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Parental Advisory: Is it OK to host baby fundraisers on Facebook?

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Welcome back to Parental Advisory, where I answer all of your social media and IRL parenting etiquette questions. This week, let's talk about baby fundraisers on Facebook.

Q: I've come across some Facebook posts recently and I'm not entirely sure how to feel about them. In short: one couple is asking for money to help with medical costs related to their pregnancy and the other is asking for help with funding their adoption. I certainly feel for both couples, but if you can't afford to have a child...should you?

Granted, after searching GoFundMe for a bit, there are a lot of "help with vet bills", "help send me to [place]", "help with medical bills" etc. Who am I to judge? Mostly I'm just curious and would like your opinion. Is it commonplace to ask for money this way when starting a family, and I'm just living under a rock? Maybe I'm just being a jaded hard-ass. I guess I could just go start a GoFundMe for paying off my student loans and paying for my cat's bladder surgery...

Kind Regards from an Avid Reader,

- L.

A: For most people on social media, fundraiser links have become a regular part of everyday life. It's a rare week that I don't notice a new fundraiser in my personal feed, and like you, L., I'm always scrutinizing a person's or couple's motives and asking myself philosophical questions about the role these fundraisers play in modern society. There is truly a fundraiser for everything now, and I've donated to many of them. Here are some causes I've contributed to via fundraiser pages posted on Facebook:

  • Various marathon runners raising money for charities
  • A friend's home that was nearly seized by the government after she lost her job
  • A friend's baby's liver transplant surgery
  • A friend's cancer fund (providing him with a financial cushion as he gets treatment)
  • A friend's home fund after his apartment building unexpectedly collapsed and he lost everything
  • A friend's college fund for her kids as she faced terminal cancer
  • Countless strangers' "recovery funds" after something horrible happened (the last one, involving an incident with a friend of a friend, was this)

And this doesn't take into account the many artistic endeavors and charities I've contributed to without prompt. What's funny (or "funny") about all of these donations I've made is that not only do I not have much extra money laying around, but I've contemplated hosting my own fundraiser (when my cat's leg amputation cost me $5,000) and couldn't pull the trigger. And yet, every year I'm reminded how hard it is to make a living, to financially prepare for unanticipated scenarios like being diagnosed with a disease, losing a job or experiencing a death in the family. I've seen many fundraisers that exist for reasons that can be traced back to a person having no safety net for a particular situation. I've sympathized, even cried, at the idea that someone would lose a home, an opportunity to attend a funeral or the ability to provide for their children due to illness.

More than that, I've become angry at the status quo, in which thousands of Americans have a real need for assistance at different stages of life. We shouldn't have to lean on each other so much when we become sick, poor, old or want a higher education. These are things the government should be assisting us with, that we should all be contributing taxes to, but the reality is often bleak and leaves people broke or in severe debt. And if there's one thing we know that continues to get more expensive by the year — taking health care, education and cost of living into account — it's having kids.

Medical 'Exspences'
Image: STFU Parents

We live in a time when having a child is so expensive, I feel nauseous just thinking about it. Giving birth in a hospital can cost a couple upwards of $20,000, and that's without any complications. I've known several couples whose babies were in NICU for weeks or months, and a few of them had jobs with excellent health care, and a few of them didn't. (None of them hosted a fundraiser.) Before I can ask myself if fundraising in such a scenario is appropriate, I have to acknowledge that living in a country as wealthy as the U.S. and being faced with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt due to a broken health care system is a problem for many Americans, and one that we have inherited. It sucks.

There's also this idea that it takes a village to raise a child, but should it take a village to have a child? That expression was rooted in the idea that if everyone in the community pitched in and helped each other out, taking an active interest in transmitting cultural history and mores to the next generation, everyone would be better off for it. The people who turn to fundraising in order to have or adopt a child are probably thinking of their Facebook friends as their village, but I would argue that your Facebook friends are not your village. An old classmate who donated to an IVF or adoption fund from across the country isn't invested in the child's future, nor should they be. And I don't get the impression that couples who are raising these funds are really looking to their friends to help them make parenting decisions. They're treating their village more like a bank, and that's why these fundraisers rub so many people, including me, the wrong way.

Adoption fund
Image: STFU Parents

When you donate to a fund for a friend who needs help — not just wants it, but needs it — you can see your donation "pay off." But asking people to contribute financially to a decision to have kids is actually just asking them to give away their money. Sure, a missionary couple may be trying to adopt a baby from a poor country and that child will benefit in untold ways, but that's what a church is there for — to financially assist those couples or provide aid to children in those countries. If it's an unnecessarily tall order for me to ask my friends to help me recoup some money because my cat broke his leg, it's equally unfair for people to put their friends in the position of paying for a baby's conception, adoption, birth, schooling and so on. I chose to adopt my idiot cat, and whatever costs I incur are mine to deal with. That's life. And no couple should feel comfortable asking their friends, or the world at large, to pay their child-rearing costs for the same reasons. It's a choice. An expensive one, but that doesn't mean the costs should get outsourced to our networks of friends, family, colleagues and strangers under the guise of an online baby shower.

Etsy fund
Image: STFU Parents

Do I think it's worth telling a friend that s/he is committing an internet faux pas by spamming friends on a daily basis with their fundraiser page? No. Why bother? But you're entitled to your opinion, and if your opinion on baby fundraisers is, "You should have fiscally prepared for this," or, "It's not my responsibility to cover your hospital bills, rounds of IVF or adoption fees," then that's valid. Everyone is free to create a fundraiser page and share it, but no one is required to donate to it, and it's possible that some people might have fundraiser page regrets.

Divorce fund
Image: STFU Parents

Helping out friends is great, but the truth is, everyone needs a bit of financial help at some point in life, and most of us will just deal with our problems the old-fashioned way — by earning the money to pay down the costs, one annoying, astronomical bill at a time.

Do you have a question about parents on social media? Send whatever is on your mind to stfuparentsblog@gmail.com!

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No, your kid doesn't have to do every extracurricular activity

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Drawing? Ice hockey? Piano? With so many extracurriculars available for students of all ages, choosing the perfect after-school activities can seem nearly impossible. Where do you begin? With math or music? Art or athletics?

While your student’s preferences and strengths should certainly play a role in the decision-making process, it is more complicated than likes and dislikes alone. These tips can help you maximize the positive impact of after-school extracurriculars:

1. Note your child’s natural interests

Before you begin to research specific after-school activities, consider observing what your student instinctually shows interest in. For example, what is the first object she reaches for after the school day ends? Is it a blank sheet of paper and crayons? Or does she gravitate toward LEGOs or wooden building blocks? The best or “right” after-school activities are almost always those that allow your child to further explore an existing curiosity or passion, and observation can help you determine what she most enjoys doing.

2. Prioritize your student’s passions

One of the worst mistakes that a family can make in regard to extracurriculars is over-scheduling activities. Your child may love chess, knitting, soccer, tae kwon do, and writing, but she — or you — may struggle to manage all five activities alongside family commitments, homework, projects and the like. With this struggle may come increased levels of stress. To avoid this outcome, try prioritizing or ranking your student’s interests. This can be accomplished with your child’s assistance, with an eye toward selecting just one or two after-school activities. Should several activities tie in importance, you can also weigh them in regard to their educational applications. For instance, is one extracurricular more likely to address an academic weakness?

3. Observe the selected extracurriculars

The third and fourth steps in this guide involve slightly more traditional forms of research. Just as observing your student can unlock valuable information, so too can observing your child’s preferred after-school activities. If this option is available to you, assess whether the extracurricular is age-appropriate. What grades participate, and is the programming challenging without being impossible (or too simple)? It is also important to evaluate the instructors. Are they engaging and knowledgeable in the field? How do they address classroom management issues? Are they trained in CPR, first aid, and, if applicable, allergen protocol?

