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Signing a kid up for preschool takes more preparation than for college

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In early 2015, my husband and I decided over dinner we wanted to start looking into preschool for our son. I’ve always had a type-A personality and value planning ahead, so I figured starting our search eight months before our little guy’s first day of school would give me plenty of time to figure things out. I had already compiled a mental list of preschools I was interested in touring and a general idea of what was important for our family in a school.

The next day, I sat down and Googled one of the schools on my mental list and was shocked when I read through the informational page. SHOCKED. Tours at the school had been going on for months and enrollment period started weeks prior. I Googled another school and found similar information. The third one on my list had a single enrollment date only two weeks away, and some claimed it was necessary to camp out the night before to secure your child a spot. Who knew preschool enrollment often started eight plus months before the first day of classes? Clearly not me.

I frantically called around and signed us up to go visit a few of the schools on my list. I also contacted every mom-friend I had with older kids for additional school recommendations and any advice they might have. While they each had different stories and tips, all reassured me we would find the perfect place for my son and our family. My husband had to remind me more than once that our son was only two and a half years old and we were not signing him up for college.

We visited multiple schools and absolutely fell in love with one of them. The location was good, cost was reasonable, classrooms were idyllic, teachers were sweet, and most importantly, my son didn’t want to leave after our visit. And better yet, the one we ultimately chose didn’t require us to sleep in a tent to enroll. After the enrollment paperwork was submitted and approved, my blood pressure slowly went back to normal.

While my preschool stress was at bay for months, the anxiety started back up as my son’s first day of school approached. I attended parent orientation and found myself excited and nervous at the same time. My son, he was fine. I was the one stressed out. It all seemed so official.

Once school started, I know I wasn’t the only parent emailing my son’s teacher to check in on him. But after that initial adjustment period, the kids were learning and having a blast at the same time.

Initially, I was overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I was required to bring along. Things like snacks for the whole class, the share bag, and a packed lunch. My son was even sent home with “funwork” to do over a weekend. I also had to come up with a new calendar system to track all the special dates, like t-shirt day, fall festival and various parties. But after a few months, we’ve all settled into a nice little routine.

I realized preschool is equally as much about preparing the parents for kindergarten as it is for the kids. A big part of my preschool enrollment anxiety had to do with my denial that my baby is growing up. Watching him carry his backpack into his classroom and wave goodbye made me realize that we will be unpacking his stuff in his college dorm room before we know it. Even though our days of stroller walks to the park might be limited, seeing how much he has learned and his new friendships are reminders that we are right where we should be.

How did you react to your little ones starting preschool? Any tips for parents thinking about preschool enrollment?

This article originally appeared on Scottsdale Moms Blog.


We're still thinking about the disaster that was Kanye's NYFW show

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Even before Kanye West's Yeezy 4 fashion show started, it was making headlines (many considered his casting call to be very inappropriate) and the headlines just keep getting worse.

More: Tyga just scored a major career goal & everyone thinks it's thanks to Kylie

West debuted his collection in the Franklin D. Roosevelt Four Freedoms Park during New York Fashion Week and on Tidal on Wednesday, Sept. 7. But it turns out the show was a bit of (or a lot of) a disaster, with models not being able to walk in their sky-high heels, enduring fainting spells while in the hot sun and just looking downright miserable.

So, here's what else went down: The highly anticipated event reportedly started almost two hours late (that's a long time to be waiting around and doing nothing) and that was only the beginning of the disaster that was to come.

The New York Times fashion director Vanessa Friedman tweeted that the Kardashian clan only walked in an hour after the show was meant to already be underway.

Vanessa Friedman Twitter

Vanessa Friedman Twitter

They looked incredible though.

Kylie Jenner Instagram

Kylie Jenner Instagram

While Stella Bugbee, fashion editor at The Cut, commented on how a model passed out in the heat and no one from West's team helped her.

Stella Bugbee Twitter

Stella Bugbee Twitter

In fact, Bugbee was particularly unimpressed with how the events of the show panned out and took to Twitter to share her thoughts.

Stella Bugbee Twitter 2

Stella Bugbee Twitter 2

Stella Bugbee Twitter 3

Stella Bugbee Twitter 3

Stella Bugbee Twitter 4

Stella Bugbee Twitter 4

The models looked to be really suffering throughout the show.

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 3

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 3

However, Teyana Taylor happened to be one of them (and she slayed).

Teyana Taylor in Yeezy show

Teyana Taylor in Yeezy show

There are also multiple videos making their way around the internet that show models really struggling to walk in their shoes — and according to onlookers, the shoes were literally crumbling beneath them.

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review

There's more!

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 2

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 2

And one more...

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 4

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 4

More: Kris Jenner discusses Kanye West's fashion line & inconvenient requests

Fans have also taken to Twitter to have their say about the Yeezy 4 fashion show — and boy, is it bad.

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 5

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 5

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 5

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 5

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 7

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 7

Um, it looks as though West may be hard-pressed to find people who want to attend his next show now.

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 6

Kanye West Yeezy 4 review 6

But what do you think of Kanye West's Yeezy 4 fashion show? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.

How the hell am I supposed to know how to tell my daughter I was raped?

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There was a time when I thought I would never stop talking about my rape. Brutal and painful, I ended up in and out of every type of doctor's office; I needed a great deal of patching up afterward, both physically and emotionally, and it required a certain degree of loquacity. But where my doctors listened with blank, clinical faces, shoving boxes of tissues toward me every time I began my story afresh, they had competent memories that meant I could shut up.

My mother, on the other hand, turned me into a myna bird.

It was like the terrible Pete/Repeat joke. As soon as the words left my mouth, she either forgot or pretended to, and then I would have to tell her again. She was every type of devil's advocate: the one that asked me what I was wearing, the one who asked me why I was somewhere I should not have been.

More: Telling my 5-year-old about sexual consent was just as awful as it sounds

Sometimes, she competed with me for the harder life, the nastier experience; on certain days, she was a weepy, triggered victim as she begged me to be thankful I had made it out less scathed than she; on others, she was not — she was a superior, chaster person who never would have put herself in my situation.

I was 13. I was my daughter, just four short years from now. Three, really. There was a time when I thought I would never stop talking about my rape, but now that it's time to fit in this last piece of the puzzle that is talking about sexuality with a young girl who will soon be a young woman, I have no idea how to start again.

She knows lots of words by now, all spoken frankly and out of necessity and without (too much) blushing by me. Vagina. Penis. Condom. Orgasm. Masturbation. Intercourse. Herpes. Consent. She knows their meanings, and has as much context as a young girl could have for them; while still hugely foreign to her, they are at least less mysterious than they were to me at her age.

