roasted asparagus and other veggies for dipping
• Crunchy bread sticks, ciabatta, focaccia, garlic bread

Once you choose a theme, you'll be surprised at how easy it is to throw together a totally impressive spread of cold cuts and crudités.

More: 17 super-easy bread recipes even an amateur baker can pull off

As a last bit of inspiration, we leave you with this cold cuts pig. Yes, it's cray. But who's not going to be delighted by it?

Going through divorce wasn't fun and coming to the decision to leave my marriage wasn't a feel good moment. But when someone looks at me with their sad face and says, "I'm so sorry to hear about you and ____ getting divorced", I say, "I gotta tell ya... being divorced is actually pretty great."

Here are five reasons why I love being divorced.

1. I actually have time to work on a relationship

Isn't it ironic that one of the biggest complaints about marriage is that a couple doesn't get to spend any grownup time with their spouse? Kids consume their world and the marriage takes a back seat. It's so easy to tell a couple that it's critical to find time to connect, but if you don't find the time, you'll wake up one day and wonder what you ever liked about that person. When you don't find time to connect, requests go unheard and desires go unfulfilled; the magic "in-love" feeling fades away. This can very easily lead to unhappiness and then divorce.

More: After my divorce, I had to learn to love my plan B

Yet, as a divorcée, I have tons of time to work on my relationships. I am in a serious committed relationship now and we always leave Tuesday night open. We call it "Hot Date Night." Even if there is nothing hot about it, it's the one day a week that we don't have our kids and we spend time together. We cook. We talk. We watch TV. We fool around. We sit quietly. We go out. We debate. We simply take the time to be together. No matter what.

My married friends are jealous. They wish they could have coveted date night. I don't blame them. I wished it too when I was married. Here's the thing, though: I believe that we COULD have had date night, even if it was only once a month. We simply didn't. We had every excuse in the book — too tired, don't feel like going out, it costs too much, can't find a babysitter. The list goes on and on. But what about the one important reason? To make time for each other?

Don't wait until your divorced to discover how important it is to make time to connect.

2. I get to miss my kids

As much as I miss my kids when they go to their Dad's, it's nice to miss them. The time we have together has become precious. My too-cool-for-school teens actually miss me and want to hang out with me. I'm not so sure it would be the same if I saw them all the time.

I have a great relationship with my kids and I have fun with them. I look forward to hanging out with them. My son is 15 and still comes into my room in the evening just to sit next to me while I write. Maybe divorce has made them more clingy, I don't know, but I like what I have with them now.

More: I finally realized I don't need to be having sex to be happy

3. I don't have to answer to anyone

When I was married, I always felt like my actions were being judged. It doesn't matter if this was true or not; it was true for me then. If I wanted to join a gym, I got the question "How much will that cost?" If I wanted to shop for a new bag, I'd hide the purchase so that I wouldn't get scolded for spending too much.

I felt like a child. I never felt like I could do what I really wanted to do. It was always set by the standard of my ex-husband and whether or not it was worth it to him to spend the money.

Now I don't answer to anyone except me. If I want to go shopping, I can. If I drop $500 on a bag, good for me! I always felt like my spouse didn't trust me to make smart decisions. In fact, it's one of the things he said to me when I announced that I wanted a divorce.

I am very capable. Maybe I needed to prove that to myself after the divorce, but I certainly don't need to prove it to anyone else.

More: Yes, there really is a wrong way to ask for a divorce

4. My happiness isn't dependent on anyone but me

This was always true but it took me being on my own to figure this out. It was never my ex-husband's job to make me happy, just as it was never my job to make him happy. I think this expectation in a relationship can really drain all the energy out of it.

Our job in a relationship is to love, to respect and live in joy. Whenever your partner triggers you and you feel angry, disappointed, frustrated, or unhappy, remember that this is YOU feeling this way. Most of the time your partner does not know the story that is playing out in your head. Their perception is THEIR reality, just like your perception is YOUR reality.

So, if you are feeling unhappy because you think your partner doesn't love you because he never brings you flowers like your friend's husband brings her flowers, this is a story that you are telling yourself. You are choosing to feel unhappy about a result that may not even be true.