4. Investigate the logistics

If the after-school activity’s curriculum is age-appropriate and robust, your final step prior to registration is to investigate logistics. What is the cost of the extracurricular, and what does this fee cover? Are there additional costs outside the registration fee? If your student misses a class, can she make it up? Location may also be a consideration. Is the after-school activity held at your child’s school, or at another building? How difficult is it to reach this location? If it is far from your home or work, will you be able to drop off or pick up your student on time?

For more tips and strategies to help your student succeed in school, visit varsitytutors.com.

Angela Simmons' first picture of her baby says everything about motherhood

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Angela Simmons is a mom! The 29-year-old star of Growing Up Hip Hop gave birth to her first child, a baby boy, with her fiancé, Atlanta businessman Sutton Tennyson, and shared the happy news on Instagram.

More: All the presidents' kids offer up awesome baby-naming options

It's an image that just perfectly captures that overwhelming feeling of awe when you finally get to meet the child you've been carrying for nine months.

Angela Simmons baby

Angela Simmons baby

The reality star, fashionista and daughter of Rev Run revealed in June that she was expecting a boy, posting, "I can't wait to kiss your little toes baby boy," on Instagram.

More: 5 breastfeeding athletes I'm waiting to see

It seems the little boy arrived earlier than expected, as Simmons said last week that she had six weeks to go. Luckily, the baby shower was held a couple of weeks ago at New York City's Sugar Factory, where friends and family celebrated the pregnancy with a TapSnap photo booth, cocktails and a cake by Sweet Grace, Cake Designs.

Angela Simmons cake

Angela Simmons cake

Simmons and Tennyson, who announced their engagement shortly before the pregnancy, haven't made their son's name public yet.

More: I spoil the crap out of my kids because someone has to

Everything I knew about raising girls was wrong

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I once had a plan for how I’d raise my daughters. “I’ll raise them as feminists!” I remember thinking in the first women’s studies class I took in college. And then when I learned my first child would be a girl, I got more specific. I said I’d shun Barbie dolls, princess propaganda and pink and all other societally promoted “feminine” signifiers of “womanhood.” I thought this would be easy because, well, why wouldn’t it?

But anything involving actual humans is not easy. So when I gave birth to humans, things changed. I changed.

More: The 10 things every boy needs to hear his parents say about consent

I took note of my own evolution as I stood in line at a Disney Store two summers ago. Wrapped on my arms were masses of tulle and sparkles — princess dresses — that the store lady said were on sale for $15. As I stood there, sparkles dripping on my navy shoes, I reminded myself why I was doing this: for my daughters, of course. But more than wanting to make them happy, I realized then that that moment was significant for other reasons. It was my most difficult parenting feat yet — accepting them for who they are even if who they are aches my ego. In doing this, I hoped they would learn to do the same, or accept themselves, be themselves and trust that that is enough.

This whole thing of being and trusting yourself feels so feminist-like. But I don’t remember learning about it in college or in life in general. I never really learned to trust myself. Instead of trusting myself, I think I did everything else. Rather than doing what I really wanted, I did all the things I thought were right and good because they sounded right and good theoretically.

In high school, for instance, what was right and good was dressing like a serious woman even though I was a teenager. So I shopped this smelly thrift store near my house and my mom’s closet for clothes like that — turtleneck sweaters, big-shouldered blazers and, regrettably, these pants I would only call “slacks.” I really wanted to wear bubblegum baby tees and tie-dyed stretch jeans. But I didn’t because I thought that wasn’t serious-looking enough. Now, before I go any further with this story, I want to acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with being a teenager and aspiring to look serious via women’s business attire. But there is something wrong when you’re me and think you have to wear those things to seem one way not only to society but also to yourself.

More: Here's how moms with 3+ kids actually get things done

I didn’t know it at first. But I realized over time that I was raising my daughters to be like that. I was raising them to completely ignore what they liked — all the frilly, girlie, “potentially damaging” stuff — and do something else. And that “something else,” inevitably, were all the things I thought I read in studies and did (unhappily) myself.

But when does restricting something completely and expecting healthy attitudes toward that thing ever work?

Never.

So eventually, instead of trying to ban the beast of pink and fluff that was metaphorically camping out at our doorstep, and as most experts now recommend, I allowed some of it in (those Disney dresses), gave critical context, provided alternatives and tried to — and eventually did — just relax.

More than getting my daughters to be a version of the girl I think they should be, I’d rather they just be themselves. I stopped wearing my self-important clothing around that time. I started doing this because by relaxing about them, I learned to relax about myself.

Doing what’s right to you, I’ve learned in raising my daughters, is not always what everyone else may think is right. Sometimes it means being different or standing out, and often it’s hard. Sometimes what’s right to you won’t fit into a box you likely have in your head about how you should be. But it’s the right thing to do.

More: 25 of the weirdest stock images of kids — ever

Two years since that day in the Disney Store, and through mostly no intentional credit of my own, my oldest daughter’s favorite color is no longer pink. It’s blue. And princess books are no longer what she checks out at the library. She’s into dinosaurs and action heroes because, in her words, “They’re cool.” And my 4-year-old no longer has plans to become a fairy, princess, butterfly when she grows up. For now she aspires to the very noble job of becoming “the one who wears the mouse costume at Chuck E. Cheese." And my 2-year-old has just followed suit because, well, she’s 2.

All the things that once kept me up at night worried and feeling like I’d failed as a feminist mother no longer worry me. My daughters have changed, but really, mostly, I’ve changed. They are still themselves, and when I’m not thinking too much about it, so am I.

Britney Spears and Ariana Grande started a huge, verbally violent Twitter war

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Pop star fans are animals.

More: Britney Spears threatening to sue over bombshell report about her behavior

Fans of Ariana Grande and Britney Spears have gotten into a vicious online argument after Spears threw some (pretty much imaginary) shade at Grande, and neither side seems willing to back down.

The squabble started with Grande, who basically rocks at impersonating other celebs, doing an impression of Spears singing her hit "Baby One More Time" on Saturday Night Live, like, months ago. Apparently, Spears wasn't even paying attention because she didn't even seem to know about it.

Until, that is, she appeared for a radio interview with London's Kiss FM and the DJ played the clip of Grande impersonating her. She actually loved it.

"That's funny," she said. "That's really funny."

More: I don't blame Britney Spears for being nervous about her VMAs performance

She even complimented Grande's "smooth" voice, even though she said she prefers her own voice and she's heard better impressions in her day. Not even shady, right?

Wrong, if you ask Grande's fans. They took to Twitter in a totally insane rage over Spears' apparently insulting comments, and they were out for blood.

Britney vs Ariana 1

Britney vs Ariana 1

Of course, Spears' fans were quick to clap back.

Britney vs Ariana 2

Britney vs Ariana 2

Britney vs Ariana 3

Britney vs Ariana 3

Britney vs Ariana 4

Britney vs Ariana 4

Well that (needlessly) escalated quickly. Team Britney is pretty vicious.

Am I the only one who feels like this fight started over basically nothing? Come on, fam. Let's all just get along and enjoy the music we enjoy without all the salt.

More: If she could do it all over again, Britney Spears wouldn't want the fame

Are you Team Britney or Team Ariana?

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Pop star feuds slideshow
Image: David Lucas/WENN.com

Alec Baldwin stepping in as SNL’s Trump is the worst idea ever

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Meet your new Saturday Night Live Donald Trump: Alec Baldwin. Baldwin will debut his Trump impression on Oct. 1's season premiere, going head-to-head with Kate McKinnon’s flawless Hillary Clinton. And while Baldwin’s appearance is sure to help drum up excitement from viewers, it’s also a horrible idea.