There's one word that she knows, but has no idea what it means — what it really means — for her, for her peers or for me. Rape.

Every definition I attempt sounds wrong before I can even say it, so I just don't. It isn't sex without permission, because it isn't sex. But why skirt around the fact that it can affect sexuality deeply? That the same parts are involved? I often rely on hypotheticals and examples when I tell her about the things that require a deep breath for preamble, but that leaves me in a bind with this word. How can I ask my daughter to imagine herself in a situation like that? And while I have an example — myself — every time that I tell myself I will begin, I feel something that I have not felt about the entire topic since I was just a child myself: fear.

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My mother's goldfish memory made me unashamed of the word rape or of my own experience with it. The word lost all of its insidious power for me, and instead became a sort of armor. I have told my story now in so many ways and to so many people, I have lost count entirely.

I have told it to wannabe frat-boy comedians elbowed up to the bar I was tending with jokes about rape, forcing them to be as uncomfortable with their unfunny punchlines as I was. To the girls in my city's rape crisis center, letting them see that they were a part of a well-populated if completely shitty club. To my foster sisters and biological brother, each with our own stories, trading them like currency. "My uncle, when I was 9, in the parking lot of church" or "my boyfriend, when I was 16 and closeted, in his mother's bedroom."

A stranger, when I was 13 in a hotel bathroom at a party, with the whole world outside of the door and me screaming in the way you do at the edge of sleep after a nightmare, dry and silent and impotent.

Each retelling sent words like "assault" or "taken advantage of" or "he hurt me" out of my vocabulary. Rape is a hard and ugly word, but that's precisely why we should speak it. And anyway, why should I have felt shame?

I'm not a rapist.

More: Why I lied to my daughter about my first kiss

I did not like the word "victim," but neither did I like "survivor." How can you survive something that feels like it never ends? I didn't cower, but I did relive it every night until I became pregnant with my daughter.

I admit to being guilty of compartmentalizing. Here is my body under someone else's control. Here it is again under my own. Here it finally is outside of the ugliness of my rape. A body removed from sex. A mother's body. I allowed myself to quieten. I stopped refusing to remember alone. I stopped talking about my rape, because that was another woman.

Children are not our therapists. They do not need to know every blight, slight and fucked-up piece of family history we've got hiding in shoeboxes at the back of our closets. Me telling her about being scared and hungry at her age serves no purpose. What can she learn from that except that I need her to pity me? But rape is something different.

Rape is not going away. That one in four women is raped in her lifetime isn't enough to shock people into fixing it. We live in a world that says it cares, but doesn't. My daughter will not go hungry. But the closer she gets to adulthood, the less I can shy away from admitting that it could happen to her as it happened to me. Or it could be different. It could happen in a thousand ways. I have met more women who have been raped than women who have not, and as different as their stories are, they are also breathtakingly, infuriatingly identical.

Or it could never happen.

But it could, and I know that I should tell her that it does happen. I know that telling her even an abbreviated version of what I have been through will make her more likely to come to me if she needs to. That she will never have to play Echo and Narcissus with me, smashing words against someone who just won't hear them. She will never have to wonder if I believe her.

But I can't tell her. Not yet, I can't.

She still runs to me when storms kick up, loud and thunderous. Even as she pulls away from me toward independence, she draws nearer when she is most afraid, and I am happy to pull her close. I can assure her that I will protect her, and I will never be a liar for it: I am there at the bottom of the monkey bars, I won't let the wasps in the backyard sting her and it is only ever the wind. I am tough, still, to her. Tougher than the scary things.

I am afraid that when I tell her, "This can happen to anyone. This happened to me," she will know the truth. There are no magic steps to make you brave. It's not like the wasps, where if you leave them alone they will leave you alone, too. It's not like the wind; a lot of noise but nothing that can really hurt you. I can't stand beneath the monkey bars forever. I am not tougher than this.

It's scary that the illusion will drop and she will suspect that there are some things I can't protect her from.

But I'm mostly terrified because I know that she would be right.

If you've been sexually assaulted and need someone to talk to right now, call National Sexual Assault Hotline, 800.656.HOPE (4673), to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

You might be more like Donald Trump than you realize

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Nearly every day, someone publicly states on social media that any of their friends who support Donald Trump should cease to be acquainted with them. They use words like “racist” and “asshole” or even “dumbass” to describe both Trump and anyone who believes in his right to the presidency. There is no discussion, no open dialogue, simply a declaration and a click, ending a relationship with someone who, at some point, was considered good enough to be connected to them.

I think this behavior is problematic, especially from people who claim to be above the hatred Trump so regularly word-vomits.

More: Donald Trump's supporters have a real problem with this woman's hat

If we as voters are truly so different from a man who advocates xenophobia, sexism, slander and intolerance, shouldn’t we behave differently, too?

As a woman, a mixed-race Latina, a wife to a current active duty service member of 19 years who has served multiple times in war (and came to this country illegally from Mexico at 11 months old, becoming an American citizen at the age of 31) and the mother of two Latino sons, I have taken personal issue with many of Trump’s statements against immigrants, women and even our military members.

Still, those issues and concerns are not enough for me to end relationships with people because they don't agree with me.

More: I let a drug company test its meds on me because I was flat broke

In our small military community, a surprising 60 percent of enlisted members, people who are our neighbors and friends, actually support Donald Trump. My non-Latino family members have also expressed admiration for the man and I’ll be honest, it befuddles me.

My husband and I have had a hard time understanding how people we know, like and even love could want a man like Trump to become the leader of our country, which was founded on principles of fairness, equality and tolerance. A vote for Trump feels like a vote against us, and that is hard to swallow.

Still, these people who embrace his brash politics are welcome in my home and in my life.

My acceptance wasn't immediate. To get there, I had to do some serious soul searching.

I’ve witnessed many friends openly disparage both Donald Trump and anyone who would vote for him. They’ve used words like: fool, idiot, ignorant, uneducated, racist, redneck, hillbilly and worse to describe anyone who could mark their ballots in support of Trump. I've seen friends I admire for their intelligence and passion pledge to unfriend anyone on Facebook who is pro-Trump without a second thought.

Those same friends cheered when, in December, news spilled across the internet that it was easy to find out which Facebook friends supported Donald Trump. All one had to do was search “friends who like Donald Trump” and a list of offenders would populate, making it easier to isolate, blame and disconnect from anyone who had different political beliefs.