Your happiness is your responsibility. If you believe that flowers will make you happy, you're wrong. Only YOU can make yourself happy. You can be a happy person and still not be happy with the relationship, but if you're an unhappy person, that could be part of the poison.

I could go on and on about this topic. So, let me just say that if you can't figure out how to make yourself happy in your current relationship, if you can't figure out how to be happy alone, what makes you think you'll be happy in the next relationship?

5. I got to reinvent myself

I like myself a whole lot more than I used to. I finally feel I could be my true self, whatever that is. I was excited to figure it out; I'm still figuring it out. I dress better, I'm in the best shape I've ever been in, my self image is positive, I have confidence, and I am proud to work on myself daily.

I no longer read self help books in secret. I no longer hide the fact that I'm part of a life coaching program to improve health, wealth, and happiness. I share my passions openly and I don't worry about what other people might think of me. If someone doesn't like what I'm doing, that's their problem.

I'm certainly not saying YOU should get divorced and I understand that there are serious considerations when children are involved. You gotta do what's right for you.

For me, divorce was not an easy decision, but I felt it was necessary. I am a much happier person now, which makes me a better mother and a better partner.

So before you offer your condolences to someone you know that tells you they're divorced, consider that there's nothing to be sorry for. It could be the best decision they ever made for themselves.

This post was originally published on BlogHer.

This Christmas, skip heading to the store to stock up on your festive decorations and DIY your own Christmas ornaments instead! Handmade ornaments are not only crafty and cute, but are fun to make and provide a more personalized touch to your tree. Mix these unique holiday crafts with your traditional decorations for a stylish look this season.

From glitter and gold leaf to mason jars and wood slices, take a look at these six DIY Christmas ornament ideas from the blogger community at Porch.com.

1. Glitter dust

Make your tree sparkle and shine this season with these DIY glitter dust ornaments. Just fill clear ornaments with glitter, confetti and garland to create these shimmering ornaments.

More: 5 DIY ideas to create the perfect kitchen island for your space

2. Photo transfer

Display your favorite memories during the holiday season by making these easy photo transfer ornaments. With wooden craft ornaments, white craft paint and a matte gel you can transfer family photos onto ornaments in five simple steps.

More: 5 ways to give your stairway style a real step up

3. Painted gold leaf

Dress up inexpensive clear glass ornaments with a touch of craft paint and ribbon topped off with gold leaf to really make your tree shine. Learn how to apply gold leaf effortlessly to DIY these charming ornaments.

4. Mason jar lids

Perfect for the farmhouse style home, these DIY mason jar lid ornaments will have you going mad for plaid and festive patterns. With scrapbook paper, lids, stickers, twine and some greenery, you can DIY these rustic ornaments.

5. Disney princesses

Whether you’re a Cinderella, Snow White or Elsa fan, these DIY Disney princess ornaments are perfect for the whole family. Learn how to make your own with glitter and embellishments by following these kid-friendly tutorials.

6. Donuts with sprinkles

Take the nontraditional route when decorating your tree this year by creating these DIY donut ornaments. Follow this full tutorial for making these pretty plaster and paint donuts. Not only are they great as decoration, but they can also double as homemade holiday gifts for family and friends!

More: 9 adorable DIY doormats to welcome guests to your home in style

Oh, Santa. You try so hard every year to work your magic, but some kids aren't having it. Some kids turn on you at the last minute. They're all smiles waiting in line, and then they're on your lap and blammo: waterworks. When all you want to do is provide love and cheer and find out what the damn kids want for Christmas! So unfair. Still, irate babies and sullen kids make for hilarious photo opportunities, so thank you for toughing it out — for us.

Here, in no particular order, are 10 #SantaFAILs that cracked us up this week.

 1. I like this one in particular because even though that baby is on the verge of total breakdown, he and Santa are really engaging on a soul level. That Santa gets him. You can feel it.

 2. This one ousted Santa from his chair! Also, I like his tartan plaid bottoms. (Are those shorts? Is that a onesie? I don't even care. It's working for him.) Good work, kid. Now, please let Santa have his chair back; he's got a job to do.