SNL Trump vs. Clinton promo

SNL Trump vs. Clinton promo

More: SNL just hired two new white guys — have they learned nothing?

Baldwin will be the third Donald Trump the show has had in the past year, following in the footsteps of Darrell Hammond and former cast member Taran Killam. On the surface, Baldwin’s casting doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Baldwin has proven himself to be a funny addition to SNL in the past, and he was apparently recommended for the role by comedy goddess Tina Fey. SNL showrunner Lorne Michaels told The Hollywood Reporter that he thought Baldwin was the perfect fit. “I just thought he’d be brilliant doing it and I thought he and Kate [McKinnon] would be a match,” Michaels said.

Michaels and Fey seem pretty confident in Baldwin’s impression abilities. Personally, based on what we’ve seen from him, I think Baldwin is really good at playing, well, more bombastic versions of Alec Baldwin. The thing about Alec Baldwin is, no matter how much makeup you put on him, he’s always Alec Baldwin. Last year on SNL, we got to see Alec Baldwin playing Alec Baldwin as Jim Webb following the first presidential debate. This year, we’ll see Alec Baldwin playing Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump (which is particularly awkward given Baldwin’s history of public outbursts that, looking back, have an air of Trump in them — remember that time he called his 11-year-old daughter "a rude, thoughtless little pig"?

SNL Democratic Debate Cold Open

SNL Democratic Debate Cold Open

More: Proof the new SNL writers will make the show smarter and, well, funny again

Baldwin’s casting as Trump is particularly sad given the fact that Saturday Night Live had a great Trump on their team already. For the past six years, Taran Killam has been one of SNL’s best impressionists, second only to McKinnon. His Trump wasn’t perfect, but it could have been if he’d only been given more of a chance to perform it on air. And yet, Michaels decided not to pick up Killam’s contract this year, despite the fact that Killam is one of Saturday Night Live’s more popular cast members. In his interview with THR, Michaels explained Killam’s unceremonious firing as born out of a necessity for change. Killam was fired from the show this summer alongside Jay Pharoah — coincidentally, the show’s best Obama — in a move that shocked viewers. “They’ve both been here six years. And if you don’t keep making changes you don’t change. You know?” Michaels told THR. No, Michaels, I do not know.

More: The theory that Taran Killam was fired from SNL to make room is ridiculous

I firmly believe that letting go of Killam and Pharoah before this election season is over was a mistake. And hiring Baldwin to play Trump is another one. If Michaels thinks that hiring Baldwin to play Trump is the kind of change Saturday Night Live needs, I think that both he and the viewers are going to be sorely disappointed come Saturday night.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

snl actors slideshow
Image: WENN

Brad Pitt’s bodyguard says he definitely cheated on Jennifer Aniston

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As if it comes as a surprise to anyone, there's totally a witness who says Brad Pitt definitely cheated on Jennifer Aniston with Angelina Jolie.

More: Brad Pitt's statement makes it clear he's focusing on his family problems

The man who worked as their bodyguard on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, where they met, says they were like a couple of teenagers sneaking around to make out and passing each other love notes at work.

"[Angelina] and Brad were constantly laughing and flirting with each other and acting like two school kids who had the hots for each other, and it was so cute. I caught them several times in each other’s trailers making out," the bodyguard, Mark Behar, told Us Weekly. "I wasn't shocked at all when they got married years later."

And apparently, Behar is pretty nosy, because he added that the notes they passed were "sexual in content."

More: The Angelina Jolie & Johnny Depp hookup rumor is so outlandish

But just like they began their relationship like a couple of teenagers, it seems like that's the way Pitt and Jolie are ending it — with plenty of drama.

Since Jolie filed for divorce, ending their 12-year relationship and two-year marriage, it's come to light that Pitt is being investigated by the FBI for child abuse following an allegedly violent encounter with his son, Maddox, on the family's private plane. Sources close to Pitt say the abuse claims are a "smear campaign" that comes straight from Jolie. And if a friend of Jolie's is to be believed, that may not be far from the truth.

"Angie says she is going to destroy him," the insider reportedly said. "If something is broken, she just throws it away."

Yikes.

More: Marion Cotillard's boyfriend/baby daddy responds to Brad Pitt rumors

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt marriage rumors slideshow
Image: Fayevision/WENN

RHOBH Kim Richards is now entitled to grandma bragging rights

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Another Real Housewife is a proud grandma! Former The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kim Richards is welcoming a new addition to her family after her daughter Brooke Wiederhorn gave birth to a baby boy Wednesday.

More: Caroline Manzo is about to be Manzo'd with grandchildren

The baby boy is the first child for Brooke and her husband Thayer Wiederhorn, and the first grandchild for Richards. The couple announced they were expecting in March, only two months after Brooke's father, Monty Brinson, died of cancer.

Throughout Brooke's pregnancy, Richards has been sharing her excitement at becoming a grandmother on Instagram, posting regular photos of the mom-to-be.

More: RHONJ's Ashlee Holmes just made Jacqueline Laurita a 'glamma'

Kim Richards grandma

Kim Richards grandma

The sex of the baby was revealed at Easter, and a very blue baby shower was held in August.

Kim Richards baby shower

Kim Richards baby shower

Another Real Housewife who recently gained the right to grandparent bragging rights is The Real Housewives of New Jersey cast member Jacqueline Laurita, whose daughter Ashlee gave birth to a son named Cameron Hendrix Malleo. In early 2017, Laurita's former castmate Caroline Manzo will join the club, when her daughter Lauren welcomes her first child with husband Vito Scalia.

Congratulations to Kim and Brooke on the new arrival!

More: Angela Simmon's first picture of her baby says everything about motherhood


Can't beat Blake Lively's birth plan — it included Taylor Swift

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Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively are officially parents of two!

More: Still upset by Blake Lively's 'Oakland booty'? Sir Mix-A-Lot has words for you

E! News says sources have confirmed that the couple's second baby has arrived, though no reports on the bundle of joy's name or sex yet. According to Page Six, one of the most famous faces in the world made sure to be on hand to welcome the new arrival into the world: Taylor Swift.

Those sources said Swift was en route today to the hospital in Manhattan where Lively gave birth to visit the happy family. It's not particularly surprising that Swift would be one of the first to see the new little one — she and Lively have been friends for a long time. Swift attended Lively's New York baby shower last month. The guest list was kept super-private, but Swift's name was one that leaked. Here's hoping she had a song ready to welcome the newborn with — that would be a truly one-of-a-kind birth story.

More: Blake Lively should be offended by Woody Allen — not Woody Allen rape jokes

Fans of Reynolds and Lively have known for some time now that they were expecting their second baby. Reynolds also opened up about the pregnancy late last month at an Eddie Bauer and American Forests for the One Tree Initiative event.

"My wife is just extraordinarily pregnant right now, so there's not a lot of hiking in her immediate future — nor do I think it's going to happen the second she gives birth, either," he said, smiling. "I'm told there's some recuperation that's needed." He also commiserated with his miserable wife, saying because of the heat, August is "the worst month on earth to be pregnant."

Hey, at least all that misery results in a brand-new baby. Congrats, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds!

More: Blake Lively isn't apologizing for celebrating her curves — because that's ridiculous

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

celebrity couples slideshow'
Image: WENN

Cheer for your kids, Mom — but know when to stay on the sidelines

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He stretches out his fingers and tightens his grip, all his energies focused on the pitch, which comes fast and hard down the line. He swings. The crack of the bat reverberates from his fingers down through his arms, and for a split second, he stares as he watches the ball fly. Full of joy and hesitation, he flings the bat and runs. It is only after he rounds first that he knows. It’s a home run. His first.