It was tempting at first to follow that tide of political dismemberment, but then it occurred to me that the very act of doing so would make me a lot more like Trump than not. That, in a nutshell, was something I never wanted to be.

Grouping all people into one category is something Donald has done with gusto. In the considerably short time he’s campaigned for president, he has marginalized women, Latinos, Muslims, Asians, black Americans and even prisoners of war and citizens of Iowa, among many others. His disparaging remarks foster the false belief that by a single affiliation, we can know the entirety of a person.

Just because a white man shoots children in a school, or an auditorium full of movie-goers, does not mean we all equate white men with terrorism. That would be wrong, that would racist, that would be ignorant.

The truth is that our country has a long history of pointing fingers and blaming groups of people in an “us versus them” ideology that has hurt so many. Remember the Jim Crow laws that prevented black Americans from having true freedom and equality after the horror of slavery? What about when our government destroyed the lives and careers Jews in a supposed “communist cleansing,” imprisoned Japanese Americans in internment camps because they could be enemies, hospitalized women who stood up for their rights as “hysterics” and denied gay couples the right to marry and have families?

All throughout our history, “otherness” has been used as a way to deny even the most basic of human rights to groups of people.

Trump’s correlation between terrorists and Muslims, rapists and Mexicans, cowards and prisoners of war only serve to continue our country’s legacy of divisiveness, hatred and intolerance. The marginalization and oppression of others has never, not once, made our country great.

In fact, the so often touted Trump campaign slogan “Make America Great Again!” rings untrue to me. I can’t pinpoint a single time in history where greatness was a reality for all of our citizens, not just a privileged, empowered few.

I learned a long time ago that to behave like the person you dislike is to make yourself a mirror image of them. Name calling, fear mongering and spreading hatred against people who aren’t like me sounds a whole lot like Donald Trump, and that’s not someone I want to be — not ever.

Even if I don’t agree with the political beliefs of certain family members and friends, it isn’t enough for me to remove them from my life. I am smart enough to see that a political affiliation does not mean someone agrees 100 percent with the rhetoric. Just like many people of faith disagree with certain aspects of their religion and many Americans are supporters of our government but not all of the laws and leaders, it is possible that people can support aspects of Trump’s campaign without supporting his more controversial, hurtful sentiments.

More: The 5 most racist arguments on the internet

This understanding has guided my acceptance of the people whose politics I don't understand or agree with. It has informed my decision to not unfriend anyone who favors Trump. If anything, I’ll try harder to understand their support of him. If at some point I called them my friend or family member, then that means there was something good and likeable about them, and that they aren’t hateful, hurtful people who want to take away my or my family’s rights and freedoms. Knowing that means we have a point of commonality from which we can build upon, and hopefully, learn to understand one another.

Maybe, by behaving differently than those we disagree with, we can inspire people to do the same. We can squash mob-mentality xenophobia, encourage critical thinking and open discourse and actually lead our country to true greatness, which is what I have to believe we all want, no matter who gets our vote.

Yes, VPR's Jax really just dropped some truth bombs on periods and feminism

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Let's face it, anyone who watches Vanderpump Rules knows that Jax Taylor isn't exactly an expert when it comes to the opposite sex. He cheated on his ex-girlfriend, Stassi Schroeder, with a Vegas hostess and her good friend (twice), and he's constantly saying meathead things that could be considered degrading towards women — at the very least.

But a new video posted by Bravo hints that Taylor, at the tender age of 37 years old, might finally be starting to understand the female plight — all thanks to his Pump Rules costar, Ariana Madix.

After a couple drinks at what looks to be a local dive bar, Madix informed Taylor that not only do women have to pay for feminine hygiene products when Aunt Flo is in town, but we also have to pony up a tax when we make the purchase as well.

More: I don't eat dogs either, but Lisa Vanderpump shouldn't condemn those who do

Surprisingly, Taylor's mind was blown, and now he's a self-proclaimed feminist.

Taylor was actually even ranting about inequality before Madix even told him about the tax. He started in on how hard it is to be a girl, especially when it comes to the expense of keeping up one's appearance.

"You know what's f***ed up? You know there is a tax on f***ing tampons?" Madix interjected.

"There's a tax? But your body automatically... you don't have a choice!" an incredulous Taylor replied. "That's f***ed up... they should be free! Just like birth control... but birth control you can get for free and tampons you have to pay for. That's a little weird.

"I'm a total feminist! I'm starting to believe in women's rights," he continued.

Jax Taylor feminism video

Jax Taylor feminism video

Despite the fact that he's clearly wasted, Taylor makes some great points. While I don't necessarily agree we should take away access to free birth control, woman don't have a choice when it comes to periods and shouldn't be taxed for it. Also, can we please get the fee waived on tampon machines in public restrooms? Needing a tampon when you don't have a quarter when you are out is the most horrific situation ever.

Taylor also jumped on Twitter to drive home his point.

Jax Taylor tweets

Jax Taylor tweets

Next thing you know, we're gonna catch Taylor reading his own dog-eared copy of The Feminine Mystique at home on a Friday night.

More: Vanderpump Rules’ Jax Taylor realizes his faults, but will he really change?

What do you think about Taylor's musings about the period tax?

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Vanderpump Rules one-liners slideshow
Image: Bravo

Finally, validation that Michael Strahan's Live! exit was totally botched

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Finally, somebody is owning up to Kelly Ripa being blindsided by the news Michael Strahan would be abruptly leaving Live! — and it only took him five months to do it.

Since April, Ripa supporters have been quietly waiting for someone to publicly admit that it was wrong for her to be kept in the dark about Strahan's exit and his new job at Good Morning America, and Ben Sherwood, the head of Disney/ABC broadcast and entertainment networks, is finally stepping up.

"I have most definitely thought about it, and I think that enough has been said about it," he said in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter of the decision to leave Ripa unaware of talks to bring Strahan to GMA. "We made some mistakes, we fixed them quickly and we moved on... I certainly learned that more communication is better," he added.

More: Kelly Ripa was right to freak out over Michael Strahan leaving Live!

It's not exactly the full-fledged apology Ripa fans were hoping for, but it's still validating to hear someone recognize that what went down was messed up.

Sherwood also revealed that he feels that Live! is going to be just fine without Strahan.

"I was on the set of Live recently," he said. "The show is in great shape, Kelly is in a great place, the hunt for a new cohost is underway, the excitement is building, and I believe the future of that show is bright."

Speaking of the hunt for a new cohost, don't expect that announcement to come anytime soon.