3. Why are you both so upset? You outnumber him.

4. This is one unflappable Santa. Keep crying, kid; your tears only strengthen his Santa powers.

 5. Buck up, Santa. You know what Meatloaf says: Two out of three ain't bad. Is Meatloaf Santa? He will be.

6. This poor Santa. Where did he go wrong? What is he even doing there? Why doesn't he have a chair? He's on a bench. Is he at the DMV? Maybe he was getting his license renewed and someone put a kid on him. You can't do that to Santa! There's protocol!

7. What are you? You're not Santa. Santa doesn't wear houndstooth! Houndstooth is in exactly zero "guess what Santa wears" songs! Unhand those children at once. Children, you are correct to be so enraged. Fight him!

8. This child is extremely skeptical, and Santa sees her point. I like their chemistry. I look forward to their buddy cop show, Santa and the Kid.

9. This is my favorite Santa by far. He's nothing but delighted! Give him a despondent child and a cat: no problem! Also: Someone brought their cat to a mall. Kudos all around.

10. This girl is a ball of pure rage — and, well, she should be, because that Santa is creepy as fuck. Santa, you have hairy arms, and your beard is more of a white-blond than white, and those glasses indicate that you're an accountant. Get it together.

The crimson, pink or white amaryllis flowers during mid-winter, making it one of the only ways to add a pop of living color to your home while the rest of your house plants are taking a break from flowering until warmer weather arrives. With proper care, they can flower for 7 to 10 weeks, making them the perfect antidote to your winter blues.

If you're like me, the thought of keeping a plant alive for a whole year may sound kind of daunting. I mean, I've killed supposedly indestructible air plants and watched cacti wither before my eyes. And a plant with flowers... it sounds tricky!

But caring for red amaryllis isn't all that hard. Follow these simple care tips, and you'll have a pot of cheery flowers to put a smile on your face for many winters to come. Let's do this!

More: 10 ways to display indoor plants in your apartment

Selecting a plant

Potted

Look for a plant with healthy green leaves, free of any blemishes or brown tips. Choosing a plant that has buds but isn't yet in full bloom is the best way to enjoy most of the plant's flowering season.

Bulbs

Look for large bulbs that are dry and firm to the touch. The bulbs should be free of any scars, blemishes and mold.

Plant the bulbs in a pot not more than 1 inch larger than the bulb. They should be planted with half of the bulb above the surface of the soil. For soil, look for a mix that drains well and contains plenty of organic matter. Keep the plant in direct sunlight until its buds start to turn crimson. Then, move it to an area with bright but indirect sunlight.

Amaryllis will take six to eight weeks to bloom once the bulb has been potted. To speed up the process, try watering with warm water and keeping the pot in a warm, full-sun area.

Fertilizer

Potted bulbs should not be fertilized until stalks begin to grow.

Store-bought potted amaryllis plants and bulbs showing stalk growth should be fertilized regularly with a high-phosphorous soil.

More: Make your own West Elm microdot pot knockoff for cheap

Sunlight

Before flowering, the plant should be kept in a warm, bright, sunny spot until its buds turn color.

After buds turn color, place the plant in bright but indirect sunlight.

Water

Amaryllis should be watered when the top two inches of the soil is dry. Don't let it stand in any extra water, or the bulb can rot. Make sure your amaryllis is in a pot that has drainage holes at the bottom.

What do you do when the flowers fall of?

Cut off any blooms that have wilted and died, and remove stalks that turn yellow. Even when all of the blooms have died, water the plant when the soil gets dry, fertilize it and keep it in bright sunlight. This will help the bulbs store enough energy to start producing blooms again the next year.

In the early fall (September), put your amaryllis plant in a cool, dimly lit place. A basement works well, as long as the temperature doesn't get too close to freezing. As the plant goes dormant, its leaves may wilt and turn yellow — cut these off at their bases. Don't water your plant during this phase.

About 6 to 8 weeks before you want your plant to bloom (mid-October to late October for Christmas blooms), bring your amaryllis pot back into a sunny spot. Water it thoroughly, add some fresh soil, and wait for new stalks to reappear. Once they do, fertilize regularly and continue caring for your plant as you did in the previous year.