“Woooooo!” His mother screams at the top of her lungs and leaps from her chair. “Wooooo!” She hugs the women on her left and to her right. “Oh my God! Did you see that?!” Her face radiates pleasure and she continues hooting and bouncing well after her boy crosses home into a sea of jumping teammates.

Her happiness is infectious and even the parents from the other team can’t help but smile, especially after she high-fives one of them. But they know it’s the best feeling you can have watching your kid knock it out of the park. And it’s not just baseball, of course. Whenever our kids succeed, it’s as if we have succeeded as well, but better.

My oldest was in the third grade when I truly understood it. Even though he didn’t audition for it, his sweet voice led to him being cast as Daddy Warbucks in the school’s production of Annie. “All I wanted to do was work the lights,” he lamented, terrified of the stage.

More: Youth sports league tried to use a sign to shame parents into behaving

Even though his anxiety threatened to overwhelm him, he charged on, studying, rehearsing and complaining. My husband and I gave 50-50 odds whether he’d actually perform.

On opening night, we were all complete basket cases, and I was in no way prepared when my boy not only got up on stage, he nailed it. In fact, he looked calm and cool, not a tremor in his voice or a hesitation in his step. No one would ever have guessed that he was so stressed, he had sweat what must've been pounds. I thought I’d burst from joy and spent the entire show sobbing, unable to control my overwhelmed emotions.

Afterward, my son was shy and proud, but mostly relieved that it was over. He quickly moved onto more important matters, like horsing around with his friends and debating where we would go for ice cream. Now, five years later, if I mention that night, his face still lights up with a satisfied smile, but I immediately well up. It was honestly one of the best and most unforgettable moments of my life.

As moms, we feel our kids’ highs as if they are our own. Better than our own. But of course, it goes both ways. We also suffer our children’s failures. And watching them hurt or struggle is an almost unbearable pain we need to fix.

But I’ve learned over the years (and by being pushed away many times) that children don’t want or need to be babied. We cannot protect them from failure or prevent them from trying new things. They have their own maturing coping mechanisms to deal with their disappointments that need to be developed. “When you shield your child from discomfort, what he learns is that he should never have to feel anything unpleasant in life. He develops a false sense of entitlement,” says James Lehman, a master's degree-holding expert in social work. In other words, children need to manage their emotions and handle life’s challenges. It’s part of growing up mentally strong and healthy.

More: 30 inspirational quotes about sportsmanship to share with your kids

Later in the baseball game, I watched another mom staring through the fence, her eyes fixed on her son, who was playing outfield. He had just dropped the ball. Her cheeks flushed and the pink traveled down her neck. She cradled her head in dismay, watching him shuffle back and forth. “I can’t watch,” she said, turning away and grabbing chips from her bag to munch on. I know her anxiety. I felt similar feelings watching my own kid on the mound the inning before — every strike a triumph, every hit a bullet to the chest.

But my friend’s son is doing exactly what he needs to do. He is shaking it off and refocusing on the game. Some kids might shed a few tears or maybe pull their cap down low and take a moment to regroup, but whatever they do is important. Learning to cope with frustrations is a vital life skill — one you’ll see many parents still struggling with on the sidelines of any sporting activity. Like Jessica Lahey, author of the book The Gift of Failure, says, “The work of raising a resourceful adult takes time, but it begins with a simple equation. We need to give our children autonomy, allow them to feel competent and let them know we support them as they grow.”

We are our children’s greatest supporters and worriers. We are their defenders and cheerleaders. We take their triumphs and heartbreaks harder than they do. But they are more resilient than we give them credit for. We want to take care of their every need, but if we let them, they learn to take care of themselves.

And generally, when all is said and done, they’re just happy to go for ice cream.

More: Teaching your kids not to be sore losers

23 things we know so far about the Gilmore Girls revival

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Ever since it was announced that Netflix is reviving Gilmore Girls, fans of the beloved series haven't been able to contain their excitement. It certainly is thrilling news for those who will forever hold a special place in their hearts for Rory, Lorelai, every other character and, of course, the town of Stars Hollow.

More: Gilmore Girls reboot: Where did the relationships end?

So, until fans can actually sit down and binge the episodes, let's keep track of everything we know so far about the GG revival.

1. The official trailer

Gilmore Girls trailer

Gilmore Girls trailer

This revival trailer is everything fans could've hoped for.

2. There will be four new episodes

There are four 90-minute episodes, which are all titled after the four seasons. The first episode will be "Winter," and the last will be "Fall."

3. The release date

All four episodes will officially be released on Friday, Nov. 25 at 12:01 a.m. PT.

4. There will be a time jump

The revival is set in the present, which is around eight years after the series came to a close.

5. These characters are all returning

Basically, every single character Gilmore Girls fans know and love is returning, including Lorelai, Rory, Emily and Luke.

More: QUIZ: Think you're the biggest Gilmore Girls fan? Prove it!

6. Rory's love interests are appearing

Yes, all three of Rory's major love interests will make an appearance. It's unclear who she will end up with (or if she'll end up with any of them), but Dean, Jess and Logan are all returning.

7. The original series creator returned

Original series creator Amy Sherman-Palladino and executive producer Daniel Palladino wrote all four episodes. Each of them also directed two of them.

8. The series title

The revival is titled Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life.

9. Those final four words

The infamous final four words ASP had planned since the very beginning will finally be revealed. They will also be exchanged between Lorelai and Rory. As Lauren Graham told Entertainment Weekly, the final four words don't bring closure, but actually set up some type of a cliff-hanger.

10. First-look photos

Thanks to Entertainment Weekly, fans can get a better view of the revival through these sneak-peek photos.

More: Jess' official return to Gilmore Girls could mean bad news for Dean fans

11. Luke and Lorelai's relationship status

After all these years, Luke and Lorelai are still not married, EW revealed (via TV Line). As frustrating as that is, there is going to be a wedding, so maybe it's theirs?

12. Richard's death

Seeing as Edward Herrmann died in 2014, his character Richard will no longer be part of the GG universe. Kelly Bishop told TV Line that when the revival begins, four months have passed since Richard's death.

13. A lot of new characters

From Parenthood's Mae Whitman (yes, she is reuniting with her TV mom Graham), to Younger's Sutton Foster, to Bunheads' Stacey Oristano, to Scandal's Dan Bucatinsky, there are a lot of new characters popping up in Stars Hollow.

14. Melissa McCarthy will return

Despite all of that drama over whether or not, and why McCarthy wouldn't return as Sookie, that's all over and done with. She is back as Lorelai's best friend — thank goodness.

15. Here is the poster

Gilmore Girls poster

Gilmore Girls poster

Just look at that cup of coffee. It's just so GG.

16. Lorelai still loves snow

Lorelai and Rory snow

Lorelai and Rory snow

In this photo shared by Entertainment Weekly, it's good to know that Lorelai's infatuation with snow hasn't gone away. Also, can we talk about how beautiful this photo is?

17. Luke and Lorelai are surprised by something

Lorelai and Luke

Lorelai and Luke

Hmm... what are these two so shocked over? Is Kirk showing a horrible movie at the Stars Hollow movie theater? Does it have to do with all that baby talk? Whatever it is, Luke and Lorelai are really surprised.

18. A funeral is happening

Emily, Lorelai, Rory

Emily, Lorelai, Rory

Based on the above photo released by Entertainment Weekly, Emily, Rory and Lorelai are all at the cemetery. I can only imagine this is in relation to the death of Richard. If this photo is making me emotional now, I can only imagine how I'll feel seeing it play out on-screen.