"Kelly has always felt strongly that the show will need a permanent cohost and she is committed to finding one," a source told People magazine. "But that process cannot be rushed, and so she is happy to take her time to make sure that the chemistry is right."

More: What drama? Kelly Ripa & Michael Strahan were adorable on his last day

Candidates for the position range from Anderson Cooper to Fred Savage, and even Live! viewers, who were recently encouraged by Ripa to send in short submissions detailing why they deserve to be the next cohost.

Whoever the new host turns out to be, we're just happy that Sherwood took ownership for the Strahan snafu. Now we're just waiting on Strahan.

What do you think of Sherwood's comments about the way Strahan's exit was handled?

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Kelly Ripa slideshow
Image: WENN

Methinks Adrian Grenier's lost his mind while frolicking around Burning Man

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One lucky reporter from The Cut had a total Entourage moment at New York Fashion Week, when he had a conversation with Adrian Grenier that was a little too reminiscent of the episode where Vinnie Chase and his boys head to Joshua Tree to eat a bunch of 'shrooms and get some perspective on life.

Only this time, the setting was at a pizza joint in New York as opposed to the California desert, and Ari and E were nowhere in sight. Grenier's musings in the interview, however, were straight out of The Tree... or should we say Burning Man.

"The celebrity thing is what you make it," Grenier told The Cut. "Look, I have an opportunity to live like Burning Man all the time because I have the opportunity to meet people who can open up and be present with me... and I can shame them for it and act holier than thou or have those authentic moments with people every day. I’m lucky."

More: Celebrities at Burning Man: 10 ways the festival changed their lives

Not that I don't admire some of Grenier's politics — his voice is powerful and he does great work advocating for the environment and other causes — but in this particular interview, his philosophy of "live like Burning Man all the time" was in full view, because some of his quotes are a little out there.

For example, he said, "We consume 500 million straws each day. The equivalent of 127 school buses filled with straws. It’s disgusting. There should be children in those school buses, going to school, to learn, not straws."

More: Zoolander 2: 13 most bizarre and unexpected cameos

And now, all I can think of is Zoolander.

Zoolander gif
Image: shareagif

A couple more little nuggets of wisdom:

"I pioneered Williamsburg. It got so gentrified that I had to come to Bushwick. I lived two blocks away, and then this place opened, and I couldn’t afford to live in this neighborhood. We used to have to walk three miles backward in the snow for a cup of coffee when we lived here. Now there’s, like, baristas and cold brew.

"I’m a guy who cares about people. Acting is my day job, but at night, I get to be a superhero. There are superheroes, people who fly or have all these extraterrestrial powers or supernatural abilities. Everybody can be a superhero every day by doing very simple things. Change the world."

More: Adrian Grenier loses tons of fans after "disrespectful" 9/11 post

Adrian, we love ya. Please, never stop being you — and never stop living every day like it's Burning Man.

What do you think about Grenier's interview?

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Deep thoughts with Jaden Smith: 45 of his best quotes
Image: Graphics by Terese Condella & Becci Burkhart/SheKnows; photo provided by WENN

Big changes may be ahead for Y&R, and fans are gonna love 'em

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Chuck Pratt Jr. never had it easy as the head writer of The Young and the Restless. His style of writing left longtime soap fans frustrated because Pratt Jr. didn't treat legacy characters with the honor they deserve and it often felt like he didn't understand the history of the show.

More: General Hospital star Matt Cohen shouldn’t leave his daytime job

Instead, Pratt Jr. disappointed viewers with Chloe’s lackluster return and turned poor Jack into a shell of a man. Social media complaints were heard far and wide during his tenure, but things certainly turned around this week when SheKnows Soaps confirmed on Tuesday that Pratt Jr. was out as head writer at Y&R.

Within a matter of hours the tweets took on a different tone — fans were rejoicing.

Fans happy Pratt is out-6

Fans happy Pratt is out-6

Fans happy Pratt is out-3

Fans happy Pratt is out-3

Fans happy Pratt is out-4

Fans happy Pratt is out-4

Fans happy Pratt is out-5

Fans happy Pratt is out-5

Pratt is moving on to primetime as the new showrunner and executive producer of Fox’s upcoming series, Star. Daytime Confidential is reporting that Sally Sussman Morina might return to Y&R as his replacement. If that happens, big changes are in store for the soap and she is the perfect person to get the show back on track.

More: Victoria Rowell has a strong case against Days of Our Lives — here’s why

Sussman Morina started her career under the tutelage of Y&R show creator William J. Bell. She knows the ins and outs of the beloved characters, particularly the Abbott and Newman families.

If anyone is going to get the Newman family back to their old selves again, it has to be Sussman Morina. She understands the histories of the characters and the expectations of soap fans.

More: The real reason The Young and the Restless' Burgess Jenkins left the show

CBS has not officially confirmed Pratt Jr.’s exit, but his new job has already started. That’s confirmation enough.


A timeline for your child's tooth loss

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Around the time kids start kindergarten, they start hearing rumors about the infamous tooth fairy and wish for loose teeth.

You, too, start envisioning toothless school pictures, and just like that, you've caught the toothless bug. All of a sudden, you're both checking for loose teeth every night at bedtime and wondering when it's finally going to happen.

According to Dr. Greg Jorgensen, most children start losing teeth around 6 years old. The lower front teeth (incisors) typically go first, followed by the top front two. The first eight baby teeth are usually lost between the ages of 6 and 8, according to his website.

Follow this chart to get a better idea of what teeth might fall out when.

Image: Becci Burkhart/SheKnows

Sources: WebMD, Jorgensen Orthodontics

This post was sponsored by ProNamel® 6-12 Years Toothpaste for Kids.

More on losing teeth

Survey reveals how generous the tooth fairy is
Unique new trend: baby teeth jewelry
11-year-old girl pulls her own tooth in jaw-dropping move

We are so not OK with Tyler Christopher's General Hospital exit

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This was not how Tyler Christopher’s summer break was supposed to end. For fans of General Hospital, it was important that Christopher returned home to Port Charles. On Wednesday, TheWrap.com announced the actor's departure from the ABC show.

His break began in June when contract negotiations stalled between him and the network. In order to step away from the chaos, Christopher decided to take a break from the show. His story line was briefly continued with actor Nick Stabile stepping into his role.

More: General Hospital star Matt Cohen shouldn’t leave his daytime job

Christopher, who’s played Nikolas Cassadine for 20 years on GH, recently won his first Daytime Emmy. It seemed natural that the network would eventually work out any contract differences given his strong work on the show.