With a little time and patience, your holiday amaryllis plant can provide you with cheery winter blooms for years to come.

More: These are the best spots for your houseplants

Some of my friends may not be happy to hear this, but we've been keeping the Christ out of Christmas for years. If you weren't aware, both my husband and I are atheists. You might think celebrating Christmas is a bit of a quandary, but I've never struggled with it. Once we had children, it became more complicated but I wasn't willing to give up the magic of the season. Some of my best childhood memories are of evenings snuggled near the tree, munching cookies and warming our hands with hot chocolate. Mornings filled with excitement and laughter as we huddled to warm by the wood stove, tearing open stockings. Like many parents, I want my children to experience the wonder I felt. Even if only for a few seasons.

There are, however, some rules for how we parent through the mine field of mythology that is Christmas. It's easy to become entrapped in the hype of the season and to convince yourself that because it's a special occasion, you can leave your principles at the door and pick them up in the new year. It sure is tempting. Here's four ways we try to keep the magic of the holidays without the religious undercurrents.

1. Don't lie

This is one of my parenting rules. Lies, little white variety included, hurt more than they help. Deceptions are patronizing and even little children deserve the respect of an honest answer. Kids don't ask questions they aren't ready to hear the answers to. Yes, even about Santa. You'd be surprised what you can skirt with one very basic response tactic. Turn the question back on them.

"Mom, where does Santa live?"

"Where do you think he lives?"

"Is it really the North Pole?"

"Some people believe that. What do you think?"

By the time they see through this tactic, they'll be old enough to hear the Santa mythology and understand its purpose without being disappointed in the deception.

More: I let my kids help us on Christmas Eve to teach them the truth about Santa

2. Banish bribery

I have a pretty big conceptual problem with the Santa story and the whole naughty and nice structure. Some omniscient dude knows everything about you and gets to decide whether you are deserving of the naughty or nice list and thus love and acceptance. Sounds awfully similar to another religious mythology. Yes, I'm looking at you, Jesus. And that's exactly why we're so comfortable with it as a society. Even Elf on the Shelf has become a creepy extension of this idea. You should practice good behavior because someone is always watching and good behavior is rewarded. Is this really the moral of the story we want to teach? Nope. So we just don't talk about it or use it in our house as an incentive.

I'd rather communicate to my children that their behavior is a reflection of who they are and how they want to relate to others. And that we make good choices simply because people deserve kindness from each other and it makes the world a better place for everyone. Not because we will be showered with gifts. You and I both know that sometimes you do the right thing and you get nothing. Nada. Just the satisfaction of having done it. And that should be enough. It is enough.

More: How to survive stepfamily struggles during the holidays

3. Celebrate the love

So if we aren't celebrating the birth of some holy child in a manger hundreds of years ago, what are we celebrating? Love. Unconditional love that connects our families and friends together with the invisible thread of our kindness and regard for each other. It is a time to stop and extend ourselves financially and emotionally, in acts that communicate the importance of others in our lives. The ways in which they fill us with joy and make everyday struggles worthwhile. Every light, every tied ribbon on a package, every quietly hummed carol is an expression of that love. People of the religious persuasion are celebrating love, too. Our reasons may be different, but our joy is the same.

I want my kids to understand that you don't really need to earn this love — it's freely given. And once a year it pours on us all like a benediction. And it's not a miracle. We do that. We do that for each other. To prove that the world we've created can still be filled with light and wonder.

More: Make a ‘sibling tree’ for the best Secret Santa exchange ever

4. Focus on kindness

This is the biggest lesson of the season for children, I think. That kindness can transform us all. We go out of our way to help others, to give more deeply. I think even adults have trouble hiding their glee Christmas Day at the way in which the world warms with cheer. And kids see that manifested around them, witness the power of it. It's a beautiful thing to teach each other, and I think it's where the true joy of the season comes from. Not in celebrating traditions or a religious or non religious mythology, but in the magic of what we can do and be for each other.

Happy holidays, my friends. May the joy of the season fill your heart and keep you warm this winter. Namaste.