19. They still eat at Luke's Diner

Luke's diner

Luke's diner

Thanks to Entertainment Weekly, fans will feel so much excitement over seeing Rory and Lorelai hanging once again with Luke at his diner. Also, take note of Lorelai drinking coffee, those holiday decorations in the background and how Luke is still wearing his famous hat.

20. Rory's job is...

In a September interview with Us Weekly, Alexis Bledel revealed that despite all of the speculation over Rory possibly being a teacher, she is definitely not. "She has been working hard, as she does," Bledel said. "She started her work as a journalist at the same time that newspapers were going away. Her field changed dramatically as she was just kind of getting up and running. So that’s where we pick up with her." She added, "It’s real time, so it’s been about eight years that she’s been living a bit of a vagabond lifestyle, kind of chasing each story that she becomes passionate about and wants to tell." Everyone feel better now?

21. This other coffee-themed poster

GG poster

GG poster

Just in time for National Coffee Day on Thursday, Sept. 29, this poster — featuring Lorelai, Rory and of course, coffee — was released.

22. Another mini Parenthood reunion

While chatting with Bustle, Parenthood star Sarah Ramos revealed that not only did she visit Lauren Graham on the set of the GG revival, but she also filmed a scene. She doesn't have any lines, but may be spotted in the background at some point near the gazebo. Here's hoping she just happens to be in the same episode as her and Graham's other Parenthood co-star, Mae Whitman.

23. Some "intense adult scenes"

Scott Patterson revealed at Entertainment Weekly's pre-Emmys party (via E! News) that Luke and Lorelai will have some steamy scenes. He said, "There are definitely some fireworks there. We did some really intense adult scenes. Since the movies are only an hour and a half long, it has way more detail and the writing is deeper and seems longer, so it sort of changed." Well, that sure sounds like something fans will enjoy.

More: Lauren Graham is almost as excited as I am for Sookie's Gilmore Girls return

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Gilmore Girls then and now

Gilmore Girls then and now

10 dollar store 'deals' you should avoid at all costs

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Dollar stores can be bastions of great bargains, and every savvy shopper knows that there are some things that are just better purchased at your local discount spot than splurged on at a bigger store. But beware the items that seem too good to be true: They're out there, right alongside the items that look like they're cheaper but actually aren't.

1. Medication and vitamins

When it comes to what you put in your body to make it feel better, you're better off sticking to items in mainstream stores. A few years ago, Consumer Reports released some alarming findings on Dollar Store vitamins, including mislabeled nutrients and tablets that wouldn't dissolve.

2. Lotions and beauty items

Like the things that go in your body, you want to be careful with the items that go on your body. The discount body sprays, body wash and lotions might look like a great deal, but more cheaply made items sometimes have harsh fragrances or chemicals that could cause irritation. Brand-name soap and shampoo items can usually be had for cheaper or even free at retailers like Walgreens through the use of coupons and loyalty points.

3. Candy, sodas and snacks.

A lot of experienced bargain-hunters have discovered that candy and soda are actually at least as (and sometimes even more) expensive than the same products at a bodega or supermarket.

More: Don't get fooled by these common online scams

4. Batteries

They just don't last as long. They might be cheaper, sure, but you're getting exactly what you pay for. If you bought only dollar store batteries, you may ultimately end up spending more money constantly replacing the wasted ones than if you bought brand-name batteries with coupons.

5. Tools

See above. A one-dollar screwdriver will do the trick once or twice, but the plastic handles of dollar store tools are typically brittle and don't hold up that great. Household tools are definitely worth investing in.

6. Toilet paper and paper towels

Cheap begets cheap. Typical dollar store paper items are one-ply, loosely rolled and fall apart too quickly. Like batteries, you'll buy them over and over again. Plus, wipe with one-ply enough times and you'll eventually start dreading having to visit the porcelain throne.

More: Fashion fakes: How to tell if an online store is legit

7. Canned goods

They are as cheap or cheaper at a grocery store, especially when coupons are involved. Stores like Kroger usually have 10 for 10 deals on store-brand items like beans and canned vegetables, so there's no need to make a separate trip to a dollar store to get them each week.

8. Boxed mixes

Here's something you might not know about dollar store cake mixes: They usually only yield half of what their brand-name counterparts will, which means you would have to spend the same amount anyway just to bake a whole cake!

More: 8 Simple tips to make garage sale shopping a success

9. Candles

Who doesn't love a nice scented candle? Just skip the ones available at the dollar store. They usually smell funky (or not at all) and they "tunnel," meaning that the wax is so cheap it doesn't melt evenly — just around the wick.

10. Kid's toys

These are usually cheap, off-brand items that fall apart easily, turning them into choking hazards for little ones or just general disappointments. Plus, who can forget the creepy self-harm toy one mom discovered at her local dollar store? Yikes!

dollar store rip-offs
Image: Gabriela Arellano/SheKnows


Ozzy Osbourne's ex-mistress just won't leave his family alone

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Ozzy Osbourne's ex-mistress isn't giving up without a fight.

More: Ozzy Osbourne's mistress scandal is turning into one strange love triangle

Even though Ozzy went back to his wife, Sharon, his ex-mistress, Michelle Pugh, is still going after the family — by suing Ozzy's daughter, Kelly.

Kelly hasn't been exactly nice to Pugh, sure. She sent out some tweets shaming Pugh, who is a celebrity hairstylist, after it came to light that Ozzy had an affair with her.

"Anyone looking for cheap chunky LOW-lights a blow out and a b***job call [phone number]," Kelly tweeted. She followed it up with another tweet saying, "My father is almost 70 ever heard of elder abuse?"

More: Kelly Osbourne takes defending her 3-year-old niece just a bit too far

Pugh says that since the tweets have gone out, she's been slut-shamed and cyberbullied. She also claims she lost business because of the scandal. Her lawyer takes it even further and says the tweets are hate speech.

"Yes, we have free speech in this country, but this is more than free speech," said Pugh's lawyer. "This is hate speech, and it's defamatory, and it incites bullying and discloses personal information, and that's when it rises to a different level."

Sorry, but while Kelly's tweets may have been rude, they were definitely not hate speech. She has an issue with Pugh's actions, not who she is as a person. For this to constitute hate speech, Kelly would have to be insulting Pugh's race or religion or gender or something else that's protected. Being pissed at the woman who almost broke up her parents' marriage isn't a hate crime.

Hopefully Pugh isn't expecting a big financial windfall to come of this lawsuit. Kelly has plenty of resources to adequately defend herself, so I don't see this going anywhere.

More: In one harsh tweet, Kelly Osbourne annihilated Ozzy Osbourne's hairdresser GF

Before you go, check out our slideshow below:

Ozzy & Sharon marriage slideshow
Image: WENN

10 way-too-easy last-minute celebrity Halloween costumes you'll def want to try

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What is Halloween if not a time to let your freak flag fly, let your hair down and dress up as whomever you damn well please? For most of us, this is probably going to look a lot like our favorite celeb and a lot less like a certain costume that requires a pair of scissors and a bed sheet.

But really, Halloween is kind of awesome for this reason. You could spend hours putting together all your gore and guts to frighten the kids on your block, or you could spy on a few celebrities and figure out how to put their iconic look together in just a few minutes. And you probably already have a bunch of this stuff hanging up in the back of your closet.

1. Eazy-E

Eazy E Halloween costume

Eazy E Halloween costume

If you've got a white shirt, a denim button-down shirt, a pair of sunglasses and a hat, then you've got yourself a living tribute to Eazy-E. (And if you haven't seen Straight Outta Compton yet, go watch it right now. It's that good.)

2. Janelle Monáe

Janelle Monáe Halloween

Janelle Monáe Halloween

Janelle Monáe's classic suspenders and bow tie? So easy an adorable little girl can do it.