He even thought it would work out. In July, he tweeted out a message to the GH fans with some optimistic news.

Tyler-Christopher-tweet

Tyler-Christopher-tweet

That good news didn’t come to fruition and contract negotiations reportedly broke down in August, according to Soap Opera Digest. It’s hard to believe Christopher is gone.

More: General Hospital’s Jack Wagner speaks candidly about his son’s drug addiction

The incredible level of work he brought to the role each and every episode he appeared in was extraordinary. It’s disappointing to see that the network couldn’t find a way to make it work for an actor who has been on their show for two decades.

Soaps need to find a way to keep longtime viewers happy and, in turn, keep their veteran talent happy on set. Christopher has turned to working outside of GH to keep his acting chops sharp. Fans will be able to find him in three upcoming projects, including Unhallowed with Dee Wallace and Pretty Broken with former Days of Our Lives star, Jillian Clare.

More: Man Crush Monday: 15 pics of Ryan Paevey being a wild man of adventure

However, that’s not enough. We won’t get to see him anymore in a role that defined two generations of GH. For now, Christopher leaves us with a note of appreciation on Twitter.

Tyler-Christopher-tweet-2

Tyler-Christopher-tweet-2

The ageism on Don't Be Tardy is sickening

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After nearly a year of no Don't Be Tardy, I almost forgot just how thoughtless and downright cruel a few members of the Zolciak-Biermann clan can be. Tonight served as a nice refresher, and while I'd hope that the Biermann girls would mature a little in their time off, that's evidently too much to ask.

More: We try to defend her, but this time Kim Zolciak took her Snapchat too far

It's not a big deal when the Biermann girls make careless, borderline-annoying comments. They're teenage girls and sometimes adolescents say things without thinking. Sometimes, however, they are downright offensive. They certainly haven't figured out how to speak respectfully of their elders, as they spent much of tonight's episode trashing anybody and everybody they deemed "old."

Don't Be Tardy
Image: Bravo

The ageism occurred in small spurts throughout the episode. At one point, as Zolciak's daughters discussed the possibility of moving to Florida, they decided that the Sunshine State is home to far too many old people. Heaven forbid they live near or regularly interact with anybody above the age of 50!

More: Kim Zolciak's fans have officially had enough of her product selfies

The negative attitudes about old age were also evident during a palm-reading session, when Rose the palm reader predicted a long and happy life for Ariana Biermann. She didn't seem to like this idea, and not because of health concerns, but because, past the age of 60, she would supposedly have nothing to live for. Brielle chimed in eventually, claiming that there's really no point to life after you're old enough for social security. Apparently, Brielle hasn't spent a lot of time with happy retirees.

Don't Be Tardy
Image: Bravo

It's easy to hate on the Biermann girls, but it's important to acknowledge that their family life could have been a lot different if their mother was a better role model. Unfortunately, she sets the tone, and let's just say, it's not positive.

More: Brielle Biermann's Snapchat blowup deserves to be called out

In one especially memorable scene, Zolciak and her husband Kroy Biermann stopped by the doctor to discuss the possibility of Zolciak freezing her eggs in anticipation of yet another pregnancy. Zolciak alienated pretty much every woman (and man for that matter) who has no desire to have children by stating that, after a certain point, there is little reason to be still alive if you aren't parenting. I get that Zolciak loves being a mom, but there's no need to shame others for their lack of biological children.

I really hope that Zolciak gets it together and sets a better example for her kids, but I don't think it's going to happen in the near future. She and her daughters are stepping on a lot of toes as of late, and I fear this will ultimately come back to haunt them.

What do you think of the Zolciak-Biermann clan's thoughts on old age? Comment and share your opinions below.

The American Horror Story Season 6 opener was all anticipation and no delivery

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Guys, I am not pleased.

Season 6 of American Horror Story was so anticipated that maybe we should have expected to be disappointed. They did an amazing job with the teasers and the announcement that they were going to keep the theme a secret until the premiere. The entire thing was brilliant and it certainly had me on the edge of my seat wondering what it was going to be. When you build something up like they did, it's important to deliver. Unfortunately, I just don't think they delivered.

More: American Horror Story Season 6 might bring the series full circle

We still don't really know what the theme is for this season. We didn't even get an intro with the theme song. So far, what they gave us was something akin to those shows like I Survived or Celebrity Ghost Stories. The entire episode was a dramatic reenactment of something weird going down in this couple's house in Roanoke, North Carolina. Between the reenactment, there was what was supposed to be the actual couple narrating the events. It was weird and felt like a different show than what we have become used to with American Horror Story, but not in a good way. Every time the actual episode went to a commercial break, they flashed "My Roanoke Nightmare" onto the screen, but is that the theme? Is every week going to be a different story or are we stuck with this couple the whole season?

More: We're picking up the clues American Horror Story's dropping about Season 6

I don't think anyone saw a mockumentary coming. It seems like people aren't exactly thrilled with the idea, either.

American Horror Story

American Horror Story

Can they really be doing this? I just think it's a bad move. One of the best and most beloved things about American Horror Story is the "story" part. It's fun to get enveloped by characters and a plot every season. It's like it's just enough time to fall in love and to say goodbye. If we are going to have a new story every episode, then how are they going to build a story that fans care about? Even if it's the same couple, I can't understand how that will work either because right now we are seeing the fake reenactment of what they endured and only seeing them separately in interviews. Right now, I simply don't care about these people because I am watching a fake version of their supposedly true story.

More: 100 bucks says AHS' new season is about little devil children

I just don't know, guys. I am hoping that things are going to get better after this opener but I am not excited for the season if it continues the way it looks like it will. Come on, Ryan Murphy! Give us the good American Horror Story that we all know and love!

Did you like the American Horror Story Season 6 opener? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

America's Got Talent fans with no boundaries bullied a 12-year-old girl

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Grace VanderWaal is arguably this year's cutest contestant on America's Got Talent, but she doesn't want to be thought of as merely cute — she wants people to respect her vocal talent and her knack for writing original lyrics. Sadly, the respect that she so badly desires was in short supply tonight, when VanderWaal was announced as the Season 11 winner.

More: Jayna Brown was robbed on America's Got Talent

A lot of people adore VanderWaal, but seemingly just as many think she's overrated. And that's perfectly fine — different musicians appeal to different people. And of course, some people just don't like the idea of any singer winning America's Got Talent.

Finalists AGT
Image: NBC

I totally get why people are disappointed by VanderWaal's win, but what I don't get is how harsh they are on Twitter. She's a 12-year-old girl for crying out loud. I'd be annoyed even if she happened to be of legal age, but her preteen status makes the vitriol all the more upsetting. She's a talented girl and she does not deserve to be torn down.