Kaz Weida blogs at www.aASweetLittleLife.com.

This post was originally published on BlogHer.

Blac Chyna's Instagram was hacked on the same day she reportedly took her 1-month-old daughter, Dream, and left Rob Kardashian in the dust.

In a series of Snapchats and then Instagram posts from a new account, Chyna insinuates that Kardashian was behind the hack, which used her account to try and prove that Chyna was just after the Kardashian name rather than having pure intentions in the relationship.

More: Dream Kardashian caused a social media stir with her very first Twitter pic

The rant has since been deleted from Instagram, but People managed to grab what Chyna said about Kardashian and the hack.

"I’M DONE," she wrote. "This entire year I have done nothing but help Rob! It’s so SAD & PATHETIC how low he’d stoop to cover up HIS PERSONAL ISSUES! I have done nothing but help & loved him from the beginning! It’s Chy here I got my own!!! I was doing swell before I got with him! I got him out of khloe’s house, helped him lose all that f—ing weight for him to do nothing & gain it all back! Rob asked for all of this! Rob begged me to have Dream! He stressed me out my ENTIRE PREGNANCY!!! Accusing me of cheating, going crazy on me with massive text blast daily! being an absolute lunatic & then cover it up with gifts!

"I was verbally abused every other day. I was still there with nothing but high hopes for us! I had to beg him to cut his hair, To take his braces of, and To get more into his businesses! I shouldn’t have to tell any grown ass man s—! Not to mention Just brought him a brand new 2016 Range Rover! I PUT MY PRIDE ASIDE & I GAVE UP MY HOUSE TO MOVE INTO KYLIE’S HOUSE WITH HIM TO BE WITH A MAN!! We weren’t together in that house 2 whole weeks before he starting calling me all types of bitches & hoes! AND I NEVER NOT ONCE CHEATED ON ROB! EVER! I gave him the passcode to my phone I have nothing to hide.He refuses to do anything! Eat healthy, work out, work, anything positive, he does nothing! Those Messages OLD AF! He only did this because when he went through my phone he couldn’t find anything to be mad about! He’s on snapchat acting hurt but he’s yet to come see Dream yet! He knows where we are! Honestly it’s only so much a person can take. Everyone has tried to help Rob. I’ve gone beyond to help & so has his family!

"I have no longer have time to feed into Robert’s shenanigans I have 2 children & myself to fend for. What hurts the most is watching him do this to me knowing my last situation and promising to never put me through it. Especially after our child is only 1 month."

More: Wait — surely Rob Kardashian's not mad that Kendall Jenner dissed his baby's name?

The person who hacked Chyna's Instagram page was the one who leaked the news that Chyna had left Kardashian with the baby, saying Chyna "did not even let him know" when she left.

The hacker also showed a screenshot of a conversation Chyna had with a lawyer, inquiring about trademarking her married name, Angela Renee Kardashian.

Kardashian also posted to his Instagram account to confirm the news of the split. This post, too, has since been deleted.

"I thought this was going to be the best year of my life ,,, had a beautiful baby Dream and haven’t spent Christmas with family in years and I just can’t believe she really hurt me this way," Kardashian captioned the post. "She knows how to hurt me and I loved her so hard like I’m supposed to. Like any man is supposed to love their Wife. Chyna knew exactly what she was doing to get me. I can’t believe she did this to me."

He added, "And this isn’t for some ratings this is my real life so please understand I’m just being open right now. Cuz if it was for ratings I wouldn’t explain all this here. And with Chyna’s messages and her leaving with everything and the baby I am broken. I go 1000 percent for my girl. I am so confused how a man who gives and loves everything about a woman is the one left alone. I’m sorry for being so open once again ,,, this is killing me."

Kardashian is referring to ratings because a special episode of Rob & Chyna, the couple's reality TV show, documenting Dream's birth will air today.

More: The Kardashians may have ulterior motives for being mad at Rob's engagement

I honestly don't think this is a stunt. I don't think anyone who watched Rob & Chyna will be surprised that their relationship crumbled into this social media brouhaha.

Do you think Blac Chyna was just dating Rob Kardashian for fame all along?

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