More: Janelle Monáe silences Twitter troll with five words

3. Amber Rose

Amber Rose Halloween

Amber Rose Halloween

This dude gets all the credit for owning it in a black bodysuit and sunglasses as Amber Rose.

4. Katy Perry

Katy Perry
Image: Nathan Rupert/Flickr

Aaaand it's that easy. If you have a blue wig and a wacky dress lying around, you too can be Katy Perry this Halloween.

5. Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp Halloween

Johnny Depp Halloween

Johnny Depp on Halloween means shaggy hair, a stylish hat, glasses, a flannel shirt and a big ole scarf. Check, check, checkity check.

Next Up: Lady Gaga

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6. Lady Gaga

Lady gaga
Image: istolethetv/Flickr

A blond wig, a sexy bra and a leather jacket, and you've got yourself a Lady Gaga that is totally believable.

More: Lady Gaga's mom writes moving essay about her childhood bullying

7. Selena

Selena Halloween

Selena Halloween

Oh, Selena, we miss you. Pull that sparkly bra out of your drawer and put on a big belt, and you've got yourself another awesome costume tribute.

8. Beyoncé

Beyoncé Halloween

Beyoncé Halloween

Seriously. This little Beyoncé look-alike in a flannel shirt and denim cutoffs is nothing short of amazing.

9. Redfoo

Redfoo Halloween

Redfoo Halloween

An LMFAO's Redfoo Halloween costume might be one of the easiest to pull off if you have a curly wig you've been saving for a rainy day. And bonus: You finally get to wear your leopard bicycle shorts.

10. Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars
Image: dope2111/YouTube

To be Bruno, all you need are sunglasses, some bling, a bandanna, a cool hat and a beautiful singing voice.

11. Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift
Image: Lis Ferla/Flickr

Who knew being the biggest pop star in the world could be so easy? To put together a believable T, you'll need a blond wig, a bowler hat, cutesy sunglasses and some pink lipstick.

More: Top 10 most-liked Instagram posts of 2015: Taylor Swift rules the list

Originally published October 2013. Updated September 2016.

13 tiny changes that’ll give you next-level hair, skin & nails

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There's no denying that those days at the spa are absolutely glorious, but they're not necessary to have the hair, skin and nails of your dreams.

In fact, all it takes is a few simple changes in your daily routine to get shiny hair, glowing skin and strong, gorgeous nails. Save the spa days for your mental well-being, ladies — you don't need them to achieve the look you want.

Image: Tiffany Egbert/SheKnows

Sources: Health.com, Prevention.com, US National Library of Medicine, Women's Health Network, Friday Magazine, The Health Site, InStyle, Cosmopolitan

1. Pack in the protein

That morning protein shake does a lot more than help tone your muscles*. It also helps thicken hair.

2. Limit sugary treats

That extra helping of dessert isn't only bad for your waistline. Too much sugar can also damage the precious collagen that keeps wrinkles at bay. As if you needed another reason to pass on that slice of cake, right?

3. Drink your milk

Take your own advice the next time you tell your kids to drink their milk — you need it, too, mama. The vitamin D and calcium help build healthy hair and nails*.

4. Don't cut all the fat

There's nothing wrong with watching what you eat, but making cuts that are too drastic will deprive your hair, skin and nails of the nutrients they need to thrive. Not enough essential fatty acids can lead to dry skin, and hair and nails that are brittle and easily breakable.

5. Cover your head

You know the sun can wreak havoc on your skin but that's not its only offense. Those same UV rays that send you diving for the sunblock can also damage your hair, making it brittle and easy to break. Next time you step out in the sun, grab a hat or scarf to cover up those pretty tresses.

6. Take your multi-vitamins

What you eat has a lot to do with how your skin, hair and nails look. Fill in the nutritional gaps in your diet by taking a daily multi-vitamin to keep everything strong, healthy and glowing.

7. Go organic with your meat

While you're upping your protein intake, reach for the organic meat. It may be a little more pricey, but some dermatologists say patients who eat meat without the added hormones notice improvements in the look of their skin.

8. Get to the gym

Here's one more reason to get that booty to the gym — increased blood flow from your workout gives your skin a healthy glow and stimulates your scalp, keeping hair follicles healthy.

9. Chill on the coffee

Caffeine may do a great job of keeping you perky, but it does just the opposite for your hair, skin and nails. Too much caffeine dehydrates your body, and you need hydration to look your best.

10. Add yoga to your workout

Don't just stick to cardio while you're rocking it out at the gym. Throw in some yoga for even better circulation. It's also great for reducing stress, which we all know doesn't do your hair, skin or nails any favors.

11. Don't wait to moisturize

Reach for your moisturizer as soon as you get out of the shower. Applying it within two to three minutes will trap moisture in the skin and keep your skin better hydrated.

12. Sleep on your back

While catching up on your beauty rest, try to lie on your back as much as possible. Sleeping on your back prevents fluid accumulation that leads to puffiness and dark circles under the eyes and may lead to more wrinkles as you age.

13. Take a break from polish

All that polish sure looks pretty, but it keeps your nails from absorbing moisture, leading to brittle, breakable nails.

This post was sponsored by Alive!® Multi-Vitamins from Nature’s Way.

*This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.


I throw fancy first birthday parties because I love my kids

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Moms who love to go all out throwing elaborate parties for their baby's first birthday don't always get the kindest feedback from other parents. Some say we're attention seeking. We're trying too hard. And others think we are wasting time and money throwing a huge party for a child who won't even remember the party when they grow older.

I am one of those moms "wasting" time and money throwing all-out first birthday parties. I don't do it for attention or to try too hard. I just love it.

More: I cook and clean for my husband — and I love it

Heck, I love throwing birthday parties for any age. When someone’s big day is on the horizon I am the one creating a Pinterest board, writing out menus and perfecting decorations for months beforehand. I have two young daughters and a third baby on the way. For my first, we threw a vintage-themed picnic in our front yard with three different cakes and a combination of handmade decorations and flea market finds. My younger daughter's birthday was indoors and I filled our dining room with fresh flowers, cupcakes, fruit salads, punch, and truffles. I am sure I will have just as much fun planning for baby number three when his or her first birthday rolls around.

I don’t throw parties to keep up appearances and I know it isn’t for everyone. People have different priorities for how they spend their money and their time.

Even though I do more than most of the moms in my circle, when I start to search Pinterest, I realize my efforts are still pretty tame. I have a strict budget, I don’t order designer anything, and there are never wild animals or clowns present (not judging those who do those things, of course!). Still, birthdays are something I prioritize. I love to pick a theme, make handmade decorations, and make all of the treats from scratch.

I understand the reservations many have about putting so much time and effort into a two or three hour party. Some believe that Pinterest has played a role in breeding competition between moms, setting the bar incredibly high for all aspects of motherhood. I think the argument that moms should never throw a party out of pressure or to meet expectations is completely valid.

But in an effort to take undue pressure off of moms, I wonder if we have shifted too far in the opposite direction. Now moms who love to cook or throw parties or decorate their homes are told they have some reason to feel shame. Not all women love the world of domesticity, and that's OK! But that doesn't mean the women who do should feel ashamed when their hobbies revolve around childrearing and homemaking.

For many of us competition or appearances have nothing to do with the decorations, layered cakes, and handmade outfits. We devote weeks of planning to an event our child with never remember not as a means of keeping up with the Joneses, but because it is something we love to do.

More: I'm attachment-parenting, and it's absolutely suffocating

Here’s the thing, I have always loved to make a big deal of the people who are special to me. This has shown up as random acts of kindness, thoughtful gifts, and sometimes, elaborate birthday parties.

My children are at the very top of the list of people I adore, and I love to treat them to a few hours of wonder and sweet treats as a way of showing them just how special they are to our family.