More: The America's Got Talent judges owe Tape Face an apology

Grace VanderWaal
Image: NBC

According to the haters, VanderWaal has absolutely no talent and only came out on top because she's so adorable. They must be hearing a different singer, because the voice I heard last night was beautiful — and the original lyrics were impressive. Highlighted below are a few of this evening's unfortunate tweets.

Grace VanderWaal mean tweet 1

Grace VanderWaal mean tweet 1

Grace VanderWaal mean tweet 2

Grace VanderWaal mean tweet 2

Grace VanderWaal mean tweet 3

Grace VanderWaal mean tweet 3

Thankfully, while several people were super mean on Twitter, many others made a point of congratulating VanderWaal and wishing her all the best for her future music career.

Grace VanderWaal nice tweet 1

Grace VanderWaal nice tweet 1

Grace VanderWaal nice tweet 2

Grace VanderWaal nice tweet 2

VanderWaal was not my top choice to win this season, but I would never, ever dream of insulting a preteen on social media. Contestants see what people tweet, and the harsh words they encounter can have a lasting impact. I just hope that VanderWaal is able to see past all the negativity and embrace the unique experience of being an America's Got Talent victor. She should also think about the feedback that really matters: Simon Cowell thinks that she's the next Kelly Clarkson!

Grace VanderWaal video

Grace VanderWaal video

More: Sofie Dossi shut the haters up tonight on America's Got Talent

What did you think of Grace VanderWaal's win on America's Got Talent? And what about the post-finale backlash? Comment and share your opinion below.

Bringing Up Bates family is about to add another baby to the mix

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Another Bringing Up Bates grandbaby is on the way!

More: World's smallest baby brings hope to NICU parents

Alyssa — the sixth eldest Bates child — and her husband John Webster have announced that they are expecting another little girl, who will be little sister to their firstborn Ailie, born April 2015.

The couple — who married in May 2014 — celebrated the news with a gorgeous gender reveal photo shoot, and also shared their due date of January 27, 2017.

Alyssa Bates Webster and John pregnancy announcement
Image: Macey Heim

"John and I are simply overwhelmed with happiness to be expecting another baby girl. We are highly anticipating our daughter’s arrival... January can't come soon enough!” 21-year-old Alyssa said in a statement.

The new arrival will be the sixth Bates grandchild, joining Zach and Whitney's son Bradley, 1, and daughter Kaci, 3 months, Chad and Erin's son Carson, 1, and daughter Brooklyn, 1 month, as well as big sister Ailie.

More: Alexandra Breckenridge's baby name is a hit around the world

Alyssa Bates Webster and John pregnancy announcement
Image: Macey Heim

Of course, that still leaves 16 Bates children to add to the ever-expanding clan. With the youngest Jeb still only the tender age of two, we could still be watching new Bates grandkids on our screens in 2036...

Alyssa Bates Webster and John pregnancy announcement
Image: Macey Heim

More: Jill Duggar's having cravings, but that doesn't mean she's pregnant

Season four of Bringing Up Bates airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET on UP.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below:

Pregnancy emojis
Image: Emoji Mom

Don’t judge me because I’m a smoker

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I was 13 years old when I had my first cigarette. Like any awkward, self-conscious teenager growing up in the '90s, I was desperate to fit in with the “cool” kids in my neighborhood, so I didn’t hesitate to accept their invitation to sneak into the woods behind our townhome community and give the whole smoking thing a try.

I can picture it like it was yesterday. I didn’t inhale the first few drags, but when I eventually sucked in the smoke and allowed it to penetrate my lungs, I felt a searing pain from my throat down into my chest. It was followed by a coughing fit of epic proportions and a head-rush of nicotine that nearly made me pass out. My new “friends,” already seasoned smokers, laughed as I struggled to catch my breath. Once I did, I gave my own chuckle and took another puff.

More: Quitting smoking may not have saved me from lung disease after all

Thus began my relationship with cigarettes, an off-and-on affair that’s lasted for 20 years now. (Note: We’re currently “on” and happier than ever… for the most part, anyway.) 

There’s so much about smoking that I love: the sense of community when you crowd under an outside awning to light up in the rain with 10 strangers; the feel of holding a cigarette in one hand and a cocktail in another (really, it’s like peanut butter and jelly); the soothing way the smoke fades into the air as you exhale, especially on a quiet night spent sitting on the deck and listening to the song of the cicadas.

Cigarettes have been a near constant during some of the worst and best moments of my life. They saw me through countless tear-filled smoke breaks that provided a brief escape from a truly terrible and soul-sucking corporate job. As an introvert, I’ve found them to be a security blanket of sorts, making it slightly easier for me to connect with new people when we’re sharing a smoke together. They certainly helped on my first date with my soon-to-be wife, then a fellow smoker. To this day, we still laugh about my nervous chain-smoking outside the café where we drank iced lattes on a hot August afternoon.

More: How to quit smoking by tracking your period

Oh, you caught that, did you? Yes, my partner is no longer a smoker. She quit nearly four years ago, achieving an incredibly difficult feat for which I’m enormously proud of her. Navigating the new waters of a relationship in which one individual is a smoker isn’t always easy, though. I sometimes catch her grimacing after we kiss if I’ve recently had a cigarette. When I come home from a night out with friends — during which it's easy for me to smoke my way through an entire pack — she doesn’t hesitate to tell me I stink or ask me to change my clothes. And she definitely hasn’t given up her repeated requests for me to join her in her nonsmoking bliss… since, you know, being able to smell better, breathe easier and live longer obviously has its perks.

Look, I understand most people find smoking to be a disgusting habit. I know I should quit, and I absolutely intend to someday. As my wedding day approaches, I can’t ignore my desire to spend as many years with my partner as possible, and smoking just doesn’t fit into that scenario. I recently turned 33, and I’m fully aware that as I get older, my body’s ability to repair itself from years of smoking only weakens. I’ve read the literature. I know the statistics. I recognize what I’m putting into my body.

More: How you really get someone to quit smoking, from an ex-smoker

Does it gross me out on occasion? Yes, and those feelings usually lead me to put away the lighter for a few days. But then the weekend comes, and I want to have a drink at home or join my friends for happy hour, and my cigarettes are as much a necessity as my purse and car keys. Right now, I'm not ready to quit. I enjoy smoking, and I don't feel guilty for saying it.

Plus, I’m not sure how I could get through my wedding day without my trusty Marlboro Lights by my side.


People are outraged by the double-standard for Nate Parker & Casey Affleck

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Nate Parker and Casey Affleck have something unpleasant in common: They have both been accused of sexual misconduct in their past. The difference is, only one of them is having it drudged up by the media — well, until recently.

More: Gretchen Carlson is getting the Twitter treatment and it's gross

Both men have been tipped to win big at this year's Oscars: Parker for Birth of a Nation, and Affleck for Manchester by the Sea, and with this comes closer scrutiny of their lives.

In September of 2010, Casey Affleck settled the sexual harassment cases against him, made by two women who accused him of unwelcome advances during the filming of I'm Still Here. The women in question were producer Amanda White and cinematographer Magdalena Gorka, who had claimed that working with Affleck had been hell as they were subjected to his sexual advances and harassing behavior. While Gorka claimed she endured a "barrage of sexual comments, innuendo and unwelcome advances" from the crew, encouraged by Affleck.

More: Casey Affleck admits Joaquin Phoenix documentary is a joke

Affleck completely denied the accusations made against him, and threatened to countersue the women. However, a mediation was held, which eventually resulted in a settlement. But this case is over, and Affleck has gone on to work in the entertainment industry (including making movies like Manchester by the Sea, Out of the Furnace and Interstellar) with relatively little backlash, a comment that Mashable recently made in an article questioning why there is an uproar against Nate Parker (who has been grilled about his past at every turn), but not Affleck.

Parker's case is different (it was a criminal matter, not a civil one): When he was age 19, he and writer Jean Celestin were accused of raping a fellow Penn State student when she was unconscious and unable to consent. Parker was acquitted and Celestin's conviction was later vacated, Mashable reports. It's also different in the way that the allegations against him — which have been discussed in depth this year — differ from those made against Affleck.

More: We may be hearing some new music from Kesha a lot sooner than expected

However, a lot of people feel there has been a double-standard in the media with regards to Parker and Affleck.

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions 2

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions 2

People are calling for Affleck to be held accountable and face the same scrutiny that Parker has.

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions 3

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions 3

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions 4

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions 4

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions 6

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions 6

Others note that this is an important conversation, and shouldn't be swept under the rug.

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions 5

Casey Affleck vs Nate Parker reactions 5

But what do you think? Should Parker and Affleck endure the same backlash for their past offences? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

A play written by Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth? Count us in

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Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are working together on more than just their wedding — a source close to the couple just revealed that they're co-writing a play.

More: Don’t expect to see Miley Cyrus on a red carpet ever again

According to the source, the on-and-off lovebirds "have been writing a script for a play together," and "it's a dramatic love story."

Based on personal experience, perhaps? Their love story is definitely pretty dramatic — they met on the set of The Last Song, were engaged in 2012, then broke up for three years. They've been back together for months now, reportedly engaged, but they can't seem to nail down any details about their wedding.

First, they had plans for a small, intimate wedding on the beach in Australia, where Hemsworth is from and where much of his family lives. But that obviously didn't come together, and just last month, Cyrus canceled their reservations for flights and a place to stay in Bora Bora, where they were apparently planning to honeymoon.

More: Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth are trying so hard to be sly — we see you

According to a friend, Cyrus "is still very erratic with her decision-making."

But apparently only when it comes to wedding plans. As for her creative outlets? Cyrus has no problem staying on the ball there.

"Miley is always writing, drawing and making music," another source told Us Weekly. "Liam helps out. They’re so creative."

And if that's the case, their co-written play should be a success — after all, they're both extremely successful actors and artists.

More: Ahhh, Miley Cyrus is like a weeeetle baaaaby in Liam Hemsworth's throwback

Do you think Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth will be able to pull off writing a play together? Would you see a play written by the couple? Let us know down in the comments.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below:

Miley Cyrus Liam Hemsworth slideshow
Image: Larry Busacca/Getty Images

I can't hold it in anymore — I have to call Ariana Grande out for her bad attitude

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Ariana Grande is driving me crazy. She may be an undeniably talented singer — people don't call her a baby Mariah Carey for nothing — but Grande sometimes seems to be lacking a basic understanding of how celebrity works, and it's getting old really fast.

More: Ariana Grande is taking heat over her 'vulgar' photo with boyfriend Mac Miller

Just this week, Grande hypocritically challenged Ryan Seacrest after he asked her about her alleged relationship with rapper Mac Miller. Grande was appearing on Seacrest's radio show, On Air with Ryan Seacrest to promote her album and upcoming tour when he asked her about a report that she had confirmed her romance with Miller via an Instagram post. Grande quickly got defensive, "Oh, is that what I did? Is that what Instagram means to you now?" When Seacrest clarified that he was reading a report, and not personally suggesting that the photo, which he admitted he had not seen, was confirming her relationship, Grande refused to play along. Finally, after some awkward back and forth, Seacrest asked Grande if the post was, indeed, confirmation of her relationship with Miller, and this is how she responded: "I don't know, man. It's not, like, good morning, On Air with Ryan Seacrest. It's too early for this kind of tea."

Ariana Grande & Mac Miller

Ariana Grande & Mac Miller

OK, I'm going to stop her right there: "it's too early for this kind of tea"? What kind of tea is she referring to? A reporter, Seacrest, was doing his job — asking a question about these rumors and inviting Grande to set the record straight. Since when is that disrespectful and rude? Grande is trying to shame Seacrest for simply asking about the report (which, again, he doesn't appear to have written), as if he went digging through her personal photographs and blindsided her in the interview. In fact, Grande shared the photo in question (see above) on her official Instagram profile, which is verified and public. She volunteered the photo almost a week before her interview with Seacrest — there is no way she was unaware of the fact that a reporter could ask her a question about it. When Seacrest brought up the fact that she had shared the photo with her 84.1 million Instagram followers, Grande replied, "If I post something, that's what I'm willing to share in that moment. That doesn't mean that you, Ryan Seacrest, with millions of listeners, are entitled to more information."

Ariana Grande 'On Air with Ryan Seacrest' — VIDEO

Ariana Grande 'On Air with Ryan Seacrest' — VIDEO

More: Ariana Grande's fans don't approve of her new boyfriend, not one bit

Now, it's not Grande's message that annoys me. It's true that just because she posts a photo online of her alleged boyfriend doesn't mean she's inviting us into bed with them, but her defensive tone and dismissal of Seacrest's argument show a bratty, hypocritical side to Grande that I have no patience for. The fact is, like it or not, Grande has fans. She knows by now that when she shares something on a public social media profile, reporters are going to ask her about it. It's their job. And personally, I feel that it should be Grande's job to answer Seacrest's question without the attitude. It would be one thing if I thought she was joking, but she wasn't. In her response, Grande wanted to make Seacrest look like the bad guy for asking a simple question when she could have just said she wouldn't comment and moved on. There was no need for this attitude.