On top of my love of celebrating the people I care for, I am also a huge fan of food. OK, so maybe that sounds silly. It isn’t just that I love to eat (who doesn’t, really?), it’s that I love to cook. Experimenting with how flavors taste together is one of my favorite hobbies. I love writing menus and working with ingredients that are unusual or unexpected to make something delicious. Birthdays, in my opinion, are the perfect opportunity to flex my cooking muscles. What better reason is there to try my hand at baking a difficult but beautiful cake, cooking some fun new appetizer, or putting together a lunch buffet? I know this it is not something many would consider a great source of entertainment, but it is one of my favorite things to do.

First birthdays aren’t just about the food, or celebrating a healthy baby, they are also kind of celebrating the parents, too. Maybe it’s self-centered, but I love what a first birthday party signifies. It is my way of saying, “we did it," we made it through one the most challenging years of parenting with a healthy baby, an intact marriage, and that is something worth celebrating.

More: Why good moms lie to their kids … sometimes

So, yeah, maybe a first birthday party is a completely unnecessary and frivolous way to spend your time and money, but I think there is a lot of good to say about the practice. In the end, all of parenting is about finding your own way of doing things. If making a big deal of birthdays is an endless source of pressure or stress, skip it!

As for me, I am not about to give up my love of throwing shindigs because I feel judgement from those who think it’s a waste of time or money.

Netflix's Amanda Knox doc was interesting but didn't do Knox any favors

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Like so many people who were enthralled by the case, I made a mental note of the release date for Amanda Knox — the original Netflix documentary exploring the complex story of this young American woman who, while studying abroad in Italy, was arrested for murder.

More: Those Netflix promos for the Amanda Knox doc didn't change anyone's mind

I remember so distinctly when the then 20-year-old Knox was accused of killing her roommate, Meredith Kercher. Although I hadn't lived abroad during my collegiate years, I had fled my tiny hometown in South Carolina to attend the University of Hawaii. I was in a place that was foreign to me, my only friends at first the women who lived in the same dorm.

So, in a sense, I related to Knox. When I heard the news, I felt sorry for her. I could see how, when you are in a place you don't know with people you don't know, you could get swept away by a sea of strangers because you are the outsider.

As the case unfolded, though, I too started to question Knox's unorthodox behavior. Something just didn't seem to add up. Then again, grief manifests in different ways for different people. That's what I kept telling myself during the trial and, to be honest, I never really came to a firm conclusion about Knox and her boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito's guilt — even when they were sentenced to nearly three decades in an Italian prison.

When I heard about the Netflix documentary, I thought, "This is it, then. This will erase those doubts I had about Knox, and it will be clear that this was the unfortunate case of a young woman wrongfully accused."

Then I watched the documentary and, I've gotta say, I'm not sure the filmmakers necessarily did Knox any favors.

Many of the same things that plagued me about Knox at 20 years old nag at my subconscious still. Her manner seems... off. While time has erased many of my memories of Knox during the trial, the footage shown in the documentary reminds me of her haunting behavior in the immediate aftermath: smiling at the media, shopping for lingerie with and kissing her boyfriend and pointing the finger at her employer, bar owner Patrick Lumumba.

More: Amanda Knox says "I will never go willingly" back to Italy

While she addresses some of these lingering issues directly in the documentary — the police essentially told her that she made an appointment to meet with Lumumba that fateful night, all based on one text message — she fails to offer any resolution for many others.

Why did Sollecito recant his original story and say that Knox had not been with him that night until the wee hours of the morning? Was he, as she suggested, "slapped around" by the police to coerce a confession of sorts?

Although the documentary doesn't necessarily convince me that the two are guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt, it certainly doesn't convince me of their innocence, either. I could easily see why Italian authorities would be struck by the pair's peculiar aloofness.

The directors, Rod Blackhurst and Brian McGinn, seem to hope that the documentary will move viewers beyond that particular narrative and into a place of understanding. "We really hope that the film is a portrait of each of these people who are caught up in something far bigger than themselves," Blackhurst told ET, adding, "Nobody had really taken the time to understand who they were as individuals."

So while the documentary succeeds on many levels as a beautiful, powerful examination of a case that became a public entity unto itself, I feel like it fails to achieve what the directors outlined. I don't feel as though I have a less murky grasp about who Knox is as a human and why she would have acted the way she did following the murder of Kercher.

What I will say is that I don't think Knox is outside of the realm of redemption — but the documentary has little to do with that. Rather, it is Knox's everyday life that I feel could exonerate her in the court of public opinion.

More: Amanda Knox is engaged — 7 interesting things about her relationship

Perhaps the directors should have focused a bit more on that. Like the fact that Knox was not paid to participate in the documentary, or that she lives a relatively frugal life as a freelance journalist.

Or how Knox has become an advocate for the wrongfully convicted. How she speaks to other exonerees on a regular basis about "the challenges of moving from a reactive, defensive mindset to a proactive, productive mindset; the strange dichotomy of feeling both young and old, alone and not alone; the need for emotional and financial support post-exoneration; the need for the exoneree's experience to be incorporated into the greater American cultural narrative; and the possibility to translate the exoneree's unique strengths and skills into a resource for the greater society."

That, to me, could make for a compelling case about who Knox is as a human being.

Watching Audrie & Daisy was 're-traumatizing' for rape survivor Daisy Coleman

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Netflix's new documentary Audrie and Daisy is about two teen girls who were sexually assaulted, then cyber-bullied and shamed online. We sat down with Daisy Coleman to find out what it was like to share such an intensely personal story.

Daisy Coleman
Image: Netflix

Audrie and Daisy is a very difficult film to watch but perhaps the most important film of the year when it comes to protecting our kids. Rape culture continues to make headlines, but for two young girls, Audrie Pott and Daisy Coleman, their sexual assaults were made even more tragic when the people they thought were their friends shared photos and videos of the assaults with their entire schools. Sadly, Audrie Pott was so devastated, she took her own life, never having had the chance to tell her story. Daisy Coleman has now become a voice for Pott and others by bravely opening up on film about her own difficult experience.

More: If you read one thing today, make it Viola Davis' speech about surviving sexual assault

In the beginning, Coleman admitted that she was wary of being a part of the documentary and felt very hesitant for the first two or three months. But then, something in her shifted.

"It was after I learned about Audrie's full story, and about how she never got a chance to speak out against her perpetrators because she was bullied immediately after her assault, that I felt really powerfully about being a voice for her," Coleman said.

Still, the process of reliving her own nightmare wasn't easy. The first time Coleman ever saw the film was at the Sundance Film Festival, where she viewed it with a full audience.

More: 10 things every boy needs to hear his parents say about consent

"The first few times I saw the movie, it was slightly re-traumatizing for me because I was basically rehashing my whole life story. But after watching it so many times and going to the Q&As with so many other survivors and victims — I met so many people who are just really grateful that the film was being released — they came forward and told me about their own experiences. I realized the film is much more powerful than just my story. I’m just one of 1 million different cases in our nation. There's so many other women and young adults with so many parallels to my story, Delaney's story and everyone else's story. All survivors and victims are connected in one way or another."

Delaney Henderson also shares her story of sexual assault in the film and has become a close friend of Coleman's.

Audrie and Daisy
Image: Netflix

Bonni Cohen, the movie's co-director, says some very important conversations need to start happening.

"We really hope that viewers will start to look at their own families, their own schools and communities, and really ask questions that will bring us all out of this denial. Parents may think, 'Oh, it’s not my kid who's sending nude photos of herself to her school friends' or 'Oh, it's not my son who's asking for them, my kid would never bully another kid online or post something inappropriate.' There's a lot of denial among parents about what their kids' lives are like online. We really want to unlock what's really going on and get kids and parents to talk openly and honestly about that life and how it's being led," Cohen said.