More: SNL and Ariana Grande hilariously bail on being feminists (VIDEO)

This isn't the first time Grande has gotten angry at the press for digging into her love life. In 2015, Grande made headlines for calling out a double standard in the industry, noting that she was always written about in relation to a man she may or may not be in a relationship with. At the time, she had just made headlines for saying she didn't want to be referred to as Big Sean's ex anymore, but as her own person. "I have clearly not been having the boy questions in my interviews lately because I have come to the realization that I have SO. MUCH. MORE. to talk about," Grande wrote on Twitter in June of 2015. I completely agree with Grande on this score.

Grande shouldn't just be asked about who she's dated or is dating, and it would be easy to draw a line from this message to her attitude with Seacrest. But Seacrest wasn't diminishing her to her relationship status. In the same interview segment, he gave her four minutes of airtime to talk about her music and her "musical brain." It's also worth noting that, in an interview with Ellen DeGeneres on the same day, Grande confirmed her relationship with Miller, though she did so reluctantly. The bottom line is that if Grande doesn't want to talk about her personal life, she shouldn't have to, but next time, instead of attempting to vilify a journalist for doing his job, a simple "no comment" will do.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

Ariana Grande slideshow
Image: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN

My partner thought he hadn't cheated because they hadn't had sex

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When I stumbled upon evidence that the man I’d loved and trusted for 20 years had a secret girlfriend for 10 of those years, he tried to deny it.

“We never had sex!” he told me. And I believed him. For about two minutes.

“You never kissed?”

“We did kiss.”

“Did you hug and grope?”

“We did.”

“Did you take your clothes off?”

“Yes.”

“Did you give each other orgasms?”

“Yes. But — we never f--ked!”

If he’s to be believed (and maybe he’s not, since he’s clearly an accomplished liar) they managed to have a secret love affair going for 10 years but they never once had good old-fashioned sexual intercourse. I’ll admit that once Mike* confessed that he and Martha* had done everything else, part of me thought, “If you’ve gone that far, why stop? For goodness sakes, you’re already committing adultery. Why not go ahead and bonk?”

More: That dreaded gut feeling your sig-o is cheating — how to read the signs

Deniability, it seems.

“This isn’t really sex!” they assured each other, as Mike later told me. “So what we’re doing isn’t wrong.”

Apparently, this is how a cheater thinks. They phoned and flirted and texted and kissed and said “I love you” and made passionate furtive whoopee in hotel rooms, but they convinced themselves that it wasn’t cheating because “we didn’t have sex.”

Translation: We did everything two lovers can do. Except schtup.

And this isn’t sex? On what planet?

When my friends learned about Mike and Martha, many more than I’d have thought confided that their boyfriends, husbands and/or dads had played by the same rules. They had affairs that they justified as not really being affairs because there was no penis-in-vagina action.

More: Why I tell my friends not to be afraid of divorce

Hell, even the former President of the United States was on board, if you remember Bill Clinton's claim: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman!” Yeah. Except for all the blow jobs.

There’s a reason they call it oral sex and not oral philosophy or oral sunshine, rainbows and moonbeams.

Clearly, we’ve got a linguistic problem here.

So in the interest of better communication, I’d like to get a few definitions on the table. If the two of you get a hotel room together? You‘re guilty. Even if you don’t enjoy penetration. Even if all of your clothes don’t come off. Even if you only roll around and smooch and tell each other what special little snowflakes you are. Even if the two of you are just sitting there together, fully clothed, reading the Bible. You’re still having sex and you know it.

More: To be honest, there's plenty I regret about my wedding

I’m calling that out. That’s sex. In fact, going forward, I’m calling it Mike-and-Martha.

If you and another person are doing things that you know your partner wouldn’t be okay with? That’s sex!

What kind of sex is it? It’s M&M.

All I know is that I’m never falling for a guy who’s into M&M again.

*Names have been changed.

Roz Warren is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: LIBRARY HUMOR.

Originally published on Women's Voices for Change.

Tarte Tatin is France's answer to American apple pie — but easier to make

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There's nothing as American as apple pie, but France's tarte Tatin is an easier (and, dare I say, tastier?) way to enjoy autumn's abundance of apples.

Tarte Tatin features deeply caramelized apples that are topped with a crust and baked, then inverted when it's taken out of the oven so the crispy crust is on the bottom and the beautifully golden apples and gooey caramel get a chance to shine on top.

More: 7 easy ways to core and peel apples without getting carpal tunnel syndrome

I think we all can agree that making the crust for a traditional apple pie is a torture best suited to those with perfect marble countertops (try rolling out crust on sloppily grouted tile, and you'll know what I mean) and the patience of a saint (for both rolling of the dough and then scraping it out of said grout).

Luckily when it comes to tarte Tatin, the crust doesn't need to be perfect. In fact, tarte Tatin is often made with premade puff pastry, so you don't have to worry about making your own crust at all.

If you do desire the buttery crunch of a traditional shortcrust, never fear. You need to roll out only one, and since it's going to be on just the bottom of the tart once you flip it, it doesn't need to be perfect. You can patch and press dough crumbles together, and no one will be the wiser once the tart is inverted. I've used this super-easy food processor crust from The Food Lab with great results in the past, and this vegan pie crust from It Doesn't Taste Like Chicken is surprisingly flavorful and easy to work with too.

More: Lattice-topped baked apples turn a favorite fall pie into a showstopper

As for apples? Firm baking varieties work best, from the classic Granny Smith to Jonagolds and Fujis. But the best thing you can do is use firm-fleshed apples from as local a source as possible, and don't be afraid to mix several varieties. The tarte Tatin is made with thick slices of apple, so their flavor really shines, and it's the perfect way to showcase the best varieties the season has to offer.

Ready to start baking? You can try our own faux tarte Tatin, which is real enough for us. It has only four ingredients, which is a very good thing if you bake as much as I do in the fall. You may find the tips in this tarte Tatin recipe from The New York Times helpful as well.

Don't get me wrong, American apple pie is a treasure. But sometimes you want a little something special, and when the elegant version of your favorite fall treat is actually easier to make, what have you got to lose in making it?

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

20 delicious excuses for having apples for dinner
Image: Floating Kitchen

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