Cohen also thinks education around these topics needs to start much earlier. "By the time you get to high school, it’s too late," she said.

To start the conversation, the filmmakers have created educational materials and discussion guides for parents and teachers that are available at AudrieandDaisy.com.

Despite all the darkness in Coleman's past, we're delighted to report that her future looks very bright.

"I have tons of plans. I’m going to tour around colleges on the East Coast and speak about students' Title IX rights, bystander intervention and victim empowerment," Coleman said.

Audrie and Daisy is now streaming on Netflix.

Audrie and Daisy

Audrie and Daisy

If you suspect someone might be considering suicide, or if you have struggled with those thoughts yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Don’t panic: Becoming a parent can improve your social and professional lives

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We often hear about the ways in which parenthood is a social liability. Have children, and you often lose touch with child-free friends, become impossible to talk to about non-kid topics and miss out on after-hours work functions because happy hour is impossible when there are day care pickups to be done.

While there is truth to this, I’ve also found some ways that being a parent can actually benefit one’s social life, both in and out of the workplace.

Becoming a parent makes you more compassionate toward other parents

Before I had children, there was something sacred and terrifying about my friends having kids. I didn’t know what to do to celebrate or help them. I think I sometimes sent a card. I also went over and stayed too long while cradling their child and doing nothing else. Then, when I had my first son, I was grateful, but also mortified, when a small army of moms appeared to fortify me with hand-me-downs of all sorts (clothes, furniture, strollers), food, groceries and a sympathetic ear.

Now that I have a kid, I pay it forward in the form of food-delivery gift cards, encouraging late-night texts, visits from a paid-for cleaning lady and my own hand-me-downs (which I now realize helps me as much as it helps the new mom in question.) My favorite new-mom move is bringing over food, washing the dishes and then taking out the trash when I leave. Not only have other moms taught me how to treat new moms kindly, I know that I may be teaching other new moms how to do the same when their friends start having kids.

More: Chasing the Dream: Managing your priorities

Becoming a parent can help you squash beefs

My best friend from young adulthood and I had a falling out in our 20s, around the time we both got married. It was a time of high emotions, when we were growing apart and becoming competitive, when it seemed like things like who was the thinnest or who had the largest engagement ring were actually important.

We didn’t speak for five years, even though I missed her badly. We reconnected after we each had our first children. Not only did becoming mothers give us something new to discuss, it helped ease some of those old pressure points. No matter how much money you have or how thin you are, you’re gonna have (literal or figurative) poop on your hands. It brings us down to the same level.

Becoming a parent gives you something to talk about with other parents (even colleagues)

I’ve always been an outgoing person and haven’t had a lot of trouble making new friends, but I’ve noticed this has gone to the next level now that I have a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old. Mothers of newborns still have a lot of room for high hopes and unreasonable expectations (plenty of “I’m going to do X and I will never do Y”).

By the time you have a toddler or a preschooler, you’ve totally abandoned X and probably do Y at least three times a day. There have been certain parents I’ve felt an instant bond with merely due to the fact that our children are the same age, to the point where I’ve gone over to their houses for a first play date and instantly found myself feeding their babies or helping the parents make dinner — just because our lives are, for better or for worse, interchangeable. Parenthood can be the jumper cables for many relationships that wouldn’t have started otherwise.

More: Best social activities for you and your preschooler

Becoming a parent helps you better define your work life

Far be it from me to be one of those moms who tosses her lustrous hair and says, “Parenthood has forced me to consider what’s really important!” I’m writing this at 10:30 p.m. on a weeknight, after all. But by and large, having kids has forced me to put barriers around our/my time. I won’t pretend that our/my time is always a sepia-toned moment of bliss. Frankly, work time is often closer to “me” time than family time is.

But by necessity, when the boys come home from school/day care, I have to close the computer, put away my phone and take care of family business. Similarly, on the weekends, I can’t focus on email because I need my energy for these damn boys. Strangely, I think this makes me better professionally than if I just let my work bleed into all my waking hours. I telegraph that my time is important and that I value my brain enough to let it rest at times.

Becoming a parent may give your work a new angle

Far from hindering my professional life, motherhood has actually helped. Not long ago, I had a business meeting with a woman I was meeting for the first time, but before we actually got to work, I helped her unload some hand-me-down toys from her car that she was passing on to me. Once you have that personal connection established, it’s easy — practically fun — to talk about adult things like work after that.

Meanwhile, becoming a parent has given my writing career a whole new dimension. I write what I know, and while parenting isn’t all I know, figuring out how to do it the best I can and how to manage it all the best I can is an ever-flowing fountain for me. I find it therapeutic to confess my parental shortcomings and to sort out my feelings about motherhood in writing, and I’ve been lucky enough to make a living doing it. Will I continue doing this as my children get older and demand more privacy? Who knows? I can’t guarantee it will happen for all, but for me, undoubtedly, parenthood actually enhanced my creative, professional and social lives.

More: Everyday inspiration: Make plans with someone you haven't seen in a while

If you think Amanda Knox is guilty, you're not seeing the injustice

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The Amanda Knox documentary is still leaving viewers divided about the case, but if you believe in science, you can't believe she is anything other than innocent.

The Netflix original features several key players in the investigation of the murder of British exchange student Meredith Kercher, including Italian prosecutor Giuliano Mignini, who thinks he is a character in a John Grisham novel, British "journalist" (and I use that term very loosely) Nick Pisa, Knox and her co-defendant, Raffaele Sollecito. All tell their version of events and their roles in shaping the narrative of the events surrounding Kercher's murder.

More: Netflix's Amanda Knox is interesting but didn't do Knox any favors

There's a lot of information to be disturbed by in this film, beyond the bloody crime scene photos. Pisa smirks his way through his interviews, describing how his salacious articles slandering the characters of all involved hit the front page and it felt "better than sex." There's Mignini creating an entire sequence of events based on nothing but his unfounded ideas on how innocent — read: pure and virginal — females should behave. There is the outrageous behavior of the police, who lied to Sollecito and allegedly assaulted Knox to get false confessions out of them. There is the statement of Rudy Guede, who was convicted of murdering Kercher, affirming that Knox was not present at the murder scene.

But most importantly, there is the DNA — or, rather, the lack of it.

Much was made of the DNA evidence at the pair's original trial. The prosecution stated that both Knox and Kercher's DNA was found on what they deemed the murder weapon, a knife found in Sollecito's home. Small traces of Knox's and Sollecito's DNA were found in Kercher's bedroom, where her body was located. It was enough to earn their initial convictions.

More: Amanda Knox is engaged — 7 interesting things about her relationship

But on appeal, DNA experts got involved. In the film, they explain how easy it is to transfer tiny amounts of DNA from skin cells and how, if a crime scene is not properly handled and labs are not following proper protocol, DNA evidence is very easily tainted. According to the experts, that is exactly what happened here. And finding no true DNA at the crime scene would have been nearly impossible given the extremely violent nature of the crime, especially considering how much DNA Guede left behind.

As the delegate Supreme Judge, Court adviser Gennaro Marasca, explained in Knox and Solecito's final acquittal, the two could not have "materially participated in the homicide" as there were no "biological traces that could be attributed to them in the room of the murder or on the body of the victim, where in contrast numerous traces were found attributable to Guede."

Knox and Sollecito were set free by science, which trumps circumstantial evidence and public opinion. It trumps false confessions and kisses at the crime scene and underwear shopping. It's the only true evidence there is, and it all points to Guede acting alone.

Amanda Knox is now available on Netflix.

More: Amanda Knox: A timeline of murder

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

True crime shows slideshow
Image: Netflix
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